Funny short instructions for the bride and groom. Wedding congratulations to the bride

In order for your honeymoon to last five years, you will have to follow a complex and harsh code:

Order to the groom

Provide financially and warm your home. Don’t forget that you should be good morally too!
As an athlete, you must carry your family on your shoulders, and preserve and please your wife, even though it is difficult.
Run to the store without asking, don’t forget to give flowers, and don’t even think about asking for lunch ahead of time, friend.
Shave often and for a long time, wash your hands before eating, and don’t be particularly strict with your young wife.
When the baby arrives, which undoubtedly should happen, don’t be afraid of those diapers, learn how to wash your baby.
If there is a reason for a quarrel, make it a joke, be a man in small things, don’t start an argument in vain.
Hold the family steering wheel firmly, don’t forget our code, the course for happiness has been chosen accurately. Keep it up, move forward!

Order to the bride

And now, without interruptions, about (bride's name)

a speech will be made to warn us against future mistakes:

Learn to cook deliciously, in any style and manner, so that, say, a cabbage leaf looks just like a grape.
Spend a third of your budget on relatives and tailors - if you are dressed fashionably, your husband will be happy, as will the groom.
If you sometimes don’t agree with your spouse’s opinion, be as resilient as a twig, don’t say no or yes.
If your husband is tired or upset, calm him down and caress him so that he becomes calm again and let him rest a little.
Never be strict, just, as if by chance, skillfully removing the shavings, plan little by little.
Don’t persist in the sense of shavings, always be nice to him, be your wife and girlfriend, and not a rusty saw.
Give three-quarters of the day to your family, but in the midst of days, hours, minutes, don’t forget your friends.
Be strong, always love your friendly family. Long life and health to you. Be happy, friends!

Instruction to the young - option 2

From now on (day, month, year of wedding)

I command the young man
(name of the groom)
and the beautiful maiden
(name of the bride)
to be considered husband and wife, who have mutually agreed to exchange their free and free life for a married one, and therefore they should only be accepted together, and not taken seriously separately, for they are one indivisible and whole .

The spouse should be the head of the family, earn a living, and not look at other beauties.

Let the wife not fear her husband, but love him, honor and respect him as a hero; does not tease, does not anger, feeds well, but in moderation, so that he does not become passive in business and does not become obese.

May you live a joyful and happy life. Give birth to a heroic son and a beautiful daughter. Keep the door to the hut open for the sake of real and cheerful guests. The soul lives not with Persian carpets, but with overseas crystals, but with true friends. Don’t forget your father and mother, share your sorrows and joys with them, use your parents’ wise advice.

Do all household chores together, keep the room clean, start family rituals, sing funny songs, drink fruit and spring water.

This order must be preserved and protected, for it contains unprecedented power. And if something bad happens between you, take out this order, sit side by side, read it thoughtfully and the bitter quarrel will be settled, you will have peace and harmony, joy and happiness in your home.

Fulfill the order and teach your children strictly according to it.

So, the main rules for a classic wedding suit

Textile

Wool. Depending on the season, the fabric for the groom's suit can have various additives: from cashmere for winter to silk, cotton, linen and even hemp and hemp (canapa) in other seasons. Avoid suits with a lot of linen: in them the groom runs the risk of looking a little sloppy very quickly.

A wedding is an occasion when a man can wear a suit made of glittery fabric. Usually in special collections for ceremonies, silk thread or lurex is added to the fabric. Or for woolen or mixed fabrics, a special jacquard weave is allowed. But keep in mind that such a suit after the wedding will only be appropriate for festive events or an evening out.

Color

Gray and blue are ideal colors for a wedding suit. But in the warm season, if the wedding ceremony is not very formal and takes place outdoors, especially by the sea, a wedding suit in a lighter color - beige or blue - would be appropriate. For autumn and winter weddings, a burgundy or brown suit will be acceptable.

Blazer

The main rule is that the fit of the groom's jacket must be perfect! The jacket of a wedding suit should be single-breasted with two or three buttons. It’s better with two vents on the back, two side “framed” pockets without a flap, a chest pocket and a buttonhole.

Shirt

Only boiling white with a classic hard collar, French or Italian - as you like, but always without buttons and decorative elements. Although avid fashionistas can afford a collar with a pin.

Vest

A classic for the groom is a vest made of silk satin in light colors: gray, champagne, blue and light yellow. It can also be made from other fabrics: high-quality linen, shantung silk and silk jacquard. Can be double-breasted or single-breasted.

Pocket square - pochette

Ideally white, but it can also be a color from the wedding palette. The main thing is that it should not be made of the same fabric as the tie! If you prefer a tie and pocket square of the same color, choose them in different textures. According to etiquette, the proximity of a boutonniere and a pochette is also unacceptable. But this very rule is constantly violated, especially in America, so on the Internet you can find a million photos “for inspiration”, where both a pochette and a boutonniere are present at the same time.

Shoes

Oxfords in matte leather. Under no circumstances varnished. Elegant moccasins are only appropriate for a beach wedding.

What is the difference between Oxford shoes and Derby shoes?

Order to the groom

(name of the groom)
we wish that he loves his wife, that he does not go to the left, that on holidays and on weekdays, that in summer and winter, no matter how difficult it is, that he protects his wife’s peace. I would not be afraid of work, So that I would wash the floors with pleasure, So that I would be gentle with my wife, And from the birth of a child, So that I would wash the diapers myself. Women don't need much - These truths are simple. Only beautiful outfits, jewelry and flowers. So that there would be a fairytale apartment, a dacha somewhere in the Crimea, so that the husband would be very affectionate, know when and what’s what. You are the head of your family! But the face of the family is the wife. And only she can add happiness to you. Remember firmly: the green serpent is the Enemy of the family, and therefore prohibit him from entering the family hearth forever. If you fulfill these orders, you will be the best husband in the world.

Family Code

In order for your honeymoon to stretch for five years, the Code, somewhat harsh, must be strictly observed. This code is very old, But you won’t find a newer one, And for each new couple It’s good in its own way.

I. The responsibilities of husband and wife in marriage are clearly delineated.

1. The wife exercises supreme, legislative and executive power. The wife is entrusted with the duties of the Minister of Finance, Trade, Food Industry, Culture, Health, and Foreign Relations. The wife approves the family budget. Subsidies are allocated for the husband's needs. The wife must remember that timely mercy, attention, moderate severity and encouragement adorn and strengthen the supreme power.

2. The husband is the wife's substitute. He is given the right of an advisory vote in matters of legislation. The husband is entrusted with the responsibilities of the Minister of Defense, Electrification, Installation and Construction Works, Road Transport, Agriculture, and the Supply Committee. The husband must voluntarily always be shaved, cut, washed, passionate about his wife, as on the first day of meeting, attentive to her, as on this gala evening.

3. The wife and husband, according to a mutual agreement, exercise the functions of the Ministry of Consumer Services in the family. Due to the complete absence of crimes and violations of law and order, as well as the resolution of controversial issues amicably without third parties, the post of Minister of Justice is abolished.

II. Observance and fulfillment of the duties of husband and wife are not subject to discussion.

35 If you really want a strong male friendship right here, at your wedding, make an urgent friendship with your father-in-law, don’t put it off any longer, not a minute, not a second, take your father-in-law by the hand and lead him to dance. Right from dancing with my father-in-law, I need to go hunting, And from hunting to fishing, And from fishing to striptease. Don’t forget that at the same time you have to smile at your father-in-law and, while chatting about sex with him, hold his hand tightly. The father-in-law will be stunned at first, and then, realizing what’s going on, he’ll take you hunting, fishing, striptease. And of course, he will forget about his mother-in-law, and about the wedding, and he will certainly make a male friendship with you! 34 If you come to a wedding, You should immediately look around, Look at the curtain, Make it whiter and longer. If you don’t find a white one, Then you’ll have to take any one, And to make her white, look for Aunt Asya. And when the bride and groom are distracted for a moment, quickly put the curtain on yourself, and cover your mustache with a fork, quickly cover it with chewing gum and shout - I’m the bride! They will give you gifts!

Order to the bride

Our light (name of the bride)
is the soul, Be yourself good. Get up in the morning with the sun, don’t lose your beauty. Always greet your husband with a smile, stroke his head gently. Ask about all his worries, Don't let him get bored. Learn to cook deliciously, Prepare a salad so that even a cabbage leaf tastes like grapes. Don't drink, don't torture your spouse for various things. You are his wife, his friend, and not a rusty saw. Take care of your husband and don’t lose him. As for the child, don’t hesitate and give birth. The husband is the head of the family. That's the share of women. Everywhere you agree on everything, But the people also say, Having true signs: The husband is the head, the wife is like the neck, She will turn wherever she wants. But if you are grumpy, willful and jealous, you will begin to repent yourself - When the baldness is visible!

Order to the young

Today at (registration time)

local time, a new family was formed and registered. In accordance with the Law on Marriage and Family, I order:

Call for active, indefinite family service a bachelor (name of the groom), who has passed a medical commission and is found fit for military family life.

From (wedding year)

For a year, the former bachelor, and now a newcomer to family life, should move to a barracks position and be in combat readiness for a full honeymoon.

In this regard, assign him the title “husband,” his mother “mother-in-law,” and his father “father-in-law.”

In connection with the transition from a serene girl’s life to a female slave, citizen (name of the bride)

assign the title "spouse", her mother - "mother-in-law", her father - "father-in-law".

The order is read out to all those present, approved by glasses of wine, so that (name of the groom)

With his honest service, from today on, he tried to earn another title - “father of the family.”

Decree to the young

According to the decree of the Main Committee for Marriage and the Presidium of the Council for Love Affairs, assign (name of the groom)

and
(name of the bride)
honorary title - Family, followed by:

increase in numerical strength;
standing firmly on your feet and walking cheerfully, past quarrels and troubles;
visiting their parents and receiving them with due respect and attention, at least once a month.

The above-mentioned (name of the groom) and (name of the bride) should be called briefly but proudly - “Husband” and “Wife”. And the day (wedding day) of each year is considered a day off and a holiday, with all the ensuing consequences.

Chairman: Council Secretary: Yes Love

And finally, I’ll end with these words: Today I am a guest at the wedding, today my friends are getting married. I’m not a fan of “red phrases”, the order was specific for you.

Anna Lyubimova July 15, 2022, 09:00

A wedding is a grand event during which many toasts, poems and congratulations are said. On this day, young people are wished happiness, joy, love, many children, and health. Each guest strives to be the most eloquent and original

and say something special and unique to the bride and groom. At the banquet, both serious wishes and instructions are heard, as well as funny advice to the newlyweds.

Cool congratulations for the wedding

Today I am a guest at the wedding, Today my friends are getting married.
I am not a fan of “red phrases.” My order will be specific. Groom, take care of the bride. Buy boots for the winter, and a bright sundress for the summer. Well, in general, you know the list yourself.

Don't talk back to your wife - Everything will only get doubly worse. Her objections are a piece of cake. The wife is always right.

You need to promise less, otherwise you will have to deliver. Don't forget about compliments AND about “special” moments.

Now I'll tell you, bride. You don't feel cramped together with your loved one. Swear to always endure him, Even though it will be difficult sometimes.

Prepare a delicious dinner with love, I will come to you to eat! Kidding! Of course, for my husband. He is well-fed and more obedient.

And be patient, mother, collect socks around the house, and if he drinks more than the norm, do not send them to the addresses.

This will be my advice, although there is no advice in love. And if you quarrel, make peace. Only after making peace, go to bed.

And let the years fly forward. Got married? So, forever. There were a lot of words! Which one is missing? Bitterly!

I congratulate you on your wedding day, I wish you to live to old age. Together you will turn gray, go bald, go to the store, groan. In general, live happily and you love each other!

Congratulations, you are now ringed. I wish you to carry these handcuffs of marriage until the end of your days and maintain a sincere smile on your face, and not a twitching eye, excellent health, and not a mental disorder, the extraordinary beauty of soul and body, and not a disheveled and tired appearance. Live as happy birds, flying high in dreams and happiness, and may you soon have wonderful chicks.

That's it, guys, you got it, After all, you have become wife and husband. And for the husband: no parties, rare but fun drinking sessions,

Start saving up your stash, Forget the cool car. What you wanted for yourself for many years - That’s it, sorry, there’s no money for it.

For the wife: borscht and meat, in the summer - supplies for the winter. And all year - socks, socks. (So as not to die of boredom).

What's happened? Aren't you afraid? And will you unite even stronger? This means you have found each other, the best husband and wife.

The family home will be bright, There will be excellent harmony between you, Your main success will be Loud, ringing children's laughter.

That's it: goodbye freedom! Ringed now, Now the general income, The ceiling and the table and the door.

I wish you, spouses: Always be happy, May you miss each other, But never be together.

So that love would prevail, Life would be pure syrup, Everything would be decided without scandal, Without the “rolling pin to the forehead” technique!

With cool gifts

Listen for two minutes, A wedding is no joke, Accept congratulations, And then wait for the gifts.

It is clear to all guests, of course, that they have not gathered here in vain, Everyone wants to see how they will drink and sing here,

How they will kiss here and smile at each other - both acquaintances and relatives. And, of course, Young.

I give you potatoes - Wait for Antoshka in a year. I will kiss the Couple on the cheeks, so that more daughters will be born.

So that the groom is a great guy, Here's a big cucumber for you, And so that it's hot in bed, From me - a slow cooker.

Happiness and love beyond measure, And hope and faith to you. Live together for a whole century and cherish each other.

Our command today is simple: First and foremost - Let love reign in the family, Tender and glorious.

And secondly, let the wife pump her biceps and protect her husband from long-legged ladies.

Third: we wish our husband personal achievements, so that he brings decent mammoths home.

So that there is something to eat With black caviar, So that guests come in a friendly crowd.

Well, we wish you children, strong and desirable. Yes! The ring should be friends with the ring finger.

We want to wish you to become a friendly family, to give birth to children soon, to relax with them at the sea, to the mountains with them and on a hike. Happiness for a hundred years ahead! To live without quarrels, misunderstandings - This is our task for you. And love to keep each other, Let the district envy! There will be endless joy, and wealth will be eternal!

So you found each other, became husband and wife. Be happy spouses and take my advice.

Be the groom obedient in everything, Never argue with your wife. After all, you need a man in the house. Strong, strong, businesslike.

You bride, be calm, so that there is no swearing and fighting. Be sexy and slim, so that your marriage is strong!

Never give up, walk hand in hand. Have fun, develop yourself and take care of your family!

We wish the newlyweds that your marriage will be successful, that you will have money and always live richly, We wish you soon, that you will give birth to children, tenderness, love and passion, we wish the young people happiness!

We are having fun today And there is no end to the fun Because you put on two wedding rings.

It is clear that a good deed is unlikely to be called “Marriage”. Therefore, I will boldly tell you that family is a joint effort!

We need to feel each other, somewhere to be completely silent, or, if we can’t, to say the right word.

Smile gently at your mother-in-law (It’s better to call her mom), And admire your mother-in-law, And try to please.

In general, I’ll say, guys, you’ve “gotten” forever! But if there is love to the point of trembling, the rest is nonsense.

Funny wishes for the newlyweds

Comic advice to newlyweds for a wedding sounds both for the couple as a whole, and separately for the spouse. So, the bride is told funny instructions

located below:

Sometimes, in order to stay longer in the company of your spouse, you need to resist him.
If a person neglects safety precautions, he will not only be able to die, but also give birth.
It’s not bad at all if a husband demands only one thing from his wife, it’s much worse if he doesn’t demand anything from her.
A man resembles a ball of thread: when a woman lets it go from her own hands, it will unravel, and when she takes it back, it will unwind.
A girl would rather fall in love than confess her feelings, but a guy, on the contrary, would rather confess than fall in love.

Photo of the bride and groom in love

also advise a young wife

learn to cook very tasty in every way and manner so that, for example, a cabbage leaf resembles a grape;
spend a third of the family budget on seamstresses - if you are dressed in accordance with the latest trends, your spouse will be as pleased as if he were the groom;
if sometimes the opinion of your faithful does not suit you, then you should be as elastic as a twig and not say yes or no;
remember that each of you should get the same amount of everything - you a new fur coat, your loved one a pair of socks;
Do not argue with your husband under any circumstances; it is best to start crying immediately.

Photos of fun at the wedding

Key moments of the celebration

How to make a list of things needed for a wedding ceremony? It is necessary to distribute all actions and acquisitions point by point, and in each of the points indicate what, to whom and at what time to do it. And then follow the plan. This list structure will insure wedding organizers from nuances that appear during the preparation process, as well as from rash hasty decisions. A special schedule should be devoted to the process of preparing the gala event.

First of all, you need to determine a number of core points:

date of the event;
wedding budget;
number of guests;
who to call as witnesses.

In a calm atmosphere, think about what will be needed for the celebration.
Afterwards, you need to sort out the formalities:

select a registry office, submit an application;
pay the fee (at the registry office);
decide whether the bride will change her last name (perhaps the girl will decide to take a double one, or the groom will change his last name);
choose the format for painting (on-site or on-site);
coordinate all current issues with the registry office employees.

Separately for my husband

Now let's look at what cool advice to newlyweds can be expressed separately to the head of the family

Do not try to understand your missus - often she is not able to understand herself.
Take care of your spouse. Naturally, not as much as about your car, but still...
Cross the road at the place where your chosen one says, but lead her to where you see fit.
Don’t ask your loved one what to give her for the Eighth of March, there won’t be enough money in any case.
Love your spouse, don’t let her go, and she will settle down on her own.
Be glad that she will have to give birth to children, and not you.
Don't ask your beloved questions about where she sends her salary. This risks the fact that you will sleep on a separate sofa until your next salary.

Of course, the newlyweds will be delighted

from such advice from guests and they will remember them for a long time.

Photo of wallet with husband's salary

During the celebration, toasts should be made not only for the young and young separately. Cool instructions to the bride and groom should also be of a general nature. So, you can say the following

If your spouse has socks scattered around the room, do not despair - pour the soup around the kitchen.
If, after making love, your chosen one turns in the other direction and begins to snore, snore during lovemaking.
If your spouse is not happy with your position, start working as a stripper. This profession is to the liking of all representatives of the stronger sex.
The husband returned home drunk and does not want to tell where he was - drink, leave the house, but do not tell where you are going.
If instead of a dress your loved one bought summer tires, then you can easily go to your friend’s birthday party wearing them.
If he makes fun of your logical thinking, don’t make a scandal, but just remind him of how he went out for beer seven times.

Photo of a glass of beer

Signs for newlyweds

Even if the newlyweds do not really listen to superstitions, it is worth using folk wisdom and trying to hold a significant celebration in such a way that only pleasant memories remain. After all, it is always better to prevent than to deal with the consequences. Moreover, most of the signs are quite simple and easy to follow:

wedding rings should be mirror-smooth, without jewelry or stones. It is this form that ensures a problem-free, easy family life;
You cannot take divorced or married people as witnesses;
being sprinkled with grain and coins at the exit from the registry office or church is an ancient sign that promises prosperity and fertility for a young family;
the bride should not let go of the wedding bouquet. You can only place it in front of you in a vase of water for the duration of the feast. At the end of the celebration, the bouquet can be thrown into a group of unmarried friends. According to another tradition, the bouquet was dried and stored as a family heirloom, since by throwing it to another girl, the bride gave her her family happiness.

There are also separate signs for the bride and groom that regulate their attire, behavior and routine on the wedding day.

For the bride

Wedding signs for the bride:

the newlywed's dress should be one piece, since a skirt separate from the corset or a set of blouse and skirt promise a quick divorce or separate lives far from each other;
It is not recommended for the bride to look in the mirror in full wedding attire. If necessary, you should first remove part of the vestment - gloves, hat, belt;
young people are protected from the evil eye and evil thoughts. The best thing for this is a steel or silver pin inserted from the wrong side into the hem or corset with the head down, or several stitches of bright blue thread;
The dress must be worn over the head, and in no case over the legs. And the jewelry should be managed by the friend who is happily married. You should not choose pearls for your wedding, as they promise tears;
if the bride’s family has younger sisters, and they want to get married as soon as possible, then you can contribute to this - when leaving the house, the bride should pull the edge of the tablecloth on the table;
The bride's outfit should be new, from new fabric. Dresses rented, borrowed or inherited carry someone else's energy, which is not always favorable;
the newlywed's shoes, in which she spent her happiest day, are a magnificent amulet for the family, attracting good luck;
when leaving her father’s house, a girl should under no circumstances turn around, even if her name is insistently called;
the bride’s dress cannot be tried on by other women - they take her family happiness for themselves;
The newlywed's shoes should be closed-toed. And under the left heel it is advisable to put a large denomination coin - for a prosperous life.

The color of the bride's dress is also of great importance:

a white outfit gives a strong family, a happy, long life;
blue shades are ambiguous, as they simultaneously promise the fidelity of a spouse and his betrayal;
by wearing blue, the bride takes a big risk - her husband will quickly lose interest in her;
black - the color of future troubles, widow's color;
a yellow dress promises a scandalous divorce in no more than six years;
noble gold - a shade of financial well-being;
the fiery red color simultaneously bestows a happy life, and can be interpreted as a lack of feelings, which is why the marriage is doomed to divorce soon.

For the groom

By following simple rules, the groom can be sure: the wedding will be held at the highest level, and subsequent family life will delight in the absence of problems and quarrels.

To protect against evil people and negative energy, the newlywed should pin a pin on the lapel of his collar or put a small icon of the guardian saint in his breast pocket.
A tie is a traditional addition to the groom's wedding suit. But the butterfly, according to signs, leads to further betrayals.
A small chocolate bar in your jacket pocket promises a sweet family life.
If the weather is rainy outside, the groom should stay away from puddles, as they promise a love of strong drinks in the future.

The shades of the groom's outfit also have their own meaning:

It is advisable to sew a suit in a traditional black color;
white is a harbinger of misfortune;
brown indicates the tough and even cruel character of the groom;
heavenly shades promise family squabbles over money;
a red suit promises the groom illness and quick death;
wearing a blue outfit, a man runs a high risk of acquiring horns;
dark gray shades indicate a strong marriage that will last for many years.

To do a little harm

Every family has quarrels sometimes

, and very often they can be provoked by the following harmful advice to newlyweds for their wedding, heard at the banquet:

To see La Gioconda’s mysterious smile live, you don’t have to visit the Louvre, just ask your significant other what she spent her salary on;
never let your wife wash the dishes on the Eighth of March, nothing will happen if she washes them on the ninth;
a smart husband will not give recommendations to his wife who is fixing an outlet;
if your loved one always makes scenes with you about the white or dark hairs found in your car, advise her to go to the hairdresser and get highlights;
in life there will always be a place to accomplish great feats, try to stay as far away from such a place as possible;
Always help your spouse around the house: when she vacuums, raise her feet to make it easier for her.

At weddings, they often say as a joke such advice as: protect your spouse from stress and never tell him how much your purchases actually cost you - this will save his nerves

Photos of the wife's purchases in bags

Items and accessories to take with you

Cosmetical tools. Your beauty should be reliably protected from any surprises.
Nail care products, that is, polish and file.
Perfume and deodorant.
Mouth freshener. Chewing gum is not a good option on this day.
Bottle of drinking water. You won’t quench your thirst with champagne, and you won’t be able to take a pill if necessary.
Spare tights or stockings. You will have to move actively all day, and in a variety of interiors. All it takes is one awkward move and your outfit will no longer be perfect.
Everything your hair might need: hairspray, hairpins, comb, etc.
Safety pins. These simple devices can serve well in difficult situations.
Needle and thread. Where would we be without them?
Tampons.
A miniature shoe brush or sponge.
Paper handkerchiefs and napkins.
Umbrella. Nature does not have bad weather, but rainy weather happens quite often and sometimes very unexpectedly. Try to take a large accessory, there are now two of you.
Replacement shoes for the newlywed. Of course, it may not be useful. But walking all day in high heels is very difficult; not every girl can handle it.
A wedding mobile first aid kit with the most necessary medicines.
A complete list of contact numbers of those who are in one way or another connected with the organization of the wedding.
If you are going to hold a banquet or photo shoot in a protected area, write down the phone number of the security chief.