Jewish traditions and customs of the wedding ceremony - Chuppah.

Among the many options for holding wedding ceremonies, few people now choose traditional ones. More and more often, newlyweds like freedom, and our usual dancing with a veil, covering the bride’s head with a scarf, washing the mother-in-law’s feet, and other rituals are becoming history.

They are being replaced by cheerful youth scenarios, and only the older generation laments that something is missing. But there are peoples who, under no circumstances, cannot and do not want to give up their traditions at a wedding; they sacredly honor them and pass them on from generation to generation.

The Jewish celebration is a clear indicator that no matter how the world around us changes, the customs of the sacred ritual of marriage remain unchanged.

Three stages of Jewish marriage.

A traditional Jewish wedding consists of 3 main stages:

1. Shiduchim (acquaintance). This is the name of the first meetings between future newlyweds; they are organized by specially trained matchmakers - shadchanim. They take place exclusively in public places and do not imply privacy. After several meetings, young people decide whether they want to get married or not.
2. Erusin or engagement is a festive celebration during which the creation of a new couple is announced.
3. Nisuin or Hupa is the actual wedding ceremony.

Betrothal ceremony - Erusin.

Erusin is usually performed a few days after the marriage proposal. Part of the ceremony is Tnaim - securing the obligations of the parties in writing. While signing the document, the groom must perform the Kinyana ritual - raise an object high up to symbolically indicate the final decision.

Many Orthodox Christians celebrate Worth even before the engagement, when a young man asks for a girl’s hand in marriage. Often the signing of Tnaim is done before the engagement, during the celebration of Vorta.

In the process of performing Erusin or Vorta, obligations are also consolidated on the part of the couple’s parents to financially participate in the future wedding, as well as to provide the newlyweds with everything they need.

The Erusin ceremony ends with the two mothers breaking a plate for good luck. This custom among Jews symbolizes the fact that it is impossible to undo the betrothal process, just like putting broken dishes back together.

During Erusin, a small buffet is usually held, which is held among relatives and close friends.

The week before the Jewish wedding.

The bride and groom should not meet for 7 days before the Chuppah. On the Shabbat that precedes the wedding, the groom is required to be called to the Torah. After completing the reading, he is showered with sweets to make his future married life sweet. In addition, they practice kiddush for all members of the community, at which the guy recites the words of the Torah and thus demonstrates his knowledge.

Another custom of a Jewish wedding is fasting from morning to evening on the eve of the ceremony. The sages equate the rite of Chuppah with a personal Yom Kippur, which means that the bride and groom are forgiven all their sins. The fast ends after the wedding ceremony.

Chuppah.

The Jewish wedding ceremony begins with the groom entering the hall where the bride is sitting and covering her face with a veil. In many communities it is not customary to use transparent fabric for this. Next, the young man, accompanied by other men, goes outside and stands under the chuppah.

After this, the bride is brought out and walks around the groom 7 times . The leader of the ceremony pronounces the blessing over a glass of wine, from which the newlyweds must later drink a little. Next, the Kiddushin ceremony is performed, when the man puts a ring on his chosen one. Before this, 2 witnesses must ensure that the jewelry is of minimal value for the bride's dedication.

The next stage of the Chuppah is the reading of the pre-compiled Ketubah (marriage contract). After this, the groom gives it with his right hand to his chosen one and in the future it is kept by the woman.

The next step is to read the 7 blessings. For this purpose, leading representatives of the community and family members of the newlyweds (men) are invited. Then the newlyweds need to drink a small amount of wine again and the groom breaks the glass. In a number of communities, the glass is broken before the reading of Sheva Berachot begins. This concludes the chuppah ceremony.

We welcome guests

The meeting of guests takes place in two different rooms. The bride meets hers, and the groom meets his. They treat them to light snacks and drinks, even though they themselves are fasting. Guests come up, congratulate, give gifts, communicate, wish a long and happy family life.

When all the congratulations have been accepted, it is time for the wedding ceremony itself. The groom, arm in arm with his father and father-in-law, heads towards the bride. All the other guests follow them.

The bride, surrounded by her mother and mother-in-law, sits on the so-called throne. The future husband covers the girl's face with a veil, thereby showing her that he is ready to provide and protect her, from now on she is under his protection.

Ketuba.

The ketubah is the Jewish version of the modern marriage contract between husband and wife. Its preparation is the first stage of a Jewish wedding. Essentially, this is a list of the responsibilities of the future husband, as well as confirmation of a woman’s rights in the family. The document must contain the signatures of 2 witnesses.

The text was originally written in Aramaic. But it is customary to translate it into Hebrew when announcing it, otherwise the meaning of the document may seem incomprehensible to the newlyweds.

One of the obligatory points of the Ketuba is the amount that the future wife is guaranteed to receive in the event of a divorce or in the event of the death of her husband. The bride's dowry is also listed here.

Important! If the Ketubah is lost during family life, then the spouses are prohibited from seclusion in the house until a new document is drawn up.

Marriage contract at a Jewish celebration

Immediately before the wedding ceremony, an agreement is signed - Ketubah. The rabbi enters on a beautiful form, as in the photo , all the obligations that the groom promises to fulfill in the family.

First of all, it is food, clothing and intimacy. Compensation is provided in case the spouse wants to break off the relationship, as a rule, this is a considerable amount. It is called upon, if something happens, to reason with the man and warn against hasty action. All rights of the wife are also spelled out.

If the future spouses agree with everything, then they, together with two witnesses, always men, sign the agreement and give it to the rabbi. This paper will be read out in front of all the guests at the moment when the groom gives the ring to the bride.

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Meal and dancing.

While the newlyweds are in the privacy room, the guests begin their meal. One of the features of an Orthodox Jewish wedding is that men and women celebrate separately. There must be an opaque partition between the female and male parts of the hall.

The meal always begins with a blessing on the bread. Then fish and meat dishes and dessert are served. It is also customary to make a traditional toast to the newlyweds: “Lechaim!”

During a Jewish wedding, special attention is paid to the entertainment part. There is such a commandment - to make the bride and groom happy, so they dance a lot with the newlyweds, carry them around on chairs, make them happy and make them laugh. They can also perform a variety of magic tricks and acrobatic tricks.

The meal ends with the re-reading of Sheva Berachot and the post-meal blessing of Birkat Amazon.

About Jewish wedding rituals.

The material was prepared by N. Khotinskaya and A. Dikarev. Asia and Africa today, 1993, No. 5. [68] - end of page.

It is known that the fate of the Jewish people is connected with dispersion throughout the world. Today, the largest Jewish communities are concentrated in the USA (6 million), Russia (about 2 million), France (700 thousand), Great Britain (400 thousand), Argentina (300 thousand), Brazil (150 thousand), South Africa (120 thousand ). Of course, within these communities there are varying degrees of commitment to national traditions - from orthodox service to the behests of ancestors to a purely cognitive attitude towards them. This is not about unconsciousness under conditions of artificially imposed atheism, but rather about a secular approach to phenomena. That is why, in our opinion, it is right to believe that the ethnic traditions of marriage and family behavior, which are described in the essay, are preserved in time and space, although many of them have undergone significant changes in some cases. Only those ethnocultural principles that have carried universal human meaning from time immemorial have remained unshakable. “I never called my wife wife. I call it home,” says the Talmud.

Jewish wedding. Painting by M. Oppenheim

The main thing is to maintain innocence

The writings of the philosopher and historian Philo of Alexandria (1st century AD) say that Jewish boys and girls entered into virgin marriages because their fathers strictly ensured that their sons did not have relations with prostitutes, and their daughters stayed away from men. It was especially difficult for girls: they were not allowed to leave the interior rooms, leave the house without an adult relative, etc. In summer and winter, young women dressed all in black and covered their faces (only in the 18th century in European countries did Jewish women remove the veil). However, if sin did occur, then [68] seduction was equated to rape. A large compensation was demanded from the tempter. For those who could not pay off, the punishment was marriage to a dishonored girl, without the right to divorce. In the case of gang rape, the woman herself chose which of the “defendants” would become her husband.

The girl, who simply could not resist the temptation, had no more fun, since she was constantly afraid of exposure. “Sinners” often married a Christian, hoping for his open-mindedness.

Of course, things are different now. For example, parents no longer protest against co-education, and this also applies to religious schools. And in America it’s even more so - Jewish mothers, under the influence of the sexual revolution, encourage their daughters to have premarital affairs. Therefore, by the time they get married, most female students, as a rule, have a rich love history.

An eight-year-old wife is not normal

It was believed that the ideal age for young men to get married was 18 years old. But if a young man persistently studied the Holy Scriptures, he was allowed to postpone the wedding - after all, the family could interfere with his studies. Girls were married off at the age of 12-13, in Iraq even at eight (this custom was banned in 1948). In Algerian families, a 16-year-old Jewish girl was called an overage. When chicken was served to the table, a wing was always placed on the plate so that it could “fly away to its husband” as quickly as possible. Jews expelled from Spain (1492) married their children early - they tried to preserve the family with the help of this “trick”.

Currently, Jewish youth marry at their discretion, and in the United States in the 60s, young men married even later than other Americans.

Choice of spouses

In the past, spouses were chosen by parents and, as a rule, children obeyed their choice: the parent's word was considered the word of God. This is not to say that family opinions are worthless these days. Many marriage advertisements in newspapers are given by parents.

It should be noted that at all times the ideal of Jews was considered to be a pious and educated son-in-law. He may be fragile, weak, anemic, but he is smart and well-read. It would not suit such a young man to marry the daughter of an ignoramus. It was believed that it was better to sell everything to the last thread, but to marry the daughter of a learned man. These kinds of values ​​have survived to this day.

Several years ago, the Chief Rabbi of Great Britain explained to parishioners what mental and moral qualities a groom should have. The ignoramus, he said, should have been immediately rejected. A good university degree is the best way to get married quickly and with mutual consent. But today young people, who themselves choose their future life partner, want much more. Let's say girls dream of a husband who looks like swimmer Mark Spitz or singer Enrico Macias. However, appearance still does not play a primary role for the majority. In newspaper advertisements, men and women, as a rule, do not ask to send a photograph, but ask for a phone number in order to draw conclusions of a psychological nature from the conversation. Among the surviving traditions are marriages between relatives and observance of the principle of endogamy.1) For example, residents of Morocco married only in their homeland, “Ashkenazis” (Jews from Germany and central Europe) did not marry “Sephardis” (Jews from Spain and countries of the Middle East). Back in the early 60s, these prejudices seemed ineradicable. However, a “thaw” came: in 1966-1967, 43 percent of North African Jews living in France married an “Ashkenazi” woman.

Engagement

Among the ancient Jews, betrothal was celebrated no less magnificently than a wedding, and the two ceremonies were separated not by days, but by months. This allowed future spouses who barely knew each other to get to know each other better. Eight days before the wedding, the girl received hand and ankle bracelets from her future mother-in-law, symbolizing the chains of marriage.

It was believed that engagement was not a reason for intimacy. But for sin, if it happened before the wedding, they were not punished. Moreover, in some communities it was perceived almost as a norm. Thus, in the Middle Ages in Sicily and southern Italy, most brides got married while pregnant. And today, say, in Italy, 20 percent of Jewish women get married while pregnant (the tradition appears to be stable). Some rabbis in this case refuse to perform the marriage ceremony.

Wedding

The marriage ceremony takes place in the synagogue or in the courtyard of the synagogue under a canopy-chuppah, which allows one to see the sky. If it is in the stars, there will be numerous offspring.

In the past, the newlywed's costume was a long white robe, similar to a shroud, and a bag of ash was placed on the young man's head - a reminder of the hour of death. Today, the groom, as a rule, is dressed in a regular suit, with either a skull cap or a hat on his head. However, the bride still hides her face under the veil.

According to centuries-old tradition, men sat separately from women at the wedding table. Fish was always on the menu: it was believed that it increased fertility. They also danced divided into male and female halves. The exception was the dance with a scarf, when men take turns dancing with the newlywed. It was customary to circle the bride and groom on a chair. Sometimes young guests would perform belly dancing (mainly in North African communities).

It should be noted that a Jewish wedding is a very expensive pleasure that not every family can afford. Problems were solved in different ways. In Algeria, for example, it was customary to lend wedding dresses to poor brides. Often the weddings of the poor took place simultaneously with the weddings of the rich, who took on all the expenses. The Reformation of Judaism, which is increasingly spreading in the United States today, makes it possible to radically simplify the marriage ceremony. So, you can do without a preliminary fast, without a marriage contract, and most importantly, without a large number of guests.

With their pomp and crowd, weddings irritated the people among whom Jews lived. Perhaps this was one of the reasons that gave rise to anti-Semitism. However, the main thing was the rejection of religious rituals. Back in 1895, Abbot Puig, in a text submitted to a competition of anti-Semitic sermons, claimed that the rabbi, according to custom, presented the newlywed with an egg stained with the blood of Christ. The fact is that in some communities it was customary to give the groom a raw egg to drink as a symbol of fertility. This custom gave rise to an evil legend,

First wedding night and honeymoon

Among the ancient Jews, the newlywed, once on the marital bed, did not remove the veil from her face until the morning. Even Christian apologists found this custom remarkable, since even an ugly girl could thus count on a warm embrace. According to the Talmud, the groom was exempt from evening prayer on his wedding day. Excessive piety could cool the love fervor so necessary for [69] the first wedding night: defloration was considered the most sacred act.

It should be noted that the honeymoon required the newlyweds to comply with numerous rules. According to these rules, taking into account the physiology of a woman, long breaks were established between sexual intercourse of spouses. Thanks to them (breaks), young people learned to restrain their instincts, and women gradually comprehended the mysteries of marriage (perhaps the proverbial attachment of a Jewish wife to her husband is largely explained by the fact that the husband is tactful and restrained in his feelings from the very beginning).

As already mentioned, from time immemorial it was believed that the bride should be a virgin. They say that when the Greeks and then the Romans occupied Palestine, their rulers wanted to use there the ancient right of the first night: the right to deflorate the newlywed. In those days, marriages took place on Wednesday, and the day before the girl had to “consolate” a high-ranking official - the hegemon. This was one of the reasons for the Maccabean uprising, the victory of which is still celebrated by Jews as one of the most celebrated holidays.

Honeymoon travel is not a custom either before or now. The newlyweds stay at home. During the week, friends and relatives take charge of their care, taking turns inviting them to dinner. This allows one to feel from the very beginning the strength of family ties, which has always been a hallmark of Judaism.

Sexual relations in marriage

Judging by the biblical texts, sexuality played a large role in the lives of Jews. But this opinion is erroneous, since marriage relations were subject to very strict rules that dictated self-restraint. Many faithful adhere to them to this day.

All texts devoted to customs emphasize that Friday evening - the eve of Shabbat - is the most favorable time for the fulfillment of marital duty. The festive mood this evening allows you to forget difficulties and worries. As Dr. Norman Hare, a famous English sexologist (who observed the customs of the Jews), noted, already during the marriage ceremony the young man was taught that on Friday he should be especially gentle.

According to custom, before sunset the husband left the synagogue and hurried home. His wife met him at the door with a lit candle in her hand. She served dinner, more plentiful and varied than on other days, and there were also lighted candles on the table. Psychoanalysts attribute a symbolic meaning to these candles: they are associated with the male genital organ, which only the spouse can “light.” These days, the Friday dinner, even among devout Israelis, has lost much of its former solemnity and pomp, but drinking a little wine to celebrate the Shabbat undoubtedly encourages couples to become intimate.

Both in the Middle Ages and until very recently, the spouse read a prayer before performing his marital duty. This was prescribed by Kabbalah. He asked the Lord to grant him physical strength, as well as a son. This prayer was repeated three times at the marital bed.

In the last century, the Alsatian A. Weil, a pupil of the synagogue school, described how its director, Rabbi Lazarus, under whose roof he lived, fulfilled his marital duty. This only happened on Fridays, after dinner. While his wife undressed behind the curtain, he (like her) muttered Hebrew prayers to himself. Then the rabbi walked up to the curtain and said several blessings, to each of which the wife responded, “Amen.” Finally, she lifted the curtain and in sublime terms invited her husband to come closer.

The conditions in which marital intimacy took place were not at all conducive to inciting sensuality: according to the Talmud, it was prescribed to be afraid of light and nudity. Hassidites (a mystical movement in Judaism) do not take off not only their shirts, but also their skull caps during intimate moments.

Preliminary love play seems to be unknown to the Jews. Kissing was allowed only when meeting after a long absence of one of the spouses (a kiss on the lips was also considered unclean). A man had no right to kiss a woman who was not closely related to him. This was considered vulgar and immoral. A truly pious man should not even kiss his own daughters. At the same time, devout Jews literally lavished kisses when it came to sacred objects and books: if, for example, a book fell to the ground, then, having picked it up, they always rushed to reverently press their lips to the binding.

After leaving the marital bed, the man had to immediately wash his hands or take a bath. And today, many pious people strictly follow this custom. In the 3rd century, when the cleansing procedure was mandatory, there were many stubborn people (as Rabbi Josiah ben Nevis testifies) who preferred to abstain from sexual intercourse so as not to have to wash afterwards. Especially in cold weather, due to which the birth rate among the Jews of Palestine greatly decreased. They say that one girl got rid of a man’s harassment by asking him: “Where will you wash yourself later?”

Returning to the conversation about attitudes towards eroticism, it should be noted that the Talmudic rabbis were against sensual pleasures that seduced the human soul. And Rabbi Isaac in the Middle Ages said that after the destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem, pleasure in married life should be completely prohibited.

Manora [lamp] of the temple. Relief on the Arch of Titus in Rome

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In one interpretation of the Talmud, widespread among Jews in the 12th century, Rabbi A. ben Menachana advised spouses to think about God during intercourse, so that bad children would not be born from impure thoughts. The concern of the ancient rabbis that spouses, when uniting, [70] should not think about anything worldly, was completely justified: men who were constrained by the boundaries of too strict monogamy often expanded them in their imagination.

Text of the marriage contract [city of Padua, 17th century]

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Moderation

Back in 1789, the Polish “Ashkenazi” Zalkind Hurwitz wrote: “There is not a single one among the Jews who has not been separated from his wife for at least six months a year.” He further quoted Leon de Modena, who wrote in his work on the ceremonies and customs of Jewish women: “Jews whose monthly cycle is disrupted do not live with their husbands for months” (the same situation was repeated much later among Catholics - supporters of the calendar method).

Others were added to the monthly ritual abstinence. In ancient Jerusalem, men who served in the Temple were not supposed to cohabit with their wives, just like those who performed military duty. Here is a historical fact. The biblical king David seduced Bathsheba, the wife of the officer Uri, who participated in the siege of Rabbah. The king recalled him from the army to “legitimize” Bathsheba’s pregnancy, but Uriah, observing abstinence until the end of the war, did not want intimacy with his wife. He returned to the army and died... as a hero of “sexual discipline.” One should also abstain during mourning - both personal and general (one of such mourning lasted 10 days). After childbirth, marital intimacy was prohibited for 40 days if a boy was born, and 80 days if a girl was born (as if to punish the parents for not producing a son).

Jews easily endured long-term abstinence due to their sometimes excessive chastity. One Spanish writer believed that it was the converted Jews who were to blame for the overly strict morality of his country. The rabbis were proud that “there are far fewer libertines among the Jews than among any other people.”

And today, the sexual activity of Jewish believers is much lower than that of Catholic and Protestant believers. It is known that moderation is developed by habit. As one rabbi wrote: “A man’s penis is such that it is quiet if kept on a starvation diet, but becomes insatiable if its appetite is constantly satisfied.” Orthodox Jews, subject to many restrictions in their sexual life, get used to abstinence, their sexual needs become less - this is how moderation is developed. There are other reasons that contribute to this. Thus, a wife, chosen, as a rule, by parents, is perceived more like a second mother or sister and evokes fewer carnal desires.

Because of abstinence, many Jews (not just in the past) become impotent early on. Stekel, one of the founders of the Viennese school of sexology, noted that impotence at the beginning of the century was a real social disaster among the Jews of Russia and Galicia - adherents of Judaism. “I have repeatedly noted cases of early impotence, and this was confirmed by numerous colleagues,” he wrote.

However, it is precisely the moderation of the Jews that explains the fact that they are free from some forms of cancer. According to statistics, 50 years ago, cervical cancer in Jewish women was 20 times less common than in representatives of other nationalities (doctors for a long time explained this by the fact that their husbands were circumcised. However, Muslim and American women, whose husbands now, as a rule, are circumcised in infancy, often develop cancer). Here is what Professor Baruk wrote: “In our opinion, this hypothesis (moderation of husbands - A.D.

.) is most justified, since any damage to a tense penis, the slightest bleeding can create favorable conditions for cancer.”2)

The same reason explains the relatively rare cases of prostate cancer among Jews. True, according to the testimony of an American doctor who worked for 30 years in the Jewish quarter of Brooklyn, after 1920 the diseases became more frequent. Freedom of morals and, as a consequence, sexual promiscuity undoubtedly changed the situation for the worse. [71]

1) The custom of marriage within a certain social group (tribe, caste).

2) Extensive statistics prove the connection between sexual activity and cervical cancer. In India in the 50s, cases of this disease were especially frequent in women who were married very young.

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