Getting to know each other
The modern generation in Chechnya prefers to meet people in informal settings, for example, in universities and other public places. Parents rarely interfere in dating a couple. Previously, acquaintance could have taken place at work in a team or special parties. The first ones are called Belkhi, and the parties are traditionally called Sinkyelram.
Public works were carried out when someone from the village needed collective help, for example, in building a large house. The receiving party had to thank the helpers with food and dancing; for fellow villagers, such help was a kind of holiday for workers. Unlike Belzi, the Sinkyelram tradition is carried out purely for the soul and young people gather for entertainment and relaxation.
Today, such traditions are gradually being replaced, but they have been preserved in conservative settlements. Nowadays the younger generation prefers to meet people on the Internet. In earlier times, several dating methods were popular.
- At a relative's wedding. According to tradition, there are usually many invited guests to the celebration. And among them there are often free young girls. While waiting for the event, they sew embroidery on handkerchiefs and take them with them afterwards. If a young man at a wedding likes a girl with such a scarf, he can show her a sign of attention. For example, passing candy or other treats through friends. If the girl is pleased with such attention, she sends her handkerchief with her friend in return and the acquaintance is considered complete.
- The second method is more traditional and a brave man may well invite the girl he likes to a more informal date. In this form, the invitation is transmitted either through friends or through relatives, if they are known to the man.
A conversation about marriage is possible only after several meetings have passed since the first acquaintance and the couple gets to know each other better.
Cossack dowry
Among the Cossacks, the bride's dowry plays an important role. According to custom, the bride's grandfather gives her a silver ring, and after that, the mother begins to collect the dowry.
- She buys canvases from which she sews towels herself.
- Stockings are also a must.
- Tablecloths are purchased in quantities from 30 to 60 pieces; they still remain until the birth of granddaughters.
- A large number of different dresses are purchased.
- Outerwear must include a fur coat. Based on wealth, the fur of a fur coat can be different.
- There must be a feather bed and 3-4 pillows, cotton quilts.
Wedding announcement
After making a key decision about marriage, the couple informs their families and relatives about it. At the same time, the young man must bring his mother a ring or a scarf, which the girl will give him as a sign of her consent to the marriage. The mother-in-law should come to the bride's mother and personally convey this good news. Despite the fact that she is already notified of the event, traditions provide for etiquette. Which obliges the receiving party to express at least surprise, even if it requires acting.
This visit is not considered an obligatory ritual in the case when the young people themselves have agreed on marriage, and the families are not against their union. The mother should visit the girl’s family only if the chosen one for some reason refuses to marry the candidate. After agreements have been reached, when relations between families have already been established, mothers communicate the decision to their husbands. From this moment, preparations for the celebration begin, and on such a scale that sometimes the participation of even distant relatives and acquaintances is required .
Conversations about spirituality
In the modern world, a marriage is considered valid after registration in the registry office. But Islamic traditions recognize it only after a religious ceremony performed by a mullah. The priest asks the men from the girl’s family if they are against her getting married. Then he reads to the bride certain lines from the Koran, which inform about the rights and responsibilities of the future wife. Next, she reads the suras after the clergyman. The groom will have a similar conversation with the mullah. In addition to the young man, two more men are present. After this, the couple will receive a marriage certificate, which is recognized by many countries. After a certain time, the young people exchange silver rings.
Matchmaking stage
Usually 2-3 elders of the clan are responsible for matchmaking the bride - those closest to the groom. They also act as guarantors. If the wedding is ruined due to the fault of the groom, the elders have the right to blame the young man for his ruined reputation. If in the past the elders were responsible for the fate of the girl in front of her relatives, now their role is reduced to simply observing formalities in front of the families.
Another nuance instructs the elders to come to the house not to the bride’s relatives, but to the elders of her family. When the elders decide, the bride's father joins the conversation. At the first meeting, matchmakers are usually politely shown out the door, saying that they need to talk to the girl personally. Her final decision is learned through the women associated with her, such as her mother or daughter-in-law. If she agrees, then the wedding day is set for the second visit of the matchmakers.
Usually in Chechnya the will of a girl is not contradicted. With rare exceptions, she has to submit to the will of her parents, contrary to her own feelings, if circumstances really require it.
About children's rights
Who in a Chechen family has the right to children? This question worries many Russians.
In fact, in Chechen families, the predominant right to raise children remains with the man, but, as practice shows, it is always possible to reach an agreement. If a divorce occurs (for Chechens this is a very rare occurrence, since the destruction of a family is considered a shame, first of all, for a woman), then the mother of the children has the right to go to court or to the elders (their decision is considered more significant). But as practice shows, if the father is against the children living with their mother, it will be very, very difficult for the woman to get her way, since employees of all levels, as a rule, stand on the side of the man.
Found a violation? Report content
Preparing to move
While the groom's family is responsible for selecting the guest list and deciding on important nuances, the bride herself is preparing for the move and packing her bags. In Chechnya, this expression is usually used to refer to the purchase and collection of a dowry, in contrast to Azerbaijan, where the groom's family is responsible for collecting the betrothed's belongings.
The dowry includes clothing, household items, and gifts for the family of the future spouse. In the old days, due to the lack of funds to collect a rich dowry in a short time, girls began to prepare it from an early age. The necessary elements of the dowry were prepared in advance either by the mother, or received as gifts from relatives and friends as help. Nowadays, not only the girl’s reputation, but also her family’s, depends on the dowry and its value.
Dowry for a Kazakh bride
What does the Kazakh dowry list include?
- The main attribute is “makhabbat-kerpe”. This is something like a bedspread that is sewn on a double bed. And a blanket for newlyweds is sewn in the same size. It is customary to store these things until the birth of children.
- The next thing to collect is the bedroom set and bed linen. According to custom, the mother herself must sew it for her beloved daughter.
- They also donate mattresses. They can vary in size and thickness. The main thing is that there is enough for all guests.
- Chest for things.
- Towels, blankets and napkins.
What is Kalym in Chechnya
If a dowry is not considered an obligatory thing today, then the modern tradition of ransom has not been supplanted. Now at the legislative level the size of the dowry is limited. This decision was made so that those men who have financial difficulties can also start a family.
The financial part is limited to 30,000 rubles, and products are completely excluded. But if the family wants to please the relatives even more, then they can add additional treats and sweets to the money. A ram can be included in the bride price, but it must be such as not to harm the reputation of the giving family. Marriage stage
In more ancient times, weddings were celebrated after the main harvest, namely in the fall or winter. In modern Chechen culture, weddings can last virtually all year round. The exception is the holy month of Ramadan, when such pleasures and holidays in general are prohibited.
It is interesting that it is not customary for Chechens to register a marriage on their wedding day. Young people go to the registry office after a certain amount of time. Now there are families without a stamp and this situation does not burden anyone; couples live like this for several years in love and harmony. Basically, marriage is done for the public, and the witness is a member of the clergy.
The level of legality of marriage is determined by the Nikyah ritual. The mullah must ask the husband and wife separately whether their decision to marry is voluntary. Recently, the mullah must have received certificates about the health status of the young people, in particular, about the absence of an HIV diagnosis. In the absence of the necessary document, it is not possible to conclude a marriage.
Headdress
The choice of headwear is not so wide. Chechens are not as strict as other Muslims in this matter. They consider it acceptable for a woman to have slightly visible hair. Therefore, one of the options could be a traditional people's hat with a veil. The result will be a more original and varied option.
Traditionally, most women prefer to opt for a scarf. It is quite brightly embroidered with threads, rhinestones or beads. There are no controversial issues regarding the decorative finishing of scarves. For the wedding ceremony, girls try to choose the brightest and most colorful options, which allows them to stand out.
Girls dream of a wedding with a veil, so they throw a similar accessory over the scarf. If a Chechen bride has a veil, she always covers her face, which makes the woman’s image more mysterious and enigmatic.
This is interesting: We help you choose a wedding dress with an open back
Holding a wedding in Chechnya
On the appointed day, friends and relatives from the groom’s side gather and go to pick up the bride. A motorcade can consist of up to 30 cars. Moreover, their presence does not depend on the level of the groom’s financial condition; if there are a large number of relatives and friends, they are required to be invited to the wedding celebration, regardless of the financial factor.
The young people, having arrived at the bride’s house, must choose the best car of their motorcade for her and her closest female relatives and go to the celebration. The mother-in-law meets her at the ceremony site, but the girl’s relatives are usually not present at the event itself. Previously, the bride was accompanied with tears to another family and her relatives had no time for fun. Remnants of the tradition have been preserved in some villages to this day.
Usually, with breaks for snacks, guests dance lezginka to different tunes. At the same time, the bride does not participate in the dances, which can continue until late in the evening. At this time, she receives congratulations from the groom’s relatives in a specially designated place. The girl is allowed to smile, but not to talk. The more modest her behavior, the better for the groom’s reputation.
This ritual is considered a vow of exile. Many young people are ashamed of their upcoming family life and intimacy. In Chechnya, this is an important norm of behavior and not only for a wedding event. It is considered shameful to tell a young man about former boyfriends and matchmakers. For a man's friends, the bride is considered a kind of forbidden fruit, so they will never compliment her. It is because of this that the bride does not dance: other men should not admire her in the absence of the groom.
Chechen wedding traditions
Family values are extremely important for people of Chechen nationality. Therefore, organizing a wedding in Chechnya requires very careful preparation, because as a result of such a celebration, a new young family is created. Modern Chechen weddings are still held in accordance with ancient traditions and customs, and the original culture has completely enveloped the sacrament of marriage.
Features of the wedding traditions of the Chechen people
According to wedding customs in Chechnya, certain requirements are imposed on the future bride and groom. To prevent inbreeding, the paternal and maternal pedigree lines must be carefully checked. The girl is assessed comprehensively: the opinions of acquaintances, friends and neighbors about the potential bride and her relatives are found out. The financial situation of her family is considered a fairly significant factor. The groom, in turn, must take care of the budget of the celebration, because it is he who will have to host all his relatives and provide them with a variety of treats. In addition, finances will be needed for matchmaking and ransoming the newlywed.
The process of matchmaking among the Chechen people is very unique. If a young man likes a girl, he must give her candy. With this gesture the groom expresses his interest and affection. If the young woman’s feelings are mutual, then, according to custom, she gives the guy two handkerchiefs. So they exchange gifts two more times, after which the young lady must give the guy an answer. But no matter what the girl tells him, the final decision on whether marriage between young people is possible is still made by her father.
Bride price and bride price
It is wrong to think that in Chechnya grooms buy brides for themselves. Of course, bride price is a monetary ransom. However, such a ritual has more symbolic meaning. This is an indicator of the generosity and wealth of the groom and his family. With such a gesture and, of course, the amount of the ransom, they demonstrate how highly they value the bride and her family, how dear she is to her future husband.
How much money is needed for the dowry is determined by the mullah. But the newlywed’s family in most cases gives an amount much greater than the established amount. This way the groom once again shows his good intentions towards future relatives.
Ritual "Chokhi"
According to Chechen wedding traditions, before dressing the bride in her dress, a symbolic ritual is performed - bathing. The bath is filled with aromatic incense and infusions of medicinal plants, and lines are drawn on the girl’s body. Next, a ritual called “Chokhi” is performed.
The aunts of the future newlywed, as well as her girlfriends, attach a new needle to the hem of the wedding skirt, which should protect the young woman from the evil eye and damage. Wishing her healthy offspring, women hide bean seeds, an ear of corn and apricot kernels in her dowry. A handkerchief with a ribbon wrapped inside and a silver ruble is passed into the girl’s hands. The bride must keep this gift, as well as the needle from the hem of her dress, as a relic for the rest of her life.
Then it's time for ransom. The groom arrives at the bride's house with friends and relatives. Usually there is a comic dispute about who owns the future newlywed. All this is accompanied by laughter and fun. Next, the bride and the collected dowry go to her betrothed’s house, where she remains with his few relatives.
Arrival of a mullah for marriage
The mullah, representing the Muslim clergy, conducts the wedding in two places: in the house of the girl and her future husband. There should be no strangers in the room during the ceremony; only the bride, two married relatives and the best man are present. The room must be equipped with a fireplace, around which the best man conducts the bride three times. He then breaks the chain or rope as a sign that the connection between the girl and her family has now been severed.
Next, the mullah’s marriage ceremony is held in the newlywed’s chambers. There may be two friends or married relatives here, in this case it is not so important. The most important thing is to perform the ceremony until the bride arrives at the groom’s house. When the wedding cortege arrives at the monastery of the young man, it is believed that the marriage has already been concluded.
Wedding train
According to the traditions of a Chechen wedding, the groom forms the ceremonial train. Typically, such a cortege consists of many cars, the most beautiful of which is intended for the bride. The newlywed's retinue consists of the wisest elders, sisters, friends and mullahs. This whole procession heads to the bride’s house, where she is greeted with treats. Then, according to tradition, a ransom and cheerful wedding dances are held. And a short time later, the cortege goes to the matchmakers' house to the groom.
Tradition "Rug with a broom"
As soon as the bride arrives at her betrothed's house, another test is prepared for her. A rug is laid just before the entrance, and a broom is placed next to it. The task of the future wife is not to pass by such a “gift”, to notice the rug and broom in time and accept them. At this time, the girls from the newly-made husband’s side congratulate the newlywed and give her money and sweets. They then present the groom's mother with a spoon containing honey and butter and give the same to the bride.
The custom of "Mott Bastar" - "Untying the Tongue"
During the celebration of a Chechen wedding, a ritual begins that is called “Untying the Tongue.” It takes place in the presence of the mother-in-law and adult men. The bride picks up a bowl of water and gives it to the elder at the ceremony. Then she says: “Drink” and doesn’t say a word further. The task of men is to get the young woman to talk in every possible way. The husband also tries to force the chosen one to say a word. But the bride should not succumb to this; she can speak only after her husband gives her a certain amount of money. However, she then gives the money to her “second” mother.
The tradition of taking the daughter-in-law to the water
Before entering a new family, the bride must undergo one more ritual. The rituals of Chechen weddings involve a ritual of taking the newlywed to a pond. Previously, after the celebration, the newlywed and her girlfriends went to the nearest river with a jug. The pie prepared the day before was thrown into the pond, and sometimes they even shot at it. Of course, all this was accompanied by fun and laughter. At the end of the ceremony, the bride had to fill a jug with water and bring it into the house.
Tradition and rules of the Chechen wedding feast
Wedding celebrations in Chechnya last 2-3 days. Celebrations and feasts take place in the courtyard, despite the weather conditions. During the holiday, the young husband waits for his betrothed at the house of one of his friends. The newlywed is given a special place in a corner of the yard, where she must stand for all three days of festivities. If desired, her friend can be next to the girl, but she is not allowed to sit down.
The ceremony of untying the bride's tongue
The customs of a Chechen wedding in former times provided for its duration to be up to 3 days. In a modern country, a wedding is usually held in a banquet hall in one day. During the celebration, the mother-in-law gives the bride candy for the sweet life, and then she is given to hold the child - a boy, so that they have a boy first, which is important for Chechen families due to a number of privileges.
In the evening of the same day, the ritual of untying the tongue takes place. Relatives and friends should present gifts to her, take a glass of water from her and ask permission. The behavior of a young bride may depend on her character. She may remain silent for a long time and not give water or fulfill other requests. But he can also let you get drunk for a fee.
But if older relatives ask for water, they will definitely be given a drink out of respect, but the groom’s friends and the younger generation will have to fork out a lot in order to get the girl to talk. At the same time, the bride cannot be called greedy; all proceeds go as a gift to the mother-in-law after the ceremony.
How the bride is greeted
After the bride arrives, the future mother-in-law gives her half of the candy to bite off. The woman eats the second half herself, so that from now on she can be friends with her daughter-in-law. Chechen weddings with shooting are also common. Once upon a time, this was the way to drive away evil from the young. The bride can also be tested for her housekeeping skills - she must symbolically sweep the rug if the mother-in-law leaves a broom on it. You also had to hold the boy in your arms and give him sweets or money. The behavior of Chechen brides at a wedding is such that the girls must stand in the corner all the time.
At a Chechen wedding, it is customary to “untie” the bride’s tongue - to approach her and tease her, but the girl should remain silent and only then, having allowed her to drink a glass of water, wish her a pleasant drink. After drinking the water, the guests return the glass to the bride, filling it with money. By the way, the dress of the Chechen bride today looks like a mixture of traditional and European attire.
The behavior of guests at a wedding will depend on what the toastmaster comes up with. He makes brilliant speeches, praises each of the guests and wishes happiness to the young people. Many of those present know how to dance Lezginka and other dances. To ensure that everything follows the rules, the toastmaster tells the guests who should dance first. This is how a traditional wedding takes place.
Journey to the springs
If there is a spring nearby, then on the second day after the last guest leaves, the bride’s new relatives go with her to him. In cities, such rituals have become obsolete, but in a number of villages they are still valid. A cake must be thrown into the water of the spring, after which one of the groom’s relatives shoots it with a gun.
The sign suggests that a girl who comes to the spring for the first time may be waylaid by a merman. And the cake will serve as a kind of bait and distract his attention. The shot according to the sign should kill the merman, after which the newlywed will be able to walk for water without fear and not be afraid of attacks from evil spirits.
Tuple according to the rules
The groom's brother or father's cousin takes the bride out of the house. He walks her to the car, but gives the girl the largest bill. Two of her friends get into the car with the bride. Often, participants in the motorcade organize a competition - they try to take a place after the car with the bride. Drivers must be extremely careful to prevent an accident. Seeing the motorcade, any passerby can stop it and demand a ransom from the bride's escort. The driver who takes second place in the motorcade receives a reward.
Stage of meeting parents
A wedding in Chechnya has a large number of signs and this is not all of them. For example, after 3 months, a young bride, accompanied by her new father-in-law and mother-in-law, visits her parents’ previous home with gifts and presents. The evening is spent in a festive atmosphere and a plentiful table. It is believed that after this ritual, the bride can officially visit her parents as much as she wishes.
Next comes the stage of the husband’s visit to his wife’s parents. Moreover, the date of the meeting is set by the host parents without the right of the guest to change it. At the appointed time, the husband must come to the house, accompanied by his sister or brother, or both, as well as his best friend. For men, a table is set in a special room. But the groom cannot sit down with him without a separate invitation from an older male relative of his wife.
Guests can make fun of the young spouse, but he must silently endure everything and endure the test. After the treat, it is customary to leave a gift, in most cases it is money.
During the entire time, the ladies at the other end of the house are waiting to meet their son-in-law, which in itself is not an easy test. In addition to tricky compliments, the husband may be subject to jokes, which he must also endure steadfastly.
In earlier times, men did not make fun of their young husband; this was only allowed for the ladies of the family. Due to the possibility that the ladies might put honey in the groom's shoes as a joke, it was not recommended to remove them. Also, despite the need to show restraint, the husband was allowed to laugh off attacks without losing his dignity.
You can't meddle in your husband's business
Even after becoming a wife, a Chechen woman never delves into her husband’s affairs - some of them even have no idea what their man does, much less how much he earns. True, this does not apply to all families, but, as practice shows, women definitely do not give advice on business to their men.
How to make a natural deodorizer for carpets (also suitable for cars)
“Respect yourself”: star girls expressed their opinion about the show “The Bachelor”
Entering a university without exams: Russia plans to introduce a digital portfolio for schoolchildren
Everything new is well forgotten old
Rituals and rituals undergo many changes that adapt to the modern way of life. If earlier they were regulated by elders, in most cases now this role is assigned to the authorities. For example, many modern government officials are against accompanying a wedding with gunfire, since this tradition is simply unsafe for the modern lifestyle of the majority of the younger generation.
Also, modern laws do not oblige the bride to cut the wedding cake; sobriety of the guests is required. Dancing for the bride is allowed only if her head is covered with a veil or other headdress.
The Chechen wedding, despite modern innovations, has preserved its cultural and historical heritage for several centuries. Despite the changes, weddings in the country are still famous for their scope and compliance with a number of regulations by both the authorities and traditions.
Combination of styles
Lately, many brides have decided to combine two styles at their wedding. This is done in order, on the one hand, to connect oneself with the people and the whole memory of generations. On the other hand, every young lady strives to be stylish and fashionable. And what’s most interesting is that you can do this even despite your religion and your chosen religion.
Most Chechen dresses have a train. In this way they are similar to traditional folk costume. A similar detail was transferred to wedding images. As a result, the bride looks great in such clothes.
The bride often chooses an embroidered dress. Almost all of her outfits seem to be embossed in gold. The result is a feeling of complete luxury and wealth. Often, in addition to a scarf, a girl also chooses a veil with a crown.
On the one hand, it may seem massive, but in reality it looks quite majestic. First, the young lady ties a thin silk scarf of a single color. On top of it is a small crown or diadem. A veil is placed on top of the girl. In this case, the veil is long enough to even slightly hide part of the face.
This is interesting: A selection of the 10 most expensive wedding dresses in the world
Conventionally, if we talk in general about all the wedding dresses that are customary to wear in Chechnya, they can be divided into certain subtypes:
- National clothing is clothing that fully complies with all the rules and customs prescribed by religion. These are those outfits that do not change or transform for centuries. They are often chosen by traditionally religious families.
- European-style wedding dresses are a departure from generally accepted national costumes. As a rule, Chechen women choose the princess style. In them they look especially feminine, gentle and attractive. A closed outfit remains a prerequisite. Catholics have a similar rule, which is why Muslims choose their wedding clothes.
- Designer clothing from Chechen fashion designers - it combines the traditions of the people and at the same time the style and spirit of Europe. As a result, we get quite interesting and original images that are acceptable for the Chechen people.
