Civil marriage: pros and cons from a psychological point of view

Before moving on to considering the psychological aspects, you need to understand what a civil marriage is. This is a union of a man and a woman, a relationship registered and formalized without the participation of a church or other religious organization. This was the common belief some time ago, but today everything is different.

The concept in practice at the everyday level is used to denote the fact of cohabitation, unregistered residence, that is, the living together of partners. From a psychological point of view, it should be noted that such a union can be described by a number of characteristic features and has advantages and disadvantages.

Is civil marriage a family?

To answer this question unambiguously, we should consider the concepts in detail.

The family is considered to be one of the basic institutions of society. At the same time, family life as such can be characterized by a number of characteristics. This:

the presence of official and voluntary marriage by partners;
common life of family members;
desire to have and raise children.

These are just signs; they are not mandatory in order to recognize or not recognize the fact of the formation and existence of a family.

A civil marriage is a union without registration at the everyday level, as many Russians call it out of habit. And this is a fair opinion. The fact is that the definition is not legally enshrined in either the Family Code or the Civil Code.

Topics related to whether a civil marriage and life in it can be considered a family, as well as the topic of identity with the concept of “family,” cause a lot of controversy. Some people denote the fact of cohabitation with the concept we are analyzing, while others do not talk about it unless state registration takes place. Based on the provisions of the Family and Civil Codes, we will talk about civil marriage as an officially unregistered relationship.

Do you agree that a civil marriage is a full-fledged family?

Yes, I believe that a loving man and woman in a couple is a full-fledged union.

33.33%

No, it seems to me that a family is a union of a man and a woman who have children.

I can’t say for sure, I’m in such a relationship, but I don’t think about it.

33.33%

I'm not sure because I have no experience.

33.33%

Voted: 3

Relationships without a stamp are the scourge of the 21st century

But not for everyone. And especially not always.

The way people live and think is constantly changing, as is the attitude towards the family as a fundamental institution of society. It’s too bold to say unequivocally whether a relationship is a scourge or not a scourge without a stamp. A real family is not a stamp in a passport and a marriage contract, which, by the way, is increasingly being prepared by future spouses with the help of qualified lawyers in order to benefit from the divorce “if something happens.” A family is a common life, common interests and children, their upbringing. These are values that are equally important for both men and women.

There are a huge number of opinions on the topic of what exactly a civil marriage should be considered. It has already been shown that for some it is just cohabitation, but for others it is different. On top of everything else, which is to blame not only for statistics, but also for the blurring edges of people’s morality, most marriages break up, which inspires mistrust in this institution on the part of both men and women.

To be frank, it should be noted that both traditional marriage and civil marriage have both their own characteristics and pros and cons. Let's consider which of them characterize civil marriage.

Further, by civil marriage we will understand exclusively an unregistered union of two male and female partners.

Cons of civil marriage

The disadvantages presented below are subjective; they are determined solely by the psychological framework that develops in the minds of partners. They are equal for both women and men.

Here are the subjective disadvantages:

lack of confidence on the part of one of the spouses or both that the union is truly strong . Many cohabiting men and women believe that since they do not have a stamp in their passport, there is no point in talking about the seriousness of the relationship. This is a misconception about the essence of things. It is much more important to have sincere and pure feelings, rather than a stamp on an identity card;
lack of confidence in the stability of the relationship . We look at the last sentence of the previous paragraph and draw conclusions. If there is no love, neither seals, nor official documents, nor common children will guarantee stability. Even fear of the legal consequences of divorce will not stop a person who decides to leave a partner whom he does not love.

We can also highlight such shortcomings as the lack of joint plans for life, different views on the essence of things, and others. But they are all subjective.

We will once again note one banal but simple truth. There is nothing more important than love, sincerity, care and respect. Not a single official status, not a single seal or anything else recognized by legal documents will be stronger than true love in the context of a relationship between a man and a woman. If a civil marriage is based on it, then there is nothing to worry about.

Positive aspects of civil marriage

The pros for men and women, as in the case of the cons, are equal. In general, civil marriage offers a lot of possibilities. Among them:

the opportunity to decide on the need to enter into an official marriage. Partners who live together and build a household, plan to have children or something else, get the opportunity to get to know each other better. Being in a civil marriage, which is important, they evaluate each other’s strengths and weaknesses (in everyday life, in terms of responsibility and organization, in bed and more);
an opportunity to test yourself on your ability and willingness to live under the same roof with another person. It is through a civil marriage that you can get an idea of what life will be like in an official marriage and with children with a partner. At least approximately;
the possibility of ending the relationship very quickly if something happens. No prenuptial agreement means no bureaucracy, red tape, litigation or courts. Only voluntary termination of the relationship. However, this rule is not always true. An example is having children. In some cases, one parent may justifiably be forced to pay child support;
the opportunity to avoid prejudice due to the fact of the official dissolution of a previously concluded marriage. For example, when applying for a job in a serious organization. Fewer stamps in your passport means higher reputation.

Do you think the pros or cons of civil marriage outweigh?

It seems that there are definitely more advantages. Official marriage does not win.

66.67%

The disadvantages are quite serious. I don't see any prospects in a civil marriage.

33.33%

I can’t talk objectively because I have no experience of such relationships.

Voted: 3

What does he really represent?

You will be surprised, but in fact, it represents a relationship that has been officially certified by the registry office, but has not undergone the sacrament of marriage.

The option in which people live together without a stamp in their passport is called de facto marriage or ordinary cohabitation.

Civil
marriage
is a marriage union registered and formalized in the relevant government authorities.

The definition appeared at a time when marriages took place only in churches, namely until 1917. In those days, a marriage entered into in a church was legal and it was not possible to dissolve it.

After the church separated from the state, marriages began to be concluded in special government bodies. It was then that people who lived with an officially established marriage, but did not get married in a church, had a civil marriage.

Reasons why people live in civil marriages

The most common reasons:

marriage and marriage do not guarantee love . This is a completely obvious reason, and at the same time a fairly stable position of adults, for whom marriage is not just beautiful outfits, fireworks and a magnificent banquet. We have already talked about the importance of having feelings between partners. They are much more necessary than a marriage contract and any ceremonies;
distrust of the institution of marriage and misunderstanding of the essence of a wedding. It's all due to the distortion of people's views on things and divorce statistics. Speaking exclusively about weddings, it is worth noting that due to the removal of religious values from the second, and sometimes even from the third and more distant plans, its value as a rite is preserved only in the minds of people of the “old school”. 8 out of 10 modern men and women, boys and girls do not find anything important in it;
child's position . If one of the partners is childish, he may experience fear of marriage, demonstrate irresponsibility, and more. Both are obstacles to concluding a formal union. The solution is civil marriage. If we consider cohabitation as a stage of a relationship, it can last until the moment when infantility ceases to be a personality trait of one of the potential spouses;
low self-esteem, lack of self-respect . Some people, for a number of objective reasons, but more often for subjective reasons, which must be emphasized, believe that they do not quite deserve to live in an official marriage with their lovers. This may be due to psychological trauma. If you are faced with the fact that your partner holds this opinion, if you yourself hold it, we recommend that you seek the help of an experienced psychologist.

Do you agree with the reasons listed?

Yes, completely. It seems to me that these are the reasons why people choose civil marriage.

50%

No, this is absurd. People can live together without official marriage and for other, more objective reasons.

Only partly. There are fair reasons, and there are, it seems to me, subjective reasons.

50%

Voted: 2

Next, we’ll talk about how relationships between partners in a civil marriage can develop.

To live or not to live together?

Many women and girls, after an unsuccessful cohabitation, say to themselves: “I don’t want to live with a man!” Our advice is not to make hasty conclusions.

It all depends on whether the man loves you. And, of course, are you ready for marriage?

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Options for developing relationships

There are several options for developing relations between partners in a civil marriage, but we will consider in detail only the 2 most likely ones. The first is the one that leads to separation. The second is one as a result of which a man and a woman decide to register a relationship.

Other options:

making a decision by both to leave everything as it is. Some couples are satisfied with the fact of cohabitation. They value their feelings and union without attaching importance to legal procedures;
stagnation of relationships, making a decision to maintain them at the level of regular meetings, refusal to live together, subject to maintaining moral and physical fidelity.

Here are the first 2 options:

Parting

If we look at civil marriage as a way for potential spouses to get to know each other better, even as closely as possible, then we can note that it does not always lead to a happy ending.

Even if partners sincerely want to learn how to live together, the endeavor may end in separation. There are also men and women who simply want to test their feelings through civil marriage. It is quite fair that for one of the partners this self-examination leads to the loss of all positive emotions: a person who was liked very much can begin to show his “best” sides. For example, he may turn out to be an alcoholic, a tyrant.

Conclusion of an official marriage

This should not be considered an exception to the rule. There are couples for whom the period of living together before marriage is only beneficial. This is about when a man and a woman completely satisfy each other in everyday life, in deeds, and in thoughts. It's about when their plans coincide, when they are ready to move forward together. This is about true love and a lifelong union.

In this case, the desire of partners to register a relationship is determined solely by the presence of warm and sincere feelings. For them, the presence of stamps is not important, they do not need a limousine and a flock of pigeons at the wedding: they just want to become even more attached to each other, because they “found it.”

Which relationship development option seems most likely to you?

I believe that a couple in such a relationship will continue to live as is.

I believe that the couple will face stagnation in their relationship and will maintain contact at the level of regular meetings.

It seems that such couples often break up.

100%

I think that a civil marriage is the right path to concluding an official union.

Voted: 1

Recommendations from psychologists for couples living in a civil marriage

This section is devoted to advice from psychologists for people who live together with partners in a civil marriage. There are 3 of them. These are the tips:

Don't view each other as objects for analysis. More suspicions or false opinions mean a higher likelihood that a persistent desire and even a desire to look for only negatives will develop. It is the “analytical attitude” that leads to the fact that over time, even small and insignificant shortcomings will become a kind of reason to end the relationship. But we are all not without shortcomings.
Remember that your partner is not a testing ground for experiments and observations. There is no need to deliberately act unnaturally to see what the reaction will be. The problem in this case is that the partner will get used to a non-existent personality. And if he “gets in touch” not with you, but with your images and roles, a conflict of ideas will almost certainly arise in the future. The consequences are obvious: misunderstanding, quarrels. Be natural and value your connection.
Maximize the potential of civil marriage. If you look at it as a period before official marriage or as a reason to evaluate your own readiness for life with another person, then this is especially important.

Speaking about potential (last point), it is advisable to refer to the part of the article in which we talked about the advantages of cohabitation. Check them out again. You will understand what we are talking about, and subsequently you will be able to competently and correctly set yourself up for a civil marriage. He's not bad in and of himself. First of all, it is full of possibilities.

Does civil marriage really have potential?

Yes, I think that civil marriage is the possibility that you write about.

No, I do not believe that civil marriage has the potential that is being discussed.

100%

I am currently in such a relationship, but I doubt its potential.

I am currently in such a relationship and I can confirm that it has potential.

Voted: 1

Why is it important to learn to understand each other?

But it is worth remembering that if a woman did not live with a man before marriage, serious problems may arise after it.

Everyday life hits relationships hard, especially when you are not ready for it. You'll never know how to react to dirty dishes in the morning unless you experience it.

Think about it, do you know what it’s like to cook breakfast for your loved one every day? Or maybe he doesn't have breakfast? Does he take food to work? Which side does he like to sleep on? Watching YouTube before bed?

FAQ

The following are answers to questions that most often arise in people thinking about civil and other types of marriage.

What are the differences between civil marriage and cohabitation?

Based solely on the provisions of the Family Code and the Civil Code, we can say that there are no differences as such. The fact is that the concept of “civil marriage” is not legally established. However, the practice of Russian courts suggests that it is often considered as a fact of cohabitation, that is, a man and a woman living together without registering the relationship.

What types of marriage are there?

According to the criterion of officiality, a marriage union can be de facto (matrimony) or civil. We talked about the features of both options. Based on the criterion of the number of partners, it is customary to distinguish monogamous and polygamous marriages. In the first case, we are talking about a union between a man and a woman, in the second - about an alliance between several partners (more than two). At the same time, at different times of development, humanity was faced with both polygamy (one man and several women) and polyandry (one woman, several men).

What are the differences between a civil marriage and a regular marriage?

The difference between a civil marriage and a traditional one was discussed in the article. In the first case, the union of partners is not official, it is not registered, in the second everything is different.

What rights does a common-law husband have?

The rights of a couple in a civil marriage are the same for both men and women. While in it, spouses can:

have a common surname;
register real estate as common property with all the ensuing legal consequences, including situations relating to the division of property;
take out general loans;
receive shares in each other's inheritance;
receive deductions for shared housing and more.

Law and psychology are different things, so we have provided the most general list of rights. If we talk exclusively about men, then civil marriage does not impose any legal restrictions on them.

Why do we really need marriage?

This is a philosophical question. Everyone must answer it themselves. There is no need to try to fit into the framework of dogmas, taboos or traditional ideas. So you can get married not because you have feelings and opportunities, but only because it is necessary. The value of marriage from a purely psychological point of view comes down to mutual support, the presence of warm feelings between partners, a close connection that gives them more positive emotions and experiences than negative ones. The latter should not be feared: they are inevitable. But focusing only on the negative means literally digging the grave of a relationship.

What rights does a common-law wife have after the death of her husband?

After the death of a common-law husband, the wife can claim his share in the common property. She also has the right to claim other objects and items of inheritance if the husband indicated this in the will. Women in difficult life situations can additionally ask the state for help in organizing a funeral. It is usually provided in tangible form.

What rights does a common-law wife have?

Girls and women in civil marriages have the same rights as men. See the answer to the question “What rights does a common-law husband have?”

Difficulties of a socio-economic nature

In addition to the expensive and lengthy process of collecting child support, in the event of separation, cohabitation has the following disadvantages (for each of the partners):

Lack of inheritance rights in the event of the death of a partner. Even if a couple has taken out a mortgage loan or other loan and the debt is repaid jointly, it will not be possible to inherit a home or other property. In accordance with current legislation, the common-law spouse is in the 4th line of inheritance, after the children, parents, and siblings of the deceased.
A common-law spouse will not be able to obtain a visa to accompany their partner for medical treatment abroad. Also, in Russian health care institutions, meetings may be denied if one of the common-law spouses is hospitalized.
Some time after living together, one of the spouses begins to lay claim to part of the living space owned by the other spouse. If the residence was legally registered (the partner is registered in the apartment), then division can be achieved.