An engagement, which is so popular in Western European countries and the USA, is considered a kind of preparation for a wedding celebration. But even in Rus' there were prerequisites for this ritual: the matchmaking of the groom to the bride’s house was carefully prepared by both parties and, in fact, finally decided the issue of the future wedding. Recently, Russian couples have also been trying to observe these traditions in a Western manner: an engagement with a festive announcement of the good news to relatives and close friends is a definite and very important stage for future newlyweds. What does this tradition mean, how to organize it correctly and how does this beautiful and romantic ritual ?
Engagement photo
What is an engagement? This is a mutual official recognition of the partners’ feelings for each other, a formal declaration of their readiness to become husband and wife, the transition of a man to the status of a groom, and a woman to the status of a bride. Often, a modern engagement is accompanied by meeting the relatives of the other half; such a meeting usually takes place in a festive atmosphere. And, of course, the man gives his beloved an engagement ring. A girl who is engaged is called engaged: she becomes a bride when she accepts a man’s marriage proposal.
After the engagement is concluded, the couple in love is officially considered the bride and groom
Another serious question asked by some young lovers is: at what age can an engagement be announced? Knowledge of classical Russian works gives a simple answer - even from the cradle ! Indeed, for profitable social marriages, parents often entered into an agreement according to which their newborn daughter and the three-year-old son of the prince living next door would become husband and wife in a few years. Now, of course, such a practice does not take place, but it is quite possible to be engaged to a loved one even at 14-15 years old.
The announcement of an engagement does not carry any legal consequences or obligations, but the official marriage will only take place after each partner reaches 18 years of age (with the exception of some permitted cases of early marriage). An engagement can be dissolved if feelings for each other have faded or something has happened that interferes with the marriage.
Original marriage proposal script
What is it for?
An engagement is a way of announcing your intention to get married. Traditionally, such an action was mandatory.
The ritual made it clear that young people were ready to tie the knot. These days, engagement often loses its romantic overtones.
Many perceive the period from the moment of submitting an application to the registry office until the wedding as an opportunity to think and check feelings, as a time of preparation for the main celebration: choosing a banquet venue, drawing up an entertainment program and purchasing the necessary attributes. Important! Usually the day of application is considered the day of engagement.
In the modern world, it is absolutely not necessary to organize a magnificent celebration on this day . And if the decision is made to celebrate, then only the future newlyweds and their parents often participate in the engagement. In this case, the engagement often turns into a discussion meeting at which the details of the wedding, financial issues related to it, the honeymoon, and the conditions of future married life are discussed.
Engagement in church
If the couple is religious and follows Christian customs, then the engagement takes place in a church . This ritual has serious philosophical and social significance; the ceremony does not have retroactive effect. If the lovers decided to be engaged in church, exchanged rings and made vows to become husband and wife, the betrothal, made according to Christian canons, cannot be dissolved. This is a definite commitment that must be taken as seriously as possible.
Engagement in church
If a separate betrothal ceremony was not held, and the couple wants to get married, the engagement is held before the wedding ceremony in an abbreviated version. For obvious reasons, non-religious people are not recommended to conduct such a church ceremony.
The Russians
The betrothal ceremony in Rus' was a more significant event than the wedding itself. Since it was here that all the main issues related to the wedding, dowry and the future life of the future family were resolved.
Betrothal, hand-shaking, collusion are the obligatory stages of a traditional Russian engagement. The result of the conspiracy was a handshake and the compilation of a so-called row record, in which important points were clearly outlined. First of all, the dowry. The event was equated to the official conclusion of a contract.
Breaking an engagement was considered a disgrace. As a rule, in an agreement the amount of the penalty was agreed upon. It was paid by the party that initiates the termination. This amount was huge and placed a heavy burden on the family of the “guilty”.
Interesting! The engagement ended the period of girlhood and bachelorhood.
Traditions
- The ritual of conspiracy always took place in the bride's house . The time for such a meeting was fixed by her parents;
- After the end of the ceremony, the bride went out onto the porch, bowed and informed her friends and neighbors that she had been engaged;
- The bride's parents were required to give a dowry ; the groom was only required to give gifts for the future wife and her relatives;
- The dowry usually consisted of icons, a samovar, household utensils, bed linen, fabrics, towels, and furniture. The complete list was entered into a row entry;
- The efforts of organizing the wedding fell on the shoulders of the groom and his family..
Difference from matchmaking and betrothal
Previously, it was customary to match a bride; for this purpose, relatives from the groom’s side gathered in her house, and a matchmaker was often present. The matchmakers voiced their proposal, praised the groom, and veiled information about the girl herself and her dowry. The bride herself was not present.
Thus, matchmaking can be considered a kind of negotiations between future newlyweds.
Since today the opinion of a girl when getting married is taken into account as well as the opinion of the groom, the need for matchmaking has disappeared or they do not see any difference in it from an engagement.
The ceremony takes place with the participation of both young people and with the consent of each of them, in contrast to Russian matchmaking.
Another ritual is betrothal. It differs from an engagement in that the couple has already decided on the wedding, after which the guests are called, and at the celebration the newlyweds officially exchange rings. The latter are worn on the left hand, and at the wedding they are changed to the right.
Today
Engagement these days is an opportunity for the groom to impress the bride's family. Relatives do not always approve of marriage proposals, so it is very important for the future groom to think through all the nuances.
In order not to lose face, it is advisable to:
- do not come to the bride’s house empty-handed : present gifts to the bride and future mother-in-law, and for the future father-in-law choose a bottle of good cognac;
- agree on a time and place in advance : it is better to give the family time to prepare, because not everyone is ready for unexpected and such serious changes in life;
- Be moderately practical and think about the key terms of the marriage (you may have to negotiate a prenuptial agreement).
How do engagements usually take place? As a rule, the bride's parents set the table, and such a celebration takes place in a narrow family circle. After the engagement, the young people are officially considered the bride and groom.
Important! You should not give jewelry, cheap alcohol, or obviously skimp on gifts. It is better to choose small but good quality ones.
Engagement ring
An obligatory attribute of such a ceremony is a wedding ring, which the groom gives to the bride as a sign of mutual feelings, a common agreement to link their destinies. According to ancient traditions, the future wife keeps this gift and eventually passes it on to her daughter or daughter-in-law. Supporters of this custom claim that the ring subsequently becomes the personal amulet of the girl herself, a talisman of all women in the family.
Engagement rings and wedding rings are different types of jewelry. Some ladies prefer to wear them at the same time after the wedding, often on the ring finger of the right hand (in the West - on the left). Although on the wedding day itself the ring is usually removed.
How to do it?
In modern society, there are no strict rules for engagement. Usually families organize a celebration of their own choosing. The financial capabilities, tastes and preferences of the future spouses play a decisive role. In most cases, on the day of engagement, the groom gives the bride a ring - this is considered a tradition.
An engagement can be either a major celebration or a simple tea party in a small circle. Sometimes young people prefer to have an engagement party in private. If there is a celebration at which guests are present, then the father of the bride, according to tradition, will tell those gathered the news about the upcoming wedding.
Interesting! In the USA and some other countries, a marriage contract is signed during the engagement. And in Germany, from this day on, a guy and a girl can live together.
At all times, engagement has been an opportunity for families not only to get to know each other, but also to evaluate each other's well-being.
What does engaged or betrothed mean?
Very often on social networks, while viewing the profiles of friends and acquaintances, you can see a status such as “engaged.” The word is incomprehensible to people who do not know about the ritual.
Many, upon reflection, come to the conclusion that being engaged is something unearthly, divine. Like an oath or something. Everything is much simpler. Engaged means that the marriage of the young people has not yet been registered, but they will soon become a family. A word that screams to us that someone will soon have a wedding.
Useful tips
Ring
Important! You should definitely give the future bride a ring (preferably gold with a precious stone). This is both a sign of attention, and a guarantee of her consent, and another reason to please your girlfriend.
To be sure that you will like the gift, you can ask the bride’s mother for advice or ask her to help choose a ring.
Surprise
The element of surprise can only be used in relation to the bride. Everyone else, especially the parents of future newlyweds, should be informed. This will help avoid unpleasant surprises, because engagement requires the blessing of the parents and their consent.
Planning
If you are planning a party, you need to plan it in advance. We'll have to decide:
- who will be present;
- how many people to invite;
- in what format the celebration will take place;
- what costs will you have to bear;
- Are there any thank you notes or small gifts for guests?
Advice! It is better to invite only those guests to the engagement party that you want to see at the wedding. This can avoid hurt feelings and awkward situations.
A few more recommendations:
- If there are a lot of people, you should consider inviting a presenter ;
- To ensure that the party is at the highest level, take care of photographs and video recording ;
- If the format allows, be sure to include competitions and entertainment for guests in the holiday program. They shouldn't be bored;
- If funds allow, it is better to use the services of a special agency for organizing celebrations. This will save you a lot of hassle. And it will make you feel like you are the owner of the holiday.
The right time
It is very good to make marriage proposals on holidays : March 8, Valentine's Day, New Year, Christmas. As a rule, these events are colored with positive emotions, and the chances of being rejected are much less.
Advice! You should remember or find out what your loved one likes and doesn’t like, so as not to create an awkward situation.
Under no circumstances should you make an offer casually. There should be no casual tone. This is a sign of disrespect!
Interesting ideas for organizing a celebration
The engagement celebration is your personal decision.
There are no specific conventions here; the format and theme of the event should depend on the preferences of the young people and their guests. Some people like a noisy and fiery club-type party, others prefer a quiet family dinner in a cozy circle of their closest people.
We invite you to familiarize yourself with the most common options for celebrating this holiday.
Old Style Engagement
Connoisseurs of long-standing traditions can organize a colorful celebration from the times of Kievan Rus. A professional presenter will help you follow all the rituals (you can find a “toastmaster” among your friends by introducing him to the event scenario).
The atmosphere should fully correspond to the stated theme, so take care of the decor of the room, the clothes of the guests and the festive menu (for example, bake pancakes and pies, decorate them in an unusual way). A wedding can also be organized in the same style.
European style buffet
The Western style of organizing holidays resembles a buffet or buffet. The party can be held either in a restaurant or at home. Send invitations to your guests, and at the end of the event, give them small souvenirs as keepsakes.
It is customary to come to such an event with gifts. For an engagement, you can give something that will be useful to the newlyweds in their family life: (household appliances, a set of bed linen, a photo album, etc.), as well as memorable souvenirs reminiscent of the feelings of the young couple (for example, beautiful figurines, a painting or photo panel depicting lovers).
Letters of thanks for attending an engagement party are another tradition that comes to us from European countries.
After the celebration, send photos to your guests, writing warm words of gratitude on the back. You can also include a wedding invitation in the envelope if the date has already been determined.
If the groom wants to fully observe all the traditions of the European celebration, he should splurge heavily and present his beloved with a diamond ring.
Theme party
This is a bright and exciting holiday that will be remembered for a long time. However, such events are quite expensive and require a lot of space.
If possible, it is better to organize the event at a country house, in a rented cottage or in a restaurant. You can choose any theme: pirate, cowboy, medieval, retro, etc. You can choose an unusual place to organize a holiday - a beach, a yacht, a motor ship, a retro tram, etc.
Romantic holiday for two
An engagement is an event that primarily concerns the two of you, so celebrate it the way you want, not your friends or relatives. On this occasion, you can arrange a romantic dinner in a restaurant and go on a trip to unknown places or for a walk, visiting the place where you first met or met on your first date.
If you have been living together for a long time, this holiday format will help you “revive” feelings suppressed by bustle and everyday life, and “breathe” romance into them.
- Such a popular service today as on-site marriage registration helps create a truly unforgettable celebration.
- Celebrating the second wedding day in nature. Traditions and customs are here.
Responsible moment: meeting the parents
By default, the initiative to meet the bride's parents should come from the groom, since in this way he expresses the seriousness of his intentions and in fact confirms his desire to become related. The procedure of introducing your other half to your parents is a very exciting event, because everything must be truly perfect. Therefore, many couples ask the logical question: “How?” We need to organize everything in such a way as to minimize the stress of all participants and make the proper impression on the strictest judges in our lives.
To do this, many couples prefer to book a table in a trusted restaurant or cozy cafe - here the whole question comes down solely to individual preferences and the available budget. This is the most practical approach, which allows you to significantly save time and save yourself from unnecessary worries due to cooking your own dishes.
Few modern couples prefer to gather with their families at home, although there is a caveat: it will not be possible to demonstrate the bride’s housekeeping skills to her family in a restaurant. Maybe this is for the better? But if you think that a family dinner in your own apartment will create an informal atmosphere for getting to know each other, then you are absolutely right.
In this case, you should take a significant step in creating a menu taking into account the taste preferences of the guests; do not forget to find out in advance about possible allergic reactions to certain products. Remember the details: music, tablecloths, beautiful dishes, interesting floral decorations on the table, pleasant conversations. And genuine happiness in the eyes of lovers.
hen-party
Future brides cannot imagine themselves without a bachelorette party - the most popular and last before the wedding ceremony. According to tradition, almost before the wedding celebration itself, the bride’s friends gather to see off her free and unmarried time. In the old fashioned way, the bride was always brought to the bathhouse in the evening. Women were also invited there to sing sad songs and comb the hair of the young woman. The girl, being separated from her maiden will, had to wail and lament.
Wedding ceremonies
The ritual of vaults, which were endowed with magical significance, was accompanied by departure to the crown. A vault with special wedding songs symbolically connected the bride and groom. It was performed either in the middle of the home or in the courtyard. The groom was brought to the bride by his groomsman or matchmaker. He joined their hands and tied them with an embroidered towel (a towel, a scarf). The bride and groom walked in a circle three times. The magical connection is also characteristic of the ritual with bread. A friend cut off two edges: one from the bride’s bread and the second from the groom’s brought bread. They were put together, tied with a red ribbon and given to the godmother, who placed them on the table. Sometimes bread was broken over the heads of a row of young people seated. ?-th of the groom's bread was handed over to the bride's father, and ?-th of the bride's bread was handed over to the groom's friend, and the halves were tied with a ribbon and placed on the table.
Wedding preparation stage
Of course, for today's newlyweds, filing an application is, without exaggeration, indisputable evidence that the wedding celebration will take place. And the time from the engagement to the main celebration for them is a period of careful preparation for the wedding, which is associated with a lot of pre-wedding troubles.
How exactly to treat the engagement, how to celebrate, and whether to celebrate at all, or to ignore and not celebrate this event in any way - this is the individual choice of the bride and groom. This event does not carry any legal force and, by and large, is only a public statement by people of their intention, nothing more. However, in any case, the fact of submitting an application for marriage to the registry office is an event that reinforces the seriousness of the goals of the young people. So why not celebrate this event beautifully with your closest people?
