Wedding: answers to questions – Orthodox magazine “Thomas”

In the modern world, many loving couples enter into a union not only in the registry office, in front of the state, but also in the temple, before God. Some people get married on the same day with a wedding ceremony, while others get married after a certain number of years of marriage. Either way, this is an important spiritual step for the Christian family that should be celebrated. What will be discussed in this article, namely, how the wedding is celebrated after church on the wedding day and after it.

How to take photos and videos of a wedding?

Taking photos and videos of the wedding is, of course, not necessary, but this newest tradition, in my opinion, is very positive. It’s good if the impressions of this important and bright event - the wedding - remain in the memory of not only the spouses, but also their children and grandchildren. This will also be a kind of sermon - a sermon on Christian marriage, an event where Christ becomes the rightful owner of the lives of two people who love each other.

It is advisable that the wedding be filmed by a churchgoer who will have a good idea of the sequence of actions of the priest, who will not have to say: “But now there will be an important moment, be sure to film it.” Therefore, when you negotiate with a photographer or cameraman, do not forget to ask if he has had to film this Sacrament before.

One more thing - before the Sacrament, you need to take a blessing for photography from the priest who will marry you.

The meaning of the wedding ceremony

In Orthodoxy, it is generally accepted that only a wedding is the only real marriage, because God blesses the husband and wife with eternal love, fidelity, respect, happiness and long married years.

Christians get married to be together both on earth and in heaven after death. During this ceremony, a man and a woman swear eternal love to each other before the Almighty, and at the end of the ceremony they are protected by him until the end of their days.

In Rus', couples married only in churches, but nowadays everything has changed. Now it is not at all necessary to get married, and if the lovers have made such a serious decision for themselves, then they will first need to sign with the registry office, because without a marriage certificate, they most likely will not be able to get married.

How to order a wedding in a temple?

To order a wedding in a church, you need to approach the priest in advance and discuss the day on which you would like to get married. The fact is that you can’t get married on any day of the church year - there are certain days when people don’t get married in churches. These are fast days; Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday during the week.

The priest will also tell you about some traditions of the particular temple where you came. Don’t delay, call the temple in advance and find out when you can come for a personal conversation with the priest.

What you need to know

You and your significant other must be baptized; it is also not recommended to invite unbaptized people, atheists and people of other faiths to your ceremony as guests; you can celebrate this event with them outside the temple.

When planning the date of a sacred ceremony, be sure to study the special wedding calendar, because there are not so many permitted days. For example, they will refuse you:

during great Lents;
on patronal and church holidays;
on Easter and Maslenitsa;
before the twelve and great holidays, such as Palm Sunday and Christmas Eve;
during the period of Holy Week and Christmastide;
on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday;
and also at night.

There are also favorable dates that you will also find in the wedding calendar.

Before the ceremony in question, newlyweds must fast for several days, avoid intimacy and fun events, and the day before go to church and confess. Read more about all the rules in our separate article on this topic.

In addition to the marriage contract, for the wedding you will need:

blessed rings;
2 Orthodox icons, one of Christ the Savior, the second of the Mother of God;
2 towels or towels;
2 large candles and 2 small scarves;
bottle of Cahors wine.

For the ceremony, the bride must choose an outfit that is modest and appropriate for the church: covering the shoulders, back, stomach and knees, without a deep neckline, rich decor and a long train. Delicate pastel colors are welcome, but bright and black are unacceptable. The head must be covered with a veil, scarf or stole. It is also recommended to give preference to nude makeup, and replace bright lipstick with transparent lip gloss, which does not leave marks, because you will be kissing a crucifix and an icon.

Pants are also prohibited for women at weddings.

Is it possible to get married a second or third time?

The Church allows such a wedding only with the deep blessing of the ruling bishop of the area where the couple is going to get married.

The blessing can be obtained if you provide convincing arguments to the ruling bishop.

Is it possible to get married before the wedding, that is, before registering the marriage at the registry office?

In modern practice, the wedding takes place after the state registration of the marriage. If a person cannot take legal responsibility for another person - in the face of the state, in the face of society, then what kind of spiritual responsibility can we talk about?

Meaning

At the semantic level, the ritual means the combination of Christ in the image of the groom and the Orthodox Church in the image of the bride in holy marriage. Grace descends on those entering into marriage; all prayers during the ceremony are only about the two of them, about a happy family union and future children. Important! We should also not forget that only baptized, sincere believers are allowed to attend the wedding ceremony. It is better to invite atheist friends or representatives of other faiths to the secular part of the celebration.

How to spend your wedding day?

Those getting married on the eve of the wedding come to the temple and pray at the service. Perhaps that same evening on the eve of the wedding they prepare for confession and confess.

On the wedding day, the couple comes to the beginning of the reading of the Divine Hours (a moment in the morning service), pray during the Liturgy, and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ.

The Sacrament of Wedding itself takes place after the Liturgy. And then the spouses and their guests go to where they will celebrate the event and share joy with each other. At the feast, according to tradition, the newlyweds do not drink alcohol.

Ideas

No matter how long your family life has lasted, celebrating such a joyful event should bring positive emotions, first of all, to you. Therefore, if you suddenly want to be alone with your loved one, relatives should treat this desire with respect and understanding. If, on the contrary, the soul asks for a great celebration, then several options are possible.

Banquet

Usually carried out in newly created couples, immediately after painting at the registry office. It differs from an ordinary secular celebration only in greater restraint.

If desired, you can add a traditional or religious flavor. For example, if the parents are also believers, then they can bless the newlyweds, greet them with bread and salt, instructions, and images. The sounds of the wedding bell, playing at the most solemn moments, will add the necessary feeling of grace.

It is best to choose a small establishment or a separate room so that you are not disturbed by loud music or the fun of other people's guests. Special pomp and pomp is not always appropriate after the wedding sacrament. It is better that the decorations are modest, but tasteful.

It is not recommended to invite people prone to drunken behavior to such a celebration, so as not to spoil the sacredness of the moment. If this is not possible because the person is close and important, try to assign one of your relatives to ensure that everything is decent.

If a small family company is gathering, then it is quite possible to do without a toastmaster, keeping the guests busy with conversations, toasts and dancing. But if you invite more than twenty people, then you can’t do without professionals.

In addition to the toastmaster, you can invite artists or magicians, focusing not so much on humor or eccentricity, but on the beauty of the performance. This could be a bubble show, live music, magic tricks.

Evening for two

After making eternal vows to each other, most of all you want to be close to your chosen one, alone. It doesn’t matter at all whether it’s a quiet dinner at home, a picnic in nature, a visit to a luxurious restaurant on the roof, or cooking dinner together in a cozy kitchen, the main thing is that you feel good with each other. Then the feeling of grace that visited you will not leave you for a very long time.

Your favorite dishes, a little red wine, candles, dancing to quiet music - such a celebration, simple, but at the same time very romantic, will leave the most pleasant memories.

Picnic

The tranquility of a forest, mountains, river or lake is perfectly suited for the solemn and spiritual state in which the young people find themselves after the sacrament. You should only avoid crowded noisy beaches.

If your city has a calm, quiet park, then this option is also quite acceptable. It’s easy to add a traditional touch to the celebration, for example, laying out white tablecloths on the grass or setting up tents, setting up a samovar, purchasing or preparing traditional Russian cuisine.

A picnic after a wedding is not the most common, but that is why it is only a more interesting option , which will allow you and your guests to feel unity with nature, harmony in the soul and happiness from creating a new family.

Idea! A compromise between a banquet and a picnic can be a boat trip on the sea or river. But make sure that you or your invitees do not have seasickness, which can ruin the whole holiday.

Journey

A trip somewhere as a couple - what better way to celebrate the strong bonds that make you one? This can be either a very short trip, just a couple of days to another city, or a long vacation, a second honeymoon. The main thing is that during the trip you can be alone with each other, in a romantic, calm atmosphere, leaving all your problems and worries at home.

If your couple is quite religious, then why not go on a honeymoon to holy places? A distant monastery in the countryside or Jerusalem - it doesn’t matter how far you go, the main thing is that the feeling of grace and spiritual uplift will remain in the hearts longer , and these days or weeks will be remembered forever. And there are a lot of beautiful places associated with Orthodoxy both within the Russian Federation and abroad - in Greece, Bulgaria, Eastern Europe.

Calico wedding

When the wedding festivities end, the newlyweds plunge into everyday life together. It’s hard for them at first, but the year of marriage flies by quickly.

The newlyweds' first joint anniversary is called a chintz wedding. It is still unknown how many years the couple will live together. There are several possible origins of this name:

The fragility of chintz fabric personifies the fragility of the relationship between young spouses. Just as chintz breaks from the slightest tension, so a marriage in the first year can collapse from misunderstandings and the first quarrels.
Chintz is a bright material. It is usually painted in different colors. The love of newlyweds in their first year together is just as bright.
The title hides a hint of a stormy intimate life. Within a year, a young couple wears out their bed linen to the point of gauze.
Clothes for newborns are often made from chintz: caps, vests, diapers. This is a hint that already in the first year of life it is time to think about offspring.

Gifts for the newlyweds

From the name itself, chintz wedding, it becomes clear what you can give to a husband and wife celebrating their first joint anniversary. Spouses also exchange gifts. On this memorable day, you can present your husband with a cotton shirt. Engraved jewelry such as cufflinks or a tie pin will also work.

The wife is given a cotton dress or sundress and, of course, a ring, bracelet or pendant. If you give flowers, it is better to be indoors, in a pot. A money tree, which symbolizes material wealth in the house, would be appropriate.

Those invited to the holiday give gifts for both spouses at once. It can be:

tablecloths, towels, napkins, bed linen;
a set of baby diapers, vests and onesies, if the family already has a baby;
funny soft toys;
paintings or panels on the wall;
a bright apron or robe for the wife, a set of scarves for the husband;
a bottle of good wine or cognac;
household appliances for the kitchen, for example, a toaster, blender, juicer. The young family has not yet fully arranged their life, so the spouses will need everything;
things made with your own hands: a knitted jumper, a cake that looks like a wedding, a photo album with photographs of spouses over several years.

Each family decides for itself how to celebrate the first wedding anniversary. The main thing is that after the celebration you are left with a feeling of satisfaction, there is something to remember and discuss with close friends.

Source: magiya.guru

To my beloved man

Although bearers of the proud title of “men” pretend that they are not interested in all sorts of souvenirs, they are still pleased to receive a warm and pleasant surprise from the hands of a loving person:

A coin with an engraving of the faces of saints will add to the numismatist’s collection, and maybe even become its beginning!
A figurine made from polymer clay is a modern and aesthetic gift option. In a special workshop they will mold you anything you want, including figurines of two people getting married based on your photo.
Rosary beads with images of saints are very popular and can be easily found in souvenir shops. But be careful, not every member of the stronger sex will like such a gift. Choose an item based on the person’s style and character.
A small triptych icon in a car will definitely not be superfluous. Choose a compact, convenient option for the car enthusiast that can be easily attached.
A personalized icon to order is a great surprise for a deep believer.
A beautiful album with the ability to not only insert photos into it, but also write any notes will help preserve the history of your family. The two of you can insert memorable photographs from the wedding into it, and write memorable warm congratulations. In the future, such a thing may well turn into a family heirloom.

Try to choose something that is sincere and not just a formal souvenir. Your lover will especially remember the beautiful design of the surprise, perhaps it will be packaging made by your own hands. It is important that the gift is not pretentious and expensive, but important for your family and memorable.

Advice from “experienced” spouses:

Don’t forget about romance in a relationship, arrange joint outings in nature, go to the cinema for kissing places, give each other cute gifts.
It is impossible to live life without quarrels. But in any quarrel, refrain from insulting each other, no matter how much you want to do so.
Strangers and even close friends do not need to know about the problems in your relationship; do not swear in public, sort things out in private.
In order to be able to maintain love after the wedding, it is important to remember that you are not rivals in the arena, but true allies in creating a strong family.
No one has canceled the folk wisdom “the morning is wiser than the evening,” so don’t sort things out before going to bed, put off the conversation until tomorrow. A rested person will not be so irritable and will be better able to hear the other, and perhaps the cause of the conflict will no longer seem so important to you.
Don't forget about sex, even with a busy work schedule, and be sure to kiss your loved one throughout the day.
Remember why you fell in love with each other, continue to be grateful. Don't take courtesies for granted.

Celebration traditions

The first family date should be celebrated according to all the rules, because it is during this period that traditions are laid that will accompany the spouses for many years. On this day, it is necessary to perform certain actions corresponding to the 1 year wedding anniversary.

To the first anniversary, the married couple invites all those who were present at the wedding. Parents, witnesses, relatives and friends are required to come. On this day, one of the two bottles of champagne preserved from the date of the celebration is opened. Happy parents will open the second bottle after the birth of their first child.

The room where the fun will take place is decorated with chintz curtains, and a tablecloth made of this material in bright colors is placed on the table. Towels and napkins should be the same. On this day, new chintz bed linen is laid out on the marital bed. The young husband presents his wife with a cotton dress. And the wife buys an elegant shirt made of this lightweight material. Guests also give gifts made of chintz, accompanying the presentation with wishes of happiness to the newlyweds.

Getting up in the morning on the day of the chintz wedding, the spouses exchange chintz handkerchiefs, tying knots on them. The scarf is taken by opposite ends and tied on the husband and wife's sides, wishing each other many years of happiness together. The knots symbolize the unity of the spouses and the commonality of their interests. Such charmed handkerchiefs are kept in a secluded place for the entire life together.

Appearance of witnesses

The bride thinks through her image down to the smallest detail: the veil, accessories, jewelry, flower arrangements and even the outfits of the witnesses must harmoniously fit into the main style and idea of a traditional and themed wedding.

For example, the color of the witness's dress should match beautifully with the witness's tie and shirt. The bridesmaid's and bride's outfits should be chosen in different tones and shades so that the girls do not look the same. In general, the image of the heroes should be restrained and laconic - a classic jacket, white shirt, trousers, the image can be complemented with a bright bow tie. Among the guests, this couple is distinguished by colored ribbons with an inscription or boutonnieres.

Holiday for two

Sometimes people prefer not to invite anyone at all after the wedding, especially if they are already old. Perhaps they timed the wedding to coincide with the anniversary of their painting or another event that concerns only the two of them.

The event can also be celebrated in a cafe or restaurant; you can have a romantic dinner among picturesque greenery or take a boat ride. There are even more options than with guests. You can also order an individual photo session.

Of course, a wedding is not exactly the same as a civil marriage, and, accordingly, differs significantly from a wedding as such - if not in the reason, then in the execution. One way or another, a wedding, which people close to the couple know about, is an event that attracts attention. As the master of ceremonies, I am often invited to celebrate a wedding. Therefore, I will be happy to share my experience and try to find answers to questions.

My creative experience includes dozens of wedding banquets. The atmosphere of a real holiday is not alien even to such a personal event in the life of a married couple. The evening itself brings together like-minded people, family members and dear friends. It is for such an audience that a completely light holiday program is organized with intelligent competitions and delicate quizzes.

The music is selected according to the prevailing atmosphere of the family banquet. This day will certainly be remembered by all those invited, thanks to the unobtrusiveness and tact of the host whom you invite to the wedding celebration.

Traditional banquet

One of the options for how the event is celebrated could be a classic wedding evening. Whom to invite is up to you. But do not forget that the event, first of all, is of a spiritual nature, so you should not invite some Uncle Petya to the celebration, who can cause a brawl when drunk. Or strictly monitor (entrust someone with) such a relative, what can you do. Guests should share the joy and importance of making such a decision young, but in a peaceful way. After all, the wedding of couples who enter into a spiritual marriage after living for a long time, for example, after 15 years or more, is especially touching. But you even need to be in high spirits.

To ensure that the invited guests do not get bored, it is better to invite a host, someone of your own or a professional, to the banquet. It is necessary to stipulate in advance the scenario of the event, namely entertainment and musical accompaniment. After church, vulgar jokes or competitions, as well as dancing with a hint of debauchery, are inappropriate. Use the most harmless ideas, but with humor:

Gather one team from the bride's side, and the second from the groom's side, arrange a fun tug of war.
Offer to draw a portrait of the bride and groom, maybe blindfolded, to make it funnier.
The traditional bride price, throwing a bouquet and boutonniere instead of a garter, is also suitable.

The wedding is celebrated in a restaurant, outside the city in nature, or even at home. Depending on your wishes and time of year (it will be cold outside in winter). Of course, nightclubs, bars, beaches with people in swimsuits, where the atmosphere is far from spiritual, are not suitable for a banquet. Unless a place near a pond or lake will be intended just for you and hidden from prying eyes.

There are no special restrictions when choosing a festive menu. Orthodox mustache?