Wedding customs: engagement and betrothal

Nowadays, we no longer think about the meaning of many wedding rituals. Meanwhile, engagement and betrothal are not only another opportunity to receive a ring as a gift, but also something more. We will tell you in the article what importance was attached to betrothal before, how it happens in modern society and what is the difference between betrothal and engagement.

So what is betrothal? This is a preliminary agreement for future marriage. At first glance, it may seem that this is the same as an engagement. However, it is not. To get engaged means to publicly announce your intention to get married in church . Engagement has nothing to do with religion.

What is an engagement?

Engagement

All pre-wedding efforts begin with the groom's official dinner at the bride's house. After small talk about the weather and hospitality, the groom announces the real reason for the visit, even if everyone already knows why he came. After several flowery phrases about respect and a courageous shoulder, the groom kneels in front of the bride's parents and asks for her hand in marriage. If all parties agree, the couple can announce their engagement.

Differences between betrothal and wedding

Essentially, the betrothal is the introductory part of the ceremony that precedes the wedding. It is considered a symbol of concluding a church marriage in the face of God and sealing the promises of the young.

First, the bride and groom go to the central part of the church. In their hands they carry candles, which symbolize the spiritual light of the sacrament. In front of the couple is a priest with a censer, which symbolizes the importance of following the path of the commandments and doing good deeds.

The couple must stand on a white towel, which is spread in front of the lectern. Young people, before the face of the Lord, must confirm their free will and the absence of promises to marry other people. The clergyman asks the traditional questions to the representatives of the couple in turn. Only after this does the wedding begin:

First, the couple’s involvement in the Kingdom of God and three lengthy prayers are proclaimed. After this, the priest marks the young people with a cross in turn. The groom is required to kiss the image of the Savior, which is on his crown, and the bride is required to kiss the image of the Mother of God.
Then comes the key moment of the wedding. At the same time, the priest blesses the couple three times and reads a prayer the same number of times.
After this, the priest reads the Epistle to the Ephesians. The Gospel of John is also read. Through this, the marriage union is blessed and sanctified. Then the priest reads a prayer in which he asks for peace for a new family, an honest marriage and life according to the same commandments.

Then everyone reads the Lord's Prayer. It needs to be learned in advance if the text was unknown before. This prayer in the mouths of the young is considered a symbol of determination to fulfill the will of God on earth, doing this through the family. As a sign of their intentions, the husband and wife bow their heads under the crowns.
At the next stage, they bring a cup of communication filled with Cahors. This vessel symbolizes joy. You need to drink wine from the cup three times. First the husband does this, and then the wife. You need to drink wine in 3 small sips. This symbolizes the unity of being.
Then the clergyman joins the right hands of the married couple and covers them with the stole. He places his palm on top. This symbolizes the husband receiving his wife from the Church itself, which united the couple forever.
The pair is carried out around the lectern 3 times. First they sing “Isaiah, rejoice...”, then the troparion “Holy Martyr” and at the end Christ is glorified. This is considered a symbol of the eternal procession that begins for the couple.
At the next stage, the crowns are removed from the young people. At the same time, the clergyman welcomes the new family, pronouncing solemn words. Then he reads prayers of petition. At the same time, the spouses bow their heads. Once completed, they must kiss chastely.
Then the married spouses are escorted to the royal doors. Here the husband kisses the icon of the Savior, and the wife kisses the image of the Mother of God. Then they change and kiss the icons again. Immediately the spouses are given a cross, which they must kiss. They then receive 2 icons. They should be kept as a family heirloom and main amulet, passed on to descendants.

Candles should be kept at home after the wedding. This is done in the icon case. When the last spouse of a couple dies, both candles, according to ancient Russian tradition, are placed in the coffin.

The betrothal ceremony is considered an important church ritual, which includes a number of sequential actions. At the same time, it is important to strictly observe it in order to conclude a truly strong alliance in the face of God.

Meaning of Engagement

This word denotes an oral agreement between the bride and groom to link their destinies. And the consent and blessing of the parents gives a start to pre-wedding preparations. The custom of vigorously celebrating the official consent of the bride came to us from the West along with the tradition of getting down on one knee and giving a ring during a marriage proposal.

For our ancestors, this was also a celebration called matchmaking. After the girl’s consent, she was considered engaged. You’ve probably heard the expression “sits like one betrothed” more than once; its etymology reflects the essence of a girl’s status. After the matchmaking ceremony, the future bride no longer had to worry about her future.

How to propose to a girl in an original way?

24 cool ways to propose to a girl

Invite a girl to a rooftop restaurant When you get into the elevator, press all the buttons. ...
Give her the pet she's dreamed of...
Organize a film screening...
Connect your drone...
Play Scrabble...
Find the bottle with the note...
Rent a billboard...
Invite her to the photo booth

23 Jul.
2022 Interesting materials:

How long does it take to port a number? How long does the fertilization process take? How long does a parachute jump last? How long does the reaction to Akds last? How long does the shortest air flight in the world last? How long does a massage session last? How long does the session last? How long do the northern lights last? How long does a theater performance last? How long does the performance last?

What is church betrothal

Church engagement

Betrothal in the Orthodox sense is a church rite. After the couple has secured their parents' blessing, they go to church. But not for the wedding ceremony, but to get engaged. The bride and groom exchange rings in the presence of witnesses and declare their desire to become husband and wife.

This ritual is not a secret and does not oblige you to anything. It merely serves as a public display of the relationship. However, deeply religious people attach great importance to church betrothal.

What is the significance of wedding rings?

During the engagement, the newlyweds must exchange rings. This tradition has a long history. That’s why wedding jewelry began to be called wedding rings. In the old days they were exchanged, but not worn. For a long time, before the wedding, the bride kept the groom's gold ring, which symbolizes the firmness of his intentions. At the same time, the groom kept his beloved’s silver ring. It was a sign of the girl's submission.

For the ceremony, it is recommended to use rings made of noble metals - silver or gold. It is acceptable to use gold-plated silver rings. At the same time, the design should not contain elaborate details or animalistic elements. Also, the ring cannot contain inserts in the form of large stones.

Many couples prefer not to buy new rings and use the same symbols that were exchanged at the registry office. This is permitted if the products comply with church canons. It is also permissible to use rings from close relatives if they treat the young well.

Secular engagement

If you are not a religious person, no one is stopping you from organizing an additional holiday for yourself and receiving another ring as a gift. You can choose what day your engagement will take place. If your loved one proposed to you with a treasured box in his hands, you can consider yourself engaged after putting the ring on your finger. If you haven’t had such a romantic moment, then you can symbolically exchange rings after submitting an application to the registry office.

Subscribe: Telegram YouTube

Priest Stefan Domuschi, Candidate of Theology, Candidate of Philosophical Sciences, senior lecturer at the Department of Theology of the Moscow Theological Academy It would be worth thinking about the revival of such forgotten customs as betrothal, betrothal (an agreement that precedes the wedding in time): At the same time, it is hardly worth reviving engagement as a simply beautiful custom - to put on rings and take a vow of fidelity. The fact is that betrothal in church law is equivalent to marriage in terms of obligations. Therefore, each time the issue of engagement must be resolved individually. Today there are many difficulties with weddings, and if people are also offered engagement... The question arises: wouldn’t this be imposing “unbearable burdens” on people? Yulia Belousova, director of the Christian International Global Network office in Ukraine, pastor of the Dnepropetrovsk Christian Church Many people mistakenly believe that an engagement is almost like a marriage. 1. Engagement is a time of preparation for marriage and testing of feelings. In our ministry there have been engagements and disagreements. Of course, there were fewer disagreements, but they still existed. After all, it is during the wedding or wedding that you give the bride/groom a promise of fidelity for life, and not during the engagement. And if everything went wrong, and both or one believes that this was the wrong choice, it is better to stop the engagement now than, out of shame or an uncomfortable feeling, to continue something that no longer has a continuation. 2. Constant engagements and quarrels of the same person is a pathology! If you announce and break your engagement to different girls, this indicates impermanence and impulsiveness of feelings. Here you first need to understand yourself and take your time. Although engagement is a serious step, it is not marriage. Vasily Filat, pastor of the Baptist Church “Good News”, head of the association “Instruction in the Word” (Chisinau, Moldova) The Hebrew word “aras” from the Old Testament, translated into Russian as “betrothed,” means a commitment to marriage: to bind oneself with a promise to get married /marry. By the way, in English the word engagement is exactly what it is called: “engagement,” that is, obligation. An engaged or engaged man and woman are already considered husband and wife, BUT without the right to enter into intimate relationships before marriage. Here is one place from the Bible where the betrothed are spoken of as husband and wife: “If a young girl is betrothed to a husband, and someone meets her in a city and lies with her, then bring them both to the gates of that city and stone them. to death: a young woman because she did not shout in the city, and a man because he defamed his neighbor’s wife; and so destroy evil from among you” (Deut. 22:23-24). As you can see, the betrothed girl is called the wife of the one to whom she is betrothed, so this is a covenant similar to a marriage. When someone becomes engaged to someone, they commit themselves to marrying that person. Vitaly Voznyuk, pastor of the Emmanuel Church (Kiev, Ukraine) Regarding introduced in our church. You should ask your church about this. We do not recommend doing this; we want young people to maintain themselves in purity and holiness, because: 1. Young people after engagement are not legal husband and wife. Engagement does not give them the right to perform actions that bring them closer to each other physically. Our position is that from the moment of engagement to the moment of marriage, young people should get to know each other's soul, and not their body. 2. There is no guarantee that a person will not cross the line, being carried away, being in emotions that can flare up from the same kisses. Where is the guarantee that this will not end in bed? We recommend that young people undergo training and preparation for marriage, which is available in our church. If you really can’t wait, we recommend speeding up the wedding date. The difference between fornication and adultery is that fornication is an intimate relationship between people who did not enter into a family union. And adultery is when a person has already entered into a family union and cheats on his spouse. So fornication begins with passionate kisses. Dmitry Sheludko, pastor of the International Christian Center Awakening

Nikolay Ezhov, family consultant, pastor (Kremenchug, Ukraine) Engagement is a very important stage on the path to a strong and happy marriage. However, if this seems like a relic of the past to anyone, let it seem so. Harmony in relationships, like harmony in music, is timeless and fashionable. So, what is the actual essence of engagement? An engagement is a public declaration of seriousness in the relationship between a guy and a girl. What is important for young people to do before getting engaged: - Talk about it with a pastor or priest. - Be sure to get to know your parents and try to build good relationships with them. — It’s very good to go through some kind of educational seminars and trainings for family life. - Talk and discuss all important issues about future family life. Such as: children (do we want children, when, how many); money (what budget we plan to live on); friends (what kind of relationship, your friends should not negatively affect your marriage), etc. Engagement is not marriage. If you adhere to Biblical standards, remember that everyone's marriage should be honorable and the bed undefiled. This means that engagement is not a reason for cohabitation. Try to do everything beautifully and with dignity. Engagement suggests that you are preparing for the most exciting event - marriage. The engagement, in exceptional cases, can be terminated by decision of the two parties. If there are good reasons for this and, although it is painful, it is still better to end the engagement than divorce. There are no firm canons regarding the period of time in the engaged status, but common sense dictates that there should not be too little time between the engagement and the combination, i.e. less than a week is too long, more than a year or two is also not entirely clear. However, each case can be considered separately. Anna Lyanna-Monnier, public figure, consulting psychologist, motivational speaker in the field of personal development, relationships, psychology (Lausanne, Switzerland). She talked about the process of preparing for marriage and highlighted three areas that are relevant for those who are still single and for those who are already building a romantic relationship:

— preparation for marriage individually. To know yourself is to answer for yourself, in fact, a few simple but very important questions:

- Who am I? - what do I want? —What do I live for? — what are my main values in life? - what and in whom do I want to invest my life? — what do I want and what don’t I want? — what kind of people do I want to surround myself with, and what kind of people do I not?

It will take a lifetime to determine, that's true. But it's worth starting. And you need to determine this for yourself at this stage. Because you need to understand WHO YOU are now. And the development and dynamics of life in the process will, of course, make adjustments to the answers to these questions.

- preparation for marriage together, i.e. paired with.

What is joint training? This is when two people are dating and have not yet made a specific decision to get married or are not yet engaged, but understand that they want to build a relationship that will lead them to marriage. So, this stage does not yet mean meetings with consultants, this is not yet a set date for the wedding, but this is already a desire to try to build relationships and get to know each other better, in order to get married in the best version of the development of these relationships. I want to emphasize that the period of meeting is still a PERIOD OF CHOICE. This is the time when you think, look closely, study each other to understand whether you want to continue moving through life together.

- preparation for marriage the day before, i.e. meetings with counselors who are experts in marriage counseling and who will help the couple take a deeper look at the challenges that may arise in the marriage.

Betrothal traditions when organizing and holding a wedding in the old days

In the old days, usually evenings in honor of matchmaking and bridesmaids and in honor of the agreement of parents and engagement were held in a narrow family circle, but the engagement was organized in the presence of matchmakers, relatives, and friends. When betrothed, the newlyweds exchanged gold, silver or simple iron rings with each other, thereby confirming that they were putting their stamp on the household and life together. After the wedding evening, the future spouses carefully kept these rings until the day when the wedding ceremony took place. During the wedding ceremony, they put them on each other again and then wore them constantly on their right hand on the ring finger.

In addition, during the betrothal ceremony, a certain document (analogous to today's marriage contract) was signed in front of witnesses, defining the rights to the property of the future husband and wife. The betrothal was usually organized about a month and a half before the wedding. This time was given to the young so that they could stand the test of time, remaining faithful to each other. Starting from the 20th century, the betrothal ceremony began to be held not in the house where the bride and her parents live, but in the church in front of the priest, so that the future husband and wife could answer for their decision to get engaged before God.