First wedding night among gypsies, traditions and rituals

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Gypsies are the only people on the planet who do not have their own territory, so they live all over the world. But what unites them all is customs and traditions. The first wedding night among gypsies is especially interesting, as it is shrouded in a fan of legends and rumors. In this article we will talk about how this process occurs.

Traditions and rituals of the first wedding night among gypsies

Girls get married early, often at the age of 11-12, sometimes the groom is the same age. But according to the law, the age of marriage for a girl is 14 years. According to gypsy customs, the wedding takes place in a magnificent manner, many guests are invited and its culmination is the ceremony of depriving the girl of the hymen. It is called “carrying out honor” and takes its roots from long-standing traditions that are unacceptable to us. The wedding ceremony is considered to be the moment after which the main part of the gypsy wedding actually takes place. If the bride turns out to be not a virgin, the groom immediately dissolves the marriage and then the girl will have a very difficult life in the community, since she will never marry again and will become an outcast.

To do this, during the feast, the bride and groom, accompanied by 2-3 older women from their relatives, go to a special room. No one knows for sure how events will develop further - the gypsies are a rather closed people, but there are three versions.

Teen sex

The bride and groom retire to a specially prepared room, where there is a large bed with a snow-white sheet. In a natural way, he deprives the bride of her virginity, after which he takes out a sheet with blood stains for the viewing of relatives who are waiting at the door at that moment.

Wedding night with guests (possibly speculation)

There is also a version according to which, during the feast, the groom places the bride on the table for the newlyweds and takes her virginity in the presence of all the guests. True or not, only those who were present at such a wild ritual can know.

Extra virginity by hand

Specially selected women from the families of the bride and groom take the girl to the room, without the presence of the groom. By wrapping a white cloth around their finger, they take her virginity.

It is worth noting that the very fact that the bride was a virgin at the time of the first sex at the wedding is the meaning of this whole action. When virginity is confirmed, the sheet is placed on a large spread and sprinkled with red ribbons.

The ribbons then become a kind of commodity; they are sold to the groom’s relatives for a ransom. They, in turn, thank the bride’s parents for raising a decent bride.

After a girl loses her virginity, she puts on a red scarf and a red wedding dress - this color symbolizes marriage. After this moment, she cannot be bareheaded in front of men other than her husband.

After the ransom has been paid, when the sheet has been brought out and the bride’s honor has been proven, the newlyweds are solemnly escorted to the tent, where the gypsies’ first wedding night takes place. Now only the husband and wife know how it goes, since from that moment on they are officially considered spouses according to their laws.

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Option #1

This version seems the most plausible for our worldview.

The newlyweds, after the main congratulations, go to the bedroom. The three main women of the camp also go with them, who will wait for evidence of innocence directly under the doors of the young people’s room. After intimacy, the couple brings a bloody sheet to the court of respectable ladies. This ritual is called “carrying out honor.”

Tips for preparing for your wedding night

For the first wedding night, a shirt and sheet are prepared for the bride, which will be displayed as proof of her purity. Then they sew a red dress, a red scarf, as well as two red skirts and an apron. It is believed that after the loss of innocence, a woman’s body defiles her clothes, so the first skirt is adjacent to the body, the second covers it and is also not very clean. And you can touch the apron with your hands.

Festive clothes are prepared for the groom, and his relatives also collect gold, money, and jewelry in advance for the traditional ransom.

Specifics of the wedding event

The ceremonial event at the gypsy camp differs from the one held by the Russian people. Rituals and customs for some lead to interest. The rest fall into shock and misunderstanding. But any event in the camp is always distinguished by its scale, dances and songs.

Matchmaking process

Preparatory activities before the wedding ceremony begin with matchmaking. Most often, the father and mother of a girl or boy themselves look for a soul mate for their children. Their choice is based on the reputation and financial capabilities of the family.

It also happens when the parents of future spouses agree in advance to reunite families even before their children reach adulthood. Already at this stage, the relatives determined the date of the holiday and the amount of ransom for the girl’s father.

The customs of a gypsy wedding involve the use of two important details:

The matchmakers, led by the groom's father, show their treats to future relatives. If the elder of the girl's family agrees to place them on the table, this is a good sign for the wedding.

Women should not be present during the matchmaking process. The marriage contract is concluded only between men.

Red flags are considered the main decoration of the celebration. This shade will lead to happiness, joy and passion among the gypsy people. Red jewelry and clothes are worn for weddings. Another mandatory attribute is red flags. They are hung on the bride and groom's home. Reddish ribbons decorate the suits of men who are invited to the celebration.

Weddings in gypsy families

A gypsy wedding can be held at any time of the year. But the summer months are a priority. The weather during this period is considered the best for holding a celebration. The tables are located at a low level. And guests sit down on carpets that are laid on the ground.

Recently, gypsies have begun to celebrate weddings in restaurants and cafes.

The event lasts at least 3 days. If rich relatives gather, the celebration extends for at least 7 days.

On the first day there is a bachelorette party. A ritual of bargaining takes place. Then relatives and friends sit down at the laid tables. Women and men are at different tables. After some time, the matchmakers shake hands and at the end kiss.

The bride is escorted to the first dance by her father. Then friends of the newlyweds are invited to the circle. The dance ends the first day.

The next day of the wedding celebration arrives. At this time, the marriage process takes place. In the morning, the bridesmaids begin to help the bride get ready. Music plays in the house, songs are sung and festive tables are set.

Once the bride is ready, she puts on her wedding dress. Gypsies never rent clothes. She inherits it from her older sisters. If a girl is the first in the family to get married, then she gets a new dress.

Then the future wife, dressed up, appears before the guests and begins to dance. After the ceremony is completed, she is carried to her husband’s home.

The feast most often takes place in the groom's house or restaurant. Before sitting down at the table, the young couple is blessed with an icon and a loaf, presented with treats and liquid with sweets is poured under their feet. Such traditions help a married couple live long, happily and richly.

During the feast, the newlyweds are escorted to a separate room. This is necessary to fulfill marital duty.

On the third day, lamb soup is prepared. After toasts and congratulations, the parents bring out the girl’s dowry in the form of bed linen, pillows, and blankets. This is how it was in ancient times. Modern gypsies prefer money, gold and jewelry. Every detail must be demonstrated to everyone present. Thus, the family of the future wife shows that she did not enter into marriage empty-handed, and in case of discord, she will leave with her money, jewelry and gold.

Bride ransom from the gypsies

Bride price is usually understood as compensation to a woman’s family for the loss of their mistress. A few years ago, the ransom went to the girl’s parents. But nowadays, father and mother give part of the money and jewelry to the young family.

According to tradition, the groom's family pays for the celebration. To make everything colorful and luxurious, the father and mother begin to prepare financially for the event after the birth of the boy. Often, a lavish event ruins parents. But they are responsible for holding a luxurious wedding, as this speaks of the honor and dignity of the family.

Recently, it has become possible to share expenses for celebrations.

Holding a banquet

Gypsies always have a rich table. There are many alcoholic drinks available. Food is available in large quantities for every taste. But, despite this, not a single gypsy allows himself to abuse alcohol. For them, being drunk means shame.

The tables of the male and female half of the population are significantly different. A table is placed in the center for the newlyweds and witnesses.

The men who are invited to the wedding are dressed in formal suits. Married women come in traditional dress, and their heads are always covered. If the girls are unmarried, then they are allowed to come to the event in a pantsuit or long dress.

Fraternization process

No gypsy wedding can be complete without fraternization. The procedure allows you to bond the newlyweds for life. To carry it out, future spouses need to make incisions on their fingers. After a little blood runs out, the fingers are crossed together.

Several distinctive features of the celebration

Gypsies never formalize their marriage. But if they adhere to the Orthodox religion, then they must definitely get married.

On the wedding day, the bride should not say anything. This will show her respect for her father and husband.

A woman must live with her chosen one. There she becomes a full-fledged mistress.

A little bit about the gypsy wedding in general

The wedding lasts for several days - they don’t skimp on this holiday. And the ceremony of “carrying out honor” is the culmination of the celebration, after which the guests walk and have fun.

If there are girls at the wedding who are over 14 years old, they actively participate in dancing. This is what bridesmaids are - at weddings, the parents of the boys choose a bride for their son. If a girl does not get married before the age of 19, she is considered an old maid.

Interestingly, it is not customary for gypsies to choose a wife or husband. Parents themselves find someone with whom they will be related, since it is not allowed to marry those of unequal status, as well as gypsies from other countries. Therefore, the ritual of “stealing the bride” is rather a beautiful tradition, since even if the groom really steals his beloved against the will of his relatives or the bride asks the guy to steal her, they may not receive the blessing.

Option No. 2

This option is quite harsh, cruel and not very acceptable for civilized people.

The beginning coincides with option number one, only dear ladies are no longer outside observers, but active participants in the process. The young husband does not touch the girl. Now he just looks from the side. Women carry out the act of defloration simply with their hands. To do this, they wrap a sheet around a finger and penetrate the newly-made wife, depriving her of her innocence. The process seems to be unpleasant and very traumatic. By and large, this is rape in its harshest form. The poor girl not only receives physical injury, but also loses the desire to make love for a long time. If this version really works, I would like to hope that a loving husband in their subsequent life together will be able to restore the girl’s faith in pleasant sexual intimacy. With his tenderness, warmth and patience, he will be able to regain trust and melt a girl’s heart, so mercilessly crippled at the very beginning of her life’s journey.

One comment on “The Gypsies’ First Wedding Night”

The groom deflowers the bride in the presence of elderly witnesses. Their manual and verbal concern is to ensure that his phallus sticks out properly, to direct it in the most effective and painless manner into the bride and to ensure ejaculation. Since the groom was 12-14 years old and had zero sexual experience, the mentoring of matrons was very appropriate.

Fraternization ritual

After the ceremony of taking out honor, the next, no less interesting ritual of fraternization is carried out. A young husband and wife cut the skin on the back of their wrists with a sharp knife. They join their blood together. It is believed that after this they become a single whole and must equally shoulder all the responsibilities for maintaining family life and raising children. Gypsy spouses are considered blood relatives.

Unquestioning obedience and submission to elders should reign between parents and children. The most important advantage of unmarried girls is their innocence. Nowadays, such harsh rules are equivalent to Muslims. They are radically different from the customs, traditions and rituals usual in our countries.

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Matchmaking

This ritual took place long before children could decide anything consciously. They could become a bride and groom immediately after birth. The parents agreed on this. They decided when they would get married (for example, in 16 years).

It happened that the future daughter-in-law was raised by the groom's family. They took in a girl from the age of 9 and taught her everything they wanted to see in their future daughter-in-law. When the bride reached the age of 15-16 years, the wedding took place.

Matchmaking was supported by two important attributes.

A bottle of wine of a special flat shape, onto which expensive coins, gold or silver, were tied with strings. Instead of a bottle, they could use a small tree or twig with money tied to it.
A wedding loaf on a beautiful towel (rushnik), baked according to a special recipe by sisters or other relatives of the future husband.

These attributes were placed on the table. If the bride's parents allowed this, then the wedding will take place - they agree. If the parents are against it, then there will be no wedding. At matchmaking, the amount of ransom was agreed upon (sometimes it was not required).

The ransom amount was determined by the bride's father. The size of the dowry also mattered. It included bedding, tents, shawls, blankets, pillows, and jewelry.

Matchmaking rules

Before you start preparing for the wedding, you need to take care of matchmaking. According to the rules, parents themselves look for a match for their children based on the main criteria - the family’s reputation and its well-being. Most often, the decision to get married was made while the future spouses were playing in the sandbox. The details were discussed - in how many years the marriage would take place and the size of the ransom that the father would receive for the young woman was determined.

Previously, a girl could be matched at the age of 9-10 and, with the consent of relatives, the groom's parents took her to live in their house, where she lived until she was 14-16 years old, after which they had a wedding. Early marriages helped maintain the bride's high morality, and therefore prevent shame. Today, the age of newlyweds is usually 16-20 years.

The following attributes are required for matchmaking:

A branch from a birch tree or a bottle of alcoholic drink - they were decorated with money, coins or jewelry.
A wedding loaf baked by sisters or close relatives of the newlywed - it is served on a beautiful towel.

Matchmakers on the groom's side bring treats and gifts, and if the young father puts them on the table, it means there will be a wedding. Matchmaking does not allow the presence of women - only men negotiate.

The ancient custom of exchanging brides

Often the groom's family could not afford the price set for the girl. After all, it was necessary to give away a huge amount of gold. Then a special ancient custom came to the rescue, in which families exchanged chosen ones. A daughter-bride left one family. And from another they took the groom’s own sister into their clan. Who became the wife of their son. In the gypsy language, such barter sounds like “te keres pe skimbate.” In this case, the groom’s side no longer had to pay a huge ransom.

Roma live not only by songs

Another myth is that Roma do not burden themselves with official employment. Lyudmila Petrovna worked at the Znamya Industrialization factory from the age of 16 and was a foreman there. Representatives of the Romany Rat ensemble Samira, Amira and Ruslan are not sitting idle. Their parents always earned their living by honest work, which is what they taught their children to do. Ruslan is a furniture maker, and the girls, having received higher education, also found their place. These guys have known each other for a long time and it took a long time to create an ensemble. The band is only a year old, but it has already gained popularity among Belarusians and representatives of the Roma community.

Young people don't complain about life. The guys are convinced that everyone can achieve success. Although there are difficulties in relations with the local population. It happened that they even pushed me out of public transport; more than once they said out loud that, they say, this is a gypsy, and the like. Young people don’t hold grudges, although it can be unpleasant.

– When we perform somewhere, people make jokes like “hide your wallets,” but anyone who knows us well is confident in our integrity. And there was another case: they were singing and dancing in the street during the “Slavic Bazaar”, and a child from the crowd shouted: “Mom, these are thieving aunts, they will take me away!” But our people have never stolen children, because we usually have large families that are not so easy to feed. We believe that one cannot be biased towards the entire nation, completely unaware of the intricacies of mentality and intra-family relationships - Roma, like Belarusians, are different. Therefore, we want to show our culture,” says Samira .

She also told one funny story. As you know, traditionally gypsies wear long skirts. Samira sacredly respects the principles, but as an unmarried girl she allows herself some liberties, dressing in such a way as not to stand out especially among Belarusian women. This is probably why the gypsy community at the Borisovsky station did not consider her native traits and began to pester her with offers to tell fortunes: put some money, wrap it in a piece of paper! Realizing that she needed to help - her own people, and the grimy, hungry children rubbing themselves nearby, Samira intended to part with the money even without this performance, but before she had time to say a word, they surrounded her and began to make noise from all sides. Passersby watched this. Finally, one woman could not stand it and, going up to the gypsies, took Samira by the elbow. Then with the words “Let’s go, Katya!” literally beat off the obsessive fortune tellers. This story greatly impressed the girl - equally dark-skinned and dark-haired, who spoke and lived in Gypsy.

How is the wedding going?

The morning of a significant event in the newlyweds' families begins with dancing. Yes, yes, precisely from the dances that accompany the event at all stages.

The groom arrives at the bride's house. Here, in a close circle, the newlyweds receive beautiful congratulations on their wedding day from their relatives and drink from the same glass with the guests after each toast. This is followed by a walk around the city.

After walking in the wedding cortege, everyone heads to the banquet venue.

The newlyweds are met by the mother-in-law and pour spring water at the daughter-in-law’s feet as a sign that a clear path to a new life is opening before the couple. She showers them with sweets and coins to make the newlyweds' lives sweet and rich.

The newlyweds are greeted with a luxurious banquet, and again with songs and dances. The celebration can last for a week.

A feast for the whole world, to the last penny

From time immemorial, a wedding celebration has been a significant event for the Roma people. Of course, no money was spared for noisy festivities and ransom. The gypsy wedding ceremony is still distinguished by ostentatious pomp and high cost. Many families spent their last funds on luxurious festivities, fell into debt and finally went bankrupt.

An abundance of guests, tables in the courtyard that are bursting with treats (in the modern version - expensive cafes and restaurants), richly decorated bride's outfits, an abundance of gold jewelry on the future wife are integral attributes of a gypsy wedding feast. And, of course, you can’t do without music and cheerful national dances.