Bridal ransom at a wedding has become one of the most fun, unpredictable and interesting traditions, without which almost no wedding takes place. Bride ransom is a multinational tradition, the roots of which go back to the very depths of all times. Almost every nation or even a few tribes had a custom where they carried out a ransom ceremony for a girl engaged to a young man. Although the tradition is the same, there are many variations and names of it - in some nations it is a dowry, but in ours it is a ransom. The essence is the same.
Matchmaking
Not a single wedding could do without matchmaking. On this day, the groom was introduced to the bride's mother. The girl herself could not be nearby if she was from a princely family. Acquaintance in a simple, poor family took place in the presence of the bride. A priest was definitely invited. His duties were to confirm that there were no obstacles to marriage on the part of the church. Matchmaking always ended with a festive feast.
The next day there was a bride's viewing. To do this, the mother-in-law visited the girl’s house. If everything went well, the wedding took place at the house of the groom's parents.
Bride ransom in the modern world - how tradition has changed
As we have already said, today bride price has turned into entertainment, games, and fun for guests and newlyweds. The Internet is replete with various ransom scenarios, serious and frankly buffoonish. This ritual is no longer a mandatory part of the wedding ceremony; it is included at will. The modern ransom is not tied to the bride’s place of residence - it can be transferred to the girl’s relatives or friends and even to the groom. The ceremony is performed by relatives or friends of the bride. It is a set of comic competitions, in which the groom is forced to pay for failure. Not only money is used, but also treats, drinks and even the fulfillment of desires. If the groom himself cannot pass the test, he is allowed to resort to the help of witnesses. We have prepared several competitions for you that can be made part of the bride price:
- Give the groom several childhood photographs of the bride and her friends - he will have to recognize his beloved.
- If you are ransoming at the entrance, write a letter on each step. As the future husband rises, he will have to come up with affectionate words for the bride that begin with this letter. Another version of this competition is to name the girl’s character traits.
- Set up a quiz with questions about the bride's family. Let the groom rack his brains, remembering his mother-in-law's date of birth or his father-in-law's favorite cigarettes.
- Present the groom with three keys, one of which is to the bride’s room. He will have to trust his intuition - there is a fee for choosing the wrong key!
That's all - we hope you learned a lot of interesting things about the history, meaning and traditions of bride price. See you in the next articles!
Don't forget to choose your wedding gifts!
Bride ransom and wedding
The groom drove up to his beloved's house on an argamak, if funds allowed, or on a decorated sleigh. For decorations, we tried to use as many flowers, embroidered towels, and ribbons as possible. Not a single wedding train left without bells and bells. They served as a signal for the young man to approach his beloved’s house. The groom was traveling without his parents. During the wedding, they were replaced by their imprisoned mother and father.
The time when it was possible to go for the bride was informed to the newlywed by a messenger from the future father-in-law.
The groom could enter the house only after the ransom was paid for the bride. The friends of the young man, the thousand or the friend were responsible for this. The ransom consisted of sweet treats, symbolic gifts, and a glass was poured for those who wished. Afterwards everyone sat down at the table. And the groom’s mother, who had been imprisoned, went to the young woman to see if she was ready to go out.
At first, the young people got engaged in the girl’s parents’ house. After which they could kiss in front of everyone. Then came preparations for the wedding. The newlyweds were required to comb their hair and braid their hair. Meanwhile, the guests received gifts (for example, a scarf) and treats (cheese, wine, bread) from the girl’s father and mother. At the same time, the parents of the young man and all the guests who were invited to the celebration, but were absent at the engagement, were also given gifts with treats through a messenger.
When the newlyweds were taken out to the guests, the latter began to sprinkle them with grain and hops, and the parents had to give their blessing. After this, the groom took his bride out of the house and put her in a sleigh. He himself rode on horseback or on a personal sleigh. Those guests who did not go to church immediately went to the groom's house.
Traditional Slavic bride ransom script
The ransom script came to us many centuries later. Therefore, today almost all newlyweds try to observe the traditions of their ancestors. Therefore, every wedding on the first day begins with a bride price. According to tradition, the newlyweds should not see each other before the wedding, but the young husband can convey news to his beloved in the form of gifts. This is done through the bride’s relatives, thereby our ancestors showed that the husband would pamper his wife. After all, soon he will take her and become her patron. But the gifts were made simple and unpretentious.
Obstacles to the groom at the bride ransom ceremony
The morning of the wedding day began with the ransom itself. The bridegroom's relatives made many obstacles to the groom. They were designed to test his ingenuity. The girl's friends played the role of sellers in the market, where the bride was considered a commodity. Many modern sayings come from those times. The groom, who passed all the tests, went to the bride. But along the way he had to treat the bride’s relatives and friends. If the groom passed the test poorly, then they could slip him another girl. This tradition still exists today, but for fun I also dress men in dresses. During the tests, girls and children were given sweets and small gifts, and men were given alcohol.
The bride's parents were also preparing for the wedding. The newlyweds wore a simple outfit. A simple white scarf was worn on the head. In ancient times, white symbolized death. Therefore, the bride's face was completely covered. A covered face is necessary so that people do not see the face of the crying bride. The girl’s tears symbolized her grief for her home and patron spirits. The scarf also covered the bride’s braid; it was believed that she contained supernatural powers. If we raise the issue of spirits, then our ancestors believed that the power stored in the bride’s braid could offend the spirits that patronize the groom’s family. Therefore, the braid was unraveled or cut off, and the groom carried the bride into the house in his arms, as if showing the spirits that now she also belonged to their family.
On the eve of the ransom, the girl was preparing salty porridge. A large amount of salt indicated that the marriage was not of convenience. This porridge was given to the groom's retinue to try during the ransom.
In some tribes the ransom was carried out differently. The first to enter the bride's house were the matchmakers, who negotiated with the parents, while the groom and his best friend stood behind them. The girl's parents previously hid their goods on the street. And when the negotiations ended, the groom, who had already found the bride in the yard, went into the house with her. Next, the parents asked their daughter’s consent to the marriage.
Newlyweds meeting
After the wedding, the bride and groom got into the same sleigh and headed to the groom's house. Their parents were already waiting for them there with the gates wide open. They held a loaf of bread in their hands, from which the young people had to bite off as much of a piece as possible. In some regions, a sieve was also taken out. This was a symbol that the troubles of the spouses would be bypassed.
When the young people entered the courtyard, they were sprinkled with hops and grain. Afterwards they were taken to a separate room with treats and wished for a happy life, children, and wealth. At this time, the bride was changing her clothes before the feast. From now on, she was given a woman's hairstyle and headdress. Clothes should be new, as a symbol of new life.
To prevent the guests from getting bored in the meantime, they were given a feast with wine and snacks. You could see the bride's dowry, which was displayed in the same room where the festive table was set.
Traditionally, the wedding table was placed in a T shape, and the newlyweds were supposed to sit under the icons. On the table in front of the newlyweds there was a loaf of bread and a couple of ritual wedding dishes, depending on the region. It could be pancakes, pie, cookies, cheese.
Cutting a goat
In the old days, the groom's wedding train, traveling for the bride, was stopped for the first time at the entrance to the village, where a chain of fellow villagers and future relatives lined up, blocking the road and demanding a ransom for its opening. Having paid them, the groom found himself in front of logs folded in the shape of a goat, which had to be sawed in a specified time in order to demonstrate to everyone his brave prowess.
Having completed the task, the wedding train set off further to meet its beloved. Sometimes, on the way to the bride’s house, funny fist fights were held between the newlyweds’ guests, in which the groom’s relatives won a symbolic victory.
End of the first wedding day
The first wedding day did not last long. After several changes of dishes, the groom stood up and bowed. And my friend invited everyone to the next wedding day. Next, the young people were taken to the room where the marriage bed was prepared. The celebration usually still continued, but the guests could leave at any time without offending the hosts.
There was no single ritual for the first wedding night. Everything depended on the region. Somewhere the bride and groom were not touched until they themselves notified that everything had worked out for them. In some places they were periodically visited and told what was being done and how. This was mainly the responsibility of the matchmaker.
In the morning, the couple went to the bathhouse together, and then returned to the wedding feast, where they were presented with gifts. The newlyweds had to give “gifts” to relatives, guests and wedding officials. The vodka on this day became bitter, and the bride and groom had to constantly kiss to sweeten it.
Typically, peasant weddings were not celebrated for more than two days. If the wedding was for rich people, they could feast for a few more days, but without traditional actions and without the newlyweds. At this time, young people paid visits to relatives or visited holy places.
Since the 18th century, wedding rituals began to be simplified, primarily in wealthy families. But if you look at modern weddings, you will notice that many rituals have survived to this day. This gives the wedding a special sacrament.
An interesting story about the origin of the ransom
In tribes that have not plunged into modern civilization, the custom remains of taking as wives only those girls who are from other tribes. The explanation for this is simple: people did not want to allow incest.
The peoples in the far north have slightly different traditions: when a wanderer came, he was received with great hospitality, looked at closely, and tested as if by accident.
Afterwards, based on the results, the elders of the tribe made a verdict: if a man was physically well developed, healthy and not stupid, then women or young girls were brought to him as a reward so that he would be with them and there would be an addition to the tribe.
The Amazons had it different - they copulated with the traveler, after which they could simply kill him due to uselessness.
In most tribes with generally accepted principles in family life, the bride ritual arose both to prevent incest and to improve the health of generations. Often they went to a neighboring village to woo and buy a bride.
Since many tribes were in conflict with each other, they could choose a bride from a neighboring settlement as follows:
they prepared a good ransom for the bride;- To confirm his seriousness of intentions and the right to be called the head of the family, the groom went through pre-conceived tests in order to convince all relatives that the groom was a worthy young man.
- the groom stole the bride.
Unlike the traditions of the Turks, where for the bride you need to give twenty to twenty-five rams and a Finnish-made refrigerator, in our Russian version, this comes down more to formalities and ransom competitions, rather than tests, and is purely entertaining in nature.
Kalym in Islam
It is interesting that in the original Muslim tradition, the bride price was not given to the bride’s family, but remained with the girl herself after the wedding, and even in the event of a divorce, she left her husband’s house with this reward. However, subsequently the ransom became the property of the bride’s relatives, who demanded livestock, money, jewelry, as well as various household and household items from the grooms. The size of the bride price directly depended on the material well-being of the parties wishing to become related and was negotiated during matchmaking.
Ransom for opening doors
At the next stage, the groom's retinue was greeted by the locked doors and gates of the bride's house: in order to get into it, it was necessary to negotiate. The children gathered in the yard should have been given a ransom in the form of sweets, after which they would have a meeting with the brothers or grandfathers of the bride, who would ask the young man complex riddles, answering which he would show the public his mental abilities. In case of an incorrect answer, the groom could ask for help, which was worth a certain reward. Having received the go-ahead from his relatives, the groom stepped onto the porch, where the bridesmaids and sisters stood waiting for their gifts.
