One of the seven church Sacraments, serving to bless a newly created family. Previously, when the church was united with the state, this replaced the civil registration of marriage. In some countries, for example, in Greece, this is still happening.
A little history
The marriage ceremony has existed for a long time. Marriage customs were different in different countries. Before Christ, in Greece, when a marriage took place, wreaths made of plants were placed on the heads of the bride and groom.
The Gospel tells how Christ came to Cana for the wedding ceremony. There He turned water into wine. With His presence, Christ sanctified this marriage. This means that marital relations cannot be a sin, as heretics believe.
In the first centuries of Christianity, the wedding rite had not yet been created. The custom of marriage remained the same. And only in the fifth century the Sacrament became similar to the modern one . Betrothal has existed for a long time, it is still preserved in Judaism. But in the sixth century, weddings were not yet perceived as a church Sacrament, but simply as a festive meal.
In Rus', marriages were concluded only in the church; with the advent of Soviet power, the church separated from the state, and marriages began to be registered in the registry office. Now young people can register their marriage at the registry office, and then, if they wish, they can get married in a church.
The purpose and essence of the sacrament
A wedding is an important and responsible step for Orthodox believers. You cannot go through the sacrament simply for the sake of fashion or colorful memories of a spectacular ceremony. The ceremony is carried out for churchgoers, that is, people baptized according to the rules of Orthodoxy, who understand the importance of creating a family in Christ.
Important! The dissolution of a married marriage or violation of the accepted vow of fidelity to a spouse is a grave sin.
At the sacred level, husband and wife become one. The priest reads prayers during the ceremony, calls on God, asks him for mercy for the newly created family to become part of Him.
In Orthodoxy there is a concept: family - Small Church. The husband, the head of the family, is a prototype of the priest, of Christ himself. The wife is the Church, betrothed to the Savior.
A beautiful ritual, amulet or...?
It's no secret that for many, a wedding is just a beautiful ceremony or a tribute to tradition. Crowns, wine, rings, candles, choir singing - all this is truly very beautiful. At the same time, those getting married often do not have any prayerful attitude and are not aware of what will happen now, that the Holy Spirit will invisibly descend on them and sanctify the future family. People enter the temple and have fun and take pictures. But this is not just a rite or ritual, but a sacrament, that is, a very serious thing. In the prayers of the Sacrament of Wedding, the priest will ask for God's blessing for this family. In this case, the prayer of the spouses themselves is very important.
Many resort to getting married, hoping that in the future they will not get sick, swear, and they will not have any temptations in life. The Lord gives His blessing, but how people will live and behave in marriage depends entirely on them. Our life is not only covered with roses. There will always be some sorrows and problems in her, and she will need not only love, but also sacrifice, patience, humility of her pride. This is what is said in the sacrament of Marriage. If it were so that they got married - and lived in a strong marriage all their lives - then people would not be people.
Everyone goes through mistakes, everyone has passions, but if a person lives with God, it will be easier for him to overcome this. Those who spend their lives without God will not avoid serious temptations, and a wedding will not protect such a marriage from them. But treating the sacrament not as a blessing from God, but as a talisman is a sin.
Why is it necessary for a family: the opinion of the church
The church contrasts marriage according to the Orthodox tradition with the unspiritual life of a consumer society. Family in the life of a believer is a stronghold that grants:
- mutual support in everyday difficulties;
- joint spiritual development;
- nurturing each other;
- the joy of mutual love blessed by God.
A married spouse is a companion for life. The spiritual strength received in the family is then transferred by a person to social and government activities.
How to spend the day after the wedding?
After this sacrament, one is supposed to have fun, rejoice at this celebration, and the creation of a new family. Of course, while drinking and celebrating, newlyweds must maintain a human and Christian appearance. If we open the Gospel, we will see that the Savior performed His first miracle at a marriage in Cana of Galilee. There was fun there, people rejoiced and drank wine, but it came to an end. Then the Lord turned water into wine so that the joy of the holiday would continue.
Archpriest Nikolai Markovsky
Scripture Meaning
For a happy family life, carnal mutual love for each other is not enough. A special connection between husband and wife, the union of two souls appears after the wedding ceremony:
- the couple receives the spiritual protection of the church, the family union becomes a part of it;
- the Orthodox family is a special hierarchy of the Little Church, where the wife submits to her husband, and the husband to God;
- during the ceremony, the Holy Trinity is called upon to help the young couple, and they ask her for a blessing for the new Orthodox marriage;
- children born in a married marriage receive a special blessing at birth;
- It is believed that if a married couple lives in compliance with Christian laws, God himself takes her in his arms and carefully carries her through her entire life.
Just as in the Big Church they pray to God, so in the Small Church, which the married family becomes, the word of God must constantly sound. True Christian values in the family are obedience, meekness, patience with each other, and humility.
The power of the Lord’s grace is so great that, having received His blessing during the wedding ceremony, the couple then often devotes their aspirations to the Christian life with great zeal, even if previously the young people rarely visited the temple. This is the leadership of Jesus Christ, who became the master of the Orthodox home.
Important! One of the main vows of a married couple is the oath of fidelity to each other for the rest of their lives.
Wedding is the spiritual foundation of the family (+VIDEO)
Why is it necessary to get married? What is the symbolism of rings and crowns? Why do the bride and groom face east during the wedding? What does the expression “love as yourself” mean? How to correctly understand the words: “Let the wife fear her husband”?
Hello, dear friends. The series of conversations “Grammar of Family Life” continues, and today we will talk about the spiritual life of the family and the beginning of this spiritual life, which is the Sacrament of Wedding.
The sacrament of wedding can be compared to baptism - to the baptism of a new family. Here a child is born: having received life from his parents, having received an immortal soul from God, he comes into this world - but the child must be spiritualized, he must be dedicated to God - sanctified in the Sacrament of Baptism. So is family. Creating a family is always a mystery: two completely different people become one, but this union needs sanctification - in the Sacrament of Wedding.
I have in my hands the Trebnik - a book containing the rites of those church Sacraments that are performed in the parish: this is just the Sacrament of wedding, but also the Sacraments of baptism, consecration of oil, etc. Today, even after reading something from it to you, I will tell you about betrothal and wedding
About the importance of wedding
Is it necessary to get married? Yes, marriage must be sanctified. And many couples come to the temple with doubts: “We are not ready for the wedding yet. Maybe we’ll think about it, but for now let’s go to church...” For church people, believers, the question is: is it necessary to get married? – can’t stand at all. If a child is born, he must be baptized; if a young union is created, it needs to be spiritualized and dedicated to God.
God doesn't save us without us. And the Sacrament of Wedding is not some kind of magical act that guarantees a strong marriage
You need to start your family life by asking God for help. We begin any good deed with prayer: we serve a prayer service before traveling, building a house, etc. And, naturally, before building our family hearth, we need to strictly pray to God, and the Lord will grant His grace. But God does not save us without us. And the Sacrament of Wedding is not some kind of magical act that will bind a couple for life, regardless of the spiritual state of the spouses, their faith, and then everything will go for them as if on a well-trodden path, along well-laid rails. Of course, any sacrament and even any ritual, for example, such as the consecration of a car, does not work without a person’s faith: if a person believes that the priest should do everything for him, he himself does not make any effort, does not pray, does not intend to follow the rules of the road, it is clear that this will not help him at all. In marriage it is exactly the same: spouses must lead a spiritual Christian life, must pray for each other, must be Orthodox Christians and must, naturally, themselves call on the power of God for help and believe in the power of the perfect Sacrament, in the fact that the Lord will help them.
Engagement
The sacrament of wedding begins with betrothal. Betrothal is a kind of rite, not even a Sacrament, in which the spouses exchange rings. By the way, betrothal in ancient times, in the first centuries, was not a Christian rite: it accompanied the legal registration of marriage. This is how today in Russia, where the Church is separated from the state, the sacrament of wedding is performed separately from the registration of marriage, and this registration is carried out through registration in the registry office, the same situation was in the Roman Empire. Any marriage that was blessed and crowned by the bishop, and later by the presbyters, had to undergo legal registration. So there are two components in the Sacrament of Marriage: one is legal, the other is spiritual.
Wedding. Photo: A. Pospelov / Pravoslavie.Ru
The betrothal ceremony was performed through the exchange of rings when signing a certain marriage document in the presence of witnesses - the Roman Empire very strictly monitored civil records, compliance with the laws and norms of Roman law.
The wedding ceremony, which is now performed in the Church on the appointed days, has evolved over centuries - it was formed somewhere in the 14th century. It’s difficult for us to say how people got married in the first centuries. But one thing is known: the bishop brought this young couple, who signed legally, into the church, read a certain prayer, blessed her, and they received communion together at the Divine Liturgy. An echo of this joint Communion at the Divine Liturgy is the common cup that the spouses drink during the wedding.
So, engagement. The couple exchange rings - the priest changes their rings. According to strict Orthodox tradition, the wife wears a gold ring, the husband puts on a silver ring. But in fact, these are not their rings: the husband wears, as it were, his wife’s ring, because silver is a symbol of the Moon, that luminary that receives light from the Sun; and the wife wears her husband’s ring – gold, “sunny”. Why is it necessary to exchange rings? So that husband and wife remember each other all the time. Let us remember that the ring is without beginning and without end, it is a closed circle - a symbol of eternity and infinity. This exchange of rings has been compared to the ringing of birds; and in the seminary, students who got married were jokingly called “ringed” by the monks and congratulated their classmates on their “ringing.” It seems to me that there is nothing offensive in this joke, because what does it mean to be ringed? This means that you already belong to someone. A ringed bird has an owner, it is monitored, certain norms are prescribed for it...
So, the priest, with the authority given to him by God, changes the couple's rings, puts the groom's ring on the bride's finger, and the bride's ring on the groom's finger. Usually rings are made according to the size of the hand of the person who will wear it, because men's fingers are larger than women's, and in fact, everyone takes this ring off their own hand. But you should still always remember, when looking at your ring, that this is the ring of your wife/husband, which was given to you upon engagement.
Next, certain prayers are read, a litany is proclaimed, in which blessings and help for married life are asked, and the Sacrament of Wedding itself begins.
Wedding
I will dwell only on the main points of this Sacrament, because the format of our conversation does not imply a deep study of it.
First - a peaceful litany, to which, in addition to ordinary petitions, special petitions are also added - for peace, love, harmony, the gift of children to spouses and the blessing of their life together.
Next, three prayers are read, which mention the Old Testament righteous people who succeeded in family life: Abraham and Sarah, Joachim and Anna, Zechariah and Elizabeth and other saints, whom we revere as a rule of faith and an image of meekness in married life and on whom we look up to in our family life. life.
Next comes the Sacrament of the wedding itself: the priest puts crowns on those getting married, which is why the Sacrament is called a wedding. By the way, this also did not come immediately, but in the 4th century it already took shape, because St. John Chrysostom already writes about crowns. What kind of crowns are these? The Holy Fathers said this: this is a crown, on the one hand, of martyrdom. And people receive crowns for some kind of feat, a martyr is crowned for fidelity, steadfastness in the confession of Christ. And the spouses get married as people who have remained faithful to each other, their virginity, chastity until married life. But the crowns also have the meaning of royal crowns: it is as if a new kingdom is being created - a family where there is its own king and its own queen, and before these people lived in the house of their parents, where they were not the owners - now a new stage of their life begins. The king and queen will have subjects - children. And it was not without reason that Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh reminded that in ancient times those getting married were called “prince and princess.” So these crowns are a symbol of their power, the crowning of a new kingdom.
What follows is a very important reading from the Apostle - the Epistle to the Ephesians of the Apostle Paul about what the responsibilities of a husband and wife are towards each other. Here the depth of the wedding is revealed. After all, an Orthodox wedding is an image of the combination of Christ and the Church. How Christ is the head, “the savior of the body,” as the Apostle Paul says, that is, of His Church, and the bride of Christ is the Church, and the Lord is ready to lay down His soul for the Church, which He did, making the great Sacrifice for us all on the Cross ; in the same way, the husband is ready to sacrifice for his wife the most important, most precious thing in life, if necessary. “Before the husband is the head of the wives, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and she is the savior of the body, but just as the Church obeys Christ, so also do the wives obey their husband in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave her to Himself for her sake” (Eph. 5:23–25). It says here how the Church must obey Christ and how Christ must take care of the Church and be the head of the Church. And the husband, as the head of the church - the family, this small church community, is compared to Christ. The family has such a name - “small Church”, “home Church”.
Why is the family a small Church? We know that the Lord creates the human race as a family - first as the family of Adam and Eve, then as the Church of God. And even a monastery is an image of a family, where people call each other “brothers in Christ” or “sisters in Christ” under the leadership of a single father, for example, an abbot. Because a person is not saved alone - a person is saved in a community. By interacting with each other, serving each other, we are saved. And the most important task of creating a family is precisely the salvation of its members: together we move towards salvation. It is not for nothing that during the Sacrament of Wedding we look in the very right direction - to the east, and the spouses do not stand facing each other, but turn to each other only when they congratulate each other, kiss each other at the end of the Sacrament of Wedding... But they look, standing next to each other, holding in their hands there are lit candles, just in the eastern direction - that is, they are going to Christ together. As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said: lovers are not those who look at each other, but those who look in the same direction. For us, this side is the most important - the eastern one.
One can also say this about husband and wife in this small Church: the husband is the head, he is, as it were, a high priest; the wife is compared to a deacon - this is the second degree of the priesthood - a minister; the word “deacon” is translated like this: a servant, a minister in the performance of the sacraments. And their children - “all the children whom God gave me” - are parishioners of the small Church. The task of this family ship is salvation: “Where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20) - this is the most important thing for which we perform a wedding, for which we bless the marriage as a small Church.
By the way, some elements of the wedding are very similar to priestly ordination: the priest is led around the throne in the same way as spouses are led around the lectern, and the same chants are sung, only in a slightly different order. Just as a priest marries the Church, so the groom marries his bride.
Then it is said - and this is also a very important point - about the duties of a husband: “So husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies: if you love your wife, you love yourself. No one ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it, just as the Lord does the Church” (Eph. 5: 28–29). That is, the bride, the future wife, is compared to the body of her husband. There is an expression: to love as yourself. Some believe that it is somehow fiery, some kind of special love. But this expression has a completely different meaning. Each of us wants to be respected, pitied, honored, cared for - this is what it means to “love as oneself.” No one wants to be reprimanded, nagged endlessly, treated unkindly, not fulfilling their duties... It’s all very simple: you don’t wish harm on yourself, and don’t do it to anyone else; If you wish yourself well, a good attitude towards yourself, do the same towards others.
But in this passage from the Epistle of the Apostle, read at the wedding, great love is also commanded: the husband is commanded to love his wife such as Christ’s love for the Church. What did Christ do for the Church? “He gave his life for her.” With what kind of love do we love ourselves? “We won’t harm ourselves.” But for the sake of our loved ones, we can do something to the detriment of ourselves. When a loved one, for example a child, gets sick, I think that any normal parent would not hesitate to give his kidney for him, if necessary; he will give up his second one, he will give up his life, he will sell the apartment so that the child can live, so that he will be healthy... And you love any person close and dear to you even to the detriment of yourself, that is, it turns out that you love him with even more love than you love yourself. This is the highest love that the Lord commanded us in the Sacrament of Marriage, and this is revealed very well in the Apostle we read.
Fear is a kind of trepidation, a reverent attitude. This is not a fear of some kind of punishment, despotism on the part of the husband - this is a fear of insulting, offending him
The last words from this Apostle: “But let the wife fear her husband” (Eph. 5:33). Usually some loud reader or deacon proclaims this to the whole church, and everyone immediately comes into awe, someone begins to smile, remembering some stories from life. What does it mean: “Let a wife fear her husband”? First, let us remember what the Apostle Paul said before: “Besides... let everyone love his own wife” (Eph. 5:33), that is, he loves as it was said, as Christ loves the Church. What does it mean “but the wife is afraid”, what does “afraid” mean? Like many Russian words, the word “afraid” has many meanings. We know, for example, the words of the psalmist David: “Work for the Lord with fear and rejoice in Him with trembling” (Ps. 2:11), that is, fear is just a kind of trembling, this is a reverent attitude. This is not the fear of some kind of punishment, despotism on the part of the husband - this is the fear of offending, offending a loved one, dear, close person. This is exactly the fear a wife should feel towards her husband.
Then the well-known Gospel is read about how the Lord was present at a marriage in Cana of Galilee and blessed this marriage, performing the first miracle there - turning water into wine. Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh, interpreting this passage, says that in married life there may come a moment when people exhaust the resource of love, when their relationship begins to cool down - and then they need to especially ask God for help and intercession in order to replenish these empty vessels of their soul, their love with new wine, new grace of God, which the Lord naturally gives.
Then the spouses hang around the lectern - a symbol of eternity, infinity, joy. As at Baptism, a person is led around the font. After this, the crowns are removed after some time and the newlyweds are congratulated - this ends the Sacrament of Wedding.
***
The husband must take care of the spiritual education of his wife, must always be several steps ahead of his wife.
A few words about the spiritual life of the family. Spiritual life in the family, in fact, stems from the Sacrament of Wedding. A family is a small Church, as I already said, and spouses must not only solve the problems of raising children, some economic problems, and so on. The main task of the spouses is salvation. To be together not only here, but to be together in eternity. Together with each other and with their children. And, as St. John Chrysostom reminded, the task and responsibility of the husband is to take care not only of the spiritual education of his children, but also of the spiritual education of his wife, that is, the husband must always be, as it were, several steps ahead of his wife - not the wife should pull him first to the Sacrament of Wedding, then to First Communion, etc., and the spouse must go at the head, ahead of this small church ship. And may the Lord help you all in this very difficult, but very blessed, very saving, very happy family voyage! God bless everyone and the Mother of God!
What does it give and mean for spouses?
Orthodox Christians should know that it is the wedding that seals the union of a man and a woman before God. The church does not conduct the ceremony if the couple has not legally registered the relationship. But official registration alone is not enough for a union to be considered legalized by the church: an unmarried couple appears before God as strangers to each other.
The wedding gives a special blessing from heaven to the couple:
- to live according to the commandments of Jesus Christ;
- for a prosperous family life in spiritual unity;
- for the birth of children.
There are often cases when people realize the importance of cementing a union with the church and come to get married a few years after an ordinary marriage , in order not only to observe a beautiful tradition, but to comprehend the deep sacred meaning of the ceremony.
Why do you need a church wedding?
Is it necessary to undergo the sacrament of wedding, because it does not give people a guarantee that the marriage will be happy and without any special difficulties. Spouses must work together to go through all the hardships and joys that they encounter and solve problems on their own. The question arises, why then is faith needed - so that it helps people along the entire path of life.
Why do people get married - because after going through this ritual, the spouses receive God's blessing . This helps them build their marriage in unity of thought and mutual love, as well as raise their children according to Christian morality.
Before you decide to get married, you need to weigh the pros and cons: is there confidence that the spouses’ intentions are reliable and both understand the seriousness of this ritual. Married people remain spouses in Heaven. Should you get married immediately after the wedding? Each couple decides this issue independently, but it is better to first check the strength of their relationship. After all, a wedding is like a kind of test of the maturity of the spouses’ feelings.
The sacrament seals the union forever, so you need to be clearly aware of your responsibility for the integrity of the family “boat” before the Lord
Is it necessary to undergo confession and communion before the wedding? This is a loose rule and can be skipped. But true believers always try to undergo these rituals before an important matter in order to be cleansed of sins .
Why do spouses need wedding rings, a kind of infinity sign? In order to remind that a married family is created forever.
Wedding engagement rings
Spiritual preparation
Before performing the ritual, young people must undergo special training:
- fast;
- attend confession;
- take communion;
- read prayers, turning to God with a request to grant a vision of your sins, forgive them, teach them how to atone;
- You must definitely forgive all your enemies, ill-wishers, and pray for them with Christian humility;
- pray for all people who have been voluntarily or unwittingly offended in life, ask God for forgiveness and the opportunity to atone.
Before the wedding, if possible, it is recommended to pay off all debts and make donations to charitable causes. Wedding is a church Sacrament; young people should try to approach it with a clear conscience and a calm heart.
How to prepare for a wedding?
Young people need to confess and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. Confession should not be formal, but general. For three days the young people observe strict fasting before Communion and prepare for confession.
You need to take two icons with you to the wedding - the Savior and the Mother of God, which will be the wedding icons. Two rings, a towel for the feet and another towel for the hands of the newlyweds, a bottle of wine and blessed wedding candles bought in the temple. After the wedding, towels and candles are kept as a memory. But there is no need to attach special significance to them or pass them on to the next generation as a talisman. Wedding icons, like any other, are a shrine. They should be treated with respect, hung on the wall in your home or placed in a holy corner.
The bride can get married not in a wedding dress, but simply in something light. The groom's suit may also not be a wedding suit. Miniskirts and overly revealing outfits are not allowed in the temple. Young people must remember that they will stand before the altar, before the priest, before the Lord God Himself. It is customary to get married in a white dress - a symbol of purity and bright joy. But the Church does not regulate the color of the dress. The groom can also come in a black suit, a light one, or any color - it doesn’t matter.
We live in difficult times when many people only have enough money to rent a dress. I don't see anything bad in this. The same applies to the groom's suit. It doesn’t matter whether someone else wore these outfits before you, or whether the groom saw the bride in this dress. The Church does not know such things.
However, the rings (like the cross for the sacrament of Baptism) should better be new. It is wrong to take the rings of parents who are alive at the time of the sacrament. The rings are placed on the throne and the Lord sanctifies them precisely for this marriage, for this bride and groom. They don't have to be gold. It may be the simplest metal.
The hat the bride is wearing is not very compatible with the crown that will be worn on her. A veil is preferable. It means chastity. But an older or older woman will look awkward in a veil.
Contrary to popular superstitions, the veil should not hide the bride’s face from the groom. There are no prohibitions on using a veil that has already been used. A veil after the sacrament of a wedding is not a talisman. There is no need to hang it on the wall or cover a stroller with a newborn baby.
Throwing a bouquet, releasing doves, biting a loaf, showering young people with money and other things - all these are nothing more than folk traditions. There is no need to stock up on doves, eagles or penguins for your wedding. It also does not matter which road the young people will travel on or what they will arrive on.
What should a couple know?
Additionally, you need to know some of the subtleties of the wedding ceremony and preparation for it:
- Before the wedding itself, a young couple should fast for at least three days (more is possible). These days you need not only to limit yourself in food, but also to devote more time to prayer. You should also completely abstain from flat pleasures;
- The groom is allowed to attend the wedding in a regular classic suit, but there are much more requirements for the bride’s dress. It should be modest; exposing the back, neckline, or shoulders is not allowed. Modern wedding fashion offers dresses in a variety of colors, but the wedding dress should be modest, preferably in shades of white;
- According to Orthodox tradition, the bride does not wear a veil or veil that covers her face. This symbolizes her openness to God and her future husband.
The wedding day must be previously agreed upon with the priest. There are a number of restrictions for carrying out the ceremony. For example, they do not marry on days of fasting, on many church holidays - Christmas, Easter, Epiphany, Ascension.
There are also especially successful days for holding the sacrament, for example, on Krasnaya Gorka or on the day of the Kazan Icon of the Mother of God. The priest will tell you the best day for a particular couple to perform the wedding ceremony.
Important! The duration of the wedding ceremony is usually 30-50 minutes.
Who is being married and why?
Wedding is a sacrament of the Church, in which God gives future spouses a blessing to live together, give birth and raise children. A Christian tries to ask for God's blessing on every matter in his life. Marriage is a very serious step. Therefore, it is important to start it with a prayer to God.
Only Orthodox people can get married. They do not marry those who are in an official or civil marriage with another person, who have not registered their union in the registry office, as well as blood relatives (for example, cousins, second cousins). Pregnant women who have been in a civil or official marriage for a long time, even with children and grandchildren, can get married. It's never too late to do this.
It is wrong to think that the lack of blessing for the marriage of one of the parents can be an obstacle. During the sacrament, the priest asks the newlyweds: “Did you promise to another bride?”, “Did you promise to another husband?” He doesn't ask questions about his parents. The Church does not regulate these issues in any way. Adults are getting married, instead of whom it is not necessary to give an answer to their parents.
Witnesses cannot become an obstacle either. The tradition of taking witnesses (receivers) for a wedding came to us from ancient times. Once upon a time, these were mentors of a young Christian couple in spiritual life, and therefore they were not advised to take too young witnesses. Today it’s just a tradition: you can get married without them. It also does not matter at all whether the witnesses are married, unmarried, widowed, have many children or are childless. This does not affect the future family life of the newlyweds. Family happiness depends purely on the spouses themselves, on how they build their lives.
What holds a married union together?
There are young people who are sincerely confident that a wedding guarantees a happy marriage. They say they stood in front of the icons, exchanged rings and they were done. Receive a certificate with a stamp and a firm promise to live happily ever after! Of course this is not true. Married couples have the same difficulties, quarrels, desire to give up everything, heading down different paths, as in any family. However, believing spouses cope with problems, remembering that God’s grace is always invisibly present between them, with which everything can be accomplished. Just make an effort! This is a kind of support, and an endless source of mental strength and patience, and an eternal reminder of the love that brought you to the altar. With such support, you can overcome any everyday troubles.
Myths about weddings
There are many myths about weddings, they are tenacious and diverse. These are, perhaps, the top ones today.
Myth No. 1. Wedding is fashionable.
The myth is not true. In fact, it is now very fashionable to talk intelligently about the fact that weddings are fashionable. There are so many people who are guilty of this activity, and they sometimes behave so aggressively in their “educational” activities that one can only wonder - is this one of the ways to assert oneself?
Myth No. 2. Only people who are very deeply religious can get married..
A continuation of the previous myth, it is expressed in the context of “well, you definitely don’t have the right to get married, because you rarely pray, you fast little, and in general, you don’t believe deeply enough!” Measuring the depth, width and height of someone’s faith is a thankless and dangerous task, especially since in the end everyone will have to answer primarily for themselves. The list of obstacles to a wedding does not contain such an item as “insufficient depth of faith.”
Myth No. 3. Getting married at the beginning of family life is too early. You need to live together for 10-15 years, make sure your intentions are serious.
It is certainly necessary to make sure of the authenticity of feelings and the seriousness of intentions. And it’s more logical to do this not only before the wedding, but also before going to the registry office, having children together and taking out a mortgage together. And if you want to arrange a probationary period for each other for five years (and why exactly five? Not three, not ten, not fifteen? And even after the silver wedding, some get divorced!) under the weight of doubts and because of mutual distrust - maybe it’s not worth starting?
Myth No. 4. Getting married not at the beginning of family life is too late.
It's never too late to get married!
Myth No. 5. A real marriage is only a married marriage. Families who have limited themselves to registering at the registry office live in sin.
The myth does not correspond to the teachings of the Church, but is still supported by some clergy. The problem was especially acute in the 90s - so much so that it was brought up for discussion at the Synod. The Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church on December 28, 1998, with regret, Fr. The definition adopted by the Synod states: “Insisting on the need for church marriage, remind pastors that the Orthodox Church respects civil marriage.” (the words “civil marriage” mean a marriage registered in the registry office between citizens).
Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov in his “Lectures on the Sacrament of Marriage” also debunks this myth: “It is unacceptable and absurd to say that an unmarried marriage is fornication. If someone foolishly tells you this, remember that this is not church teaching. What the Lord said about marriage, what the apostle said about marriage. Paul, is in direct contradiction to this teaching. The Church has always accepted marriage as a kind of legitimate family arrangement of life. The Church has always paid tribute to this marriage and considered this marriage to be a completely worthy and blameless way of life. And the Church has never seen any sin in this. It’s just that a marriage can be church or non-church, but it is marriage, not fornication. Fornication is cohabitation outside of marriage, illegal cohabitation, i.e. cohabitation of people who do not want to have a family, do not want society to perceive them as a family, do not want to formalize their relationship legally.”
Do you need to get married?
For a believer, there is no greater happiness in finding a partner for life, with whom you can share both joy and sorrow. It is very important that spouses think in the same way and have the same moral values for both of them. Therefore, from the point of view of benefits, a wedding can only be considered as a church marriage. Its synonym will be Faith, Awareness, Responsibility. Outside the church, a wedding is meaningless.
Marriage in the context of the Christian worldview is a service. Serving each other and God. Life is filled with a common meaning for the whole family.
The marriage of a believer with an unbeliever will resemble the union of a deaf man with a blind man. A marriage like this generally loses any meaning.
Righteous relationships in a registered marriage, but not married, are also not considered fornication or sin and are recognized by the church.
