Matchmaking on the part of the bride. What should I say? Our ancestors considered marriage a necessary and extremely important matter. The sacrament of marriage was shrouded in all sorts of rituals and ceremonies so that the life of the young people would be long and happy. Today everything has become much simpler. But for those who want to observe some traditions and organize the meeting of parents in a fun and interesting way, DreamBride has prepared “Scenarios for matchmaking on the part of the groom in verse,” and in this article we will talk about matchmaking on the part of the bride in verse.
The arrival of the groom and his parents at the bride's house was called an arrangement. The guests were received widely with all honors. The groom and his relatives spoke allegorically about the purpose of their visit, using various images.
For example,
You have a product, we have a merchant, you have a girl, we have a fine fellow.
We have a key, you have a lock, We have a bumblebee, you have a flower.
Poems of praise
A good bride is not the right word! Beautiful in face, healthy in body! Blood with milk, not touchy, smiling, And how she sings and bakes pies! The pies are fresh, aromatic, and taste good. Please try and dine with us!
*** Our bride is beautiful, it’s impossible to describe with a pen, Every guy, as soon as he sees her, immediately wants to take her as his wife. And she’s as slender as a birch tree, and her eyes are like lakes, of such wonderful beauty that it even glows from her face.
Is it time to bargain, matchmakers? There is nothing else like it in the world!
***
The bride is charming, her eyes glow with happiness. A smile is like a ray of light, And in the heart there is only kindness!
***
Now the maple was green, now the snow was chalk, The girl in our yard has grown up. Bride, bride, Whose is unknown, The girl in our yard has grown up.
The girl seems to be both the same and not the same. Where did such beauty come from? Bride, bride, Whose is unknown, Where did such beauty come from?
Like the sun, she looks at the guys, And the guys stand, not breathing, in front of her. Bride, bride, And whose is unknown, And the guys stand, not breathing, in front of her.
A golden braid and scattered eyebrows, Well, who is the lucky one who is lucky? Bride, bride, And whose is unknown, Well, who is the lucky one, who is lucky? Bride, bride, And whose is unknown, Of course, the lucky one is the lucky one! (I. Shaferan)
Next, you can prepare small test competitions for the groom or give the opportunity to give gifts.
Groom's wedding in Rus'
Brides in Rus' always followed a few days after matchmaking and were considered the second important stage of pre-wedding events.
The groom's viewing party was organized in order to get to know him better, understand his character, talk with him on various topics, learn about his childhood, about his family.
Not only the groom himself and his personal qualities were assessed, but also viewings of the groom’s house were arranged.
The wealth of the family into which the parents send their daughter and the availability of everything necessary for a comfortable life were especially assessed. If during the viewing it turned out that the groom was poor, then the bride’s parents could refuse the wedding.
It was believed that at the bridesmaid ceremony a young man could be asked a variety of questions, even uncomfortable ones, and the groom had to answer them honestly and without concealment.
Traditionally, the main person at the bride's ceremony is the father of the bride.
If the bride does not have a father, then an older brother or godfather replaces him. The bride's uncle can also replace the father in case of his absence. The mother of the bride is also allowed to be present during the viewing.
The entire viewing process began with prayer. Then you had to walk around the table three times.
Next, the hosts seated the guests at the table and a tea party was held. During the feast, guests learned everything they were interested in about their future son-in-law.
After tea, guests could ask to inspect the house or farm. While inspecting the groom's farm, the bride's relatives asked questions about how the groom manages it, how he looks after the cattle, what he feeds, and where he gets the food.
Also, during the viewing, one could ask about the size of the groom’s income and how he earns it.
Inspecting the kitchen and household utensils also had its practical significance, because the future wife would have to spend a lot of time in this part of the house.
Relatives had to evaluate whether everything was enough for good housekeeping and the convenience of the housewife.
The presence of copper utensils in the kitchen was considered a sign of family wealth.
Only after the viewing, during which the relatives of the future wife carefully inspected the household, did they give the final answer to the groom's family about whether the wedding would be planned or not.
After the successful viewing, a feast followed as usual, and the engagement took place.
If, after the viewing, the guests refused to sit down at the table, then it was considered that the viewing was unsuccessful.
The guests from the bride’s side did not like something about the household and they considered the groom to be insufficiently wealthy, and therefore unworthy of their daughter. For this reason, the wedding could have been cancelled.
How matchmaking works among Armenians
Previously, the parents of a young man, having chosen a bride, turned to some of their relatives who knew the girl’s family. During the negotiations, the mediator (mijnord kin) must obtain the parents' consent to the marriage. In order for the negotiations to be successful, during the visit, a comb or a large spoon - sherep - was hung on a pole near the groom's house. After the parents agreed with the mediator, they planned official matchmaking. It passed within a few days.
Matchmakers (patvirak) were sent to the girl’s house, who knew well how the matchmaking ceremony took place. They were chosen from among the male relatives on the father's side, and they were accompanied by an intermediary, and in some cases, the groom's mother. The girl's parents knew in advance about the arrival of the matchmakers. The conversation began in an allegorical form: we came to take a handful of ashes from your hearth to mix with ours; to take a spark from your lamp for ours and the like. Most often, parents answer that they need time to think. It was considered indecent to agree immediately. Sometimes the matchmakers had to visit the bride's family two or three times. Only after the father’s consent was the table set, and everyone drank the wine that the matchmakers brought. Before this, it was not customary to treat guests; it was believed that if you gave bread to a matchmaker, you would have to give away your daughter too.
Return visit. Meeting the parents
How does the matchmaking proceed? Now the bride pays a return visit. She should give a bouquet to the groom's mother. You can also give a cake or good sweets as a gift. After meeting the parents, the groom should be the first to talk about feelings, talk about joint plans, and ask for the consent of the parents. If the outcome of the case is positive, an agreement is made on when to meet together (children and parents) to discuss the wedding itself. Although marriage agencies these days carry out full preparation of wedding events, in this case, parents only need to agree on payment for their services. If the parents live very far away, the newlyweds should send them photographs of their spouse and ask for permission to marry.
Wedding ranks
In the wedding ceremony, special people were chosen for special roles and distributed according to “ranks.” Each of them had its own “rank”. Each person was assigned certain ritual tasks.
An unmarried man who knew the sequence of all rituals, who could speak eloquently and lead at the wedding was chosen to play the role of groomsman. The groomsman helped the groom overcome all obstacles on the way to the bride, which were created by the bride’s relatives and friends.
A matchmaker is a married male relative who officiated at the wedding, including a friend who helped in performing the same ritual actions.
Matchmaker - a married woman, accompanied the bride and helped her style her hair, put on a veil and wedding accessories.
Brides and bridesmaids were chosen from unmarried tall young friends. During the wedding, they must hold the crowns over the heads of the newlyweds. In a modern wedding, these characters are called the witness and the witness.
Tysyatsky, the groom’s godfather, was invited to play the role of governor, head of the wedding train.
The bed-maid is a respectable, married woman from the bride’s family. Her role is to protect the bed of the newlyweds in the groom’s house from the evil eye during the wedding feast.
Dressed up - a married woman (the bride's relatives) - dressed and combed the bride's hair before the wedding.
Modern matchmaking. The arrival of the groom
Now let's look at how matchmaking (its first option) works these days. You need to approach the event with all seriousness. If young people adhere to moral principles, traditions, and consider it necessary to receive the blessing of their parents, then they must definitely get married. The young man comes first to the bride's house. It is best if, before his arrival, the bride prepares her parents morally so that a friendly atmosphere reigns in the house. The groom must look his best to make the best impression. A young man presents a bouquet of flowers to both the girl and her mother. This demonstrates adherence to etiquette. The bride must introduce her parents to the groom, starting with her father. Then, in a casual conversation, the groom talks about his feelings for their daughter, reveals her future plans and asks for her hand in marriage. Next, the word is up to the parents. If they agree, then the father unites the young people by joining their hands. If the groom comes on a visit alone, the meeting should not be long.
Competitions
Fun competitions will be a great addition to the noisy matchmaking ritual scenario - read a few examples below.
Question answer
This game will show how well the future husband knows the bride. They will prepare several questions for him, which he must answer correctly - her favorite dish, color, date of birth, angel's day and others.
For parents
To make matchmaking fun not only for the newlyweds, but also for the parents, a competitive scenario is used.
- The fathers of the lovers leave the room, and the host asks the mothers questions: how long their braid was during the wedding, how many guests were present, where they met.
- Then they call men who must answer the same questions.
The pair that matches all or most of their answers wins.
Wedding song
The scenario of this competition is as follows: guests sing excerpts of all the wedding songs that they remember. The winner is the participant who sings more than the rest.
Signs
The holiday was held after sunset so that evil spirits could not enter the house. It was believed that the marriage would be happy if, after the groom left, all sharp objects were tied up. After the guests left the house, the bride was shown to cry a lot in order to lead a tearless life after the wedding. Matchmaking is an ancient tradition and a real theatrical performance. The ritual can be an interesting stage of preparation for the wedding, an opportunity for two families to get closer.
Engagement
After the matchmaking takes place, at the preliminary stage before the wedding, betrothal (nshandrek) is carried out. The time is set in advance by agreement or during the visit of the groom's father to the bride's parents. On the day of Nshandrek, the father sends various treats to the bride’s house, invites relatives, a priest, and musicians to the house. Then the entire delegation, taking many treats and an engagement gift for the bride (nshan), goes to the bride’s house. The ceremony begins with congratulatory toasts and wishes of happiness to the newlyweds. The priest blesses the food and the wedding gift, after which the groom gives it to the bride. Any decoration serves as a nshan: earrings, a ring, a bracelet, usually silver.
Matchmaking today
How should the matchmaking of a bride take place in Armenia these days? Men often act as matchmakers. If they expect agreement, then they bring treats: sweets, cognac, wine. In cases where there is no certainty, matchmakers go empty-handed. The ritual itself exactly repeats the old traditions. The only significant difference in modern matchmaking is that the bride’s consent is required. The wedding will not take place if the girl is against it. The bride's parents, as in the old days, do not give consent the first time; the matchmakers have to go back several times. In the end, if the answer is positive, they shake hands. The official conspiracy is called hosk arnel, pats ktrel (to seal the word, to break the bread). It is customary to present the bride with some kind of gift as collateral, most often a gold ring.
What should a bride give for matchmaking?
In the old days, it was customary for a girl to present her future mother-in-law and the groom’s relatives with beautiful scarves or shawls, and for her father-in-law and other relatives with pieces of linen for shirts.
Nowadays, when choosing gifts for the future father-in-law, mother-in-law, brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, the bride gets an excellent opportunity to win the favor of new relatives by showing taste and a sense of tact.
Of course, no woman will refuse a beautiful silk scarf, just as no man will refuse a branded shirt, but you can come up with something more interesting.
It is better to ask the groom himself about the preferences of each of the future relatives. However, men are not very attentive, and while the groom can still tell about the tastes of the male part of the family, the preferences of his mother and sisters are often an insoluble mystery for him.
So it makes sense to get creative. For example, if your husband’s family has avid fishermen, some good spinning rod will be a very worthy gift. A new mobile phone is quite suitable for both men and women, especially the groom’s brother or sister.
You can give your future mother-in-law a good perfume . If she has any hobbies, for example, embroidery or floriculture, then a beautiful collector's edition on her favorite topic will certainly win her heart over to her caring daughter-in-law.
It is not necessary to give a gift to the groom for matchmaking ; on this day it is worth paying attention to the rest of the family members of the future spouse.
How matchmaking works for Russians on their wedding day
This interpretation of matchmaking is rather demonstrative, comic in nature. There are a great many scenarios for this event. By the way, this type of matchmaking differs in that it takes place on the day of the wedding or wedding, as a bride price.
The essence of the event: the bride and groom choose their matchmakers. On the part of the groom, the matchmaker (matchmaker) tries to buy the bride, her matchmakers try to “sell” the girl as expensive as possible. In this situation, the proverb sounds: “You have the goods, we have the merchant.” The groom with his matchmakers, relatives, and friends must buy the bride. On the bride’s side, a matchmaker is waiting for him, who is trying in every possible way “not to give up” her beloved, raising the price, organizing various competitions. With jokes and jokes, the groom buys the bride, takes her out from the table, after which the joint fun continues.
You need to choose a matchmaker for this case more carefully. She should have a lively, cheerful character, be loud-voiced, and have a lively tongue. This entertaining version of matchmaking should take place in a relaxed, fun atmosphere.
Engagement
After matchmaking, many young couples organize an engagement party. The closest relatives and best friends are invited to the evening. The bride and groom publicly announce to their closest people their intention to get married. The bride receives an engagement ring as a gift, which she will wear until her wedding day. This ring is passed down from generation to generation; it should not be confused with a wedding ring, it has a slightly different meaning. The time between engagement and wedding itself is considered a period of reflection. For the last time, you need to carefully weigh everything and think about whether you are ready to lose your freedom and live the rest of your days with your chosen one.
