Archpriest Vladimir Puchkov answers.
The world, as we know, lives according to the laws of the market. In particular, demand creates supply. For example, when the first users of mobile phones developed the habit of putting emoticons at the end of phrases in the form of open or closed brackets, manufacturers of the corresponding technology immediately took the plunge and began to include all sorts of different fancy faces in the menu, so that it would be easier for emoticon lovers to convey various emotions and shades of mood with a simple press. finger As a result, the user liked it so much that there are now so many emoticons in the menu of individual smartphones that there is no talk of any simplification of the communication process.
If life in the Church were built according to market principles, then, probably, the top ten most popular proposals would undoubtedly include a wedding without registering a marriage.
I serve in a large city parish and I regularly hear requests for weddings without registration at the registry office once every week or two. Due to the fact that the laws of the market do not fit into the logic of church life, such requests are usually answered with a refusal, which, in turn, causes no less regular bewilderment: “why not”? “Rava’s wedding isn’t more important”? “What if I don’t want to sign?” “What does state registration have to do with the Church?” “Can’t we be husband and wife before God without a marriage certificate?”
And yet, why not? And is it possible to get married without registering a marriage in any special cases?
The meaning of wedding
The wedding ceremony marks the union of two human souls. According to Christian views, after a wedding, a man and woman become a “small church.” Their future life together is sanctified by grace and blessed for the birth and upbringing of children.
A wedding, with rare exceptions, is possible only once in a lifetime , so the choice of future spouses should be a conscious act of voluntary love. The ceremony is preceded by long preparation, which includes attending pre-marital courses, fasting, reading prayers, participating in the sacrament of confession and the Eucharist.
What is a church marriage?
A wedding, or church marriage, is a ceremony performed by a clergyman in a church.
It is believed that this sacred Sacrament unites the souls of lovers, allows them to consolidate the relationship between husband and wife in heaven and receive the approval of the Almighty for the birth of children.
Nobody obliges newlyweds to get married in church . Whether to perform this ritual or not is up to the future spouses to decide, because from a legal point of view, only the procedure of registering a marriage with the registry office is considered an official, legal marriage.
More than 2 centuries ago the situation was different. Until the 20th century in Russia, church marriage was considered the only legal one and had all the legal consequences.
The church practice of marriage was very strict: in addition to the wedding, the newlyweds went through the betrothal procedure, after which they could sometimes wait for years for the Holy Sacrament. Now these two rites are combined into one wedding ceremony.
Important! Getting married is a very serious and responsible step. The decision of the newlyweds to perform a sacred ceremony must be mutual and deliberate.
Will they get married in church without marriage?
Until 1917, when church and state were not separated, church marriage had absolute legality and legal force. Any marital union was concluded within the walls of the temple. During the existence of the USSR, church traditions were vetoed and special government bodies were formed.
Currently, official registration of marriage in a state institution (registry office) is a mandatory condition for a clergyman to perform a wedding ceremony. The Christian Church defines law-abidingness as a type of virtue, so obtaining a marriage certificate in advance confirms the seriousness of the couple's intentions. Otherwise, the wedding may simply be a tribute to family tradition, or its holding may be caused by the desire of only one of the spouses.
The preliminary conclusion of an official marriage, from the point of view of the church, is also necessary to exclude the possibility of remarriage, polygamy and polyandry, unions between blood relatives, etc.
A wedding is the last step in confirming mutual love, which cannot be canceled, unlike a state or so-called civil marriage.
Important! Long-term cohabitation does not become an argument in favor of holding the sacrament.
On the contrary, the church will perceive the relationship as immoral: such couples will not be allowed to receive communion until they repent that they lived in sin. What in modern society is usually called a civil marriage, from a religious point of view, is not a marriage at all. The church refers to a civil marriage as one entered into by state authorities.
A man and a woman living together, running a common household, and even having children together “without a stamp in the passport” is an ordinary cohabitation, which the clergy attribute to prodigal sin - one of the seven deadly sins that are most difficult to atone for.
The clergy are sure that in cohabitation there is no responsibility of a person for himself and his spouse; mutual obligations are not defined. Reluctance to enter into legal marriage is usually caused by distrust and disdain for each other. This indicates a lack of true love, and it is on it that Christianity is based.
Another possible reason for cohabitation is disrespect for church and secular laws , which also cannot be approved by the church.
The exception that proves the rule
But with the second category everything is somewhat more complicated. I won’t say that every priest, but many priests, have encountered cases where the state registration of a marriage is hampered by completely objective factors. Most often this happens in second marriages between middle-aged people with adult children. Issues of inheritance, financial obligations, legal incidents, loans, different citizenships... This list can be very impressive, but the main thing here is that the couple is not at all opposed to registering a marriage, often people want this and would formalize the relationship as soon as the opportunity arises, but certain circumstances prevent this. It seems that in such a case one could say that, as an exception, a wedding without marriage is possible. Of course, provided that a particular priest has known a couple for a certain time, these people (or one of them) are his permanent parishioners and both their mutual feelings and understanding of mutual responsibility are sincere and strong. Of course, a priest should not make such decisions on his own, and it would be logical to turn to the ruling bishop for a solution to the problem. Moreover, as I have already said, the overwhelming majority of such cases occur among couples who are remarried, and the blessing of a second marriage is exclusively within the competence of the bishop.
Yes, this is definitely an exception. However, oddly enough, it confirms the rule, since in this case we are not talking about a reluctance to sign, but quite the opposite, about a desire that is hampered, to one degree or another, by objective factors. That is, not a desire to evade responsibility and not a fundamental disregard for it, but a complete readiness to take it upon oneself, which can only be realized in a wedding.
Popular excuses
You can sometimes hear strange phrases from believers who oppose the painting in the registry office.
For example, in an attempt to find an excuse, many say that it is important to get married, and the stamp in the passport is “a matter of profit” and it is not necessary to put it. This is fair, but a counter question arises: why resist an “insignificant” formality, and why not go through the 15-minute painting procedure?
Another common argument: “We have such strong love, but we have absolutely no money for a wedding, so for now we’ll just get married.” In this case , you can choose non-ceremonial registration by paying only 350 rubles in state duty . With such an excuse, the priest will have a fair doubt: what will the young people live on, raise children, improve their life, if they cannot even save money for a modest ceremony?
How did people think about weddings before?
Even secretly married people, as well as forcibly married people (this also happened), were almost impossible to debunk. Indeed, in order for such a marriage to be considered invalid before heaven, certain conditions had to be met. So in the case of a secret wedding, those around them had no choice but to come to terms with the independence of the newlyweds.
A record of the ceremony was made in the Church books, everything was recorded according to the words of those getting married, without presenting supporting documents. For some people, church records were almost the only documents in their lives, confirming birth, baptism and wedding.
Over time, in the raging passions of revolution and atheism, the wedding ceremony practically became a thing of the past. Churches collapsed. Communism swept across the country in sweeping strides, Stalin's cult of personality crushed the people's way of life. Accordingly, all religious celebrations were prohibited and many church sacraments were also banned.
The church lost its powers and no longer had the right to fill out any documentary paperwork.
A person who decided at that time to witness his marriage before God risked a lot. He could have been expelled from the party, but it is worth noting that being a “non-communist” in those days was not only shameful, but also dangerous. In addition to expulsion from the party, a person was also threatened with dismissal from work so that church “opium” would not spread in the team. That is why people grew up who could not even imagine such a ceremony as a wedding in the Orthodox Church. This, it must be said, did not have a very beneficial effect on post-revolutionary society.
Getting married and getting divorced has become very easy. A couple who wanted to live together was required to submit an application to the registry office and come to register their marriage at the appointed time. Printing, painting, and a new family was born.
Are exceptions possible?
There is no canonical ban on holding a wedding ceremony without an official marriage. However, the mere desire of future spouses is not enough. Since not only the young, but also the clergy bear responsibility, each such case is considered individually by the bishop of the corresponding diocese. Only the diocesan bishop gives permission to get married bypassing the rules.
Three common reasons for exceptions:
- State registration and the wedding ceremony are scheduled for the same date, several hours apart. If you show the priest an invitation card to the registry office for a certain date indicating the names, he will probably give in and allow the wedding to be held first, and then the painting ceremony at the registry office;
- The presence of extenuating circumstances , for example, during an upcoming operation with a risk to life or before the spouse travels to a “hot spot”, the local diocesan administration will most likely give the go-ahead for the wedding without a state marriage;
- A couple who wants to get married without a stamp in their passport have been obedient parishioners of the church for many years , and the rector of the temple sees their sincere attitude towards each other, he can make an exception. In this case, he takes full responsibility for their union.
Interesting! In Russia, the star couple Anton Makarsky and Victoria Morozova are known, who were married without a wedding ceremony precisely because of the last reason on the list.
Sacrament of wedding: what is needed in 2022, how it happens
A wedding in a church without registration in the registry office or with an official ceremony has the same requirements for holding:
- The main rule for a wedding dress is chastity. The shoulders, chest and back are covered, the length is below the knee, the cut is loose. If the style does not meet these criteria, a cape should be provided. Only an outfit with a skirt is allowed; a pantsuit will not be acceptable in this case. A veil or headscarf is required to cover the head of the bridegroom. Guests' clothing must also comply with church canons.
- The bride and groom fast for a week or several days before the ceremony. It includes not only abstaining from meat, but also abstaining from attending entertainment events and intimate relationships.
- It is not allowed to carry out the ceremony during all four church fasts, on the eve of great holidays, on Easter and Cheese weeks.
The first stage of the wedding ceremony is engagement. The clergyman makes the sign of the cross three times in turn over the bride and groom and pronounces certain words. Then he places rings on the ring fingers of each person’s right palm. The newlyweds exchange wedding rings three times as a sign that their intentions are serious.
The next step is the actual conclusion of a church marriage. First, each partner answers the priest’s questions. Then the couple stands under the crowns, and the shepherd reads prayers and asks the Lord for grace for the emerging family union. After this, the future husband and wife are given wine to drink from a ritual cup, circled around the lectern three times, and blessed with icons of the Savior and the Most Holy Theotokos.
According to the rules of the Catholic Church, a certificate of official marriage is required. The engagement takes place three months before the wedding. The wedding rite in Protestantism is similar to the Catholic one. The traditions of this movement involve celebration right in the temple. Church music sounds, guests receive communion and make donations for the needs of the church. Drinking alcohol is prohibited.
A wedding, like baptism, cannot be held in a monastery: the way of life of this place involves renunciation of worldly joys and worries.
