What traditions should be followed during matchmaking?

Matchmaking is a very old tradition, dating back to the distant past.
In simple terms, this is the official consent of young people and their parents to marriage. Once upon a time, a girl could find out in this way that her name was to get married. The groom, his parents and relatives appeared on the threshold, because according to Slavic traditions, matchmaking takes place on the part of the groom. And if earlier everything unexpected happened, then in our time this is not relevant. Both parties agree on a meeting in advance, discuss the details and often even prepare a script, it can be long, based on the characters, or a short script, so that the matchmaking does not take place in the format of boring gatherings at the table; many people like some cool scenario for this holiday.

Features of matchmaking

The matchmaking ceremony is carried out differently among all nations. In Russia, the tradition was called smotrina. Regardless of how the ritual takes place, its essence remains the same.

Tribute to tradition

In Russia it was like this: a young man announced to his parents his intention to marry the girl he liked. They made inquiries about the applicant and her family, and made a decision at the family council. After this, they gathered matchmakers (close relatives) and went to the chosen one. At the screening, the girl walked out into the middle of the room. It was necessary to do what was asked, to demonstrate one’s skills. After this, the matchmakers went to confer. The decision was announced in a hint. The groom was given a glass of water. If he drinks to the bottom, there will be a wedding, if he just takes a sip, no.

It was matchmaking that took place in Ukraine. Matchmakers were sent to the bride's parents - relatives, best friends, godparents. After arriving at the house, certain phrases were exchanged. The matchmakers always said: “You have goods, we have a merchant, you have a girl, we have a great guy!” If the bride’s parents liked the groom, guests were invited into the house; if not, they were handed a watermelon (pumpkin) from the doorway and escorted out the door. With the consent of the parents, they agreed on a wedding.

In modern society

Currently, the ancient tradition is observed only in the outback. Modern youth in cities conduct matchmaking in their own way. Long gone are the days when parents chose a partner for their son or daughter, and the wedding was celebrated by the whole community. Now the main thing is the girl’s consent; the parents, on the one hand and the other, make the decision as a fact.

Currently, young people are increasingly looking towards the West. It has long become fashionable to give an engagement ring, to ask the bride’s parents for their hand in marriage directly by the groom. In the modern world, matchmaking goes something like this:

• a guy proposes to a girl, she agrees;
• each lover tells his parents about his decision to get married;
• choose the day when the girl comes to meet the guy’s parents, and then decide when they will come for a return visit to her house;
• the groom comes with his mom and dad to meet him;
• Be sure to buy two bouquets - for the bride and her mother.

This is a kind of holiday during which future matchmakers meet and discuss the nuances of the wedding. After such a celebration, the girl is considered wooed or engaged. There are no loaves, bread and salt, or “garbuns”. Everything happens in a civilized manner: they just get to know each other and discuss important aspects.

Only one tradition has taken root: a guy asks the girl’s parents for her hand in marriage, tells her how much he loves her, promises to take care of her and cherish her. After this, the father places his daughter’s hand in the palm of his future son-in-law. With this, dad gives consent to the marriage.

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Signs

There are many signs associated with the matchmaking ceremony. By the way, few people pay attention to them, since many “comments” are inappropriate in modern society. At the same time, new ones were added to the signs that were in Rus'. So, what you can do and what you should avoid:

1. If the girl and the guy have the same names (for example, Alexandra and Alexander), then the bride needs to be matched on couples days.
2. You cannot send matchmakers to a house where a deceased person has been for a year.
3. It's better to get married secretly. There will always be envious people who will not like the event. Problems arise due to negative energy. This is a new rule. Previously, in Russian villages, everyone in the area knew about this event.
4. Among the matchmakers there should be no widowers, widows, or divorced people.
5. When the matchmaker enters the house and holds on to the door frame with his hands, he should clench his teeth and bite his tongue. She does this so that not only the groom is the main one in the young family, but also all his relatives. To prevent young people from interfering in the family, they bite their tongues.
6. If a guy enters a house, but does not know for sure whether the chosen one will agree, he must secretly draw a cross on the door with his ring finger, then there will be no refusal. When a girl wants to be wooed, she draws a circle under the table with her foot.

In the old days, during matchmaking, all the matchmakers and matchmakers cast their spells, each to his own. In the modern world, if someone disagrees with something, they talk about it. Spells and divination are a thing of the past.

Pre-wedding signs

To sit on the corner of the table means to remain a wench for seven years (not to marry). — The four corners close the plane of the table, its isolated space.

But to sit on a corner is not to have a corner, because in this case it is outside the person, directed away from him, and does not capture him in the field of its influence.

A guy can’t sit on the doorstep - no one will marry him. - From a mystical point of view, this belief is explained in the same way as others associated with the threshold.

The threshold is a sacred place, symbolizing the separation of worlds. Unbaptized babies were buried under it. It is the border between home and the outside world.

For all these reasons, you can neither greet each other across the threshold nor stand on it (the bride is carried over the threshold so that she does not step on it).

If you sweep someone with a broom, you will remain single forever (you will not get married). — The belief is associated with several symbols: a circle, a broom, garbage.

The broom symbolizes the strength of the house (all the rods are tied together) and drives away evil spirits. But if, during sweeping, a circle is closed with it, then the person will remain alone in this symbolic circle.

They also believed that the souls of the dead could find refuge in household trash. When sweeping a person, they leave him with some of the unswept garbage, all around as if betrothed to him forever.

Also, a broom was often used when telling fortunes about the groom.

Before the wedding, the bride and groom need to stick pins into their clothes. - This is done so that a sorcerer or simply an envious person does not put the evil eye on the young.

Preparation of a traditional ceremony

According to ancient beliefs, an unpaired number is chosen for matchmaking, as well as a specific day - Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday . What you need to do before going to the bride's parents:

1. Choose matchmakers. These people should praise the groom. It’s somehow inappropriate for parents to do this, but it’s just right for relatives and godparents.
2. Present. In this case, they are guided by financial capabilities. Usually they buy two bouquets - for the girl and for the future mother-in-law. The father is presented with alcoholic drinks and a wallet. You can find out about the preferences of the parents from the chosen one. Matchmakers can give fruits, sweets, cake.
3. Choose a suit. A neat appearance is required as standard. If a classic suit turns out to be too inappropriate, you can simply wear a shirt and trousers. You should not go to matchmaking in jeans and a T-shirt.

The preparatory process does not take much time. All this can be done in a couple of days. You need to come to the bride on a pre-agreed day.

Wedding signs about wedding rings

Young people choose wedding rings together, and the groom pays for them. Nowadays, rings can be completely different: twisted, patterned, with precious stones.

.There is only one condition - the rings must be made of yellow or white gold. If you still want a ring with stones, then remember:

• - amethyst is a symbol of sincerity,
• - carnelian brings happiness,
• - agate - longevity,
• - garnet and topaz - fidelity.
• - if you want to be loved passionately, the ring should be with a ruby,
• - if you crave happy love with an emerald,
• - if you hope for eternal love, then be sure to choose a diamond.

The bride should not wear anything gold on her wedding day except her wedding ring. And God forbid you from dropping your ring during the wedding ceremony.

The bride should be the first to step onto the carpet for painting and, after a moment, step on the groom’s foot. This needs to be done as if by accident, and then the future husband will obey you all his life.

The role of matchmakers

In the old days, these people would praise the groom. Everything happened in a comic form. Matchmakers had to know certain poems and ditties. Initially, the matchmaking went according to the script, then they sat down at the table and began to celebrate the event. Currently, there are no competitions for matchmakers, besides, no one knows what to say anymore, and they won’t specifically memorize it. It is enough to come to visit with gifts and a good mood.

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The bride before the matchmakers is humility itself. She remained silent, changing her outfit three times. She gave me tea and walked around. A smart and beautiful woman should ideally also be a craftswoman. Showing off your talents in front of matchmakers is good form. During the tests, the future wife had to amaze the guests.

For example, lacemakers were considered promising brides and demonstrated sleight of hand by throwing bobbins. And the craftswomen who made the Filimonov toy or haze were reputed to be rich brides. Girls began to sculpt clay figurines at the age of seven, and the money from their sale went towards a dowry. In general, “choose a bride not in a round dance, but in the garden” or while doing needlework.

They discussed the girl, even if they knew her well, out of politeness - beyond the threshold. We went to a meeting in the hallway or on the porch. The future mother-in-law brought the groom a glass of drink. If he drinks, there will be a wedding, but if he only takes a sip, you shouldn’t even hope. Only the matchmakers at the threshold, the women on the bride’s side tried to tie the handles and poles together - to attract good luck in the matter.

Konstantin Makovsky. Down the aisle. 1890

Nikolay Pimomenko. They got me in marriage. 1896

Pavel Fedotov. Major's matchmaking. 1848

Carrying out the ritual

If you decide to follow traditions and do everything as it should be, it is recommended to study in advance information about how to get married in Rus'.

Bride's wedding

In some cases, at matchmaking, the groom's parents see the bride for the first time or for the second time in their lives. Of course, they will begin to observe their future daughter-in-law and evaluate her qualities. Previously, the girl was forced to demonstrate her skills, abilities, abilities. Nowadays, shows happen differently. The guy’s parents look at his behavior, family relationships, and attire.

It is recommended to behave modestly and politely. From the outfit, choose something elegant, neat, modest. It is advisable to prepare something yourself so that you can “show off” later.

Dowry

When young people decide to get married, the question immediately arises of where they will live. The ideal option is a separate living space. In this case, the newlyweds need to buy a lot. Some are bought by the boy's parents, some by the girls. Purchases made by the bride are usually called a dowry. Often these are household appliances, dishes, and bedding. The assortment depends solely on the financial capabilities of the family. It also happens that the father and mother of the bride give an apartment as a dowry, and the groom makes repairs there.

Invitation and conversation at the table

Parents should greet guests. If there are brothers and sisters in the house, you can organize a short, cool competition for the groom. This is usually done at the entrance to the house. In the old days, a whole show unfolded. The matchmakers exchanged remarks and performed certain rituals. In a modern intelligent family, they limit themselves to a good-natured greeting and polite treatment. They invite guests to the table and have a pleasant conversation. During the conversation, the topic of wedding is brought up. If the celebration is organized by the bride and groom at their own expense, then this moment is missed.

Pre-wedding signs for brides

If you sweep the floor unevenly, leave garbage behind, you will marry a pockmarked man. — The meaning of the belief is purely educational: with the help of such a tangible threat, they try to teach girls to clean the house cleanly.

In fact, if garbage is visible everywhere, then which of the guests would want to take such a girl as a wife? Unless “pockmarked” is the one whom no one marries.

There are so many wrinkles between the eyebrows, so many times to get married (or get married). - Most likely, the omen is of a humorous nature, warning against a gloomy frown.

If you shake the bread crumbs off the table, you won’t have any money and you’ll marry a bald man.

— This sign shows the attitude towards the table as one of the main symbols of the house (you must respect it, wash it after dinner, not wipe it), and towards bread as a deified product (you cannot throw away bread crumbs).

What do the girl’s parents cook for the table?

The party receiving the matchmakers, in turn, sets the table for the festive dinner. It is customary for it to be chic and bursting with delicious food and delicacies. This indicates respect for future relatives.

Usually, the future bride and her mother prepare the food. To please the wishes of all those present, the following is placed on the table:

• snacks (cheese, meat, fish);
• vegetable slices;
• sandwiches (for example, with caviar);
• several salads;
• fruit slices;
• side dish + meat dish;
• soft drinks;
• alcoholic drinks (champagne, wine, vodka);
• sweet treats for tea.

Such dishes can be prepared for matchmaking. But it is advisable to find out your food preferences in advance and take these points into account. For example, if the groom’s parents are vegetarians, then think through the menu in such a way that they can also treat themselves - prepare salads without meat, serve vegetarian snacks, and put the side dish on a separate plate, topped with a delicious sauce. Or, if you know about your future father-in-law’s problem with alcohol, then eliminate alcoholic drinks, replacing them with compote or juice.

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Dowry

How to match a bride in our time.
The bride's parents began to collect the girl's dowry long before the celebration. It was customary for the bride to move into the groom's house, and then they build a house and go to live separately. It was not customary to live in the girl’s house. However, on her part it was necessary to fully acquire the dowry, which included:

• bed sheets;
• dishes;
• kitchenware;
• cutlery;
• tablecloths;
• carpets;
• pillows;
• blankets;
• services.

The richer the bride was, the larger her dowry chest was. This was one of the issues that was actively discussed at the matchmaking.

It was believed that a girl should have everything for a further comfortable family existence. The dowry woman had it the worst of all, since she simply might not be married.

How to get married correctly: advice to the groom

During matchmaking, the groom bears most of the responsibility. His main responsibility is to show his best side and please his future father-in-law and mother-in-law. This process requires careful preparation. To ensure everything goes smoothly, we recommend that young people adhere to the following rules:

1. An old Russian proverb says: you meet someone by their clothes. In everyday life, guys wear different things - from tracksuits to faded jeans and cool T-shirts with original prints. Despite the usual style, it is worth dressing decently for a meeting with the bride’s parents. The best choice is a suit or dress pants with a shirt.
2. Bouquets of flowers are an indispensable engagement attribute. Please note that a larger bouquet should be given to the mother of the bride as a sign of respect.
3. It is not necessary to buy all kinds of gifts for a girl, but there is no need to come empty-handed. The ideal option is to give the bride an engagement ring.
4. There is no need to break the long-established order. Asking for the hand and heart of your beloved’s parents is a sign of good manners.