In the West, newlyweds prepare for the wedding ceremony or entrust it to professional organizers.
In Russia, this practice is not yet very widespread; most often, the parents of the newlyweds are involved in organizing the wedding. As a rule, a lot of questions arise, the solution of which requires a lot of time and effort, which is very difficult to do without the appropriate experience.
As a rule, the bride is responsible for organizational tasks (plans each stage of the holiday, taking into account all the little things). Since it is very difficult for one girl to cope with this, the mother of the bride takes on most of the work.
Do not panic
This advice may seem obvious to many, but it is really difficult to put into practice. Mothers of the bride are often the most nervous speakers, who sometimes cannot utter a word due to the surging emotions. It's normal to show feelings at a wedding. But don't pay too much attention to the speech. Your daughter probably just wants to hear you on this day, and she doesn’t need this performance to blow away all the guests.
Mother's parting words at a wedding: how to choose the right words for your daughter
One of the most touching moments at a wedding event is considered to be parting words and congratulations from the mother. A sincere speech that touches the deepest feelings will not leave any of those present at the festive banquet indifferent. However, it also requires a little preparation.
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Congratulatory words can be found on the Internet or on the pages of books, but poems of your own composition will sound much better, so sincere, touching to tears. If it’s completely impossible to rhyme lines, and you don’t want to read out those written by someone else, heartfelt words in prose will sound no worse than lyrics.
Recently, congratulations recorded on video, as well as live musical compositions, have become very popular. The song doesn't have to be sad or nostalgic. A humorous option that lifts the spirits of all those invited to the celebration can be quite original.
It doesn’t matter at all whether a mother sings for her children or says a heartfelt toast, she will always find the most necessary, wise and correct words. Since anxiety at a wedding ceremony can hardly be avoided, congratulations prepared in advance should be written down on paper to use as a cheat sheet.
In addition, parents can formalize their parting words in the form of a letter or an old manuscript and present them to the newlyweds as a memorable wedding gift.
Think about what you want to say
If the father of the bride will also be making a speech, try to ensure that your words do not repeat the words of your husband. Start by greeting your guests and thanking them for coming to the party. Give special mention to those who helped organize the celebration.
After this, say a few words to your daughter. Try not to make your speech sad or edifying. Even if you give advice to young people, do it in a humorous manner. Greet the groom, who will now become part of your family, and tell him how happy you are to meet his family (regardless of whether you are actually happy about this). Finally, end your speech with a toast to the bride and groom.
Preparing the holiday
There is a whole list of what a mother needs to do at her daughter’s wedding. It can be shortened or expanded, depending on the type of ceremony and the independence of the bride.
Traditionally, the future mother-in-law takes upon herself to help resolve some organizational issues.
- Compiling a guest list for the ceremony. It will help not to forget any of the relatives, even the most distant ones, if it is decided to hold a wedding on a grand scale, and to adjust the number of guests when a modest ceremony is planned.
- Tips for choosing invitation cards, their design and invitation text. Assist in monitoring their delivery to guests.
- Competent budget calculation. A daughter who is getting married, due to her youth, can plan a lot of extra expenses. Mom's experience will help significantly reduce unexpected costs.
- Choosing a wedding dress. The outfit must be perfect. Especially if the girl is getting married for the first time. It is the mother who can correctly help her daughter choose the most suitable and beautiful accessories to create an impeccable image of a beautiful bride.
- If newlyweds find it difficult to make a final choice about the host for the wedding and musical accompaniment, then, usually, they turn to their parents for help.
- The daughter traditionally consults with her mother when choosing the ideal location for the holiday. This could be a cafe, restaurant, tent on the lake, or a rented country house. The final choice depends on many factors: time of year, weather, number of guests, wedding budget, availability of transport for invited friends and relatives. It is quite difficult for a daughter to make an independent choice, and the groom will not always be able to help with advice.
- Control over menu creation. When a daughter gets married, she must learn to take into account not only her own tastes and preferences, but also the preferences of all the guests.
- Regardless of whether you are planning a classic common table or a European version of several tables, it is very important to monitor how all guests will be seated. The mother’s experience will help her daughter draw up a plan so that relatives will not be bored sitting with each other and no conflicts will arise during the holiday.
- If guests are planned to arrive from other regions or countries, they must be provided with conditions of stay: accommodate them at home or rent a hotel room. It is also better to leave this to the parents, they will be able to organize everything in the best possible way.
- If a bride price is planned or the daughter will be photographed or videoed while she is getting ready on her wedding day, then the apartment needs to be prepared accordingly. Mom will do a thorough cleaning and elegantly decorate the room, which will give a wonderful atmosphere to the beginning of the holiday.
Before getting married, it is advisable for daughters to introduce their parents to the groom's parents. They will be able to join forces and help carry out the ceremony in the best possible way.
Express love for your daughter
It is love that should become the center of speech, but where to start? The main thing is to take care of everything in advance. If you start writing a speech a few months before the celebration, then by the wedding itself you will probably have a touching or at least pleasant congratulation.
Remember that you are the only person who can tell many funny stories from childhood or reveal the most terrible teenage secrets. Therefore, if you are having difficulty composing a speech, then simply open an album with family photos. What did your daughter love as a child? What made her laugh? Who was her first teenage crush?
Instead of saying common clichés like “she's a wonderful and caring girl” at the wedding, think of funny anecdotes that will accurately convey her character. Think about what makes her unique and different from everyone else, and then talk about those qualities in your speech.
How to behave as a mother of the bride: rules of good manners
Mom is one of the main guests at the wedding. And some mothers, among other things, want to actively participate in the preparation and scenario of the celebration. But you hardly dream of your mother taking the reins into her own hands and deciding everything for you. Where is the fine line between feasible help and outright imposition of one’s views? Let's take a closer look.
How involved should the bride's mother be in the preparation process?
When her own daughter gets married, it is rare that a mother can remain indifferent. Most likely, your mother will not only worry and worry, but will also want to know all the details of the organization, and will also organize dinner parties for relatives for several months and talk only about the upcoming wedding. Of course, her help can be very useful, but only if she does not start giving orders. If you want something done a certain way, don't let your mom talk you down. After all, it’s only your day and your wedding, which means your wishes come first.
Mom shouldn't take on too much
In no case should you refuse the help offered, but when delegating wedding responsibilities to your family (and especially your mother), make sure that they can do it all. No matter how active and alert your mom is, even if she fervently believes she can handle 20 items on her to-do list, the reality may not be so rosy. And seeing that your mother has lost her enthusiasm before reaching point 3, you are unlikely to dare to remind her of something you still asked her to help with. Be realistic: Mom is also a person, she has other things to do besides preparing for the wedding, and she needs rest. Two or three feasible tasks will be quite enough for her.
Mom shouldn't impose her opinion
It may happen that your mother will not like the way you are organizing the wedding. In principle, she may not approve of everything from the dress to the venue to the guest artists. But this is not a reason to give up your dream!
If you know that your and your mother’s ideas about beauty are far from each other, do not take her to try on wedding dresses, otherwise this magical moment will be completely ruined by a showdown. Or warn your mom in advance that although her opinion is very important to you, you will also evaluate your own feelings from the dresses. As a last resort, you can blame everything on the groom: well, he doesn’t like mermaid dresses, and that’s that.
If your mother constantly interferes with her advice and her opinion, spoils your mood, says that your loved one invests little in preparation or his family is not as actively involved as they could, explain directly that this is not at all what you want. needs to be heard on the eve of the wedding. Speak calmly, but let your mother know that she is upsetting you. And most importantly, don’t let your mom influence your choice if she has a different opinion. She has already organized her wedding, and yours is yours to organize.
At a wedding, mother should not be dressed as a bride or bridesmaid
Since your mother will always be next to you on the special day, and you will be together in many photographs, ask her not to wear a white dress (unless, of course, you have such an idea). The bridesmaid dress, according to the rules of etiquette, is also not suitable for your mother. If she really wants to look harmonious with your girlfriends or get into the color scheme of the wedding, invite her to wear some item of the same shade: a belt, bolero, cape, scarf, headdress or shoes.
And don’t forget about the groom’s mother: all these rules apply to her too. And your mothers can dress up so that they look good together - your photographer will probably take a lot of shots with your parents.
Photo: Konstantin Semenikhin, Andrey Baida, Elena Pavlova, Pinterest.com.
Add some humor
This is perhaps the most difficult part of writing a speech. But don't think that you, as a mother of the bride, will be able to avoid it. All wedding speeches should be sentimental, but it's also important to have a little humor in them.
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This doesn't mean you need to start looking for jokes about brides and grooms, no. Instead, you should try to make some witty observations about your daughter and her relationships. Imagine she is a character on a sitcom. What will her heroine be like? Businesswoman or sports fanatic? Remember that many things are funny because they are true.
Lighting up the family hearth
An important wedding tradition is the lighting of the family hearth. This is a rather ancient ritual, symbolizing the transfer of the wisdom of family life from the older generation to the younger.
The symbol of the family is fire, which the mother of the bride passes on to her daughter as the keeper of the new family hearth. To carry out the ceremony, you will need a simple candle for the mother-in-law and a large beautiful candle, symbolizing a new family hearth, for the bride. Accompanied by quiet lyrical music, the bride's mother says kind parting words and lights the newlyweds' candle with her candle (it is held by the bride), thereby symbolizing the transfer of warmth, love and experience to the new family. Usually the hearth is placed on the table of the newlyweds and taken home as a souvenir at the end of the celebration.
Keep it short
When composing a speech, remember that it does not have to be long. Moreover, you should not stretch it out for longer than five minutes. This is enough to say all the most important things, and so that the other guests do not have time to get bored.
Did you write a speech that was too long? Then you will most likely have to get rid of half the phrases. In this case, you need to be ruthless and not be afraid to cut your speech by at least half.
Parental congratulations
After the official part of the holiday, guests are usually invited to a banquet. The mother-in-law meets the newlyweds and guests at the threshold of the restaurant with bread and salt and invites everyone to the tables.
Among the numerous congratulations, the most important role is given to the speech of the parents. The mother-in-law and father-in-law are invited first to say parting words and congratulations. Most often, such a speech is prepared in advance. This is a very touching and exciting moment, so in order not to get lost or confused, it is better to make a cheat sheet on a beautiful postcard.
Remember those who are not around
Family is not only those who are present at the wedding, but also those who are not present. If one of your relatives has passed away, pay tribute to them, but be careful that your wedding speech does not turn into a funeral speech. Think about how you can express the memory of those who have passed on in a bright and positive way. Would they be the first on the dance floor if they lived to see this holiday? Or maybe they would eat all the olives in the salad? Try to make sure everyone remembers them with a smile on their face.
It is worth mentioning deceased loved ones at the end of your speech. After all, even if everything goes well at the rehearsal, emotions can overwhelm you at the wedding. And it’s definitely not worth crying with grief on this holiday.
Removing the veil
Removing the veil is another wedding tradition that involves the mother-in-law. This ritual symbolizes the bride’s farewell to girlhood and the transition to a new role - wife, and in the future, mother. In the old days, only unmarried girls could walk with their heads uncovered or with their hair down. After getting married, they were required to cover their heads with scarves.
At the end of the holiday, guests form a circle, in the center of which the bride and her mother are invited. The presenter pronounces words about the young bride’s entry into her new role as a wife, and at this time the mother-in-law carefully removes her veil and covers her daughter’s head with a beautiful lace scarf.
Enjoy your speech
Try to take your time, speak more slowly than usual, and take more pauses. This will make you feel more confident and calm. Make sure you pause where you expect to hear laughter—sometimes people take a while to get the joke. Well, the main advice is just enjoy. You will remember this moment for the rest of your life. No matter what you say, you should definitely be proud of your daughter.
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Banqueting hall
Agree in advance with the matchmakers who will do what near the banquet hall. Mostly, the newlyweds are greeted with a loaf of bread and salt: most often, the groom’s mother holds the loaf on a towel, the groom’s father holds a tray with glasses that are filled with holy water or champagne. The bride's parents can hold icons or just stand nearby.
In some families, it is customary for the man to hold the loaf, while fathers hold glasses and bread and salt, and mothers hold icons. Also, when meeting mothers, they can shower the newlyweds with a mixture of grain, sweets and small money.
Which saints do they pray to before a wedding?
According to Russian tradition, on the eve of the wedding, brides pray in front of the icons of the Mother of God of Kazan, Vladimir, Feodorovskaya, Tenderness, Tikhvinskaya, Unfading Flower, Kozelshchanskaya. The grooms stand in front of the icons of Christ the Pantocrator. Before the wedding, you can also pray for well-being in marriage to Saints Nicholas the Pleasant, Paraskeva Pyatnitsa, Peter and Fevronia of Murom, Ksenia of Petersburg, Matrona of Moscow, Adrian and Natalya.
These saints are also prayed to throughout their married life, so that husband and wife live in peace, so that there is no discord between them.
Do not forget to pray to your saints and guardian angels before the wedding, asking them for help in arranging married life, in overcoming temptations and sorrows, which, unfortunately, often arise on a common path. In Orthodox prayer before marriage, you can ask for childbirth, a common hearth, and an increase in love for each other.
Do not hesitate to tell God and the saints about your needs and open your heart to them, because only in this way will they be able to hear you and help you.
Accessories, hair and makeup
To complement your chosen outfit, you should choose equally beautiful and comfortable shoes. You should not wear shoes with high heels, no matter how beautiful it looks. It is better to give preference to a neat heel that will not cause heaviness and pain in your feet.
You shouldn’t overdo it with decorations either, even if there are a minimum of them, but they will emphasize the taste and sophistication of their owner. An elegant chain or a formal necklace looks great on the neck. The earrings should also be in harmony with the chosen image; it is better if they are made of the same materials as the chain (necklace).
You should think about your hairstyle in advance. If you choose a strict style of clothing, then your hair should be styled accordingly: a high-lifted evening hairstyle will come in handy. If mom decided to wear a dress, then neatly styled curls would be appropriate.
In makeup you need to give preference to natural colors. Discreet shadows in brown or pastel colors, black eyeliner and a couple of strokes of mascara on the eyelashes will make your look expressive, and lipstick and blush in warm shades will give your face freshness and radiance.
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How and to whom to pray
Not only parents, but also the bride and groom should pray before the wedding. In the Orthodox Church there are several types of prayer for a wedding blessing. Classification is carried out according to the subject of circulation:
- Jesus Christ;
- The Most Holy Theotokos (there are several icons of the Mother of God that young people and their parents can turn to - Kazan, Feodorovskaya, Unfading Flower, Vladimir, Iverskaya, Quick to Hear);
- Simon the Zealot , one of the 12 apostles, at whose wedding in Cana in Galilee the Lord showed his first miracle, turning water into wine;
- Princes Peter and Fevronia of Murom , who are the patrons of Christian marriage;
- Saints Joachim and Anna - the parents of the Mother of God, who lived for many years in marriage before the Mother of God was born to them;
- Nicholas the Wonderworker - this saint helps in many life situations;
- Matrona of Moscow - the blessed old woman is considered the patroness of families.
Orthodox prayer before the wedding
Lord our God, in Thy saving sight, who was vouchsafed in Cana of Galilee to show an honest marriage by Thy coming, Thy servants (names) Himself, who now deigned to unite with each other, preserve them in peace and unanimity: show their honest marriage, keep their undefiled bed, keep their undefiled Bless the cohabitation and make me worthy to achieve greatness in old age, doing Your commandments with a pure heart. For You are our God, the God of mercy and salvation, and we send up glory to You, with Your beginningless Father, Your All-Holy and Good and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
