Fekla Ivanovna, Ustinya Naumovna, Domna Platonovna, Akulina Gavrilovna... The venerable matrons, about whom people said “the crafty matchmaker is a seven-headed snake,” but could not get by in such an important matter as the search for family happiness. Neither young ladies nor peasant women. We will learn about the masters of building bridges in family affairs with Natalya Letnikova.
Mikhail Shibanov. Celebration of the wedding contract. 1777
Konstantin Makovsky. Matchmaker. 1900s
Ivan Kulikov. An ancient ceremony of blessing the bride in the city of Murom. 1909
Long tradition
Due to inexperience, many people believe that during matchmaking it is customary to make a marriage proposal and present a ring. Not at all. Today, the matchmaking ceremony is perceived as an acquaintance between the parents of the bride and groom. This ritual, in the modern sense, is a very important event for which the parties prepare in advance: future fathers-in-law and mother-in-law buy formal outfits, and fathers-in-law and mother-in-law set rich tables.
But before everything was completely different. Not only the groom’s relatives gathered for the matchmaking ceremony. For this action, matchmakers were hired, and important negotiations fell on their shoulders, for example, matchmakers discussed the size of the bride’s dowry.
As a rule, the appearance of matchmakers was unpredictable; no one could predict this event in advance. It was believed that the effect of spontaneity would not allow the bride’s family to hide their household, or, conversely, embellish it, and at the same time, the future bride.
And one more very important nuance. The decision about the upcoming wedding (whether it will happen or not) was made not by the young (as is now happening), but by their relatives.
Traditional script
Once upon a time, the bride's matchmaking scenario involved the matchmaker visiting the potential bride's family several times. Moreover, making a decision about the upcoming wedding immediately after the first visit was considered a sign of bad taste. It's not surprising. The bride must “keep her mark”! And the relatives of the bride for matchmaking could not give the “goods” to the first person they met. However, there was a high probability that after the first visit, in case of refusal, the matchmakers would not return.
To prevent this from happening, the daughter’s parents asked for time to think, consult with other relatives, and find out more about the groom.
If everything worked out as it should, the matchmakers returned again after a few days. If the verdict was positive, the wedding date, expenses, dowry and “compensation” were discussed. After negotiations, future relatives (mother-in-law and father-in-law) were invited to visit to see where and how their beloved daughter would live now. Only after this could the groom meet his betrothed.
What do matchmakers get treated to?
It was a matter of honor for any family to receive matchmakers richly. People used to say, “A skinny groom will show a great man the way,” so they greeted guests with all the cordiality and hospitality. The dishes on the table depended on the time of year. They always tried to cook the meat of domestic animals or poultry, if the family was rich, a lot of pickles, mushrooms, vegetables, prepared various holiday pies, pies and jam. Many matchmaking sayings are related to food, examples are shown in the image below.
The hostesses tried to serve their glasses, drunk for show, because it is better to discuss the organization of a wedding celebration sober; after all, the purpose of the event is not celebration.
Engagement tradition
After the matchmaking, which could last for more than one day, an engagement was organized. It was during the engagement that the bride and groom officially promised each other, the ring was presented, and the newlyweds exchanged vows in front of the altar and witnesses that the wedding would certainly take place according to mutual desire.
Today, engagement is a completely different event. For some, this is the moment of presenting a ring to a girl, for others - an announcement about the upcoming wedding, for others - family gatherings, during which the parents of the future spouses officially meet. And for some, engagement is considered the day when an application is submitted to the registry office. But in any case, engagement is considered the first step towards preparatory wedding events.
What dishes to cook - ideas
After all, matchmaking is a holiday for all participants in the event, so you definitely need to think through the menu for the feast and prepare dishes that are more suitable for the occasion. Dishes should be prepared easily, simply and quickly enough. Otherwise, at the time of the holiday, the receiving party will be exhausted from household chores and everything that happens will no longer be a joy.
Example menu for matchmaking:
- Meat, cheese, fish and vegetable slices.
- Sandwiches with caviar.
- Pickle canapes.
- Fruit plate.
- Pots with meat, mushrooms and potatoes under a cheese crust.
- Meat nests with corn, bell pepper and green peas.
- Juicy rolls of minced pork and bacon, with mustard sauce.
Recipe for “Meat Nests”:
- 1 kg of pork meat with fat;
- 1 onion;
- 1 slice of white bread;
- ½ tbsp milk;
- 1 potato;
- 1 egg.
The pork is cut into pieces and passed through a meat grinder. In the same way, a loaf soaked in milk, peeled potatoes, and onions are crushed. An egg is driven into the resulting mass, salt, pepper and other spices are added to taste. After which everything is thoroughly kneaded until smooth.
Cutlets are formed from the minced meat, making indentations in the middle. Place meat nests on a greased baking sheet, placing ½ tsp in the center. green peas, corn and diced red bell pepper.
By placing them in a preheated oven for 1–1.5 hours, you get delicious, juicy and beautiful cutlets for the holiday.
For snack canapés you will need:
- pickled mushrooms, ideally it is better to take small mushrooms;
- Cherry tomatoes;
- canned ears of young corn.
Young corn, a tomato and a champignon cap are placed in random order on special skewers.
An excellent option for a light and savory snack.
Successful dates for matchmaking
So, first of all, decide on the day and date. It is believed that the unsuitable days for matchmaking are Wednesday and Friday. In addition, you cannot send matchmakers to the bride on the 13th. The most suitable and successful numbers are 3, 5, 7, 9.
Today they do not use special ritual objects. Previously, this action could not be done without a towel (it was embroidered in a special way, with certain designs), and special utensils. Also, the ritual took place according to a script - the speeches and actions of all relatives were prepared in advance. The girl was silent the whole time the matchmaking was going on, quietly removing the ash from the stove. She had no right to turn to the matchmakers. Today the girl simply does not leave her room.
Before the ceremony, the groom certainly prepares two bouquets. Flowers have their own symbolism, so it’s better to find out about it in advance. So, if a girl is young, it is not customary to give her lush, rich bouquets. It is better to get by with roses in delicate shades. For the mother of the bride, the bouquet should express honor, respect, and admiration.
Example script
So, you thought and wondered for a long time and finally decided to arrange matchmaking according to all the traditions. To make it fun and not boring, you should plan everything in advance and even rehearse. By the way, the main character in matchmaking is the matchmaker on the young man’s side. Don’t just hire just anyone for this role, the matchmaker must be smart and have no complexes, otherwise it’s a lost cause.
All actions during matchmaking are accompanied by certain words. Of course, they can be very different. But the essence comes down to one thing. This is approximately what the participants in this action should say.
Start of the show
So, role-play the situation. The guests are waiting at the matchmakers' house; the latter are arriving. At this time, the bride waits in her room and does not show herself to anyone. The guests cheer in unison: “They’re coming! The matchmakers are coming! At this time, the girls present can sing a folk song about love, the main thing is that it is positive and kind, with a happy ending. A variety of ditties are also appropriate.
When meeting, the matchmaker on the groom’s side greets everyone: grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters. He says that the path was not short, that it took a long time to get there. But they overcame all the difficulties, because they arrived on a very important mission - they say they have a clear falcon, which had a wondrous dream, in which a beautiful maiden appeared to the falcon as a beautiful firebird. Since then, the falcon has not eaten or slept; he keeps thinking about her. And the falcon’s relatives decided to find his betrothed, asked the magic staff for help, and he brought the matchmakers to this house. Naturally, all words are pronounced in a playful, comic form.
Folk signs and customs
Here are a few signs and customs associated with matchmaking:
- if the matchmakers manage to remove old rags or kitchen utensils from the bride’s house, the ceremony will end successfully;
- the girl should be careful that the celebration is not scheduled for the day when she will menstruate, a woman at this time is considered “unclean”;
- upon entering the house, male matchmakers always sat opposite the front door. The matchmaker should not have sat down at all, so that the couple would not have “unlucky” children;
- Before going to the bride, the matchmakers in the groom's house sat on chairs. The chair knives were tied with a sash - a wide belt. It was a symbol that the wedding would take place;
- male matchmakers leaving the groom's house were thrown a worn bast shoe in the back;
- if the groom goes to woo his mother, he enters the house first;
- the groom does not take off his hat until the chosen one’s parents invite him to sit down at the table.
At the end of a successful matchmaking, the bride and groom had to bow three times before the icons. After this, a symbolic ritual was performed: the bride presented everyone present with a gift - embroidered scarves.
The role of the matchmaker in matchmaking
After such a stormy introduction and greeting, the bride's matchmaker comes into play. Again, in a joking manner, he says that he has no idea who he is talking about, that there are many red-haired beauties in the house.
The matchmaker’s surprise on the part of the groom knows no bounds; she asks permission to take everyone at once, to which the groom objects: “No, I don’t need them all, my soul yearns for one!” The groom’s matchmaker, in confirmation of his words, echoes: “Yes! Any swan will not suit our falcon” and suggests that the guy himself start looking for his one and only. After the consent of the girl's parents, he enters the house and brings out his bride.
The groom’s matchmaker exclaims enthusiastically: “Of course, she’s beautiful, rosy-cheeked, slim. It is not surprising that the falcon spent so much time drying on it. But we prepared several tests for the swan.” The matchmaker scatters the change on the floor or on the ground. The test begins, during which the girl must show that she is not lazy and can bend over to collect coins. The girl puts the coins in her pocket, and if anyone asks for money, she refuses. The matchmaker immediately notices: “Thrifty! But I have one more question: how much buckwheat do you put in the borscht – a spoon or a glass?” The girl replies: “And I put meat in the borscht!” Everyone nods their heads in approval.
Bread is an essential attribute of matchmaking
After the test, the time comes for the main question: does the girl agree to marry the young man? As a sign of agreement, she must cut the bread into 4 equal parts. And treat each of them to those present: the first two parts are presented, bowing, to the groom’s parents, the second – to his own.
After this, the groom’s matchmaker “marks” the bride so that no one else can take her away before the wedding. With the words: “We will mark with a little thing,” the bride is given a ring. After this, the woman notes that it is the groom’s turn to show himself in action. The guy is given a hammer with nails and he drives a nail into the threshold of the house. After “work,” the groom gives gifts to his future mother-in-law and father-in-law: “For the father-in-law, a hammer, so that he can be useful in the relationship, and for the mother-in-law, a chocolate bar, so that the wedding goes smoothly.”
Then everyone goes to the set table, treats themselves, drinks and chats merrily.
Dowry
For many modern girls, the word “dowry” is unfamiliar. Previously, it was accepted that a girl’s future family life was collected by her parents, and the girl’s chance of getting married depended on the things collected.
Modern dowry list:
- Items for personal use: good home clothes, wedding attire, jewelry, evening dresses;
- Things for the bedroom: high-quality bed linen, bedspreads, soft pillows;
- For the home: furniture, crystal, carpets, curtains;
- For the kitchen: tableware, holiday sets, sets of frying pans, pots;
- Household appliances and electronics.
A simplified version of matchmaking
There is another, more simplified scenario, for those who do not like to be too theatrical about their actions. After a stormy meeting, the groom enters the house, gives flowers and gifts to the chosen one and her parents. By the way, it will be very original if the groom steps over the threshold with a loaf in his hands - after all, a tribute to tradition.
Then comes the feast, everyone sits down at a richly laid table. And then the time comes for the bride to come out, the groom’s matchmakers ask for this, uttering the well-known phrase: “You have a product, we have a merchant.”
Table gatherings are held under the auspices of praising the bride, and everyone praises her: parents, friends, relatives: wow, she’s smart, wow, she’s beautiful!
Hearing all the praise addressed to the bride, the groom completely melts! Now is the time to confess your feelings to the young woman. By the way, it will be very original if it is done in poetic form.
Then all parents can do is bless their children for a happy family life. As a sign of agreement, the father joins the hands of the lovers.
What to prepare for the ceremony
To make matchmaking fun and relaxed, you need to prepare for it in advance. All the little things should be taken into account: think in advance what to say, what to buy, gifts, how to entertain the bride’s family.
Gift for the bride
The most important matchmaking gift for a bride is most often an engagement ring. It directly speaks of the man’s serious intentions. If the girl agrees to get married, she can wear the given ring until the wedding in the same place as her engagement ring - on the ring finger of her right hand.
On the day of marriage, the groom will put a wedding ring on this finger, and the engagement ring will remain a beautiful decoration in memory of romantic events. The ring given for matchmaking must be gold. It may also contain a gemstone.
Celebration program
Matchmaking, most often, remains a family event, to which a host is rarely invited. But an approximate scenario should still be thought through.
First, the official part is performed, all those present introduce themselves to each other. When the “business” negotiations are completed and it becomes clear that the girl’s parents are not against it, you can relax. It's time for songs and toasts.
It is a long-standing tradition to bring a loaf of bread to matchmaking. If a girl takes it in her hands, breaks it, and treats it to her parents and the groom’s parents, this will wordlessly signify her consent.
Jokes, songs, competitions
The entertainment part of the event is of great importance. Cool ditties, for example:
"Along from our gates
The path winds,
The best girl in the village
The guy gets it."
Russian folk songs, known to the overwhelming majority of the entire Russian population, are often sung at the table.
Witty jokes are primarily the task of matchmakers. You can often hear these words:
- neither go around nor go around the betrothed mummer;
- a single man is like half a man;
- It's better to get married than to drag yourself around alone.
All of these are humorous sayings that fit perfectly into the informal part of the script. Competitions can be anything, suitable for other holidays. The main thing is to create an atmosphere of fun.
Toasts and groom's speech
At the matchmaking ceremony, the following toasts are made at the table:
- Let's drink to the health of young and future children!
- Our toast to an unexpected engagement with a happy ending!
- Let laughter never stop in your home!
- Let's wait for the magnificent wedding, but for now let's drink to the brave groom and the modest bride!
- Congratulations on the important decision to link your destinies, bittersweet!
At the end of the matchmaking, everyone congratulates the newlyweds, and the groom makes a final speech of gratitude. First of all, he should thank the chosen one’s parents for the warm welcome and say a few pleasant words to everyone.
The groom also promises to take care of his beloved and make her life happy.
Holiday treats
The matchmaking ceremony is never complete without a festive feast. The bride's family should prepare various treats. Let it be a festive table, familiar to this family.
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Here's what you can prepare:
- cold snacks;
- cheese and sausage slices;
- hot: fish, red meat or poultry;
- garnish;
- pies;
- various pickles and pickled vegetables.
The table must be beautifully set, using the best dishes and cutlery. It is traditionally accepted that the future bride prepares the treats herself to show the matchmakers her culinary skills. But her mother and other older relatives can help her. The bride should also be responsible for changing dishes at the table.
The groom's side can and should participate in preparing for the feast. You can bring cake, sweets and fruits with you. Alcoholic drinks may be present on the table, but in moderation. The groom should be very careful in drinking alcohol.
