My close friend, after moving to one of the developed European countries with a very good standard of living at the same time was delighted and indignant the ability of local women to get by very easily without marriage ties. Salaries and social guarantees allow them to live comfortably alone. And even confidently raise a child! And the influence of new trends in society on fathers does not allow them to forget about raising their children. In fact, there are only advantages: dad spends as much time with the child as mom does, participates in upbringing both morally and financially, and mom has the opportunity to build a career and not be burdened with the obligatory borscht, washed socks and other “delights” of the familiar life. .
What does marriage give to the majority of modern women and men, that they not only do not give up the treasured ring on their finger, but strive for it with all their might?
Is marriage a goal or a means to achieve happiness?
Why is marriage necessary and why do people get married?
It is impossible to know for sure who and when played the world’s first wedding. Such a union between a man and a woman was documented in Mesopotamia around 2450 BC. e. But it is unlikely that he was really the first. Historians argue that the very concept of monogamous union was invented by humanity for two main reasons:
- better survival of offspring with the joint efforts of a man and a woman;
- the opportunity to avoid men killing other people’s children from other “partners” of their beloved.
Union in ancient times, as a way of protection and survival
Thus, the couple seemed to emphasize their belonging to each other, outlined their common life, budget and ability to raise a child, sweeping away rivals in a civilized manner. No assault.
Taking into account modern realities, in a relatively developed society, the question of why to get married is asked by those who are just entering the right age. As well as those who have already formed family ties and managed to successfully get rid of them.
Everyone has their own reasons for getting married, but there are several main ones:
- Traditions are everything to us. Mom is married, sister is married for the second time, grandmother, great-grandmother were married, etc. Any logic is powerless here. This is how it is done, and even crack it!
- Parental pressure - “you have to get married.” The reason for the pressure may be quite pragmatic. Marriages for the purpose of merging capital, building a business empire, or because of the desire to become related to a richer family are still alive in different parts of the world. However, what mother would not beg not to let go of a “good boy from a good family” if she deems it necessary?
- Moral satisfaction. Characteristic of people who are owners. For them, the stamp in the passport is a guarantee that “they won’t go anywhere.”
- Solving personal financial problems.
All points work for both men and women. Classic love and the desire to “live happily ever after and die on the same day” are too prosaic to consider as an example. They don't care whether there is a stamp in their passport or not.
Is marriage a confirmation of the sincerity of feelings or a convention?
Guinness World Record for longest marriage in the world6
Of all the couples in the world, Indians have lived together the longest - 86 years. According to traditional customs, the wedding took place very early - at the age of 12 years for the bride and 13 years for the husband. Despite the fact that the girl did not manage to finish her studies, she was busy with everyday life, children appeared in the couple only 15 years after the marriage was registered, but today they already have 7 children, who in turn gave their mother and father 15 grandchildren.
When asked if they lived happily, if there were quarrels, the wife answered “Sometimes,” but the husband, interrupting her, replied “Never.”
Why does a man need to marry? Objective and subjective reality
Men's thoughts about “should I get married or not” happen long before the wedding and on the eve of the celebration. In the first case, they can only give birth to a hardened bore . But in the second - a disrupted wedding, hysteria from the bride's parents and a huge inferiority complex from the failed wife.
Stubborn statistics insist that the number of women on the planet constantly exceeds the number of men. Hence, the percentage of guys who think that marriage is necessary is decreasing every year.
The logic is simple: what is the point of taking on the responsibility of supporting a family if you can enjoy the rights of a minority for the rest of your life, watching the competition of “females” for your own person?
Most often, such thoughts disappear closer to a midlife crisis , when a not-so-young man has played enough with his career, lost a couple of best friends in the family swamp, and begins to think about who to transfer his experience, knowledge and acquired property to. This is where the main reasons for getting married and the advantages of marriage emerge:
- Organized life. If you're lucky with your wife, of course.
- Instinct of procreation. And it’s not just the fact of the birth of a child. Many men unexpectedly begin to truly enjoy fatherhood.
- Status in society. Agree that for a successful business or political career, the image of a happy family man plays an important role.
- Seeking support and comfort in relationships. After all, it’s good to come home and, in addition to a plate of fresh borscht, also receive good advice from your wife.
Successful fatherhood is a modern trend.
Fun fact, but a man decides to get married, at least half of the time, only because his chosen one wants it. After many years of civil marriage, he no longer cares about the official status of the relationship .
Among other very real, but bordering on humorous reasons for getting married, guys named:
- so that mom doesn’t scold;
- friends took it “weakly”;
- sporting interest to check “how is it there”?;
- I’m tired of going on sprees as an incentive to stay at home and work.
Get married so as not to upset mommy.
A good option for an accomplished man? The frivolous attitude of men towards marriage has already become a hackneyed topic for jokes and tales. But frivolous does not mean negative. Where then do beautiful strangers come from in the life of almost every young lady, positive on all sides, but completely denying marriage as an institution?
Duration of marriage in different countries5
In recent years, there has been a tendency towards the devaluation of marriage. Divorce has become too easy, and spouses, after a strong quarrel that could have been resolved, rush to the registry office or court in order to sign a certificate of divorce.
The divorce rate is increasing, but the numbers vary from country to country. In Qatar (Daha), the overall divorce rate is 38%. More than half of couples break up quite quickly - after five years of marriage.
In the UK, the average length of marriage is 11 years, and the divorce rate is 42%. However, the highest probability of relationship dissolution is between 4 and 8 years of marriage, or after 11 years of marriage.
The Japanese also get along well with each other, with a divorce rate of 36% and most couples living together for at least 11 years. However, the trend is increasing as in recent years divorce is not considered an indelible shame. It’s interesting how a divorce ceremony works in Japan – spouses free themselves from the shackles of their former life by breaking their wedding rings with a hammer. Both are blindfolded.
In Mexico City, the average marriage lasts longer – 12 years. Previously, marriage in Mexico City was very short - about two years, but the situation changed when a special license was invented and introduced. The divorce process happens very quickly, however, more and more couples began to live together for a long time.
In Sydney, despite the fact that the divorce rate is quite high - 43 percent, people also live together for 12 years. They wait until the children grow up. Many even strive to maintain relationships for 20 years, so as not to traumatize their children with the news of divorce.
In the US, the overall divorce rate is 41%. The average length of marriage is 12 years and 2 months. Interestingly, the highest percentage of divorces - 60% - occurs in second marriages, and 73% - in third marriages of Americans.
Paris is called the land of love, and relationships there actually start easily and quickly. Despite the fact that couples who decide to divorce have been married for 13 years, the divorce rate is very high - 55%. Passions are running high!
In Russia, people live together for about 14 years before divorcing, but the divorce rate is very high - 51%. In Moscow alone, for every 100,000 registered marriages, there are about 50,000 divorces.
People live together for the longest time in Italy - 18 years, while divorce is extremely rare - in 30% of cases.
Why is it better not to get married at all?
An ideological bachelor will find reasons not to marry at any age. The impetus for ignoring marriage ties can be, firstly, an unsuccessful marriage of parents: quarrels, swearing and fights certainly do not serve as the ideal of family relations between husband and wife. Secondly, this is the “falling in love” of a young man with relatives to the point of becoming a Narcissist, who simply a worthy partner for himself in a woman
A guy definitely doesn’t need to think about marriage if he:
- Understands that most women change for the worse after marriage. And he is afraid that his tender, beautiful one will eventually relax, get fat, and neglect herself. Yes, he will grow old in the end!
- Realizes that marriage is expensive. And divorce is even more expensive.
- Not ready for compromises and giving up the usual way of life with friends, going to the bathhouse, spontaneous travel and other joys of a bachelor party.
- Does not accept sex with one partner.
Does Casanova need a wedding? Does a fish need an umbrella?
Wedding in autumn
Photo by Sergei Gerasimov (Gatchina).
Early autumn is a traditional time for weddings. The harvest is in, summer work is behind us, and the weather is still good. Many photographers love fall weddings for their colorfulness. Yellow foliage serves as a wonderful decoration for a beautiful couple in love.
Pros of an autumn wedding
- If autumn is dry and warm, the bride can wear any outfit, and it is unlikely to get dirty during a walk.
- Fruits and vegetables are still cheap at this time.
- Prices for flowers are falling slightly - a bouquet and decorating a room with flowers will cost less.
- It’s easier to gather relatives - all summer activities are over.
Cons of an autumn wedding
- The weather becomes unpredictable and it may rain. In late autumn, be prepared for cold weather as well.
Why get married? Fears and joys of bachelorettes
“When did you get married?”, “What? Still alone?”, “Why are you sitting around as an old maid? The clock is ticking!” - questions that set the teeth on edge of almost any young lady over 23 years old. To the pressure of parents and acquaintances, add the belief of society that every girl should realize herself, first of all, as a wife, mother, and homemaker.
And forget all this nonsense about career growth and financial independence, travel and self-development, like feminist propaganda and the imposition of an alien way of life!
The motives for getting married among young women do not differ in variety . Mainly:
- Claim for social security. A common budget and “joint property” make it possible to realize many plans.
- Claim for success. It was not possible to achieve heights in work, maybe it will work out in the family.
- The desire to reassure parents and relatives. Not all mothers are happy about their daughter’s long, unregistered, albeit ideal, relationship.
In many European countries, the choice of whether or not to get married if there are doubts about the future chosen one is not worth it at all. Women there are generally in no hurry to burden themselves with family obligations. To be an equal partner in marriage, to have their own living space, financial savings and a stable income, European ladies devote “their best years” to work and travel. You can approach this in different ways.
Some people admire women’s ability to cut down on consumerism. Some consider this a decline in femininity , excessive emancipation and loss of “true purpose.” Despite the obvious disadvantages of marriage:
- overwhelming household responsibilities;
- lost opportunity to eat only salads for weeks;
- reduction of free time and personal space to a minimum and its complete disappearance with the birth of a child;
- narrowing your social circle, prioritizing “mutual” friends over get-togethers with old girlfriends.
Do all women want to get married?
And also the sudden disappearance of suitors and sympathizers. A ring on a woman's finger instantly makes her invisible to most men. This is a kind of mark that the young lady is busy with another male, and any signs of attention are fraught with consequences. Yes, and male solidarity works. Which, by the way, is something women really lack. A man’s engagement ring is actually a seal of “fit.” It acts like a magnet. After all, if someone takes a fancy to this guy, it means that we have before us a specimen worthy of attention. Fas!
Marriage according to Darwin - the evolutionary development of marital relations4
From the point of view of evolution, the family is important as a unit of society in which everyone plays their role - the mother raises the children, the father provides the family with food, clothing and everything necessary. This is a very general definition that has little in common with the modern institution of the family, but when this unit of society was formed, the motive was the following - a mutually beneficial mother-father partnership.
The first historically documented form of monogamy was the patriarchal family, ruled by the father. The transition from this form of family to a new, modern one did not take place immediately; many intermediate stages were passed through.
The first families were communities - large household families in which people of three and sometimes even four generations lived at once. Each family member performed his own function - ran the household, raised children, prepared dinner for everyone, collected food, hunted wild animals. The modern family is different, but despite this, at all times the evolutionary idea and function remains the same - the birth and raising of children, the protection of the wife under the “wing” of her husband.
Why can't a girl get married?
The reasons why a woman cannot get married are conventionally divided by psychologists into two main groups :
- Inflated self-esteem and too high demands on the chosen one. The image of an awesome bitch is only good in photos on social networks. In fact, a woman who is too smart, too bright, too beautiful, too cool becomes too unclaimed. In addition, the image of standardization may be contrived by its owner. But claims from the series “you owe me only because I’m so cool next to you” are quite real.
- Low self-esteem and willingness to marry anyone, just not to be left alone. Even the most intelligent and beautiful woman, who does not consider herself such, scares off men with a bunch of complexes.
They try and praise, but don’t get married.
The ability to get married is essentially not much different from the ability to sell a product. Showing yourself from your advantage and hiding your shortcomings for the time being are the skills of a successful manager in trading. But popular wisdom says that it is not enough to know your worth; you also need to find a buyer.
Tax benefits for spouses
The family budget can be maintained by saving on taxes. For example, when registering real estate transactions with a notary. When completing a transaction, a tax of 0.6% of the value of the property is paid. Spouses pay 0.3%, which is half as much.
Re-registration of real estate through a gift exempts spouses from paying tax, which is 13% of the cadastral value of housing.
And if, when purchasing a home, one of the spouses has exhausted their right to a property deduction, the second has the right to re-issue the tax refund to themselves.
Is it possible to get married after forty?
Remember the famous statement from the famous film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” that “after forty years, life is just beginning”? The marriage of the main character in the film never took place. But strong relationships started.
Is marriage necessary for two educated, socially and professionally established people who have already experienced divorce, division of property and custody of children? I doubt.
Most likely, they will be satisfied with the usual calm, secular cohabitation with all the attendant pros and cons
It’s another matter if one of the couple did not wait for the appearance of the second half until the age of forty. And only now he got the chance to start a real family, in his opinion.
Psychologists say that getting married after forty is a difficult task. Disrupting long-term routines and breaking habits, adapting to someone else’s rhythm of life and putting up with obvious shortcomings - all this is a heavy load that not everyone can cope with.
Does marriage mean a happy family?
Fortunately, modern life gives lovers so many adequate compromises that even an ideologically unmarried couple will find a place in the sun to give love to each other.
