Parental blessing is a kind of transfer of the power of the family, which accumulates over centuries. Our ancestors believed that blood ties are strong until the seventh generation, so each clan had its own Geneological tree. Blessing the newlyweds, the parents, in addition to the icons, presented the newlyweds with a census of their clan. This centuries-old tradition still exists today, and parents carry it out twice: before and after the registry office. Thus, they approve of the union of children, wish them well-being and give fatherly guidance.
When they bless the newlyweds before or after the registry office
Traditionally, on the wedding day, the couple listens to parental approval twice:
- the first time from the bride's parents in front of the registry office;
- the second from the parents of the young man after the official ceremony.
After ransoming the beloved and presenting her with a wedding bouquet, the bride’s parents and the newlyweds retire. For parental blessing, they use the icon of the “Kazan Mother of God”, the face of which is directed towards the newlyweds. The holy image must be kept in an embroidered towel (rushnik).
Having said parting words to the daughter, she is baptized with an icon and brought the image for a kiss. Similar actions are carried out for the groom, and then they jointly bless the newly created couple for a long life together.
After registration, the newlyweds are greeted by the groom’s parents with an icon of “Jesus Christ.” The sacrament is performed in front of the threshold of the father's house, which symbolizes the acceptance of the son's wife into the family. Today, father-in-law and mother-in-law most often give their approval to the newlyweds in a restaurant where the main festivities take place.
What icons do parents use to bless newlyweds at a wedding?
Since ancient times, the guardians of the family hearth have been two saints: the Mother of God and Christ the Savior. The Kazan Icon of the Mother of God is the most revered face of the Mother of God. The image of the saint not only protects the family hearth from troubles and misfortunes, but also has healing properties. The saint is especially favorable to women. People pray to her image to conceive and give birth to a healthy child, so mothers choose this icon to bless their daughters before marriage. The ritual is performed in a secluded place, away from human eyes.
The groom receives his parental blessing from
the icon of the “Savior of the Almighty” (“Savior”).
On it Christ is depicted with the Gospel opened and his hand raised for blessing. The face of the Almighty should be in every family home. He protects, guides and supports. Today it is customary for newlyweds to be blessed with one or both icons. The shops sell special blessed pairs of saints or a folding booklet.
You can perform a blessing ritual with any other icon that has been kept in the family for several generations.
Pseudo-church superstitions associated with weddings
- younger brothers/sisters cannot marry earlier than older ones;
- you cannot get married while pregnant;
- You cannot get married or get married on a leap year;
- a fallen ring or an extinguished wedding candle - portends all sorts of troubles, a difficult life in marriage or the early death of one of the spouses;
- the one of the couple who first steps onto the spread towel will dominate the family all his life;
- the one whose candle turns out to be shorter after the sacrament will die earlier;
- You can’t get married in May, “you’ll suffer for the rest of your life.”
How to properly bless the newlyweds with an icon
The couple receives a parental blessing three times:
- during the matchmaking period and on the eve of the trip to the registry office from the bride’s parents;
- after the formal registration from the groom's parents.
The sacrament has full power if you follow all the rules and select the right icons. The holy images of the Savior and the Mother of God are the main blessed icons. Parents must purchase them in advance and also prepare embroidered towels.
It must be remembered that holy images are not taken with bare hands.
Parental parting words are spoken in a separate room, surrounded by loved ones. The blessed icon can be purchased or passed on by inheritance.
The bride's father gives the Mother of God the Mother of God. She holds the image facing the young people and pronounces wishes and instructions. There is no specific text of the blessing. Parents speak words that come from the heart.
During the speech, the mother baptizes the couple three times with the icon and brings the saint’s face up for a kiss. At the end of the ritual, the blessed icon along with the towel is handed over to the newlyweds.
They keep it as a sacred relic that carries powerful spiritual potential.
How to bless the new mother of the bride
The first blessing ritual is performed by the bride's parents on the wedding day. Agreeing to their daughter's upcoming marriage, they bless her. Only after this the daughter brings bread to the matchmakers - a symbol of general agreement.
Parental blessing can be obtained:
- verbally, speaking words, standing face to face,
- A written blessing is written by the mother of her daughter, which is subsequently burned. Throughout the week, the prayer “After the blessing of the child” is read.
- a written blessing is written by the daughter under the dictation of the mother, and then the prayer “For your child” is read and the letter is burned.
An icon and an embroidered towel are prepared in advance. The newlyweds stand in front of the mother of the bride, who holds the icon (the face is facing the young couple). The mother’s words sound like an instruction to her daughter and her betrothed. At the end, the mother baptizes her daughter three times, then her future son-in-law and places a triple joint cross on the couple. The father performs similar actions. The young people cross themselves and kiss the relic. In the event of a wedding, the icon is taken to the church.
If the ritual is performed while sitting, the newlyweds kneel on the wedding towel.
Behavior in the Temple during the Sacrament of Marriage
- The Sacrament of Wedding is not just a ritual, it is a prayer; treat with attention and reverence the prayers that are pronounced by the priest: during the entire Sacrament, the Church prays for almost no one else, just for the bride and groom (and one prayer “for the parents who raised them);
- everyone present at the wedding, to the best of their ability (with prayers, their words and thoughts), should pray for those two who are getting married;
- If possible, refrain from unnecessary conversations.
How to bless the groom's new mother
The groom receives the first blessing from his parents on the day of the celebration, before going to pick up the bride. He stands opposite his parents, and may even kneel.
The father baptizes his son with the face of the Savior and speaks warm words. The mother performs the same actions.
The second time the parents of the young man perform the ritual after registration, when the couple arrives at the groom’s house. The newly-made husband and wife are greeted with the main icons and a magnificent loaf of bread.
The young man’s mother directs her words to her daughter-in-law, drawing her attention to the fact that their home is open to her. She wishes her wisdom and patience, because it is the wife who acts as the caretaker of the family.
Ritual icons are kept in the house in the most honorable place: they are hung in the corner or above the family bed. They ward off quarrels, troubles and misfortunes.
Age of those getting married
- the lower age limit for performing the Sacrament of Wedding should be considered the onset of civil majority, when it is possible to conclude a marriage in the registry office;
- Church marriage law also sets the highest limit for marriage: for women - 60 years, for men - 70 years. This rule does not apply to those already married.
The Church does not sanctify a union between or with...
- Gentiles - representatives of non-Christian religions (for example, Muslims). A non-Christian cannot participate in an Orthodox sacrament, which is a wedding.
- unbaptized;
- atheists, even baptized ones;
- people who are related by blood and spirit;
- people whose officially confirmed mental illness deprives them of the opportunity to freely and consciously express their will.
- Orthodox Christians, with permission, can marry non-Orthodox Christians (Catholics, Protestants, Lutherans, Armenian Gregorians) provided that their children are baptized and raised in Orthodoxy. In special cases, an exception may be made for religiously mixed marriages. Only the ruling bishop can give a blessing for this;
- Consisting of: consanguinity (up to the fourth degree of relationship, for example, with a second cousin); in a spiritual relationship (if those wishing to marry are godparents of the same person or wish to marry a godson).
How to properly bless the newlyweds before the wedding
Engagement is considered the first step towards starting a family.
Before her announcement, the couple must receive parental blessing. The prayer of parents can help a young family overcome any troubles.
On the day of the engagement, the young man meets the parents of his future wife and asks for her hand in marriage. At the family table they discuss the date of the future wedding and all the details of the wedding. This moment is very exciting and reverent for both parties. Of course, there are cases when the young man has met his parents in advance and at the engagement only asks for the girl’s hand in marriage.
In order to correctly determine the wedding date, you need to know certain signs, and believe me, there are a lot of them. You can read about this in our article.
Parents bless their daughter with the sign of the cross and prayer with the face of the Mother of God. Then the newlyweds go to the groom's house for parental approval.
The bride's parents re-bless the couple before going to the registry office. It is believed that it is harder for a girl on this day, because she leaves her home and goes to a new family.
During the ritual, the couple kneels on an embroidered towel and listens to the parental blessing. The parents of the young man also bless him before going to pick up the bride for a safe journey and a successful ransom.
Why is parental blessing for marriage so important?
Orthodox teaching, dating back to the Old Testament, advises children to honor their parents. This commandment was given by the Lord to the prophet Moses on Mount Sinai:
“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex. 2-:12).
After reading this commandment, we see that only a reverent attitude towards father and mother allows children to live a long and happy life. It’s not for nothing that old people say: “As a son treats his mother, so he will treat his wife.” Even before the wedding, it is advisable for every girl to find out how her future husband treats his family and whether he respects them.
In Orthodoxy, from time immemorial, it has been believed that the foundation of family happiness lies more in the relationship between children and parents than between spouses.
Modern children often do not listen to the advice of their mothers and fathers and want to live at their own discretion. They don't listen to adults' advice, so they make a lot of mistakes. No matter how much children want to go their own way, parents are always responsible for them.
Therefore, when releasing the young into an unknown life, they give their parents parting words. And the blessing of the father and mother is the most valuable inheritance that a child receives from his relatives.
Many young people get together and live without receiving the blessing of their parents. This is a great sin, which is why there are so many divorces.
Until quite recently, our ancestors did not begin any important business without parental blessing: before traveling to distant lands, before a military campaign, before a large contract or building a house.
Both parents gave the blessing, and if they died, then the grandmother, grandfather, godparents or older sister could give parting words. If there were no relatives, then they took the prayer from the priest.
But they never neglected this holy cause. One of the relatives took the holy image in his hands, then made the sign of the cross over his child, giving consent to a good deed.
How to properly bless the newlyweds after the registry office
After registration, the groom’s parents meet the groom’s parents on the threshold of their father’s house with an icon and a loaf of bread. In Rus', dough has long been considered a symbol of fertility and prosperity.
There are wishes for peace and goodness, understanding and family well-being. There is a Slavic tradition when the mother of the groom put on an inverted sheepskin coat and met the newlyweds in it. Along the way, she showered the newlyweds with wheat or oats, which promised the new family wealth and many children.
The groom must carry the bride in his arms across the threshold of the new house so that she can live well there. After the blessing ritual, parents invite everyone to the festive table.
The father leads the newlyweds around the table three times and invites them to break the plate. Young people must step over the fragments so that their lives can go on without quarrels and illnesses.
What do they say when blessing the young?
There are no exact words of blessing; they cannot be memorized. Each parent puts his soul into his words and speaks as he knows and feels. The meaning of the ritual speech boils down to the following phrase: “We bless you for a long, happy family life.” Here are several examples of parental blessing texts.
daughters
son
Helpful tips during the ritual:
- Icons are kept only in towels, so they are purchased in advance.
- Before bringing the face of the saint to the couple for a kiss, parents must baptize the newlyweds three times: from top to bottom and from left to right.
- When blessing a young father, he should explain the main points of the sacrament in advance, since men are far from religious rituals.
Every parent should remember that the word “bless” literally means speaking for good. The words of the mother are especially effective, which in all centuries have been a powerful defense against all sorts of troubles. There is no stronger amulet than the strength of a mother.
