The first meeting of the parents of the bride and groom: how to successfully meet the parents - tips for the bride and groom

Introducing parents is a very important step on the path to creating a new family. Of course, today is not the time when parents determine whether a couple should marry or not, but they can definitely influence the atmosphere in the house of future spouses. Therefore, the knees of both the groom and the bride tremble before him, because in our time it is on their shoulders that the task of introducing complete strangers falls (unless, of course, you have known each other since kindergarten) and making sure that they at least like each other, or better yet, became friends.

And for a successful first meeting between the parents of the bride and groom, you need to sit down, think through everything down to the smallest detail together with your chosen one (chosen one) and create the most comfortable atmosphere for the meeting. Otherwise, all dreams of happy family gatherings for the holidays will remain just dreams.

To meet parents

Every relationship goes through several stages of development. At the initial level there is a vanilla note with romantic evenings. The couple, like two sparrows, fly and coo near each other. Over time, there comes a time when the relationship moves to a more serious stage. Namely: you have to inform your parents about the existence of your significant other. This is where thousands of difficulties begin!

Some ladies have been dating girls for years and are in no hurry to introduce them to their parents. There is something to think about here. Perhaps your boyfriend's intentions for you do not coincide with yours. But if you are lucky and an acquaintance is planned, then you are wrongly in one of the following situations:

• The candy-bouquet period has passed and the relationship requires the next level . If you delay in introducing your parents, you can earn yourself a bad reputation. Speculation will clearly arise behind your back and questions will arise: “Why is she hiding?”
• The relationship is valuable for both partners . If both a guy and a girl are making plans for the future and planning at least a happy life together, getting to know each other is an important detail. It is important to think about whether you are ready to spend your whole life with this person? Wouldn't this acquaintance be pointless? Talk to your guy about his plans for you.
• The guy himself proposed the idea of ​​appearing before the parental gaze of his future father-in-law and mother-in-law . If a young man initiates, then we can consider this a marriage proposal. A man will never bring a girl into his house unless he has serious intentions.

These three factors are the main reasons to make a visit to your loved one's home. But you should not take this step if:

In these cases, meeting your parents will be unnecessary for both you and them. The worst outcome may be that you will feel sorry for his mother and only because of her you will spend your whole life with her son, with whom you have little in common.

Meeting point

When and how does the groom's parents meet the bride's parents for the first time? To begin with, young people should choose a meeting place. It could be a cozy restaurant or a family cafe . If the future spouses already live together in their apartment, then it is appropriate to invite their parents to your home for lunch or dinner. This will allow the groom’s family to demonstrate the bride’s skills as a housewife. A family dinner will create an informal atmosphere for getting to know each other.

When choosing a place, you should take into account the age and social status of the parent couple. Ordinary people should not be invited to fashionable, expensive restaurants, where they will most likely feel uncomfortable

Gardeners and vegetable gardeners can be invited to a picnic or a summer cottage. For homebodies, a modest evening at the home of the newlyweds is suitable, if possible.

The meeting can be organized specifically for acquaintance or timed to coincide with a family holiday. In the latter case, there is a greater chance that the acquaintance will take place informally, in a more relaxed atmosphere.

How to prepare to meet your boyfriend's parents

A natural question. It's important to think about this in advance. This gives a good advantage and increases the chances of a favorable outcome of such an event. And, as they say: “Forewarned is forearmed!” In this particular case, the weapon is knowledge and awareness. So what do you need to consider and how to set yourself up? The following tips from family psychologists will help you:

• Stop being afraid . Anxiety is common to everyone. But you shouldn’t take it to the point of absurdity. Such experiences threaten to turn into nightmares, and when you meet, it will not be a sweet miss, but a nervous and twitchy hysterical woman.
• Collection of information . Take the time to find out from your boyfriend important information about his parents: education, habits, interests, family structure, history of the family tree, etc. Such knowledge will allow you to create a psychological portrait of your beloved’s mother and father. By the way, this will come in handy if you love cats, and his mother loves dogs. A cat lady and a dog lady can clash in a dispute “Which animal is better”, and this will play a bad joke at the first meeting. Find out about taboo topics—topics that are best left untouched. Plus, it's a great conversation starter—parents will appreciate your knowledge and interest in their habits and ancestry.
• Tune in to positive emotions . You don't need to see everything in black. On the contrary, this is a new stage in the relationship. And then you look, and the wedding is just around the corner. Think of it as a prospect for further happy continuation.
• Throw away the “Mother-in-law is a monster” stereotype . After all, how your relationship develops in the initial stages will determine your entire future life. Will you have a nice conversation when you meet or spit after each other, will your chosen one feel happy or constantly find you between two fires. Be wiser, even if your mother-in-law lacks this wisdom. Your man will appreciate it!
• Your goal is mom . Most often, women are responsible for raising children in the family. Therefore, it is important to win over the mother. But this does not mean that the father should be ignored. Pay attention to all family members, but do it not feignedly, but sincerely. Show interest in your parents' profession. People love to talk about what they are good at.

First of all, you need to think positive and not let your fear take over. Believe me, his parents are also going through an exciting moment, especially if this is their only son. You can worry a little, but do not bring yourself to stress and panic.

What gift to come with

Giving a nice present when meeting someone is a good idea. A small surprise for her family will smooth out the awkwardness of the first meeting. However, one should approach his choice very carefully. And the best adviser in this matter is your beloved girl.

Gift for father

To please your father means to earn respect.
Therefore, choosing a gift for him is not the easiest task. You can give your father:

• elite alcohol;
• cigars;
• fishing equipment;
• car accessory.

The gift can be selected based on the father’s profession or hobby. If he is an office worker, it would be appropriate to purchase a notepad or ink pen. And knowing that he, for example, is interested in wood carving, you can present him with a good chisel or a special knife.

Gift for mom

To surprise the girl’s mother, you can buy an original souvenir or a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Such gifts will look laconic. Another option is to bring a wicker basket of fruit. Such a gift would be appropriate at any time.

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Good gift options for mom include:

• her favorite perfume:
• a book by the author she likes most;
• gift set of honey or jams;
• delicious tea or coffee.

Perhaps the girl’s mother is engaged in floriculture. Then it would be a good idea to buy her some interesting plant.

General gift

The gift should not be too cheap or expensive. If the girl's family is relaxed about alcohol, it could be good wine or brandy. This option will be a win-win.

It is appropriate to give an elegant home accessory. But it’s worth asking the girl to help with the choice. It could be a painting, a beautiful vase, a service or a box.

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Donating any kitchen utensils, personal hygiene items or small household appliances is not worth it. It is better to use this idea on the eve of some holiday.

Gifts for grandparents

Older relatives are always more conservative. This must be taken into account when choosing a gift.

Grandma will most likely appreciate it if she is presented with a beautiful flower arrangement or an elegant neckerchief.

Choosing a gift for your grandfather can be boiled down to his hobbies. Maybe he likes to read or is interested in fishing? In this case, the choice will be easy. But if we talk about universal gifts, then expensive, delicious tea in a gift box will do.

Greeted by clothes...

Even in time immemorial they said: “You meet by your clothes, but you see off by your mind.” And indeed it is. The first thing his family will do when they meet is to evaluate you visually.

Anya, manager:

I remember how my mother-in-law, after the wedding, told her relatives about our first meeting with her. And no, she didn’t say how good I was, she said: “I remember the first time I saw her, so cute, in that red sports jacket. It suited her so well.” My husband’s family is sports and our first meeting was before going to a hockey club match where my husband’s younger brother plays.

What to wear to lay a good foundation for dating from the first seconds?

• Conciseness . What does it mean? Clothing should not be vulgar, without aggressive colors (acid, gold, leopard print, etc.).
• Neatness . No stains or greasy sleeves! Everything should be ironed and sparkling clean. You can create an aura of purity for yourself by using an unobtrusive light perfume.
• Speaking of perfume - no intoxicating smells ! Only light and delicate notes. Leave aggressively sweet and other aromas for another occasion.
• Shoes without huge heels, broken toes and scratched texture . No one will look at shoes under a microscope. And even if there is a small defect, you can correct it. For example, a scratched heel can be touched up with regular nail polish.
• Clothes without deep necklines and mini. Your task is not to demonstrate all your charms, but to please your parents, so choose less revealing outfits. Hide tattoos and piercings, no need to bother your parents right away.
• Appropriateness of clothing . If his parents invited you to nature, then it is appropriate to wear an appropriate outfit (for example, sportswear), and not a cocktail dress, so that you can then tug at him and hurry the guy to leave as quickly as possible.

There is no need to go to extremes. You don't have to look like a gray mouse! Look how royalty Kate Middleton dresses. This is the epitome of elegance. But even here you need to maintain balance! Dressing primly can put his parents in an awkward position. What if they expected to sit at home and have a heart-to-heart talk? And a girl dressed like a queen before going out will create a tense atmosphere.

Where to meet?

1. One of the families invites the other family to visit. This option is common, but has a number of disadvantages (remember the film “Bitter!”). The invited party may feel uncomfortable in someone else's home and feel obligated to return the invitation. And the host will have to cook, fuss and clean up after.

2. Invite both families to your place If you and your future husband live separately, you can arrange an acquaintance on your territory - then both parties will be in an equal position. True, all the troubles of organizing the evening will again fall on you.

3. On neutral territory Cafe, restaurant, picnic outside the city - the main thing is that the chosen place is conducive to conversation. The more pleasant the atmosphere around, the better the acquaintance will go, and the fewer difficulties in preparing the meeting, the better. Try to take into account the interests of both parties: do not choose a place for a meeting that is too pretentious, noisy or youthful - parents will feel uncomfortable. Better focus on good classics.

Please note:

For the first acquaintance, extreme events are undesirable (not everyone may like them), as well as places where it is “difficult to leave” - for example, trips to the country with an overnight stay. It’s great if parents immediately find common topics for conversation and don’t want to quickly disperse, but as a rule, it’s difficult for strangers to become bosom friends from the first minutes.

What to give to a guy's parents when they first meet?

Everything is more or less clear here. And this point should not pose any special problems if you adhere to the basic rules:

• You should not shower his parents with expensive gifts at the first meeting. Forget about perfume and cognac. This may seem like bribery and cajoling, which will negatively affect the first impression.
• If there are younger children in the family, then it would be appropriate for them to bring a sweet gift (sweets, chocolate).
• No amateur performances. Do-it-yourself dessert should also not be presented. Many girls, in a hurry to please his mother, bring with them their culinary masterpiece. This step should be resorted to in one case - if the lady is an unsurpassed pastry chef and can make tiramisu with her eyes closed. In other cases, it is not necessary to take such a risk. Firstly, you don’t know all of his family’s taste preferences yet. Secondly, there is a chance of cooking something tasteless, and this is already a minus in the piggy bank. A set of various pastries from a good pastry shop or a small cake is an excellent option.

You shouldn't buy something you haven't tried yet. After all, there is a chance of getting into trouble.

Appearance

It is unlikely that parents will like it if their beloved daughter’s chosen one comes in a dirty construction uniform or excessively tight low-cut jeans. Of course, all people are different, and some may like an extravagant look, but it’s not worth the risk. Clothing on the day of meeting should be:

• clean, tidy. Nobody likes sloppy people. Parents who want the best for their daughter will not be happy with an unkempt young man;
• discreet in style. You should not wear a carnival costume, a rocker outfit, or things that do not match each other. Sneakers with a business suit will clearly confuse parents and create tension from the first minutes of communication;
• restrained in form . It is not recommended to wear shirts that are too bright or have an extravagant cut. It is better to give preference to classic things: shirts, trousers, t-shirts in neutral colors, jeans without unnecessary details.

In addition to clothing, you should pay close attention to:

• perfume. The guy should smell like nice perfume. Don't overdo it;
• hair They must be clean and neatly combed;
• general condition. You shouldn’t go for a date if you have a cold or after a fun party. Sometimes it is better to postpone this important event and prepare better for it.

Rush hour - how to behave with your boyfriend's parents

And now, the cherished moment has come. You came on time. The cake was presented, everyone was introduced to each other. Let's move on to the next step - creating the perfect image. How to behave with a guy’s parents? To do this, we follow the rules of the three “NOTs”:

1. don’t interrupt;
2. don’t show our nuts;
3. Let's not turn our noses up.

You need to hide your cockroaches in your head far away. We try to show interest in the topic of conversation, even if we don’t like it. We don’t interrupt and don’t interfere with our additions if mom or dad say something. We don’t show arrogance, after all, not at a reception with the queen.

Remember:

• You should not focus attention on yourself . Ask your parents more about their hobbies or about their son.
• Be humble . If parents have noticed positive changes in their son’s character after meeting you, there is no need to focus on this and boast that “yes, yes, we will fix a lot of things and teach your son a lot of things.”
• Don't have a passionate hug in front of your parents . Now is not the time to cuddle and kiss. Even if you feel uncomfortable among them, this is not a reason for such behavior.
• When you first meet, you can clarify with them how they want you to address them . If you haven’t done this, then it will always be correct to call them by their patronymic name. If this does not suit them, they themselves will later say how it will be better.
• If the first meeting took place on your territory - in the apartment where you live with your boyfriend, then it would be right to prepare for their arrival . Bring as much order as possible. Wash all corners and shelves. But don't forget about food. Ask the guy what his parents' food preferences are and prepare dishes accordingly.
• You shouldn't chat incessantly . If you don't know what to say, it's better to remain silent.

Menu

The menu plays an important role. If the meeting is scheduled in a restaurant or at home, then the menu must be thought out in advance . Asian cuisine, with its overly spicy, over-saturated dishes, is not the best choice for a first meeting. It’s safer to stick with traditional European or Russian cuisine. You should also first find out whether any of the invitees have food allergies, whether they fast or are vegetarians.

Alcohol on the table is permissible only if there are no ardent opponents of alcohol .

Menu when meeting the parents of the bride and groom

How to please your boyfriend's parents

Any girl dreams that after meeting her, only pleasant impressions remain about her. How to please a guy's parents and win their sympathy? Let's start in order:

• Help . A good step would be to offer your help to the guy's mother when setting the table. If the table is set, then offer to help her clear the table after the dinner party is over. His mother will appreciate such an impulse, and a plus in the piggy bank is guaranteed.

Ekaterina, actress.

I remember how his mother told me later: “Not one of Andrei’s girlfriends has washed the dishes after dinner with us.” I was very pleased.

• Show concern for the young man . It should be remembered that his mother evaluates you not only by your appearance, but also by your ability to take care of her son. It’s enough just like that, supposedly casually offering him to try a salad or something else. In general, show your care and affection in every possible way.
• Measure in everything . When such maternal efforts are manifested, one should not reach the point of fanaticism. Otherwise, from the outside, the girl will look like a mother hen.
• Eat everything! Here you should forget about the diet, and about the diet and its regime. Do you already know in advance that lunch will be filling? Arrange a fasting day the day before, but try all the dishes on the table. There is no need to pile mountains of food on yourself, just try a little of everything. A good appetite among guests is the best praise for the hostess, in this case the mother of the groom.
• Compliment her culinary skills . This can be done in a very simple way. Say that you have never eaten such and such a salad, and ask for the recipe. It is better to cooperate with your future mother-in-law than to be on opposite sides of the barricades. The main thing is to show interest, it will not hurt you if you are polite and ask for the recipe, this does not mean that you will cook it at home every day.

What to talk about at the first meeting

How to behave when meeting someone and what to talk about at a meeting?

To make parents more comfortable, it is better to come up with a list of topics for conversation in advance. If there is an awkward pause, you can suggest a general topic , for example, about dating young people or childhood. It should be remembered that not all topics are good for conversation. Politics, like other topics that can cause heated debate, are best avoided.

On the eve of the meeting, it is better to discuss with mom and dad all the awkward moments that may arise: questions that are better not to ask or stories that are better not to tell. In general, prepare mentally for meeting future relatives.

It is better to meet matchmakers without touching on the topic of the upcoming wedding. All planning issues can be postponed for a later meeting or left to decide what kind of wedding the wedding will be like.

The main rule when dating is to relax . Even if the relationship between the couple’s relatives does not work out, this does not in any way prevent the newlyweds from being happy in their marriage. Meeting matchmakers does not oblige you to friendship or any close communication in the future, after the wedding. Polite communication on common holidays will be quite enough.

What to do if they don't like you

After the meeting, ask the guy if everything went well. Perhaps you did something wrong, but being under stress, you didn’t notice it and didn’t pay attention to it. If you made a fatal mistake, apologize for it the next time you meet. His mother will certainly appreciate this. Be sincere and say that you were worried before you met, because you wanted your relationship to be warm in the future, and not like in movies, where mother-in-law and daughter-in-law constantly bite.

Remember! If your plans for a guy are serious, then you will marry not only him, but also his entire family. And how you learn to build relationships with his parents in the first days of getting to know each other will largely determine your future with them. And you don’t have to read the article: How to mend a damaged relationship with your mother-in-law.

If his parents raised such a wonderful man, then there is something good in them, try to find it.

Nastya, auditor.

Our relationship with my mother-in-law never became good, and at our wedding, as a sign of protest, she wore a black dress, and her toast was appropriate for mourning attire, as if she was seeing off her son to war. All my relatives noticed this. I was so ashamed...

How to look

The appearance should be consistent with the meeting location. If the meeting is planned at the girl’s home, the following will do:

• classic jeans;
• casual trousers;
• shirt;
• Polo shirt;
• sweater or cardigan.

If the meeting takes place in a restaurant, then it is advisable to wear:

• classic pants;
• shirt;
• blazer.

You cannot choose sports or trendy, flashy things for a meeting. Avoid ripped jeans and T-shirts with bright designs. Clothing should be moderately restrained.

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It is important to take care of your hair and personal hygiene. Before the meeting, you should take a shower and wash your hair.

Wedding discussion

You should not immediately move on to talking about the upcoming marriage. At the first meeting, you don’t even have to remember this, but allow parents to talk about common and favorite topics, learn more about each other, communicate and share impressions. Young people also need to get involved in the conversation in order to track unpleasant and taboo topics if the conversation comes up, and adjust the dialogue, pointing it in the right direction. A good distraction is to look at children's photos of the bride or groom, old videos, for example, from the parents' wedding or from the childhood of the newlyweds.

I'm afraid to meet you!

Of course, anxiety creeps into the heart of every girl after an invitation to meet the groom’s parents. Fear is caused by several factors:

• life principle: the more expensive the relationship, the more difficult it is to hide excitement;
• and the understanding that at this meeting there will be a real assessment of you as a person.

Therefore, the phrase : I’m afraid to meet people is the first thing a girl can say after realizing where her loved one invited her.

Simple advice: relax, don’t worry, don’t worry, etc. are very easy to say, but incredibly difficult to implement.

What to do? How to meet your parents when, even by simply admitting these thoughts, a very strong excitement begins, your legs turn to stone, your heart beats madly, and your tongue treacherously confuses your words.

At such moments, begin to mentally talk to yourself.

Try to give yourself confidence to your loved one. Self-understanding is necessary in all areas of life. You need to learn to deal with yourself, explain everything to yourself, support yourself, etc.