Most couples in Russia get married paying tribute to fashion. Young people do not think about the meaning of the Sacrament and the irreversible consequences if it is annulled. The end of a secular divorce proceeding is not considered a valid reason for removing the crown from a couple. The Russian Orthodox Church has adopted a closed list of significant reasons for dissolving marriage bonds. Among them: betrayal, unknown absence, unnatural vices, death and a number of other factors. Debunking a church marriage is not approved by Christians. But in exceptional cases, marriage is allowed three times.
How to lift a church ban?
The Orthodox Church believes that marriages are made in heaven, so the word “divorce,” much less “debunking,” is out of the question. During the sacrament of wedding, a mystery takes place, where the groom personifies Christ, the bride – the Church, and their marriage is a sacred union, sealed in eternity. How can such an indestructible bond be destroyed by anyone, people or the state?
But breakups happen for one reason or another, which means something needs to be done about them.
Any priest will fight to the last to preserve the marriage and encourage his parishioners to do the same, because divorce for Orthodox Christians is a sin. But if restoration of the union is impossible, then it is believed that it is better for a person to look for a new life partner than to live in fornication. Important! A responsible decision to dissolve a married union can only be made by a high church official.
To begin with, a couple who wants to divorce needs to formalize the divorce at the registry office, and then write to the diocesan bishop . The letter must describe the situation in detail, but without unnecessary negativity towards your ex-other half, and also attach all the necessary documents. Then all that remains is to humbly wait for an answer.
Even if you are the injured party, your letter must still include your spouse’s consent to divorce, unless this is physically impossible, for example, the person has gone missing. It is impossible to be debunked against the will of the second spouse , since, according to the church, if a person sins, but still clings to his family, then something else can be fixed.
It should be noted that the procedure is not debunking in its entirety. The former spouses retain a spiritual connection in the eyes of the church and God, but at the same time the innocent party is given the opportunity to build a new relationship. Naturally, before a divorce it is necessary to confess, repent and, possibly, endure penance.
The Church believes that in any breakup, both parties are always to blame , but you should understand that if the relationship ended through your fault, then the punishment will be more severe.
How does the procedure work and how often can it be done?
Based on the conceptual foundations of the Orthodox Church, second marriage is not encouraged, but in some cases it is permitted. The clergy view the back and forth between different partners with condemnation; such behavior is considered unworthy - anyone who wants to bless a new union in church must begin with repentance, he must confess and pay penance (as a way of healing the penitent).
The re-wedding ceremony is performed according to the “second rite” - a little less solemnly than the first time. Such an action is filled rather with a feeling of repentance; the clergyman asks God to forgive the newlyweds all their voluntary and involuntary sins and to cleanse their iniquities.
Allowing marriage a third time is an extreme concession to the church. The concession is given mainly to widowers and parents with many children who need support after a family breakup that was not their fault. The party at fault in the divorce is not given a blessing, and re-wedding is denied. To prevent a person from being accused of the sin of adultery, it is forbidden to enter into a fourth and subsequent marriages - according to the rules and current church legislation, such actions are no better than fornication and are never blessed.
Reasons for dissolving the union
No two families are the same, no two cases are the same. It’s one thing if the wedding took place not because of the deep faith of the spouses, but because of a fashionable trend, a desire to please parents and go through a beautiful ritual. Another thing is if there are objective problems, and being together, people move away from God more than by taking on the sin of breaking up. Therefore, each request is considered individually . However, there are some points that increase the likelihood of a favorable outcome.
The Church allows divorce in the following cases:
- betrayal of one of the parties : first, the priest will try to reconcile the spouses, remind them that we all make mistakes, but if this fails, then the chance of dissolution of the relationship increases many times;
- conversion of a husband or wife to another faith;
- the wife had an abortion without her husband’s consent and without medical contraindications;
- infertility is a very difficult moment: a strict priest will refuse if this is the only reason, because only God can decide how many children there will be in the family;
- Diagnosed alcoholism or drug addiction : a certificate from a medical institution is required, just the love of drinking is not a valid reason;
- domestic violence, also documented by law enforcement;
- an incurable disease that is dangerous for future children , for example, AIDS or syphilis;
- diagnosed incurable mental disorder;
- sexual perversions, especially those threatening children;
- long prison sentences;
- new civil or official marriage of the former spouse;
- missing for more than 3 years.
Advice! If your reasons are not included in the list above, do not despair - submit a petition with your arguments. The Orthodox Church is merciful and tries to empathize with the situation of all its children without exception.
Reasons for debunking
Remarriage within the walls of a church is permitted only after the diocesan bishop gives his blessing for the dissolution and new marriage. What do you need for this? A decision will be made based on the results of consideration of the submitted petition. A church marriage will be debunked if the head of the local church considers the reasons specified in the document to be significant. Each case is considered individually. If the reason is compelling, the marriage will be debunked even without the consent of the husband (wife). A list of fairly weighty justifications is given in the official document “Fundamentals of the Social Concept,” which is mandatory for all members of the Church.
This list includes:
- adultery;
- malicious abandonment of a spouse from the family;
- abortion performed against consent;
- mental disorder, sexually transmitted disease, chronic infection, HIV, AIDS;
- committing a serious crime and being sentenced to imprisonment;
- pathological addiction to alcohol, drugs, and other unnatural vices;
- concealing from the future spouse the fact of having a problem or deliberately causing harm to one’s sexual reproductive health;
- actual harm to the health of family members or threats;
- renunciation of faith, transition to another denomination;
- unknown disappearance for a long period.
How to terminate?
So, if you firmly decide that the marriage is over, then you must first get a divorce in the eyes of the state. Only after receiving a divorce certificate from the registry office can you write to the diocesan bishop.
Remember that you can file a petition alone, but you will still need to bring permission from your spouse. There are certain templates for writing letters to the bishop, you can use them, you can write yourself, from the heart. You should not describe your reasons too dryly, because the church is not a bureaucratic system, or, on the contrary, too emotionally - you can express your feelings to your confessor, but not to a high church rank.
If the bishop considers your reasons legitimate, then you will receive a blessing for a new marriage , a document confirming this, and will be able to get married a second time. But remember that the church does not accept more than three marriages, so think carefully before your next trip down the aisle.
Be sure to talk with the confessor, the priest who married you. He will explain all controversial issues, give the necessary advice, and also be able to support you in difficult times.
Documentation
You should take with you to church:
- passports;
- divorce certificate;
- wedding certificate;
- letter to the bishop;
- any documentary evidence of the specified reasons for divorce - medical certificates, conclusions from law enforcement agencies.
How does the debunking procedure take place in the Russian Orthodox Church?
The rite of dissolution of a church marriage must be carried out after the official divorce has been completed. According to the rules, debunking takes place two to three weeks after the divorce. The husband and wife need to visit the parish where they were married and, if possible, communicate with the priest who married them. As a last resort, you can visit a temple nearby. The abbot communicates with the spouses, whose goal is to find out the reasons for the spouses’ desire to separate, and then, based on them, make a decision, notifying the spouses of the possible consequences.
The spouses write a petition in which they describe the history of their life together and the reasons that led them to the decision to divorce. Certified documents are attached to the application.
Divorce in other religions
All world religions agree that divorce is sinful, but due to the weakness of human nature, it is pointless to put an absolute ban on divorce. If attempts to reconcile the spouses and return them to the family are unsuccessful, and an exceptional situation has developed in the family, the clergy will allow you to renounce these vows.
Important! The procedure will be preceded by a conversation with the confessor, and in the case of the Catholic Church, an entire church court, but ultimately the divorcees will still be met halfway.
Do Catholics have debunking in the church?
The Catholic Church treats divorces, on the one hand, much more uncompromisingly, and on the other hand, softer than the Orthodox Church. For Catholics, civil divorce and separation is considered normal. In some cases it will not even be a sin. But debunking, taking away one’s vows before God, is completely unacceptable.
After a Catholic wedding, the only possibility is to have the marriage declared invalid, annulled, and such a verdict will be made not by one clergyman, but by an entire tribunal.
Proceedings to annul a Catholic marriage often drag on for years.
Even if the guilt of one of the parties is objectively proven, no one guarantees a divorce. The reason for the breakup is most often betrayal, but other reasons are also possible - impotence, violation of obligations. In cases of domestic violence, mental illness, alcoholism or drug addiction, the Catholic Church may suggest that the sick spouse undergo treatment and the other one wait.
In more complex, non-standard situations - resign yourself, endure and learn the lesson that life is trying to teach with this or that problem.
Is it possible for Muslims to get divorced?
Despite the popular belief that Islam does not allow any divorce after nikah, especially those initiated by a woman, this is not entirely true.
Allah has a negative attitude towards the collapse of a family, but getting a divorce if necessary is quite possible. It is enough for a man to say “you are divorced” or “you are single” for a “buffer period” to begin, during which the couple can change their minds and repair the broken love boat. At the same time, the husband is not at all obliged to explain his decision, although such behavior is extremely unwelcome and can lead to certain social problems and consequences.
A woman, if she wants to get a divorce, should seek help from an imam. He takes responsibility for protecting her interests in the divorce proceedings. The reason for separation may be the husband’s insufficient financial security or any other incompatibility.
Important! The family in Islam is sacred, marriage means the union of two families, and therefore divorces are so rare and they are used only as a last resort.
Church remarriage
When it comes to how a church divorce occurs, the concept of “debunking” immediately comes to mind for many ordinary people. However, this concept does not mean divorce at all, as the church says. Debunking is a re-wedding in the Orthodox Church after a divorce, blessed by the bishop. The sacrament takes place the same way as the first time, without one significant detail - crowns are not placed on the heads of the young people.
People who decide to divorce after a church wedding face exclusively spiritual consequences. In Orthodoxy, three weddings are allowed, provided that the believer is under 50 years of age. Orthodoxy does not allow entering into a church marriage more than three times - this is a grave sin before God. For such a sin, penance may even be imposed on the believer. History knows an eloquent example when in 1575 church punishment was imposed on Ivan the Terrible, who allowed himself a fourth marriage.
Reasons in Orthodoxy
According to the Gospel of Matthew, there is only one reason for the separation of a husband and his wife - adultery , “the guilt of fornication.” In the First Epistle to the Corinthians of the Holy Apostle Paul, only one is added as a reason for divorce - the desire to divorce on the part of an unbelieving spouse.
However, in modern reality, the Orthodox Church takes into account other situations in which a church marriage is recognized as invalid or has lost its canonical force. But as a last resort, when all possible methods for reconciliation and restoration of family relationships have been exhausted, and the process of the couple’s breakup is objectively irreversible.
Wedding after divorce for the second time
In the church it is believed that a wedding is the marriage of spouses for a lifetime. However, in the modern world, many church ministers make concessions to those who want to undergo the wedding ceremony a second time. A more complicated process occurs the third time. In fact, you can only get married a maximum of 3 times in your life.
Wedding date
It is allowed to perform the ceremony on odd days of the week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday).
True, holidays should not fall on these days:
- Easter.
- The beheading of John the Baptist (as well as his eve).
- The Exaltation of the Holy Cross (as well as its eve).
Also, weddings are not held during Lent and Maslenitsa week.
Preparation
Before the second wedding (as before the first), you should fast for three days.
You can confess and receive communion in advance. Some priests perform these rites right before the wedding ceremony. You should also prepare:
- Icons of Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary. Either bring it from home or buy it.
- 2 wedding candles, white towel.
- Rings. You can't use the old ones, buy new ones.
- Pectoral crosses.
- Bride's outfit. It should be modest (all parts of the body should be covered) and light in color. The head must be covered. You should wear comfortable shoes as the process will be long.
Despite the fact that witnesses and guests are not allowed for a second wedding, it is quite possible to order a choir and ringing of bells.
Photo and video shooting should be discussed in advance. In some temples it is allowed.
Description of the ritual
The main difference between the second wedding and the first: the absence of crowns over the heads of the newlyweds. Even if the second spouse participates in the sacrament for the first time, he is not given a crown.
How the ritual takes place:
- At the church, the documents of the spouses and the petition addressed to the bishop are submitted. A voluntary amount is paid.
- If there is a blessing and an officially registered marriage, only the spouses and the priest should take part in the wedding process.
- The wedding ceremony is carried out similarly to the “first time”.
It should be remembered that the ceremony must take place with a complete decision to associate one’s destiny with a person. There must be respect, trust and responsibility for your choice. And, of course, love: not only physical, but also spiritual.
Nuances
Weddings are held only for those who have been baptized in Orthodoxy.
In some cases, an exception is made for representatives of Catholicism, Lutheranism and Anglicanism. You cannot marry a representative of Islam, Judaism, or Buddhism.
The wedding of close relatives is prohibited (incest).
Weddings can only take place at the age of 18, not earlier!
It is important that the wedding date does not fall on a woman’s critical days. These days, representatives of the fair sex are prohibited from entering the temple.
The wedding takes place in 2 stages:
- Engagement. The newlyweds are baptized three times, the presentation of rings and the subsequent exchange of wedding rings three times.
- Sacrament. Here the spouses must answer the priest's questions. He says prayers. At the end, the newlyweds drink symbolic sips of church wine from a special cup.
At the end, the spouses walk around the lectern 3 times and receive a blessing (with the help of icons) for marriage.
