A Kabardian wedding is a beautiful and joyful event. This important day in the life of newlyweds is often accompanied by conflicts. And they arise because the traditions of a Kabardian wedding involve a very long matchmaking process. It can last for several years, heating up passions around the newlyweds. How do Kabardians get married? The following options exist: 1. By mutual decision and agreement of both parties. 2. By consent of the future spouses, after which their friends inform their parents. 3. Kidnapping of the bride with or without the consent of the girl and her relatives. Sometimes fake kidnappings are carried out.
Traditions of Kabardian matchmaking
The groom's relatives search for a worthy bride even before he decides to get married. After the choice is made, matchmakers are sent to the family of the prospective bride with proposals for marriage. The eldest in the groom's family goes to get married. The bride's family is given several months to accept or refuse the proposal. Often the girl’s parents did not give their consent the first time, then the matchmaking ritual was repeated several times. If consent is received, the two families begin to slowly negotiate about the dowry. Interestingly, the groom is allowed to see the girl only in the presence of her mother or sister. Matchmaking among Kabardians always takes place the same way, according to the same scenario, strictly observing customs.
How does matchmaking and engagement work?
Kabardians are a rather leisurely people, especially in such an important matter as choosing a bride. It is believed that a young man cannot adequately assess how good a woman will be for him as a wife. Therefore, relatives take a closer look at available girls, drawing conclusions about how well they are brought up.
This is a rather slow method, but it allows you to collect all the information about a potential relative. Thanks to this, even a small stain on the girl’s reputation will be noticed, which will worsen her chances of a good marriage. When a guy expresses a desire to marry a girl, and if the elders of the family have no objections, then matchmakers are sent to the bride’s parents.
Among the delegation there must be an eldest man in the family who talks about his desire to become related. Parents can immediately refuse the groom, or take time to think about the proposal. Sometimes the reflection period reaches 4–5 months. After this, a second meeting takes place, where the decision is announced.
Sometimes the bride’s parents may immediately refuse the groom, but if the man is serious, then he tries to correct as quickly as possible what the girl’s family did not like. After this, matchmakers are sent again, but 3-4 months should pass between visits. When permission is received, the matchmakers and parents thoughtfully discuss the size of the bride price. This may take 1–3 months, depending on the frequency of meetings. It is considered incorrect and too suspicious if an agreement is reached very quickly.
When the conditions are satisfied by both parties, the engagement is considered concluded, after which preparations for the wedding begin.
Bridesmaids and bride price
The slowness of Kabardians is fully reflected in wedding traditions. After the matchmaking ceremony, the bride's ritual viewing takes place. And only if they are successfully completed, they begin to prepare for the engagement. It should be noted that you don’t have to wait long for the ritual of exchanging wedding rings. The bride's ransom or "coming off the pillow" is very interesting: the girl, surrounded by friends, stands on the pillow, and the groom's relatives begin to ransom her. When the groom pays the pre-agreed portion of the bride price, he can take his future wife out of her parents' house. The bride must leave and enter the house exclusively with her right foot. At the same time, without turning around or stumbling, because according to beliefs, the souls of the dead live under the threshold. Newlyweds were required to live in separate houses. According to custom, the groom was not allowed to see or talk with relatives, the bride and elders until the wedding day. Only after days spent alone with herself, with her own thoughts, was the bride brought to the house of her future husband. She settled in a room that was reserved for their life together. But the girl was not allowed to visit the common room for a couple of weeks. There is another very funny wedding custom and it is called “elopement of the old lady” - the grandmother of the newlywed. It is carried out to show their respect for elders. The newlyweds are obliged to return the grandmother back after elopement, thus showing that she will always be welcome in their home. Kabardian weddings are very spectacular. Unfortunately, with each subsequent generation, customs and traditions are forgotten. And modern weddings often feature only national costumes and dances, which causes indignation among older residents.
Wedding preparations
The first custom, which already applies to organizing a wedding, is the placement of the bride and groom in different houses. But for this, the girl first needs to leave her father’s house.
This ritual is called “coming off the pillow.” To carry it out, a huge embroidered pillow is used, on which the newlywed stands, and friends and relatives are placed around her.
The older men of the receiving clan must buy the bride. Most often, only part of the agreed upon price is paid for the girl. After the girl has been ransomed, she is brought to the groom so that he can take her out of her father’s house. At the same time, the woman must confidently cross the threshold with her right foot, this means that the path to a new family will be easy and problem-free.
If the bride stumbles, then this is regarded as a bad sign. This tradition arose due to the fact that previously the ashes of ancestors were buried under the threshold so that they would protect the family from bad people. The procession takes the bride first to the prepared rooms, and then the groom, while they live in different houses. After this, the man has no right to contact his relatives for 3-4 weeks. In some villages the same prohibition applies to women, but it is rarely used.
Young people devote this time to moral preparation for future marriage.
Modern traditions of Kabardian wedding
A mandatory custom of modern weddings is bride kidnapping. The girl is received by relatives in their home, then her parents come to her and ask her consent to marriage. If the answer is yes, the young couple is considered husband and wife. This didn't happen before. The marriage is registered by the Imam - a Muslim priest. Another difference of modern times is the location of the wedding celebration. Previously, the celebration was celebrated at home, but now it is increasingly celebrated in a restaurant. If a girl does not want to get married, she has the right to calmly go to her parents’ house. In the old days, a man could simply steal the woman he liked, leaving her no choice.
How does the groom prepare?
You definitely need to shave. Now the Bulgarian bearded men will wipe away a stingy tear. But shaving is a necessary part of the ritual. It was believed that before a wedding a man should shave for the first time. Even if the beard is not growing yet, they shave purely symbolically.
On Sunday morning the groom goes to pick up the bride. Her friends don’t let him in in every possible way, they ask him riddles and prevent him from passing through. He must take a hostage with him so that, if necessary, he can be exchanged for a bride. Friends go with the groom.
And so, he receives his betrothed... Now - the wedding procession is moving towards the church. The young are ahead. The groom must say goodbye to his parents. Now he has his own family.
Official registration of marriage
When the marriage is registered by the Imam, you can begin to prepare for the official part of the holiday. After the first wedding night, it is customary to show the sheets to guests, although this is not within the framework of modern moral principles. The first two days before preparing for the wedding, the groom's relatives actively celebrate the upcoming celebration. On the third day, the young couple’s relatives join them, bringing with them a dowry. They take the best wine and slaughter a ram. The parents of the newlyweds are not present at the official part of the wedding. When the marriage certificate is received, everyone goes to the groom's house to celebrate the occasion. Only men from both sides are present at the table. They congratulate the groom, introduce him to the elders, and then turn off the lights and try his headdress. The guy shouldn't let this happen. When the bride meets her husband's relatives, a ram skin is brought to the center of the hall. The girl stands on top of it and must hold on while the skin is pulled out from under her feet. This is followed by dancing and showering the bride with small money and millet. According to etiquette, women and men have fun separately. And the bride should be hidden under a veil from the gaze of other men. Previously, a Kabardian wedding lasted a whole week. Now views have changed, but this is still the most long-awaited day in the life of young people, their friends and relatives.
After the wedding
After the wedding, there is one interesting custom - it is called “elopement of the old lady.” The groom's grandmother leaves home, and the newlyweds must find her and bring her back. This shows their respect for their elders, and also that the old are always welcome under the shelter of the young.
All actions towards a woman should express maximum respect and care.
In this video there is a very beautiful Kabardian wedding:
Organizing a wedding in accordance with Kabardian traditions is a long and labor-intensive task. But thanks to measured preparation, the whole action looks solemn and impressive. Would you be able to show as much endurance as the Kabardian youth, waiting for all the rituals to be observed?
Wedding ritual
Previously, Bulgaria was pagan, like all South Slavic peoples. They had their own rituals and sacraments of marriage. After the baptism of Bulgaria, the church had to put up with the fact that people refused to part with these rituals. But there is nothing dark about them. This is the usual mixture of old and new religions.
Wedding dance of the newlyweds
This is where the problem arises. According to custom, the bride must remain silent during the wedding. She gives her consent earlier, even during the matchmaking. Now he is silent, like a partisan. Again, to avoid the evil eye and damage.
No questions for the bride. The priest doesn't even ask if they are ready to get married.
After the church ceremony, the mother-in-law should make it clear to her daughter-in-law in every possible way that she is welcome in the house. The mother-in-law treats her with water, wine, honey and nuts.
The beginning of family life
The first wedding night is the final stage of wedding celebrations. In Muslim families, great importance is attached to the purity of the bride.
- An old-fashioned custom is still preserved in Turkish villages. Spouses who have spent the night together hang out the “virgin scarf” - the sheet on which they slept - for public judgment. If there is no blood, the girl may well be returned back to her parents in disgrace.
- The groom's relatives visit the newlyweds after the wedding; the young wife must demonstrate all the dowry with which she came to the family. This custom is especially strong on the Black Sea coast. The insufficient quantity and quality of things, according to the new relatives, is a reason for misunderstandings.
Bride's wedding dress
Dressing young is a magical rite. Clothes are carefully weighed on scales and fumigated with incense. The bride is dressed and then covered with a bula - a special cape. All this is done in order to prevent the evil eye, damage, and any unkind word. A wreath is placed over the cape.
At this time, girlfriends should sing very sad songs. Actually, why? A girl is getting married, why should she be sad? Even if she leaves her parents' house. I don't understand some customs.
Wedding dress of a girl from the Rhodope region
It’s interesting that the groom’s side brings the bride’s shoes. She puts on her shoes and leaves the house. Here is the main point when you need to protect the young woman from the evil eye. She had already left her parents’ home and its protection, but had not yet entered the roof of her husband’s house.
Before the wedding itself, the bride’s parents say goodbye to her, and she kisses their hands. Now she is leaving this house, becoming part of a new family.
In modern Bulgaria, everything is, of course, much simpler. Some people observe this custom - the bride does not appear on the street with her head uncovered. An ordinary veil and a bride’s hat saves the day. And if there is a wreath, that’s absolutely wonderful. Some girls cover their heads with a traditional red veil.
Wedding train
The wedding procession is called a "train". Musicians walk ahead, blowing trumpets and beating drums as hard as they can. Now - matchmakers, godfathers, sister-in-law and brother-in-law with a banner. The bride's godfather carries the wedding tree. Young people will follow him. Behind them, first all the men, and then all the women.
Wedding games in Bulgaria
The procession approaches the bride's house, where the groom buys her. First, the bride must appear in ordinary clothes. For good luck, they will sprinkle it with water, then throw grains of wheat.
