Marriage is a very serious step! When we quarrel with our parents, we don’t think that we need to look for new ones. So the husband (wife) should become a loved one. One for life! The main thing is not to make a mistake in choosing.
Many people constantly ask themselves the question “I can’t meet my love and I’m on the verge...” How can I find a wife? When will I meet a guy with whom I will connect my life forever? These questions are often asked by young (and not so young) people. They ask, think, pray...
And the answer is very simple: God will give us a person for marriage when He prepares us for marriage! Of course, we can choose for ourselves, make a decision and, without wasting much time getting to know each other, get married, but the further fate of such marriages is unpredictable. Moreover, if problems suddenly arise in family life, we will have no one to blame for this but ourselves.
"Why? - you ask. – Didn’t God promise to take care of us and didn’t he give us freedom of choice? Shouldn’t we trust that He will give us everything we need for life and godliness?” Yes, sure. But the key point is that it is God who must give, and precisely by faith! This means that if we want a person from God, we must trust God to the end. Yes, of course, be sociable, friendly, have friends and communicate with the opposite sex. But in all this, seek God's clear guidance.
It is important for us to believe in God! And believe until the bitter end. Keep yourself - and keep it until the end, for that one person who will become the closest and dearest - forever. There is a big difference: being friendly or making eyes at every guy you meet, in the hope that he will pay attention; be attentive or flirt with the first, second, fifth girl!
Unpreparedness
Why didn't God give me a husband? Why does your loved one continue to pass by and not pay attention and not ask you to marry? Unpreparedness. The Lord gives one person another in marriage only when both come to him, all the priests say it with one voice. If love does not reign in a marriage, there is no responsibility and mutual understanding - such unions are simply unpredictable, because everyone loves only himself.
You must not just believe in God, who always takes care of those who ask and suffer, the main thing is to believe and continue to pray, to preserve yourself for future love and pure relationships. The main thing is to wait and trust God, and not to give marriage vows to anyone you meet.
In fact
Of course, sins have nothing to do with it. All these are the thoughts of the woman herself. At the same time, other female representatives, who do not have the best data or anything else, do not experience any difficulties in finding a partner. They easily make acquaintances everywhere, and the question of the main reasons why God does not give a husband does not arise before them. Why does this happen?
About life choices
The first rule in this regard is to make the right choice. A man or a woman makes a choice - it’s not so important, the main thing is to follow the right path of a Christian. And an important point is not appearance and fun in the company, but how relationships within the family will be built. After all, the person you love, with whom you are good in company, may absolutely not be suitable for family life.
Almost every priest will say - the Lord does not do anything for nothing, and if today he gives you a bright relationship with a guy who looks after him beautifully and speaks, but tomorrow he takes him away, then God’s providence. The main thing is attention and respect in the family and in certain contrasts he will create the image of his future spouse. As they say, the husband will not only be the master of the house, the jester and the lover in bed, but will be caring and attentive to your problems, loved and loving.
The main thing is not to jump from one extreme to another, but to communicate within the bounds of decency and understand what exactly, what qualities you want to see in your future spouse. And if a girl has previously experienced failures in relationships, do not be upset - this is her own experience, which will be beneficial in the future.
But as many Orthodox priests say, it is important to choose not only by appearance and personal qualities. The main thing is that the man himself helps to grow spiritually, to improve as a true Orthodox Christian. If a girl considers herself a true Orthodox Christian and observes all the canons, the union with such a man will be long and strong. Otherwise, it will simply fall apart, and in particular in our case, the woman is simply doomed to long loneliness.
When exactly can you pray?
The Bible contains the words of the Apostle Paul, who calls us to constant prayer. John the Theologian claims that you need to turn to Christ even more often than you take a breath. Thus, the ideal is when all human life turns into a constant presence before the Lord.
It is safe to say that many troubles occurred precisely because man forgot about the All-Seeing Lord. It is difficult to imagine a criminal committing a crime with the thought of Jesus crucified for his own sins.
Important! A person falls under the influence of sin precisely when he loses the memory of God.
Since modern people do not have the opportunity to be in prayer all day, they need to find a certain time for it. So, when waking up in the morning, even the busiest person can find a couple of minutes to stand in front of the icons and ask the Lord for blessings for the new day. During the day, you can repeat short prayers to yourself to the Mother of God, the Lord, your Guardian Angel. You can do this to yourself, completely unnoticed by others.
A special time is before bed. It is then that we need to look at the day we have lived, draw conclusions about how spiritually it was spent, and what we sinned about. Prayer before bed calms you down, eliminates the bustle of the past day, and sets you up for a quiet, peaceful sleep. We must remember to thank the Lord for all the good deeds during the day and for the fact that it was lived by us.
It may seem to a beginner that doing this requires a lot of time, and now everyone has it in short supply. In fact, no matter how fast the pace of our life is, there are always pauses in which we can remember God. Waiting for transport, queues, traffic jams and much more can be turned from irritating factors into a time when we raise our minds to Heaven.
Because you don't do anything
Allowing God to do everything for you is the favorite go-ahead, so to speak, of all lazy people and women who don’t take care of themselves, who just sit on the couch and wait for their prince. But even here it is important to understand that you should not go to extremes and scour all the bars and clubs, other places and look for a husband.
It is important, according to many priests, to lead not just an Orthodox lifestyle, but also an active life. At the same time, activity should not be understood as wearing bright outfits and makeup, or posing for a portfolio on social networks. For example, you can pray to God for a husband, but provided that you have strong faith; in the absence of it, do not avoid communicating with guys.
Regarding active life, everything is purely individual. You can join a choir or volunteer, teach in Sunday school and, in principle, do everything that is not prohibited by Orthodoxy. After all, an active girl, kind and coming to everyone’s aid, can be seen from afar; many people like her.
“You cannot develop by dreaming” - here everyone puts a comma himself, depending on the situation and his own vision of the world. And many girls who don’t have a boyfriend simply forget about some things that they simply don’t have.
- There is no piety. If there is enough piety in a girl’s words, actions and decisions, she will get married at an early age.
- Cold Moon - this is often the name given to girls who simply do not communicate with the opposite sex, avoid male society, and do not even experience any feelings. And even having met a guy, they will doubt for a long time whether this is their husband, whether they made the right choice.
One should not discount a woman’s lack of traditionally feminine qualities - cooking and cleaning, taking care of her husband and children, and so on. Independence and assertiveness, the desire to manage and behave like a man - this attracts few people.
Archpriest Andrey Tkachev:
In surveys about love - what could be more difficult and interesting? Even those who have met a loved one in life have questions. Those who haven't met have even more questions. Here are just a few of them. Who asks them? A girl who was never bored alone, but who finally grew up and thought about whether she would continue to live alone, and if not, then how and where to look for that loved one with whom she would begin a new life in her own happy family? Of course, you have your own uncertainties and concerns, and perhaps some of your questions coincide with mine. In any case, it becomes easier if there is someone to ask them.
The priest's answers
Regarding the priest’s answers to the question - why God doesn’t give me a husband, then maybe it’s worth praying earnestly and asking him to grant him a spouse, the qualities necessary for family life. And at the same time, the priests themselves say - God cannot give something to a person, he only provides the right to choose, and we do everything else ourselves.
But at the same time they make a clarification - due to the modern rhythm of life, the lack of desire to repent for sins and pray, we ourselves do not see a possible choice. Pride, as well as inflated demands, simply do not provide such a chance, a choice, often presented on a silver platter by God.
But if a girl gets older every year, but there is still no husband? Maybe marriage is not her destiny? Here the priests say that people can get married at any age, because the years in the passport are not death or a sentence. And age itself should not be an obstacle for the woman herself, a kind of limitation in the search for family happiness.
Who does this happen to?
For the most part, the answer to the question should be sought within oneself, but not in divine or devilish intervention. It is enough to simply analyze your own worldview and principles of life. And, as a rule, among the main ones, we can highlight the following points that are worth paying special attention to.
- Often a woman simply does not need a man. If a person is self-sufficient, lives and works for her own pleasure, spends time with girlfriends and friends, this suits her - she is simply not interested in marriage with a specific man. And if she gets married, her life, habitual and desired way of life will simply collapse. And here you will have to adapt to new realities.
- The ideal man. That’s exactly it and nothing more, but do ideal princes exist in reality and are there enough of them for everyone? And often such idealization of the image of a husband lies in parental education and a simple statement - he is not a match for you. But gradually the beauty fades, and the demands and requests for a potential husband grow.
- Wealth is everything. This is already the reality of modern society, in which young girls marry older men. Such unions are mutually beneficial in the position of beauty - wealth, but when there are many young and well-groomed people, but few rich ones, there are not enough of them for everyone.
- Past failures. If a woman was previously married, but the experience of living together was unsuccessful, she will always be wary of subsequent relationships and unions. But if faith in a person is given from above, it is worth getting married and praying to God to grant light and happiness in the family.
Plus, few of the ladies want to repeatedly give their love and care to their new chosen one. And a man will feel uncomfortable with them, and accordingly there is no need to talk about any kind of marriage. Here you just need to learn to love your neighbor, as it is written in the commandments, or simply always be in splendid isolation.
Why is that?
It's all about stereotypes that came from ancient times, when creating a couple was necessary to physically survive - to build a home, to escape the cold and predators. Years have passed, the situation has changed, but the old stereotypes remain. In them, female and male roles are clearly divided. And what is allowed by some is condemned by others. At the same time, the female psyche is less schizoid than that of men: women are determined to satisfy their needs through someone, and men discover connections with themselves less painfully. In addition, there is constant pressure with questions and suggestion. And as a result, an imposed need appears, and the woman asks why God does not give her a husband.
For a normal person without trauma, thoughts of loneliness do not cause the desire to fall into despair, do not cause fear. There is no thought that because of such a life choice he will not be among the successful people.
Additional reasons
A girl who wonders why God does not give a husband and children should know that sometimes a woman does not notice men. There are many things in life that a person focuses on. And you should use this to your advantage. It's worth counting the men. When going out into the street, count how many there were? What about in the store? There are a lot of men around. And the question of why God does not give a husband (or wife) is equally often asked by both men and women. This is worth remembering. If you pay attention for several days to how many men there are around, the thought will enter your current perception: “there are a lot of men, they are everywhere.”
The Church and modern methods of combating infertility
Modern technologies allow even women who could not get pregnant for many years to finally become a mother. What does the Church say about the use of these methods?
To begin with, it should be clarified that all medications that help restore the reproductive function of the body are allowed and welcomed by the Church as a safe way to improve health and fulfill the human part. Therefore, the following methods are allowed:
- medical examinations;
- use of hormonal drugs;
- tracking menstrual cycles;
- use of appropriate medications.
But the following were prohibited by the Council of Bishops in 2000:
- in vitro fertilization;
- surrogacy.
The Church's opinion on IVF
Why is IVF prohibited? Because this is a gross invasion of the mystery of conception and the accompanying murder of children. The decision of the Council prohibited Orthodox believers from using all types of this procedure.
Eco is performed as follows: superovulation is stimulated, which makes it possible to obtain a large number of eggs, the best ones are selected from them and fertilized with the husband’s seed. The fertilized cells are then placed in a special incubator where they mature so that they can be partly transplanted into the uterus and partly frozen.
Important! There is no guarantee that a miscarriage will not occur, but embryos are always destroyed or killed during the procedure. Therefore, the Church strictly prohibits these procedures
I asked: save the love!
Priest Sergius Kruglov
“I loved him so much, I thought he loved me too.” We got married and started living together... He had a shift job, and he left often. He didn’t forget, he sent text messages, funny and warm... When they told me that where he goes, he has another, I didn’t believe it: this simply cannot be. But a black doubt settled inside... And many facts that I had not previously attached importance to began to form a terrible picture: it is true, he changed it.
That evening when I sorted things out with my husband still haunts me in nightmares. I sobbed and screamed: explain how this happened, why?! He jokingly denied, then, apparently, he realized that there was no point in lying, he fell silent, only smiled wryly with his boyish, so familiar smile, but his eyes became cold and bored. Just as silently he turned around and left. Forever…
I went to church before, but then I prayed day and night, desperately, as if in a feverish delirium: Lord, help, save, save love! You know, I felt His mercy, His grace so clearly, I had no doubt that it would help. I painted pictures: when the door opens, the husband returns, falls at his feet, asks for forgiveness, and everything bad remains behind, like a bad dream...
Seven months passed like hell, I even tried to take pills, but a friend came to see me and prevented me. Seven months later I was cesareaned. Now I have a daughter. She is sick, with cerebral palsy... No, I love her, of course, I live for her.
The husband never showed up, and now, probably, there’s no need: the pain somehow subsided, life somehow got better, work, friends, church... But I still can’t understand: I asked for one thing and I was so I’m sure that God will give - but He gave something completely different, why is that?.. She asked: keep the love! He seemed to have saved it - but not at all the same and not the way I saw it.
To understand the will of God, you need to listen
Many people often ask how to understand the will of God, how to find a husband or wife? Do you need to pray to meet your chosen one?
Priest Andrei Tkachev answers like this:
“Earnest prayer tests the degree of desire. It happens that you pray for a long time and come to an internal question: do I need it? This means that through prayer you have discovered a depth within yourself at which the need has disappeared. If such a desire does not disappear, then it really is a need of your whole life. Continue to pester the Lord like the widow of the Gospel (Luke 18:2-5) and do not forget to end your prayer with the words: “not as I want, but as You want...”
Andrey Tkachev priest
“Faith in a woman is a bonus for a man”
Well, this is a problem in many marriages. And yet, is it more difficult for a church woman to find a husband?
– If a man has decent moral qualities, then even though he is not a church member, an unbeliever, he will accept her faith, because he personally accepted her as a person. And she will adequately perceive everything she offers. And if he is immoral, what is the point of building a relationship with him?!
Faith is part of a person. As much as he himself carries this faith. And a man either accepts a woman for who she is, along with her faith, or he doesn’t. And some have other characteristics. Not faith, but, let’s say, stubbornness. So what will a man accept faster – stubbornness or faith?! What is a more acceptable option?
Faith is a virtue, not a deficiency. We already have enough shortcomings. And society now has a positive attitude towards religion. It is assumed that a believer will not deceive, he is more faithful and, in general, has a number of virtues that a church person should carry within himself. In addition, at an older age it is valued more. Because if young people have rather frivolous relationships, then in adulthood a person values stability and positive character traits. After all, everyone in their life has already understood “what’s worth a pound.”
So faith in a woman is a bonus for a man. And what does “church woman” mean?! You either have faith or you don’t. A woman may be from the church, but may or may not be a believer. It's not like it happens in life. If she stands in church and only makes comments to everyone, instead of praying, is that faith?! But everything is very conditional - again, I don’t like formulas.
