ᐉ Ingush wedding - holding and folk traditions

Ingushetia has always been famous for its rich customs and traditions, which are still observed today. Modern youth live in a different rhythm, but they sacredly honor the traditions of their people. One of the most revered rituals is the Ingush wedding, which is preceded by the acquaintance of a boy and a girl, matchmaking, and engagement.

After the wedding ceremony, the newlyweds spend several days as required by ancient custom. To deviate from the covenant of our ancestors means to break the law. Everything should go as it was many years and even centuries ago.

Traditions of Ingush weddings

The traditions of the North Caucasus are so popular that they are known even in distant countries.
Customs that do not change for many years are passed on from generation to generation. The people treat them with special reverence and care. Local traditions also extend to the wedding ceremony. Chechens, Karachais and Ingush treat these traditions very responsibly. It should be noted that these peoples have very similar rituals. In the wedding of residents of Dagestan you can see traditions that are customarily observed in European countries. You can notice the similarity with the naked eye. For example, the bride throws a bouquet to her friends.

Previously, this was not accepted, as was the use of this accessory. The first dance of the newlyweds can also be considered an innovation. Previously, the bride could not wear a dress that was too revealing, but now she is not limited in choosing an outfit. However, time does not stand still, so permission from the elders is not required for many actions. New weddings have a number of undeniable advantages. Today you will learn about the most famous traditions of Ingush weddings.

But the groom has no place at all at the wedding

While the bride in a luxurious dress shows off in front of numerous guests, the groom, according to Ingush tradition, celebrates his newfound marital status in the company of friends in another place. However, recently some couples do not follow this rule...

In March 2016, Ingush billionaire Mikhail Gutseriev married his son. The newlyweds and their guests remembered the wedding. They were entertained by world stars.

The current head of the Republic of Ingushetia, who was present at the wedding of Gutseriev Jr., spoke about the holiday as follows: “The organizers did everything to observe Ingush customs and traditions.” And meticulous journalists have calculated that the cost of the bride’s dress alone is comparable to the budget expenditures of one of the poorest republics on healthcare.

Preparing for an Ingush wedding

In the North Caucasus, people are sorted by last name. They are divided into honorable families and unknown ones. Also, surnames are divided into both old ones, which are characteristic of ancient families, and new ones. A man does not have the right to ask for the hand and heart of his beloved woman, who is the namesake of one of his close relatives. Choosing a wife here is not easy, because it is very difficult to find a girl who will not be considered a relative. However, this decision can be called an advantage, because Caucasians almost never have children with all sorts of diseases that are associated with marriages between relatives.

After the Ingush chooses a bride, he must make a match. Famous relatives of the groom visit the house of his future wife. Here they must approach the father and ask him for permission for his daughter to get married. Parents ask the newlyweds if they love each other. If one of the parties is against the wedding, then the father refuses the groom's representatives. The Caucasus is not a place where people get married or are given in marriage by force.

Two days before the wedding: “if you love, go and get married”

In the afternoon, Aliya is going to Nazran to buy her wedding dress. Until this time, I am dating her fiance Magomed. He takes me to his friends, Yakub Gogiev and his wife Tanzila Dzaurova-Gogieva. Yakub and Tanzila are members of the Ingush historical and geographical society Dzurdzuki. They study the history of Ingushetia, conduct expeditions to mountainous areas, explore abandoned towers, crypts, and interview elderly people. I hope that they will complement Tanzila's story about wedding traditions.

On the way, I ask Magomed how he chose Aliya. “It’s fate,” he replies. “I knew her in absentia, I know her brothers well.” She is educated and economical. There are girls who are white-handed, they don’t know how to do anything, they don’t want to. Aaliyah is not like that.” They only saw each other a few times, how did you know that Aliya was a housewife? “I know her friends,” the groom replies. “We’re all relatives here, everyone knows each other.” If you ask people about a specific person, they will tell you everything. Let's take a civil marriage, when people come together to get to know each other. I have friends who lived in perfect harmony in a civil marriage, but after the wedding the relationship deteriorated, they began to quarrel... You can’t guess how things will turn out. The main thing is to look at the person, his reputation, and find out how they speak about him. When we want to buy something, we find out everything in detail, ask questions, and take a closer look. I don’t want to say that a bride is a thing, but still, I think the same approach to the person with whom you want to build a family is correct.”

We arrive at an ethnic cafe. Young, beautiful Yakub and Tanzila sit opposite each other - a wife should not sit next to her husband. And I, as a guest, are seated in the far corner of the table facing the entrance.

“We were doing the same thing,” says Tanzila about her acquaintance with Yakub. — We collided on the same site.

“I couldn’t argue with her, I decided that in order for her to shut up, I had to marry her,” Yakub laughs. - But I was wrong.

“And I decided that in order to punish him for arguing with me, I need to marry him,” Tanzila smiles.

Tanzila and Yakub are a completely modern couple, but they honor Ingush traditions. I want to talk to them about love. About how you can get married by seeing a person briefly several times. But the conversation doesn't work out.

“It is not customary for the Ingush to talk about feelings,” explains Yakub. - If you love, don’t talk, go and get married.

Tanzila picks up:

— The groom will never say that he has fallen in love, he will simply talk about the virtues that are important to him. They marry a believer, a Muslim, a good housewife, a girl who behaves with dignity... Nowadays people see each other before marriage more often than before. But it is still not customary for us to meet in private, and we learn information about a potential bride or groom from relatives and friends.

“We start with respect, not with love,” Magomed continues. “If a girl is worthy and well-mannered, I respect her.” But for me, love is the highest degree of respect; without respect, it is impossible to love.

But even after living for many years in marriage, getting to know each other and falling in love, the husband and wife will never demonstrate their feelings for each other. As well as to other loved ones.

“We hide our feelings for loved ones,” says Tanzila. — The mother hides her feelings for her child in public, and so does the husband. Doesn't pick him up, doesn't kiss him, doesn't lisp him. It's the same between husband and wife. The root is that it used to be believed that we were surrounded by evil spirits. As soon as the spirit finds out who is dear to it, it will immediately harm, so people hid their feelings. It’s even customary for us to call our husband’s relatives by other names. The daughter-in-law does not say her father-in-law's name, she says: “This is my dad.” The name of the mother-in-law, elder brother-in-law, and sisters-in-law is also not mentioned. You can use epithets: beautiful, good. “Good, when will you come to us?” Previously, even children were not called by their proper names, so that evil spirits would not recognize them. As a child, they told me that if you hear someone calling your name at night, you should not answer and go - they are spirits. The bride, without naming her husband's relatives, emphasizes that she protects them. For example, I don’t say my father-in-law’s name.

How does a wedding ceremony take place in Ingushetia?

This solemn day begins with a long cortege. The groom's relatives, led by his uncle, are traveling in cars. If the uncle for any reason could not attend the Ingush wedding, then his older brother can replace him. They are expected at the bride's house with dancing and fun entertainment. When the groom arrives at the bride's house, the guy and girl he has chosen should get out of the car first. The girl fastens a needle in the hem of the bride's dress and gives her a handkerchief. The guy leads the bride to the car, always holding her by the elbow. The role can rightfully be called the most important. All this is accompanied by an abundance of warm and sincere wishes of happiness to both the newlyweds and their parents.

Ingush weddings themselves begin after the bride arrives at her lover’s house. The groom's mother gives the bride a spoon of honey. You cannot refuse a treat, because this action symbolizes the sweet life in a new place. Then the girl stands in a corner and stands there until she is congratulated and given gifts.

An Ingush wedding takes place without witnesses and any entertainment program. You won't need a party host either. The newlyweds get enough of the fun of the guests and the joy of having all their close relatives gathered in one house. Meanwhile, the groom celebrates his wedding day in the house whose residents helped prepare for the celebration. He will return home only three days after the celebration.

The young man's closest relatives come to his parents' house. There they are treated to the best drinks and dishes, give parting words to the young family, and give their parents envelopes with money. In general, a wedding is a day when there are a lot of gifts. The groom's relatives must receive gifts from the bride, and they are obliged to give her jewelry and expensive clothes.

Ingush weddings often drag on for ten days. The rituals that take place after the wedding take a lot of time. A few days after the wedding, the newlywed must draw water in the company of young girls and children. Then the young family enters the houses where their many relatives live. This is how the long and happy family life of loving hearts begins.

Signs and superstitions: preparing a girl to say goodbye to her stepfather’s house

Slavic brides prepared for marriage carefully and with trepidation. After the agreement and announcement of the day of marriage, the girl sat down to collect her dowry, with her friends helping her. The dowry consisted of woven items: towels, pieces of homespun cloth, clothing. Preparation could take several weeks.

On the evening before the wedding, the girl said goodbye to her girlhood and her friends. She gave her friends gifts. Usually they gave away elegant girlish jewelry as a sign of transition to a new status. After marriage, the young woman will have new jewelry with feminine protective signs that will help give birth to healthy children.

How Ingush weddings are held - traditions

A short excursion into history

The territory of settlement of the Tatars extends from Siberia to the Crimea itself; representatives from different places have some differences in language, but they are still a single nation with a strong national spirit, ancient culture, rich literary language, unique traditions and rituals

In such an important holiday as a wedding, the historical memory of the people is most clearly reflected. The development of wedding traditions was greatly influenced by historical events that took place in the lands inhabited by Tatars

Nevertheless, it is possible to trace general patterns in the rituals, despite the fact that their names are sometimes different. The main difference lies in the wedding ceremony according to religious canons: among the Tatars who profess Islam, it is a nikah held at home, and among the Christian Tatars, it is a wedding in a church.

Until this time, marriage was concluded mainly through matchmaking, and here it was necessary to strictly observe rituals. Moreover, the specificity of one or another ritual was determined by the locality, and the differences were of a social nature (duration of festivities, number of guests, high cost of gifts).

How does matchmaking and engagement work?

In Ingushetia, it is impossible to imagine that a young man and a girl would independently decide to marry. Of great importance is the opinion of the elders, who long before the solemn event discuss all the details, find out the degree of relationship, learn everything about the characters of the bride and groom, their abilities and ability to run a household and support a family.

Before the young man’s numerous relatives marry the girl, the future groom, in accordance with ancient tradition, conveys to his chosen one:

If the beauty accepts the gifts, then in return she gives the guy hand-embroidered handkerchiefs for him and his best friend. Only after this can we consider that the acquaintance has taken place, and the elders set a matchmaking day. Choosing a bride and deciding to start a family is a huge responsibility.

Divorce is not just a scandal, it is a shame that falls on both the husband or wife and their relatives. Therefore, they get married in Ingushetia, having thoroughly thought through all the nuances, all the consequences of the perfect step.

A girl becomes a bride only if her candidacy is approved by the elder relatives of the young man. This is a concern for the health of future generations and the genetic development of the nation.

Life

The traditional family form is patriarchal, often small or three-generation. The youngest son remained to live in his father's house. The elders brought their daughters-in-law to their parents' house, but began to build their own home if they had the opportunity. The basis of interpersonal and social relationships was based on respect for elders and respect for ancestors, whom they knew up to the seventh generation. The head of the family was a man who was responsible for financial well-being, security, and defending the honor of his relatives. The woman occupied a dependent position, but never played the role of a servant or slave. Since ancient times, she has been revered as the mother who gives life to all things. There was a saying: “A man deteriorates - the family deteriorates, a woman deteriorates - the whole nation deteriorates.” It was forbidden to touch women even with a finger: to do otherwise meant an insult and led to blood feud. It was forbidden to swear, smoke, or fight in front of them. The persecution of the bloodline stopped in their presence; women and children were not used as victims of blood feud.

Wedding preparations

The betrothed girl avoids all men and older women from the groom's family. She stays away from noisy, cheerful companies, observing taboos. This is a set of prohibitions that must be followed. The only exceptions are minor children. The bride is allowed to communicate with them.

In the process of preparing for the wedding, the bride's parents collect a dowry consisting of:

bed linen;
kitchen utensils;
carpets;
personal belongings (clothing and linen).

In addition, it is necessary to prepare gifts for the groom's parents and his closest relatives. New rules that appeared relatively recently allow young people to communicate, since they see each other at school (after all, many girls study at universities), but they are prohibited from having close contact.

They are preparing for the wedding in both houses. The holiday will take place in both the bride's and groom's houses, so everything must be properly organized long before the appointed day.

The wedding date is chosen depending on when the dowry will be ready. The elders of the bride's family announce the completion of preparations, and the elders set the wedding day.

10–14 days before the big day, the bride is transported to the house of one of the groom's close friends or relatives, where she awaits the announcement of the appointed date. The wedding in the bride's house will be celebrated for only one day, because the girl will immediately be taken to her husband's home, and the guests will walk in the groom's house for three days.

The day before the wedding, the father of the bride must receive gifts from new relatives, and he has no right to refuse them.

One day before the wedding: dowry and sad father

The day before the wedding at home in Sunzha, Aliya looks tired. In a few hours, the groom's brothers will arrive to collect her dowry. It should be folded, beautifully packaged and brought to the front door.

There is a washing machine on the porch - a gift from relatives. Gifts to the groom's family are packed in square boxes and wrapped in green paper with lush bows. Gifts for the father-in-law are placed in a chest. The carpets are packed with “candy”. Aliya puts her clothes in suitcases. She has 17 dresses, five suits, 22 scarves, several pairs of shoes for different seasons, and bags. There is no fur coat - he and Magomed are against cruelty to animals. Aliya remembers with a shudder how she bought all these clothes in one day. “My friend and I went to an outlet in Moscow and went into every store, looked at what suited me, and bought it. Here I have clothes for going out (events, holidays, weddings), clothes that can be worn to work, to the store, to the city. And home clothes, everyday clothes, you can wear to visit your neighbors and relatives. Dresses, blouses, jumpers, cardigans...” One suitcase is dedicated to cosmetics, it contains everything, right down to cotton pads. Aliya treats her dowry with care - each handkerchief is neatly folded and packed in a bag. When asked to try on some of the outfits, the bride gets scared: “I can’t, I’m not washed.”

Soon Aliya's beloved aunt Rosa arrives. A large, bright woman helped her a lot with getting ready. She carefully examines Aliya's dowry and hums with satisfaction. Together with her neighbor, Rosa carries the dowry into the hallway - Magomed's brothers will arrive any minute. When a car drives up to the yard, Aliya runs into the room and hides behind the door the entire time the men are taking out boxes and suitcases - the brothers should not see her before the wedding. Cautiously looking out the door to assess how much has already been taken, Aliya is worried, but some kind of childish, mischievous sparkle flashes in her eyes.

Aliya's father Amur almost never leaves his room. The thin tall man is sad: “Why have fun? I'm in mourning. I'm left all alone." After the death of his wife, Amur never married (although his relatives are trying very hard to find him a bride), he went into work and caring for his daughter. And despite the fact that Aliya’s wedding is inevitable, she is upset. “I want to wear a black suit to the wedding, but she,” points to Aliya, “doesn’t allow it!” “Pa, what black suit?” - says Aliya. Cupid sighs and closes the door behind him.

It's time for lunch, and Aliya, instead of doing pre-wedding things, sets the table. Helping yourself is strictly prohibited. And she sits down last, when our plates are already half empty. Over dinner, Aunt Rose remembers how in her youth they tried to kidnap her in order to marry her. “I was getting water, a guy came up and asked me for a drink. I held out the jug, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me away. But I was fighting, I screamed throughout the whole area, hit him and escaped. They were later caught, these guys, and it turned out that the one who wanted to marry me was my relative. So they would have brought me back anyway.”

But Aliya's neighbor Khazikhan married her kidnapper. He says they somehow settled down, gave birth to wonderful children, everything is fine. But Khazikhan is in no hurry to marry off his daughter Fatima. Fatima trained as a paramedic and recently started working in an ambulance. She is beautiful, slender, with expressive eyes. “I’m tired of matchmaking,” her mother says, emphasizing her daughter’s worth. Fatima smiles modestly and when asked if she wants to get married, she replies that she definitely won’t get married anytime soon: “I want to work and live. What if my husband doesn’t want me to work? And I really like it!”

“When an Ingush woman marries an Ingush, she must be prepared for the fact that her life will change dramatically,” says Aliya. “That she won’t be what she imagined.”

- Are you ready? - I ask her.

“Yes,” she answers without hesitation.

Celebration

A wedding in Ingushetia is one of the most significant events. This is a holiday not only for two families. Taking part in the celebration:

People of all ages attend the festival. Previously, they were all placed in different rooms or houses. Women have never been close to representatives of the stronger half of humanity . Before the newlyweds go to the registry office or to the place of exit registration, the wedding train is sent to the bride's house. There are a lot of young people there. The only ones missing here are the groom’s sisters, who stay at home and prepare everything necessary to welcome the guests. The bride awaits her future husband in a secret room, from which the groom’s closest relative or brother can take her out.

Before the girl crosses the threshold of her home, a friend pins a needle with a white thread to the hem of her dress (so that the young woman will be happy and protected from the evil eye) and puts a silver coin wrapped in a piece of white cloth in her bosom (a symbol of wealth and housekeeping skills) .

These are attributes that a girl will keep for many years as a shrine. Standing behind a curtain, the bride waits for the groom's relatives to appreciate her, then she comes out and greets all the arriving guests standing.

In the old days, the bride received guests at her parents' house, then the mullah came and registered the marriage, and the groom did not appear even once all this time. The young people met only after the girl left the house to get water. She was taken to the house of her young husband, where the celebration continued.

During a modern wedding, the groom's mother offers her future daughter-in-law a spoonful of honey, which she has no right to refuse. Honey symbolizes a sweet, happy life in a new home with new relatives. The bride stands in a corner and remains there until she receives all the gifts and listens to all the congratulations. Another custom that is preserved and strictly observed today is to pick up a little boy.

The bride takes the baby and gives him a small sum of money. It is generally accepted that after this the newlyweds will definitely have a son as their first-born.

How the relationship began

The groom, through some woman or boy, gave sweets or money to his bride as a symbol of his hopes, feelings and worries. If a girl liked a guy, she would give her chosen one a pair of handkerchiefs - for him and for his friend. At the end of the nineteenth century, the custom arose of sending cigarettes to the groom. These gifts meant that the young couple’s acquaintance had taken place. After this, matchmaking could take place.

After the wedding

It is customary for the Ingush to celebrate in the groom's house for two more days after the wedding. The groom spends the first three days after marriage visiting those who helped him prepare for the holiday. These days, relatives and close friends come to the groom's house.

They are treated to the best dishes and expensive wines. They, in turn, present gifts. These are jewelry, money, expensive clothes. The fun continues, the dancing doesn't stop, and the songs don't stop.

After these three days, the bride, in the presence of the groom’s friends and sisters, collects clean water, and the newlyweds go to their home or that part of the housing that was allocated to them by the groom’s parents. Now they are in a new capacity, like a young family, visiting all their relatives, friends and acquaintances.

The bride spends her wedding day... in the corner

If among the Chechens, for example, the bride sits in a separate room on her wedding day - she is first quickly shown to the guests and then taken away - then among the Ingush it is customary for her to stand in the corner of the main hall until the evening, where everyone is having fun, and accept gifts.

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You have to stand in heels all day, you can’t sit down, you try not to eat or drink to show your modesty. As for the dress, the Ingush people mainly prefer the national dress. But this is optional. Some girls wear European-style dresses. I just wish it was closed.
Khava Haroeva
resident of Ingushetia

Wedding in Ingushetia: traditions and rituals

The Ingush pay the closest attention to creating a family and arranging a family home. From childhood, they perceive the unspoken laws that permeate the way of life of this patriarchal people. Respect for elders, veneration of age-old traditions and loyalty to one’s family are far from empty words for the Ingush. Keeping pace with the times, they carefully keep priceless treasures of cultural heritage in their hearts and souls. An Ingush wedding, with all its unique rites and rituals, fully reflects the essence of the emergence of a new family. A long period of preparation allows young people to painlessly integrate into the life of the community in a renewed capacity as adults, responsible people.

The Ingush are distinguished by their nobility

Also, the Ingush have a custom that can be called one of the types of competition - these are noble deeds.

A distinctive feature of the Ingush people is respect for the older generation and, of course, for parents. The rules of most young people always include norms of behavior. For example, the obligation to let a senior pass on the road. The eldest always speaks first. You cannot interrupt adults or enter into polemics with them; in addition, you need to hear and listen to the advice of the older generation. Parents should be discreet towards their children. As for fathers, they cannot lift their child in their arms if there is an older person nearby.

Ancient culture of Ingushetia

In Ingushetia, from ancient times to this day, a marriage union symbolizes not only and not so much the unity of two young people, but the union of clans. That is why the choice of a future spouse was carried out by the older generation - too many nuances had to be taken into account. In no case were marriages performed between persons bearing the same surname. Numerous family ties, twinning and adoption were taken into account. Also, economically and socially unequal marriages were not accepted, when one of the partners occupied a higher position in society. Customs of tribal feuds, clan alliances and mutual agreements were also taken into account.

Most of the marriages in the old days were carried out by early arrangement. If a young horseman or girl had not been matched in infancy, they could get acquainted on their own, after which they could present the chosen one to the court of the head of the clan. Or older relatives looked for a suitable match for young people. This custom is still preserved in Ingushetia. It is impossible to imagine young people who would go down the aisle against the will of their parents and numerous relatives. Also, divorces were not accepted and are still condemned to this day. If this happened, the shame fell not only on the spouses, but also on their family.

Features of the culture of the Dagestan people

Dagestan has very strong traditions of hospitality

A set of rules that has existed for centuries prescribes hosts to be kind and attentive to guests. The homes of Dagestanis are always open to dear relatives, neighbors, and friends

Even a stranger who accidentally finds himself in the village is accepted as his own relative.

Children and youth are taught to listen to and honor their elders, respect their parents and protect their clan and family.

Despite the influence of Islam, adopted by the inhabitants of Dagestan since the rule of the Turks and Persians, women here have a special, caring attitude. Some researchers believe that initially matriarchy reigned in local tribes. The emphatically respectful, even naming in the third person, attitude of the wife towards her husband is adjacent to the prohibition for the weaker sex to engage in heavy physical labor. The polite wisdom of women can always cool the hot heads of male arguers. Also, in Dagestan it was not customary to wear a veil; on the contrary, girls and women dressed brightly, with numerous head decorations.

A wedding in Dagestan is not just a union of two loving hearts, it is an occasion for all relatives and friends to gather for a celebration of stunning scope. During this period, two separate families merge into a single whole. New relatives actively get to know each other and communicate. In the old days, local villages lived from wedding to wedding. All the surrounding villages gathered for this significant event, and guests came from remote areas. The wedding was celebrated in several stages, and the preparatory period began with the birth of children.

Acquaintance and conspiracy

A wedding in Ingushetia was, perhaps, the only way available to free aul youth to meet people of the opposite sex and find the desired match. At any other time, communication between single guys and unmarried girls was strictly limited. In preparation for the iconic event, the girls sewed and embroidered their own outfits and patterned scarves. And the guys tried to prepare witty sayings and an entertainment program so that they would have something to surprise their possible interlocutor. And at the matchmaking ceremony, a well-spoken tongue was also welcomed.

Realizing his feelings for the chosen girl, the young man immediately notified his parents or older relatives, because at any moment she could be matched to another family. The girl's candidacy was carefully considered. In addition to socio-economic and clan nuances, her character, behavior, reputation, appearance, health and hard work were discussed. Only when the family council gave the go-ahead could the guy begin courtship.

A simple exchange of gifts helped to ensure the favor of the chosen one. The guy conveyed it through a child or a woman, in no case personally! – small gifts: sweets, baked goods, coins. By this he expressed his feelings and hope for reciprocity. If the girl agreed, she would hand over a pair of beautifully embroidered handkerchiefs for her chosen one and his best friend. After this, matchmakers could be sent.

How a bride looks and behaves at a Caucasian wedding

The future wife in the Caucasus has a special role at the wedding celebration. First, let's talk about what a bride looks like according to tradition.

Wedding look

Caucasian peoples are known for their strictness and conservatism regarding how a woman should look. She will be respected and honored if she shows chastity and modesty in her appearance. In families with a traditional Caucasian upbringing, brides wear closed, long white dresses with gold or silver embroidery and an embroidered belt. Also, for a Caucasian wedding, girls often wear a national headdress with a veil. Among the wedding dresses of the peoples of the world, the outfits of brides from mountainous countries occupy a worthy place in beauty and elegance.

If the bride and groom, as well as their families, have liberal views, the image of the young may be more frank. It is not necessary to cover your head, and the dress can reveal your shoulders and décolleté.

Matchmaking (Zoachalol) in Ingushetia

The matchmaking ritual in Ingushetia was usually performed in winter or spring. It took place in several stages. First, a representative who could speak beautifully was chosen at the family council. He went to the house of his chosen one and declared the heartfelt interest of one worthy young man. The talents and skills of the young man, his well-being and deeds were described in detail and colorfully.

The girl's parents were given a period of half a month to check the information received, evaluate the groom and his family from all sides and make a decision. The venerable representative returned to them for an answer after the allotted time. If they agreed, the day of the actual matchmaking was set.

After receiving consent from the head of the chosen one’s family, the guy’s relatives gathered for a clan council. The most respected, wise and experienced people, spiritual mentors came. One of the uncles and the person who represented the groom had to be present. The venerable assembly was provided with all the information about the girl and her relatives. If there were no obstacles to the rapprochement of the two clans, matchmakers were appointed at the same general gathering.

At the girl’s house, all close and distant relatives were waiting for the representative delegation on the appointed day. Ritual praises were heard, emphasizing the dignity of the young groom and the beauty and good character of the young bride. After exchanging long-winded welcoming speeches, the venerable assembly was sure to inquire about the girl’s opinion. She, like an obedient daughter, willingly obeyed the will of the elders of the clan and her parents.

Urdu or payment for milk, a kind of gratitude for providing and raising a daughter, was also passed on at the final stage of matchmaking. The custom did not stipulate a fixed amount; there was only a minimum level, below which it was simply indecent to give. For example, today the minimum bride price is fifty thousand rubles. But a happy lover could be generous as much as the family's fortunes allowed. After this, the girl was considered an agreement and completely came under the protection of the groom’s family; she was called “our man.”

Matchmaking stage

The word lyyhu itself is translated as “search”, “to seek”. If you study the Adyghe code, which is called khabze, bride theft is unacceptable for the people. A gesture from the groom’s relatives when they send matchmakers to the bride’s relatives after learning about their son’s intentions is considered a manifestation of honor and Adyghe culture. By the way, honor in the Adyghe language is translated as nemys. In the old days, the couple met in person at certain celebrations, chatted for a while and exchanged typical gifts. Due to the fact that etiquette did not allow the girl to publicly tell her about her feelings, the ceremony was impossible without a gift. It was he who was considered a symbol of mutual sympathy and feelings.

Giving a return gift to her beloved, the girl spoke about the reciprocity of feelings and the prospects of a possible union. After a girl reached the age when she could get married, she was given a special room, which was called pshchasche une, in her parents’ house. Where she could receive matchmakers and grooms and not be separated in principle from social life. In modern people, this tradition has lost its relevance, and young people can easily go to interesting girls’ houses without much embarrassment.

If there is a mutual desire to get married, the young man must send matchmakers to the girl’s house. Matchmakers should be respected representatives of the older generation within the young family. The girl's relatives should give the matchmakers a warm welcome and set, if possible, a rich table. Next, there is a stage of negotiations with the bride’s relatives and, in case of mutual agreement, a day of celebration is set. It is noteworthy that the heroes of the occasion themselves are not present at the negotiations.

Preparation period

In Ingushetia, complete isolation of young people from each other was practiced. They shouldn't have met even by chance on the street. Usually, if the young people were from the same village, the problem was solved by temporarily moving the guy to distant relatives from another village.

The girl completely excluded communication with young people and men - after all, the bride’s reputation must be impeccable. Also, a ban was imposed on meetings with relatives of the groom of any gender, except for unmarried girls.

The only exception is minor children, with whom customs did not prohibit spending time. If necessary, it was the children who became the link between the bride and the groom or his relatives.

Both sides began an intensive exchange of gifts, preparing food for the feast and holiday gifts for relatives and newlyweds. About two weeks before the wedding date, the bride was transported to relatives or friends on the groom's side, where she awaited the start of the wedding celebrations.

Bride's dowry

Traditionally, a girl's dowry began to be collected from a very young age. She had to do a lot with her own hands: sewing, dresses, embroidery. Some things were bought or made by craftsmen of the family. The time allotted for preparing for the wedding was enough to finally decide on the dowry list, add to it, or check again whether everything was enough. Usually the bride's dowry consisted of household utensils, bedding, rich carpets and the girl's personal belongings.

Lezgins

The Lezgins settled compactly on the lands of Southern Dagestan. Their number in this area is 320 thousand people. Communication takes place in the Lezgin language, which is often modified by local residents. Lezgin mythology is rich in stories about gods who controlled nature. But paganism was replaced by Christianity, which after some time was replaced by Islam.

Like all the peoples of Dagestan, the Lezgins grew crops, especially wheat, rice and corn, and raised livestock. The Lezgins made wonderful carpets that are known far beyond their region. Weaving, spinning, felt and jewelry production were also common crafts. The Lezgins are also known for their folk dance - the Lezginka, which has become traditional for all the peoples of the Caucasus.

Wedding celebrations in Ingushetia

Wedding celebrations were scheduled for the fall, after field work had ended and the new wine had ripened. The time was chosen by the young man's relatives, taking into account the readiness of the bride's family for long celebrations. Both parties prepared separately for the wedding. For the bride's parents, the feast lasted one day, since the bride immediately went to the betrothed's house. But for my husband’s relatives, the festivities dragged on for three days.

The hospitable Ingush organized a holiday for everyone. Not only friends and all relatives up to the twelfth generation were walking, but also neighbors and random guests. Everyone was happy these days. When the wedding train departed for the bride, the young man's sisters remained in the house, preparing the tables for the celebration.

At home, the girl was dressed in a wedding dress, and she was waiting for the groom's representatives. The friends pinned a steel needle with a white thread to the hem of the robe for protection from the evil eye and for good luck, and put a silver coin in a piece of white velvet or silk in the bodice of the dress - for wealth and housekeeping. The young wife kept these talismans throughout her life.

As the bride was led out of the private room to the guests, she greeted the distinguished assembly. This was followed by a marriage ritual conducted by a mullah. At the same time, the groom was absent, he was replaced by an older relative. From that moment on, the girl became a full-fledged wife. However, during all the holidays she never saw her husband. The first time the newlyweds met was when the girl went out to get water the morning after the wedding.

Arriving at the groom's house, the girl stood in a decorated corner and there received gifts and congratulations from guests and relatives. Usually they gave jewelry and gold, dishes, money and fine fabrics. Friends, relatives, and just acquaintances came. Guests were treated to the best and most delicious national dishes. Young and aged wine, pastries and sweets were always served. The wedding was celebrated with obligatory songs, dances, fun and noisy.

Ingush wedding traditions

It is unlikely that anyone else in Ingushetia will be able to afford such a scale, and this wedding has every chance of going down in modern history as the most luxurious. However, even the poorer segments of the population do not skimp on celebrations - this has been the custom from time immemorial. An Ingush wedding has always been expensive, colorful, and intertwined Islamic norms and national traditions. Each Caucasian people has its own characteristics of this celebration; among the Ingush they are as follows:

On the eve of the wedding, the groom sends the bride's father a couple of sheep, butter, tea, and a bag of flour, the so-called khoalchakh.
On the wedding day, which is always Sunday, the bride’s relatives bring gifts to her house. All this will move to the newlyweds’ house only in a few months.
The wedding cortege arrives at the bride's house, ahead of the matchmakers and the mule that blessed the marriage.
The groom's friend and the chosen girl go to the bridegroom. The latter pins a handkerchief to the hem of the bride’s dress, which she gave to her groom before the matchmaking, as a sign of consent.
The groom's friend takes the bride out of her parents' house and she is immediately taken from there to the groom's house, without stopping with other relatives, as is customary in some Caucasian traditions.
When the bride leaves the house, matchmakers shoot into the air from both sides. Whoever does this first will be the main one in the new family.
The wedding begins even before the bride arrives and lasts three days; on the fourth, the newlyweds and guests go to the bride’s house. But just for one day.

Previously, men and women celebrated weddings separately, today this tradition is not observed, but respect for older family members and elderly guests is especially emphasized - they are placed in rooms with more expensive decorations, they are served the best dishes, even earlier than the newlyweds.

Interesting customs of the Ingush wedding

Like all peoples, the Ingush have plenty of signs and original traditions associated with weddings.

Since the end of the 19th century, a girl who agreed to marriage gave her chosen one, in addition to scarves, cigarettes.
The day before the wedding, the girl’s father received gifts from new relatives, and refusal was not accepted.
Celebrations were held separately for men and women. Also, young people were placed in some houses, and venerable elders were gathered in others to make the guests feel comfortable.
The bride was waiting for the groom in a secret shelter, from where only a close relative or brother of the groom could pick her up.
To make family life sweet and without conflicts, the mother-in-law brought a spoonful of honey to the young woman who crossed the threshold of the new house.
Also, upon entering her husband’s house, the bride had to take a male child in her arms so that the marriage would be blessed with numerous offspring, and the first-born would be a boy, the heir. She gave the baby several coins.
While the wedding was celebrated at the house of the groom's parents, the young husband, for three days after the wedding ceremony, stayed with the family of his closest friends, who were responsible for him and helped him during the preparatory period.

At the end of the three-day wedding feast, the young wife could finally leave the house for the first time, accompanied by her friends and her husband’s young sisters. She went to a stream, spring or river for clean spring water. It was at this moment that the chosen one met her, and they walked together to their home or to that part of the community house that was allocated to their family.

After this it was time for family visits. The young married couple visited the homes of numerous relatives, friends and neighbors, as if getting to know each other again. Only a year later or after the birth of their first child could the wife visit her parents for the first time; before that she was protected like a treasure. After all, this is an expectant mother, and her physical and spiritual health was most important.

In her father's house, the young woman received rich gifts from her relatives: large and small livestock, money, jewelry.

Three days before the wedding: suit, shirts and gold earrings

Aliya's house is in Sunzha. Magomed's house is in Karabulak. And Aliya buys everything she needs for the wedding mainly in Nazran and Magas.

Today Aliya buys gifts for her future father-in-law, his brothers and Magomed’s three-year-old sister. She decided not to go to the wholesale market to save time and effort. “It may be a little more expensive, but I’ll save myself,” says the bride. Gifts for relatives are a mandatory part of the program, and the higher the quality, the better. The father-in-law must definitely buy a suit, the brothers can only buy shirts.

The largest number of men's clothing stores are in Nazran. I counted 32 per 100 thousand inhabitants on the map alone. And this, according to the saleswoman Fatima, who has a huge selection of suits and shirts, without taking into account the small departments in the stores. Aliya came to the store with her cousin - the bride cannot leave the house alone. After much deliberation and bargaining, the girls choose a checkered suit and several white shirts. Aliya has already bought a gift for her mother-in-law; there is a gift left for Toma. Aliya spends a long time choosing diamond earrings for her. Simpler stones are rejected - the gift should be tender and rich at the same time. When the shopping is done, she asks Magomed to have tea with me, and we go to Magas.

“It’s important for me that my husband is smart,” says Aliya over tea. - Magomed is like that. He is also a caring person, he helps people and is very concerned about the well-being of the republic. And besides, he promised to let me work. While in Moscow I’m working remotely, I’ll go to a meeting once a month. Magomed promised to let me go, and I believe him.”

Aliya is worried that her wedding will not be at home, as expected, but in a restaurant. Due to the fact that she does not have sisters and a mother, organizing a holiday at home is too troublesome. It is also difficult to buy a dowry because Aliya's father cannot afford to pay all the wedding expenses. But, as always happens in Ingushetia, relatives and friends came to the rescue. “The aunts took on a lot and gave us money. One aunt and her daughters donated a carpet and a vacuum cleaner. Another was an iron and ironing table, a third was a drying rack... Some friends gave me bed linen, some a set of towels. My grandmother gave me a prayer rug. All this will be my dowry.”

Modern wedding customs in Ingushetia

Many traditions have become a thing of the past or have degenerated into stylized performances. The abduction of a bride without her consent has become an unimaginable rarity, as well as conspiracies in early childhood or forced marriages of young people who do not know each other. But, as before, there is a strict taboo on marrying namesakes. Also, modern girls and boys can see each other after an agreement, but not live together. Celebrations in cities are held in banquet halls of restaurants or outdoors. In villages, guests usually gather in one of the courtyards. The strict division into female and male halves is no longer observed, as well as the three-day ban on meeting after the wedding for spouses. And, of course, a young wife can meet with her parents at her own discretion.

A modern Ingush wedding is full of enthusiasm and fun, sparkling humor and the best wishes for the newlyweds. The Ingush people do not need a special entertainment program, because every guest here is his own toastmaster, an excellent dancer and a wonderful singer.

Sources:

https://rusvesta.ru/planirovanie/scenarij/ingushskaya-svadba.html https://svadba.expert/podgotovka/traditsii/po-narodam/ingushskaya https://psvadba.ru/ingushskaya-svadba.html

Dress with meanings

Aliya rented a dress from one of the many bridal shops. There is an atelier at the salon - the selected dresses are adjusted to size and length. The main traditional attributes of the outfit are a bib, a cap and a belt. The bib can be copper or silver, it consists of an even number of stripes, the number of which means the number of children that the relatives wish for the newlyweds. The belt is also not just decoration. Ideally, it should have 12 links - a lucky number in the Caucasus, which means that peace will reign in the house. The dress must have long sleeves (falls), which protect the bride from accidental touches. The head is covered with a veil over the cap so that no one can see the bride's face. The price of the dress depends on the fabric and stones with which the dress is embroidered. And it varies from 50 to 150 thousand rubles. This is if you rent it. If you sew to order, you can give away all 300 thousand.

Later, I go to one of the many wedding salons in Nazran to try on a dress to understand how heavy it is and what it’s like to stand motionless in it for half a day. The saleswoman Khava chooses for me an outfit embroidered with pearls and beads. The dress is tightly laced at the back. When they put on the belt and bib, it seems that I’m wearing 12 kilograms, no less. I wear cream stilettos on my feet. After a few minutes, it becomes hot under the thick fabric. The lace and belt squeeze my waist so tightly that I'm not sure I'll be able to eat or drink anything. “Most brides don’t eat all day, as a rule,” Khava smiles. “From excitement and because of the dress.” It’s uncomfortable to walk (a long train drags behind you), and it’s hard to stand.

I feel like a weak-willed doll. My legs are buzzing. After ten minutes, you want to quickly get rid of your outfit and breathe out.

- How do you stand in this all day?! - I turn to Khava.

- What to do, you have to survive it.

Khava has been working at the salon for six years and enjoys her work. But for her the wedding was not a holiday - Khava was married off against her will. “I didn’t want to marry this person, but my family insisted, pressed, and persuaded. I had to give up. We were married for a year and got divorced. And I'm not sure I'll get married again."