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Today we decided to talk about Italian wedding traditions, which, no matter how curious they may seem to a Russian person, must be observed without fail in order for the marriage to be long and happy. And if some Italians, considering themselves too modern to follow ancient beliefs, decide to leave out something from the long list, among the members of large Italian families there is always a grandmother or aunt who will take care and do everything as tradition requires...
So, here is a short list of traditions, observing which (according to Italian beliefs) you will ensure a long and happy family life!
Wedding Dress
Choosing a wedding dress in Italy is the basis for an incredible number of superstitions. Starting from the importance of the color of a wedding dress (the favor of fate can be won by wearing a white dress, while an ivory dress predicts a stormy life, and pink is not recommended due to the danger of future economic damage to the family household), ending with many instructions on how to the bride should behave when wearing a dress. So, in Italy, a bride in a wedding dress should not look in the mirror on her wedding day, and if she is really uneasy, first the bride must take off her shoe, earring or glove.
Traditionally, guests were not supposed to wear white, and they also avoided black (the latter warning is simply ignored today).
Wedding bonbonnieres
Arriving in Italy from France at the end of the fifteenth century, the tradition of giving guests bonbonnieres (beautiful boxes of round dragees) slowly spread among the nobles, only to become firmly established in wedding etiquette in 1700. After the marriage of Vittorio Emanuele, Prince of Naples, and Elena, Princess of Montenegro, bonbonnieres became part of the Italian tradition: the groom brings boxes of souvenirs and chocolates as a gift as a thank you to everyone who participated in the wedding celebration.
Tradition requires that the souvenir be made of crystal or silver and that the gift be the same for all guests.
They used to give silverware, but today they give olive oil :)
The candies should be soft and preferably with almonds inside; for the favor of fate, they put 5 in the bonbonnieres: an odd number, indivisible, what a marriage should be, and precisely 5, as those qualities that should never be lacking in the life of spouses (health, wealth, happiness, long life, fertility and spirituality) .
Sweet dragees are traditionally not only placed in bonbonnieres, but also placed on the table in beautiful vases. Photo: kairoseventi.it
Carrying out a wedding in Italy
A modern wedding in Italy consists of two parts: marriage registration in the local city hall and a traditional wedding in a church. At the same time, an important nuance is taken into account: if one of the parties has already been married and divorced, he is not allowed to attend the wedding.
Marriage of young people under 21 years of age is possible only at the will of their parents.
After the wedding sacrament, the newlyweds and guests head to the wedding feast.
Usually in cities, a favorite restaurant with familiar staff is chosen for this. Richer weddings are celebrated outdoors, renting a luxuriously furnished mansion for this purpose. Or a feast is organized in the courtyard of your own home.
Number of guests
Residents of the Apennine Peninsula are very welcoming and hospitable. It’s a rare wedding that gets by with small gatherings at home for fifty people. Usually the number of invited guests and relatives is well over a hundred. Of course, not every banquet hall is suitable for such a large number of people.
Therefore, the Italians do it simpler: they set up elegant tents, decorating them with flowers. An indispensable attribute of an Italian wedding is live music and dancing. If the guests are cheerful and the food is to their liking, then the marriage will be successful.
Festive table menu
The generosity of the inhabitants of sunny Italy is not limited to entertainment - guests need to be properly treated. Everyone should be full and satisfied. An extensive selection of snacks, hot dishes and drinks emphasizes respect for guests, bestows well-being on the young couple and symbolizes a future comfortable life. Each district and each house is free to choose its own delicacies.
Some dishes are common to each feast. These are snacks made from seafood and local cheeses; national pies with olives and cheese; local liqueurs, wines and liqueurs. And, of course, how can you do without traditional Italian pasta? The wedding feast ends with a huge, luxurious cake, which the newlyweds share among all the guests, serving them with their own hands. Departing guests are always given small memorable gifts.
Wedding Banners and Posters
One of the innovations in recent years are wedding banners, which came to Italy from England, which are usually attached to the windshield of the newlyweds' car, as well as on the way to the church and to the restaurant where the couple celebrates their marriage.
As a rule, hanging posters with inscriptions is entrusted to friends who can pamper the newlyweds with romantic or witty phrases.
Banners are ordered from agencies or written by hand: it all depends on your imagination!
Here are some phrases you can often find on wedding posters:
Il sorriso e la gioia di questo giorno non conoscano mai tramonto.
(The smile and joy of this day will never fade away).
Da oggi due nuove stelle brillano nel firmamento dell'amore.
(From today, two new stars shine in the firmament of love).
Amore e fedeltà regnino sempre nei vostri cuori.
(May love and fidelity reign in your hearts).
Vita da sposati: il doppio dei problemi con la metà dei soldi. (Luca Erba)
(Married life: double dose of problems for half dose of cash)
“The Russians will not pass!” A comic banner for newlyweds, hinting at the nationality of the bride:) Photo by Anton Gross.
Bouquet
According to tradition, the wedding bouquet must be purchased by the future husband as the last gift to the bride as a groom, and delivered to the bride's house on the morning of the wedding day. At the end of the ceremony, the bride throws her bouquet to a group of unmarried women, and according to tradition, the woman who catches the bouquet will be the next bride. Here the wedding traditions of Russia and Italy coincide.
Long courtship process
In Italy, it is common to have a long-term courtship with a special someone who has struck a man right in the heart. Everything is used: romantic small gifts, messages full of love and, of course, serenades under the balcony, on which the unforgettable donna sighs languidly. Even a hundred years ago, entire song competitions took place between rivals. If the girl agrees to reciprocate such fiery feelings, she throws a flower at the feet of her chosen one. This beautiful ritual has not lost its relevance to this day.
Another way to completely attract the attention of the girl you love is to kidnap her. Until the end of the 19th century, this method was quite popular, especially among not very wealthy citizens - the ritual of kidnapping the bride made it possible to avoid quite significant expenses for a wedding feast according to all traditions.
Rings
According to tradition, a wedding ring in Italy should be worn on the left hand on the ring finger: this custom is associated with the beliefs of the ancient Egyptians, who believed that the vein through which feelings “flowed”, reaching the heart, passed through the left hand and ring finger. In some regions of Italy, wedding rings are called not by the traditional word “fede”, but by “vera” (fidelity), a word borrowed from the Slavic vocabulary.
The rings are supposed to be engraved with the wedding date and the name of the bride for him/the name of the groom for her. Tradition says that the groom is obliged to buy the rings, but he must keep them and bring them to the altar. Fede usually weighs from 3 to 16 grams, the rings are made of yellow gold and have several classic varieties, depending on the region of Italy (the differences are in the height of the rings).
In addition, remember that wearing wedding rings before the wedding is a very bad omen.
Traditional wedding ring in Sardinia
Sending out invitations
According to the rules of etiquette, invitations must be sent to all guests several months before the wedding date, not by email, but the old fashioned way - by real mail in a stamped envelope. Invitations, the design of which can be specially designed for a specific wedding, indicate the names of the newlyweds, the date and location of the event, and the preferred style of clothing if the wedding is themed. Interestingly, the start time of the ceremony is indicated an hour earlier, so that none of the guests are guaranteed to be late.
Having received an invitation, guests should answer as quickly as possible whether they will be able to attend the wedding, since this information is important for planning the celebration and organizing the banquet.
Garters
Receiving the bride's garter promises good luck: it is a custom that dates back to the seventeenth century, when unmarried guests were expected to obtain the bride's garter by any means necessary. Over time, this custom has changed: now the garter, like the bouquet, is thrown into the crowd; the groom does this so that the bride does not damage her luxurious dress. If the bride is not wearing a garter, the bride's right shoe is thrown into the crowd of unmarried people.
Day and month of wedding
According to tradition, it is also necessary to choose the right wedding day, which contributes to the success of the marriage. So when choosing a date, please note that getting married on Mondays promises good health, Tuesday brings wealth; the environment is favorable in everything; Thursday brings sadness, Friday - possible misfortune (in Italy there is a proverb for this case “né di Venere né di Marte ci si sposa o si parte, né si da principio all'arte“); and Saturday is generally an absolute taboo, although this is precisely the day when most couples today prefer to get married. Isn’t this fact responsible for the sharp increase in divorces in recent years? :)
Obviously, when choosing a wedding date, it is important to choose the right month. Keep in mind that January brings affection, kindness and loyalty; February is the month of love, the best choice for an ideal marriage; March is the bearer of intimate health; April brings only good things; May is catastrophic and must be avoided; June is the month of the goddess Juno, who protects love and marriage; July promises spouses hard work to earn a living; August brings big changes in life; September brings economic prosperity; October brings a lot of love, but little money; November promises joy and happiness; Finally, December guarantees eternal love for spouses.
Number of guests
“The huge garden could already accommodate several hundred people: some danced on a wooden stage strewn with flowers, others sat at long tables densely packed with all kinds of food, hot and spicy in the southern style, and jugs of dark home-made wine. The bride, Connie Corleone, in all her wedding splendor, was seated at a special table on a separate platform along with the newlywed, bridesmaid and groomsmen. They presented a picturesque spectacle in the old Italian style. Although the groom did not really like it, Connie agreed to celebrate the wedding the way it had been done in Italy since ancient times, in order to please her father, whom she did not please with her very choice of husband.”
Mario Puzo, "The Godfather"
The wedding scene of Vito Corleone's daughter from the first film of the Godfather trilogy.
Although the trend of modern weddings is to celebrate in a narrow circle of close friends and relatives, in Italy a “warm lamp” wedding for 25 people will not be considered a real celebration. Considering the size and cohesion of Italian families, especially in the south of Italy, a wedding is very modest by Italian standards - up to 100 people. 200-250 people is a good average wedding, where there is room for distant relatives, work colleagues, and not the closest friends. Since an Italian wedding is essentially an announcement to the whole world that this couple has officially decided to be “both in sorrow and in joy, and until the end of their days,” then, according to Italians, the more witnesses to this significant event, all the better.
Serenade
On the night before the wedding, in some regions there is a custom for the groom to sing a serenade under the bride's window, accompanied by relatives, friends and musicians with a violin, guitar or accordion; while the bride's family serves a rich buffet as thanks for the serenade.
Serenade from the groom. City of Brindisi. Photo: sposieventi.com
Bride
According to tradition, on her wedding day, the bride must put on 5 items that are auspicious symbols: a new thing, a symbol of a new life that is about to begin; an old thing, a symbol of your past, so as not to forget about the importance of the past when starting a new path; a borrowed item, a symbol of love for friends; a gift, a symbol of the love of loved ones and friends; something blue, a symbol of the bride’s sincerity and purity.
Matchmaking in Italian
Conservatism and religious traditions are inherent in all spheres of life of the inhabitants of the Apennine Peninsula. Italy is a country where divorce is still rejected by the church and family values are sacred. Having received the consent of his beloved for marriage, the young man, independently or through matchmakers, asks for his beloved’s hand in marriage from the bride’s mother. Financial issues of the dowry, the wedding ceremony, and other business aspects are discussed directly with the head of the family - the girl's father.
Engagement is a sacred ritual that precedes an Italian wedding. The bride's parents give official consent to the marriage at a reception in honor of the newlyweds' engagement. By tradition, this event lasts until late at night. After receiving consent for marriage from the parents, long preparations for the wedding begin. From the moment of engagement until the day of marriage, the girl is forbidden to visit the groom's house, remaining alone with him. An Italian wedding is a civil ceremony in the city hall and a mandatory church wedding of the newlyweds.
Bride and groom
Seeing the bride and groom before meeting in church is a bad omen. Also, the groom should not see the bride's dress before the ceremony because it will bring bad luck. The groom who left home to go to church should not return back.
Another well-known tradition is that after the ceremony, the husband must carry the bride over the threshold of his house (the custom originated in ancient Rome, where it was believed that this was better for the wife so that she would not stumble when entering the new house, because this would mean that the gods would not wanted to accept it).
