Matchmaking is an almost forgotten ancient custom of asking the bride’s hand in marriage from her parents. No wedding before couldn't do without this ritual, he was given perhaps the most important place in the entire wedding organization.
When can you get married? In Rus' there were certain days for this; it was believed that you should not go ask for a girl’s hand in marriage on a fast day, on even days, the 13th. Now you can choose a day that is convenient for everyone, for example, a day off.
Despite the fact that nowadays matchmaking is an exclusively symbolic tradition , many couples are reviving it, since such an acquaintance with the groom will definitely not be forgotten soon.
What is matchmaking and who are matchmakers?
Matchmaking is a marriage proposal from the groom addressed to the bride's parents, literally asking for her hand and parental blessing.
Matchmaking photo
Matchmakers are representatives of the groom who come to the girl’s house to make a match. In the old days, they tried to choose close relatives of the groom, his father or godparents, or called specialized matchmakers for this role. Their task was not only to woo the chosen girl, but also to find out about her family , dowry, and personal qualities. Sometimes matchmakers themselves selected a suitable candidate for their ward.
How do matchmakers match the groom? Previously, they visited the girl’s home with gifts and asked the relatives for permission to marry. And after the consent of the parents, preparations for the wedding itself began.
How is it going nowadays?
Today, matchmaking simply refers to the groom's visit to the bride's parents to ask for her hand in marriage.
Of course, the decision is made not by the parents, but by the young people themselves, but good form obliges them to be officially introduced to the family of their beloved. It is not necessary for a matchmaker and a matchmaker to be present. After this, the bride's parents come to the groom's house to meet the young man's family.
Start of the show
So, role-play the situation. The guests are waiting at the matchmakers' house; the latter are arriving. At this time, the bride waits in her room and does not show herself to anyone. The guests cheer in unison: “They’re coming! The matchmakers are coming! At this time, the girls present can sing a folk song about love, the main thing is that it is positive and kind, with a happy ending. A variety of ditties are also appropriate.
When meeting, the matchmaker on the groom’s side greets everyone: grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters. He says that the path was not short, that it took a long time to get there. But they overcame all the difficulties, because they arrived on a very important mission - they say they have a clear falcon, which had a wondrous dream, in which a beautiful maiden appeared to the falcon as a beautiful firebird. Since then, the falcon has not eaten or slept; he keeps thinking about her. And the falcon’s relatives decided to find his betrothed, asked the magic staff for help, and he brought the matchmakers to this house. Naturally, all words are pronounced in a playful, comic form.
How does matchmaking work according to tradition?
Previously, in Rus', much attention was paid to matchmaking; this aspect was considered the most important of all stages of marriage.
Often, a matchmaking ceremony was carried out on the part of the groom, although there were cases when girls also sent matchmakers to the grooms. The rules and customs in Rus' were such that a young man declared his intention to get married, or his parents decided that it was time to start his own family. If a young man liked a girl, then the parents and godparents collected information about the future daughter-in-law, what her dowry was, what family she was from, and the like.
Matchmaking in Rus'
If the choice was approved, matchmakers were sent to the bride's house. If a girl was considered an unsuitable match for their son or there was no suitable candidate, then the parents turned to matchmakers for advice. The matchmaker was usually a woman experienced in arranging marriage, who always had several unmarried girls in mind.
How did the matchmaking go? The matchmakers tried to come to the house after sunset, without meeting or talking to anyone on the way, in order to avoid the evil eye - so the signs said. It was also believed that the matchmaker should lean against the door frame before entering the house. According to Russian customs, matchmakers go only on strictly certain days .
It was believed that it was impossible to get married during Lent and on the 13th
After the guests entered the house, the conversation about the wedding began from afar. The matchmakers had to say a certain phrase that meant the true purpose of their visit: “You have goods, we have a merchant,” “We lost a sheep, has it wandered to you,” etc.
The bride did not participate in the conversation; she was supposed to sit silently and only change her outfits from time to time, wearing her best. Sometimes matchmakers might ask to demonstrate a girl's skills , for example, sewing or lace weaving. Then she brought out her work.
During the conversation, both parties, according to custom, tried to present the bride and groom as favorably . The matchmakers described the material wealth of the future spouse, the daughter's parents, how pretty, smart and diligent the girl was. This is roughly how the matchmaking of a daughter happens.
It was considered bad form to give an answer during the first visit of the matchmakers, but if the girl was from a poor family or was already old enough to begin to be considered an old maid, the parents could give consent immediately, since the matchmakers might not show up the second time.
Rich merchant families considered several candidates ; several delegations from different suitors could come to their house.
Matchmakers were sent to a rich bride with a good dowry several times
If they agree to the marriage after matchmaking, the bride's parents must pay a return visit: this is how the girl's relatives got acquainted with the groom's side, inspected the house where their daughter would go after the wedding, and then, directly, there was talk about the wedding celebration. People called this going “to look around,” that is, going to look at the groom’s property .
Russian customs of matchmaking
Consent to marriage was expressed in different ways: if the matchmakers came with a loaf of bread, then a positive answer was given by accepting the bread. According to another tradition, the mother of the bride brought a glass to the matchmaker or groom during matchmaking. If he drank it to the bottom, it meant yes, if he only sipped it a little and returned it, then no.
The refusal of the girl’s relatives was expressed in the fact that the matchmakers were given a watermelon or pumpkin, or simply kicked out. After this, the bride's family could gain a bad reputation due to refusal .
A betrothed bride in a beautiful dress was officially considered engaged, her status as a bride was firmly established until the moment of marriage. It was no longer possible to woo a betrothed but still unmarried girl. However, history knows many cases when an already betrothed girl ran away with her true beloved from an unwanted groom.
Carrying out the ritual
If you decide to follow traditions and do everything as it should be, it is recommended to study in advance information about how to get married in Rus'.
Bride's wedding
In some cases, at matchmaking, the groom's parents see the bride for the first time or for the second time in their lives. Of course, they will begin to observe their future daughter-in-law and evaluate her qualities. Previously, the girl was forced to demonstrate her skills, abilities, abilities. Nowadays, shows happen differently. The guy’s parents look at his behavior, family relationships, and attire.
It is recommended to behave modestly and politely. From the outfit, choose something elegant, neat, modest. It is advisable to prepare something yourself so that you can “show off” later.
Dowry
When young people decide to get married, the question immediately arises of where they will live. The ideal option is a separate living space. In this case, the newlyweds need to buy a lot. Some are bought by the boy's parents, some by the girls. Purchases made by the bride are usually called a dowry. Often these are household appliances, dishes, and bedding. The assortment depends solely on the financial capabilities of the family. It also happens that the father and mother of the bride give an apartment as a dowry, and the groom makes repairs there.
Invitation and conversation at the table
Parents should greet guests. If there are brothers and sisters in the house, you can organize a short, cool competition for the groom. This is usually done at the entrance to the house. In the old days, a whole show unfolded. The matchmakers exchanged remarks and performed certain rituals. In a modern intelligent family, they limit themselves to a good-natured greeting and polite treatment. They invite guests to the table and have a pleasant conversation. During the conversation, the topic of wedding is brought up. If the celebration is organized by the bride and groom at their own expense, then this moment is missed.
How to match a bride correctly and what does the groom and his parents need for this?
Modern matchmaking takes place with less respect for traditions; it is more a tribute to politeness than an obligatory attribute of a wedding. The newlyweds choose the day when the groom comes to the bride's parents with a marriage proposal.
Sometimes the date is combined with some family holiday or memorable date
On the appointed day, the young man should dress appropriately, in a suit or something similar. In order to be sure to please your beloved’s parents, it is better to coordinate the choice of costume with the girl. Before the visit, they buy two bouquets of flowers - one for the future mother-in-law, the other for the bride. It is also recommended to take with you symbolic gifts for the parent couple. Their choice can also be agreed upon with the future spouse.
Two bouquets of flowers before matchmaking
How many people are present at the matchmaking? The groom can come with his parents, they will act as matchmakers, but this is not a prerequisite. In addition to parents, other relatives may also be present , but this decision remains entirely up to the young. Usually, meeting a girl’s parents involves the presence of only the young people themselves and the girl’s relatives.
What do they say when they come to get married? There are no clear instructions on this issue. If the bride’s parents are people with a sense of humor, then you can remember the well-known saying “you have a product, we have a merchant,” but you need to understand that some may not understand such a statement. As a rule, in our time, matchmaking is done without unnecessary officialdom - the parents get to know the groom, ask him about his family, parents, occupation, interests, hobbies. If parents from both sides , then the conversation is about organizing the wedding, financial issues, and so on.
After consent, the groom gives the ring to the bride as a sign of official engagement.
Matchmaking script from the bride with humor
Nowadays, humorous variations of matchmaking are popular, when the groom with his parents, matchmaker and musicians come to the bride’s house. It is believed that you must definitely come with a loaf of bread and salt .
Loaf of salt for matchmaking
The matchmaker asks questions to the girl’s parents, and they need to answer in a certain way. Then the bride appears, dressed in a beautiful dress. The matchmaker conducts tests for the young woman to make sure that the girl is worthy. After this comes the test for the groom. In time
During the ritual, symbolic gifts are presented to guests and parents, toasts are made, songs and ditties are sung. Then you can hold competitions for guests, which are similar to those that take place at weddings. After the matchmaker invites everyone to the festive table, the feast begins.
Photo of dress for matchmaking
On the Internet you can find many detailed scenarios for such an action , with remarks from all the invitees, from which young people can choose the best matchmaking scenario.
Competitions for guests
We wrote above that the scenario can be quite unusual. Some families organize funny competitions, which we will discuss below.
- To conduct this competition, you should write in advance on small pieces of paper the various activities that the husband and wife will do after the wedding. For example: swimming with dolphins, drawing on the asphalt, going to the solarium together. Guests take turns taking them out and discussing the answers together. The more unusual they are, the more fun the competition will be. Show your imagination!
- Guests should remember and sing wedding songs. You can prepare a small gift for the winner in advance. Music brings people together and is a great way to lift your spirits.
- Make your parents happy by organizing a competition for them. Find out the history of their acquaintance in advance and ask questions related to it. This will put all guests in a romantic mood and create an atmosphere of love and warmth.
Modern matchmaking scenario on the part of the groom in 2022
Now many couples are reviving the ancient tradition, reshaping it in a new way. How to get married in a modern way this year?
You can support customs by conducting an interesting scenario in Russian folk style. To do this, the groom and matchmakers are invited to dress in Russian folk costumes and invite a professional matchmaker. In this case, acquaintance consists of proverbs, jokes, and jokes. As in any other course of action, the matchmaker asks questions to the bride and her parents, presents the groom in a favorable light , arranges comic tests for the girl, for example, sweeping up coins scattered on the floor with a broom, and then tests the groom by asking him riddles. A cool scenario might include competitions for guests and loud singing of ditties.
If you wish, you can memorize all the lines in poetic form . It may seem difficult, but in reality it does not require much effort and will be really interesting and unusual.
What to cook for the bride's parents?
What is customary to prepare for matchmaking? Matchmaking is not complete without a feast; the task of the bride's mother and the girl herself is to show all the cordiality and hospitality of the receiving party.
It would be appropriate to prepare signature dishes for the occasion.
The bride also needs to show off her culinary talents . Dishes can be served as usual at buffets - cold appetizers, salads, hot dishes, warm appetizers, dessert. Of course, don't forget about drinks. Alcohol on the table is welcome, but it should not be abused.
The main thing is that the atmosphere is warm and relaxed. During the feast, it is necessary to praise the girl and her skills as a hostess.
A matchmaking cake made from cream is quite appropriate, especially if the visit takes place in winter. In summer it is better to choose a lighter, fruity or berry dessert .
Photo of a wedding cake
Table setting also matters. The table should be set carefully, in a festive manner. Tea sets, napkins, vases for bouquets - everything needs to be thought out in advance . Even if this tradition is not as strong now as it was before, it is better to make a good impression. The bride should be responsible for changing dishes and serving them to the table. By the way, new dishes can be brought out using trays. It’s both comfortable and looks festive.
Event organisation
If a matchmaker organizes the fun, she will take care of a rich program. And if the matchmaker was not invited, and the young family wants the meeting to be remembered, it is worth preparing jokes, ditties, and competitions on your own. You can distribute roles among the participants of the celebration (guests, relatives). Every minute will be filled with anecdotes, skits, and compliments to the young people. Entertainment helps strangers get closer. Parents on both sides should spend the entire evening praising their child. The girl can show those present her crafts (knitted items, embroidery, clay objects).
You can end the evening with a cake or loaf. The loaf is cut by the young woman, but it is better to share the cake between the newlyweds. It is advisable to provide touching musical accompaniment. If the young family still has children, they should prepare a scene for the newlyweds.
The process of matchmaking a bride in Islam
The Muslim tradition of matchmaking is not very different from the Russian one. As in the case of Slavic custom, matchmakers are sent to the house of the prospective bride, often the groom’s father himself. The matchmaker asks for permission to marry and negotiates with the bride's parents, the girl does not participate in the conversation. She is supposed to wear closed clothing so that only her face and hands are visible.
Matchmaking in Islam
Nowadays the groom himself is allowed to woo the bride, but in any case he will have to discuss everything with the girl’s parents, and not ask her. The matchmaking ritual necessarily includes a bride price - an offering to the bride's relatives, a kind of ransom. These are usually expensive gifts that show the groom's income level. Previously, a calf or other livestock could be presented as a bride price.
But how the matchmaking goes, you can see in the video of the bride’s matchmaking from the groom’s side:
Folk signs
Not only in ancient Russia did people believe in omens . We very often pay attention to various signs and try to interpret their meaning. Below we present the main signs associated with the tradition of matchmaking.
- If you meet a man early in the morning, this is a sign that the matchmaking will be successful.
- Giving alms to the needy is encouraged among the people. If you want to receive God's blessing, give money or food to those in need.
- If on the day of matchmaking a spoon or fork falls, it means your guests are rushing to your house.
