The article contains information about how girls used to be matched in Rus', and how they are matched nowadays.
Now many young couples are returning to old traditions and trying to improve them a little. When it comes to a wedding, they arrange lavish engagements or matchmaking. This ritual represents the introduction of parents and relatives on both sides. The purpose of the celebration is to receive blessings for the marriage of the young. The bride's father and mother give permission to the groom to marry her.
We will not talk further about those cases when the bride did not give consent to the groom, and accordingly the parents refused the guy a blessing. Nowadays, matchmaking takes place immediately before the wedding.
How to pick up a girl in our time, in a modern way: customs, rules
Nowadays, matchmaking often involves a joint dinner between the future newlyweds and their parents. As a rule, all the nuances of the upcoming wedding are discussed at the table. In small towns and villages, matchmaking takes place according to slightly different traditions. They include a number of activities:
- Parents of both parties agree in advance on the date of the joint meeting.
- The young groom prepares gifts for future relatives (father-in-law, mother-in-law). This is done to appease them. If you don’t know what to give, then a bouquet of beautiful flowers, a box of chocolates or a vase, a set of cups and saucers for a tea party will be enough for the mother of the bride. You can give your dad alcoholic drinks, a cigar or a good men's perfume. It’s even better to find out from the bride what is appropriate to give to your father as a gift.
- The bride also needs to bring a gift for matchmaking; it is not good to go into the house empty-handed.
- You can ask a relative of the groom, a godfather, or a family friend to act as a matchmaker. Parents should also be present at the celebration. It is important to note that the matchmaker must be married, but the matchmaker is not necessary.
- Matchmakers from the groom's side go to visit the bride with gifts (champagne, sweets, etc.).
- The mother of the future husband should give her son's fiancee a piece of jewelry.
- The parents of the young matchmaker are presented with an icon, amulets, and candles.
Matchmaking today
IMPORTANT : On this holiday, everyone should wear their best clothes. Matchmakers should not deprive other family members of their attention. Sisters should be given sweets or jewelry, and children candy.
The best product for a merchant: modern matchmaking on the part of the groom
It is clear that once upon a time everyone knew how a guy could marry a girl, but scientific and technological progress has reduced all these formalities and procedures to a banal marriage proposal. However, the connection with the roots, with the ancestors, is so strong that today many people want to do everything according to the traditions and rituals that were invented long before we were born, and have been quite successfully used for hundreds of years. Among other things, the matchmaking ceremony on the part of the groom, as well as on the part of the bride, is simply incredibly beautiful, touching, and sometimes even a little funny.
In fact, everything is quite simple, a crowd came to visit the girl you liked, at the most inopportune moment, which, by the way, was chosen very carefully, offering a profitable match. Moreover, most often the final decision remained with the parents, and the children could only come to terms with it and hope that they would endure it and fall in love. Today everything is not like that, and young people choose their own couple, however, it wouldn’t hurt to find out exactly how to conduct matchmaking on the part of the groom in order to create a cheerful and funny holiday that will definitely remain in the memory of the future spouses forever.
When is the bride matched, on what day?
In the old days, almost all people observed Lent. Therefore, on such days they tried not to start a ceremony - there could be problems with treats. Also on Wednesday and Friday in Rus' people also fasted. These days were also considered fast. On Wednesday, one of Jesus’ disciples, Judas, betrayed the teacher, and on Friday the crucifixion of Christ took place. It was impossible to get married on the thirteenth. The most favorable numbers for matchmaking are the 3rd, 5th, 9th, 7th.
The day of the matchmaking was agreed upon in advance. And before it was held, the participants arranged a bride's viewing. The future wife had to show what she could do.
Customs - how to match a bride
At the same time, the girl was silent all the time, showing her creations and handicrafts. In the case when the groom had already made his choice and the bride was to his liking, he drank sweet water, which the bride’s relatives treated him to. If the bride did not hook the guy, he did not finish the water completely. And the girl gave the unloved guy a pumpkin at the end of the wedding, which meant that the groom was not her type.
Matchmaking competitions and funny jokes
Some examples of competitions:
- Competition "Wedding cavalrymen". The groom's friends need to ride to a certain border and back, holding balloons between their knees.
- Competition "Sweet Congratulations". First you need to prepare a bag of sucking candies. Participants take turns putting candy into their mouths without swallowing. With each new candy you need to say the phrase: “Happy wedding day, beloved newlyweds.”
- Competition "Funny Answers". Several pieces of paper are prepared with questions for the groom and his friends. “What will you do after the wedding?”, “Why did you decide to get married?” and so on.
List of questions for the groom in modern matchmaking
- “If your car is slipping on the road, then...”;
- “If the bride makes a scandal in a jewelry store, then...”;
- “If your wife gets bored at a party, then...”;
- “If the wife is tired after work, then...”;
- “For the bedroom to be romantic, then...”;
- “If the razor is dull, then...”
Several balloons are inflated, and humorous answers are placed in them. You can get by with just a box with answers. The groom pops the balloons and pulls out the answer. Reads the text and is usually accompanied by noisy discussion and laughter.
Groom's answers at the competition
- “I’ll invite her to a waltz”;
- “I will paint it with paint of delicate tones”;
- “I’ll call a friend for help”;
- “I’ll put a log under it and push it”;
- “I’ll ask you to wait for your salary for several years”;
- “We need to get a relaxing massage”;
- “I’ll exchange it for a new one.”
After the groom's friends have introduced him successfully and beautifully, responded to the girls' teasing and passed this test, it is time for the matchmaker. The matchmaker bows low to the bride's parents, relatives, and girlfriends and keeps his word. She praises the groom in much the same way as matchmakers. He talks about what a wonderful guy they raised, how he will take care of his wife. Humor is also appropriate here.
You can ask the bridesmaids and bride to demonstrate their skills.
The matchmaker may say:
You can just say this,
What did you like about your son-in-law?
Clearly it's time for the samovar
The cup should match.
The matchmaker can continue:
To be very honest,
There is one test for the bride.
So that we can be praised for our work,
And not out of flattery at all...
And now the bride herself can take the test with questions, just as the groom did.
List of questions for the bride at modern matchmaking
- “For your husband’s shirt to become white, you need to...”;
- “To dry mushrooms for the winter, you need them...”;
- “In order for the creases on my husband’s trousers to become even, it is necessary...”;
- “For a frying pan to shine, you need...”;
- “For the chicken to cook until golden brown, it’s better...”;
- “The vase broke. To preserve it, you need fragments...”;
- “For my husband to be pleased, he needs...”
Who should go match the bride?
Now you can come to the celebration without matchmakers. It is also possible for parents to be absent from the holiday due to current circumstances. But, if you organize a ritual according to customs, then you need both the matchmaker and the matchmaker to come to the bride’s house. Moreover, the matchmaker must be married in any case. This person could be a godfather, an older brother to the groom, or just a talkative, cheerful neighbor.
Experienced matchmakers know their speech by heart. After all, they used to be often invited to do such things in villages and villages. Thanks to them, matchmaking took on cheerful colors.
The groom's retinue entered the house of the bride and her parents only after the third invitation. All the time they ignored the invitation of the bride's father with cheerful jokes and conversations.
The in-laws had no right to sit down in the bride's house. This was considered a bad omen. If she sits down, the children will start walking late. Also, the matchmaker could not eat or drink from the bride. If she starts eating in the house during matchmaking, the children may become gluttons, and if she starts drinking, they may become drunkards.
How does matchmaking work? If the groom decides to come to the matchmaking ceremony alone, then he himself must amuse the bride’s parents and her relatives. It is necessary to prepare in advance phrases and expressions that accompany the ritual.
You cannot drink strong drinks to calm down. An overdose of alcohol can be a reason for refusing the groom. Such things must be done with a clear head.
In the event that the parents of the young man were not present at the celebration due to some circumstances, the bride must pay them a return visit after a while. And be sure to give gifts to the parents of your future husband. As a rule, the bride is accompanied by her parents. They also meet the groom's relatives.
IMPORTANT : Do not conduct matchmaking if you do not want to arrange it. This is not at all necessary. Especially when young people do not want to follow this tradition. The ritual should be arranged if everyone has an interest in it.
Toasts
Today it is not so easy to meet your true love in this ever-changing world. Such luck really only comes to a select few. So let our groom get a lucky ticket and he will find the woman of his life! Let's drink to those who control such luck - to the parents!
***
Our life can be compared to an interesting and exciting movie. Today the main role is played by the groom. According to the script, it is planned that his life with his beloved will be long and happy, that their wealth will grow, and their feelings will only strengthen. Let's raise a toast to the bride's parents, who are the creators of the only suitable main character of this film!
***
Today brought with it incredible warmth, comparable to a hot July day. All because matchmakers appeared in this house, sent for the hand and heart of the future bride. So let this warmth warm everyone present and help parents make the right decision to make their daughter absolutely happy and find her betrothed!
As a rule, most of these toasts are addressed to the parents of the future newlywed in order to appease them and help them agree to the marriage proposal after matchmaking. Toasts in the form of a parable are also suitable here, which also praise their best qualities in an allegorical form.
What they say when they match a girl: the matchmaking process, words, phrases
There are many folk sayings for such a ritual. Right from the door, the matchmaker tells you what the purpose of the visit is. See examples of phrases below:
- We have come to your glorious home with a first-class groom! Give us a little time and we’ll tell you everything about it.
- Hello, nice family! Meet a prominent man. We’ll say it straight away - he’s a nice groom, right up his alley! And he wants to lead your maiden to the altar.
- We brought you a great guy! The merchant is excellent for your product! He's dressed to the nines - he looks decent, he has his own corner and his own transport. There is some money - he is not poor, his character is easy - his disposition is not harmful. How's it going with your fiancee? Are you ready for marriage yet?
- We came to your house for a reason. We were brought by one dream - to give Dita a happy marriage, and to hug our grandchildren as soon as possible. And if our thoughts are similar, let's put all matters aside, So that we can discuss the wedding together, and open the way to happiness for the children.
- We were lucky to find out that your product is expensive. Good in everything, give or take. Our merchant is golden. Just look for something like this! Handsome, smart, daring. He'll make a great husband and son-in-law! So give us a direct answer - Are you ready to give away the goods?
- You have one girl: modest, beautiful, young. Our groom is a match for her: he has the intelligence to become. We propose to connect their two destinies into one thread.
Matchmaking ritual
Next, the matchmakers have leisurely conversations, where they talk about the positive qualities of the bride and groom. The groom's mother can ask questions to the future daughter-in-law in order to check what kind of housewife she is. The bride's father also talks with his future son-in-law. The groom must tell his bride of his intentions. This can be expressed in quatrains:
- Today I and my faithful matchmakers came to make a match. I don’t want to be free, I want a wife! It will be you!
- I’m ready to go around half the world for you, dear. I’ll give you a planet, I don’t know any barriers!
- Clear, betrothed star, you are the only one I need in the world, I have come to you to woo you, to show off my love!
- I ask you, bride, don’t drive the groom away. If the house is very crowded, you leave the house!
At the end, parents and matchmakers discuss the wedding date, if no one has any objections to the marriage.
Ceremony traditions
Matchmaking is an old Russian custom, widespread among Orthodox people.
In ancient Rus', this was the most common way of concluding an agreement between two families about marriage. The groom could seize a girl together with his parents or other close people whom he completely trusted. An important quality for matchmakers was eloquence, wit, and knowledge of traditions, since their task was to demonstrate that the groom was a profitable match.
Matchmakers came to the house at dusk to avoid the evil eye and inconvenient publicity in case of a refusal. The path to the bride’s house was not easy: the procession mixed up its tracks so that the neighbors would not guess the true purpose of the visit.
According to Russian tradition, matchmaking was not carried out during Maslenitsa week; Wednesday and Friday were also considered unfavorable days. The conversation between the matchmakers and the bride's parents usually came from afar. It was not customary to directly announce the true purpose of the visit, although all family members understood it. It was considered absolutely normal for the bride’s parents not to immediately give either a positive or negative answer.
Dowry
This moment is one of the most important ones affecting the bride’s matchmaking. The modern scenario requires a solution to the dowry issue. The young man has every right to inquire about its availability. True, before this it is necessary to once again briefly describe your feelings for your chosen one, talk about how he will take care of her, protect her and not let her be offended. That is, the groom must say everything that the girl’s parents would like to hear. After their consent to the upcoming marriage, a dowry can be discussed.
In general, many issues are resolved during matchmaking. One of them is the dowry. This tradition has come to us since ancient times, so it must be preserved.
How to get married - advice to the groom
The groom does not require many actions and remarks at the matchmaking ceremony. For this, there are matchmakers, in whose hands will be all the strings to manage the process. As a rule, matchmakers include a person familiar with the traditions and rules that need to be followed.
You shouldn’t be timid and overly embarrassed, even though relatives are in charge of the order and flow of matchmaking, but you also need to show your best side. This is especially true in cases where the young man did not know his girlfriend’s parents before.
For guests
After all the main ceremonies and the conspiracy, everyone sits down at the table and the real fun begins. And here comes the turn of the guests. The following competitions can be held for their entertainment.
Crossword
Who else could a crossword puzzle be about if not the bride and groom?
It must be prepared in advance and include questions about significant events and personal preferences of those responsible for the event. Everyone is given pieces of paper with a printed crossword puzzle, pens or pencils .
After the winner is determined, an award ceremony is held. The competition can be organized in another way. The puzzle can be depicted on a large poster and everyone can solve it together.
An ideal option for implementing this competition is to prepare a thematic newspaper, on the last page of which, by analogy with a real press, a crossword puzzle is printed.
Nice memories
This entertainment is suitable for an event attended by a small number of guests, mostly relatives.
During the break between toasts, loved ones are invited to prepare a story about the most memorable episode associated with the young couple.
This may include moments of getting to know each other and parents, preparing for matchmaking, and so on.
Dance master class
In addition to conversations and eating festive dishes, guests can be offered other entertainment.
One of the new products is holding master classes. They can be of any subject. The most fun is the dance master class.
The music and movement elements of a particular dance are selected in advance. Guests are invited to the dance floor, the music is turned on and the competition program begins. The presenter offers to repeat the dance movements after him.
The winner is chosen from those who perform the dance more accurately and energetically.
Requisites
So, what will matchmakers need for this ceremony? What details should be used and why? The bride's matchmaking ceremony, the scenario of which is carefully thought out in advance, presupposes the presence of some obligatory things.
First, you will need a towel. It is given to the newlyweds after the wedding. By the way, it can be used for registering a marriage, for a wedding, and for receiving the first child on the threshold of the maternity hospital.
The next point is round bread or loaf. As soon as the bride and her parents agree, it is cut and distributed to the guests.
Well, then on to the little things. For the ceremony you will need coins (to sprinkle on the newlyweds), drinks and snacks, gifts for the bride and her parents.
Timing
In order to choose the ideal time for matchmaking, you need to study the rules that our ancestors followed. They knew not only the best time to send matchmakers to the bride's house, but also how to determine the day of marriage. There is a list of recommendations and tips that will allow you to do everything according to the rules:
- It was a bad sign to go to matchmaking on Friday. This day was always considered bad, and if it was also Friday the 13th, then the idea was absolutely unsuccessful. Many people believe that this is a superstition, but if you study the statistics, it becomes clear that most marriages that are not created according to the rules inevitably end in divorce. Of course, self-hypnosis can also work here, however, nothing can be done against statistics.
- A good day for matchmaking is January 7th. This day is happy, and therefore getting married on this day will be an ideal solution for the successful resolution of all issues.
- It is best to get married on odd numbers and it is better if it is the 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th.
- The best time to prepare for a wedding is considered to be the period from October 14 to April 7, when no garden work is being done, and therefore you can calmly think about the future wedding and children.
- Getting married during Lent is not prohibited, however, there are several points here - the wedding and wedding can take place only after the wedding, the table will be very modest, since neither alcohol nor meat is allowed during Lent.
Festive feast
Every matchmaking requires a festive and varied table. Family specialties should be prepared. The table should be as varied as possible - salads, appetizers, main courses, cold cuts, fruits and desserts. Alcoholic drinks should also be for every taste - after all, it is not known what the guests who come to get married like to drink.
However, you should not abuse alcohol - the main thing is that the atmosphere in the house is welcoming and friendly. During the feast, the bride's parents should praise their daughter and talk about her talents, but even here a measure is necessary, otherwise it will look like banal boasting.
It is worth paying attention to the table setting - everything should be festive and neat. The finest tableware, exquisite napkins and fresh flowers. Serving dishes and changing dishes falls entirely on the shoulders of the bride, which will certainly be another manifestation of her thriftiness and hospitality.
Behavior rules
In the old days, matchmaking certainly required compliance with the rules. In those days, the young woman could not even leave the room without permission, and the grooms behaved modestly - not a word or a glance while the elders were talking about the wedding. Today everything is a little simpler, but there are rules:
- The groom should present a large bouquet to his potential mother-in-law, and a smaller bouquet to the bride. To avoid attracting unwanted attention and to avoid being accused of being a sycophant, you should not give gifts other than an engagement ring.
- On the day of matchmaking, the bride should sit silently unless she is asked a question or made proposals. It is not customary to be too cheerful at the table - to say toasts and funny life sketches.
- The bride should not drink alcohol - not the best solution in order to make a good impression on her husband's parents.
- The groom should also limit himself in drinking alcohol - a drinking son-in-law is not the best choice.
