A wedding is one of the most exciting days not only for the bride and groom, but also for their parents. There are many traditional rituals, following which young people are escorted beyond the threshold of their father’s house towards a new life. , parting words from parents have been considered a blessing that each newlywed must receive in order for the marriage to be happy.
In addition to relatives, the bride and groom are accompanied by parents and neighbors, who, as a rule, shower them with candies so that life is sweet, coins so that there is always money in the family, and colorful confetti so that their life together is full of bright events.
Rituals and customs of Russian weddings have been passed down from generation to generation for centuries.
What traditions should be observed today? How to properly escort each of the newlyweds, meet and pick up the bride?
Candles for seeing off newlyweds at the registry office
Icons for blessing the newlyweds, sons, daughters before the wedding and for marriage
"Save me, God!".
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Since ancient times, it was customary in our country to receive a blessing with icons before the wedding for a long and happy life. This ritual is considered the most significant and exciting for both newlyweds and their parents.
It is worth noting that, in principle, the tradition of blessing has been slightly different since those times. If in those days blessings were asked from parents long before the wedding, today blessings of parents take place at the wedding.
We say parting words
The first, according to tradition, is the mother of the groom who addresses the young couple with parting words. Her words should show approval of this marriage, readiness to accept a young wife into her home. She promises to provide her with help and support, and asks her to guard the family hearth with dignity. Addressing her son, she asks him to love and respect his wife.
If the father of the groom joins her with his word, he should turn more to his son. He wishes him to become a real husband, man, breadwinner and father.
What should be the wedding blessing from the bride's parents? The father usually speaks first. Addressing his son-in-law, he says that he is giving him his dear treasure - his beloved daughter. She asks to always take care of her, respect and love her. And the last blessing of the parents at the wedding is heard by the newlyweds from the lips of the bride’s mother. These are the most heartfelt, most touching words addressed to my daughter and her husband. She wishes them to overcome adversity together, appreciate moments of joy, always be together and raise happy children.
Of course, the parents’ words of blessing at a wedding can be anything, this is just an example. But they must bring love, a call for mutual understanding and independence. There is no need to hope that you will say your parting words impromptu. In a moment of excitement, all the right words can get mixed up in your head. But you shouldn’t learn speech by heart. If you forget one word, you will not be able to continue. And besides, your words will lose their charm and sincerity. It’s better to just outline the points, a plan.
How does the blessing ceremony take place?
Despite the fact that modern young people themselves decide who and when they want to marry, the ceremony of blessing remains a rather important and touching moment of the entire wedding. This is probably right, because nothing can cheer you up and give confident guidance for your future life like the kind and sincere words of your parents.
The blessing ceremony can be performed in two ways:
- Orthodox. It follows certain rules. In this ritual, if one of the participants (parents or young people) is not baptized, then you must first cross yourself, and only then carry out the blessing. There must also be icons here. We will look at what icons are used for these purposes below. The whole ritual takes place with the help of icons. But still, in order to conduct the ceremony accurately and correctly, you need to clarify all the nuances with the priest the day before.
- Modern. This type of blessing is used quite often at modern weddings. It is used by young people who are not ready for a serious ceremony, and it has a purely formal look. It can also be performed by non-baptized people. To carry out the ceremony, it is enough to simply ask the parents to prepare a parting speech in advance.
After the blessing ceremony, parents ask the guests to bless their children for a happy life. After the words “God bless,” all the guests accompany the newlyweds to the wedding procession and, having sat in their cars, go to the registry office.
Where are the young blessed?
It was already noted above that the bride and groom receive two blessings on their wedding day:
- the first from the bride's parents before the trip to the registry office (church);
- the second from the groom's parents after the ceremony.
Accordingly, the answer to the question of where the blessing ceremony should take place is simple. The newlyweds receive their first parting words in the bride’s parental home,
and the newlyweds who are already married receive the second blessing
in the house of the groom's parents.
Since in the modern world they practically no longer “walk with the whole village” in a hut in the parental home, parting words from the father-in-law and mother-in-law are often received in a restaurant where a banquet has been ordered for the guests.
Icon for blessing newlyweds
Today, the icon of the Mother of God of Kazan and Christ the Savior is most often used to bless the young. Let's take a closer look at the icons for wedding blessings:
- And so, the Kazan Icon of the Mother of God is one of the most revered images of the Mother of God. Since ancient times, she was considered the intercessor and patroness of the entire people.
- Many different miracles and amazing salvations were attributed to her.
- It is also worth noting that it is this icon that is used for weddings in the church. It is especially important for women.
- Before her they pray for the birth of children, and ask for protection of the house from evil spirits.
- The icon of the Temperance of the Savior is the second icon that is used to bless the young. Before this image they pray for need and joy. Contact her with requests for the well-being of the whole family.
Today you can bless with both icons or with one of them. You can also buy a fold of these images in the icon shop.
How should the bride's young parents be blessed?
The first blessing, held before going to the registry office or church, is held at the bride's home, after the groom has passed all the tests. It can be carried out in different ways.
- If you follow all the rules and traditions, then only the bride and groom, parents and godparents are present at the blessing.
- Modern rules are not so “strict”, so everyone participating in the ransom and guests are invited to the blessing ceremony.
The blessing itself goes as follows. The girl’s father gives the mother an icon of the Mother of God, the mother takes it with a towel and gives a parting speech to her daughter and son-in-law, after which the father speaks. At the end of the speech, the girl’s mother baptizes her daughter with the icon three times, then her son-in-law three times. In conclusion, the two young people are baptized with the icon three times, thereby the mother-in-law recognizes that they are a couple. Next, he gives the icon a kiss, first to his daughter, then to his son-in-law. Young people must cross themselves before leaning against the image.
Blessing of daughter (son) before wedding
The blessing of the daughter is carried out with the help of the face of the Kazan Mother of God. The father must give the icons to the mother. Moreover, it is very important that the mother holds towels, because it is not customary to take holy images with bare hands. The father holds a loaf of bread during the ceremony.
Parents take turns saying their wishes without interrupting each other. The parting words should be succinct, concise and simple. After pronouncing the speech, the daughter must be crossed three times and the image brought to her. She must also cross the image and kiss it. If the young woman does not have parents, then the ceremony can be performed by godparents.
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The blessing of a son before the wedding is carried out similarly to the ceremony with a daughter, only for this purpose the icon “Savior Temperance” is used.
Which parent holds the images of the saints and the loaf during the ceremony?
As a rule, when children decide to marry, parents are always unexpected. When planning a celebration and assigning “roles” for the blessing ceremony, it is always difficult. In fact, there is nothing complicated here. There are several options:
- The groom's father holds the icon, the young mother holds the loaf.
- Mothers of young people hold icons, and fathers hold champagne and a loaf of bread,
- One of the mothers holds images of saints, the other a loaf, and the fathers simply stand on the sides.
Parting words to the son and “new” daughter from the groom’s father and mother
From mother
Dear children! Today means a lot to all of us. I thought I was losing my son, but in fact I had found a wonderful daughter. Now my family has grown, this is also happiness. I bless you, live in harmony and appreciate each other. Let ringing laughter always be heard in your home, and let the smiles of two loving people give light. I wish you healthy children, to the delight of grandparents, to help mom and dad. Cherish the love!
From father
My dear son and (name of the bride), his wife. Thank you! Today has made me much richer - now I have a daughter. Son, look at this girl who has become your wife. She's beautiful. You must be worthy of her, be a protector and support. Love each other, children, keep your feelings for life. Then your life will be bright and clear, full of bright moments and quiet joy. You and your mother have our blessing, and the main thing is that you have each other.
How to store icons after the wedding
After the ceremony, the icons are necessarily handed over to the young. From the moment of transmission they are considered a family heirloom. If the family is a believer, then they are placed at home in the red corner (a specially designated place for icons in the house), with a napkin laid under them and covered with a towel.
In general, according to church rules, such images should be placed in the Eastern corner of the house. Next to them are wedding candles or a candle that was used during the ritual of “lighting the hearth candle.” By the way, there is a belief that in order for the family to live in peace and love, such candles should be lit every year on their wedding anniversary.
If the family is not deeply religious and for some reason there is no place in the house for holy images, then they should be carefully wrapped in towels and a special place should be allocated for their storage.
The Lord is always with you!
Watch the video on how to properly bless your daughter or son before the wedding:
How to properly bless the groom's young parents?
There can be two scenarios for blessing newlyweds who have already taken place.
- In the first version, only the parents of the young man greet the couple with the icon of the Savior.
- In the second, the parents of both the bride and groom greet the newlyweds with two icons.
The images must be wearing towels, since it is not recommended to take them with bare hands. According to tradition, the image of the Savior is held by the groom's father.
He speaks parting words first, then gives his mother his blessing. The newlyweds cross themselves with the icon three times, and the groom is allowed to kiss the image first, then the bride.
If both sets of parents are meeting, then the father of the groom and the mother of the bride can be placed in the center with icons. And on the sides, for example, the father of the bride with champagne and the mother of the groom with a loaf of bread. In this case, both pairs of parents can give a blessing to the new family in turn and bless them with two icons, baptizing the young three times and letting them kiss the icons in turn, starting with the groom. After the blessing ceremony, the newlyweds are served a loaf and salt, as well as glasses and champagne.
Blessing of parents at a wedding: how the ceremony takes place
The blessing of parents at a wedding has been a very important wedding ritual since ancient times.
The blessing of parents means their permission for their children to register an official marriage. During the blessing, parents not only allow their children to get married, but also say parting words to the young. In the old days, children who married without the blessing of their parents were considered sinners, and all the people around them condemned them. A family created without parental blessing was initially considered unhappy, and the church had the right to refuse these spouses a wedding.
Nowadays, the ritual of blessing is not taken as seriously as before, but in a simpler form. But the main thing here is not the process itself, but its essence.
Video: How to bless the young?
Well, to summarize, we note that after the wedding, the icons remain in the family of the newlyweds. They become a family heirloom, which is designed to protect and protect this family from adversity, disease and sadness. Believers place images in the corner or above the bed. Those who are not so devout keep the icons in a certain place without displaying them. According to tradition, these icons are inherited by children at their wedding.
Here is a short excursion into the traditions and rituals of blessing young parents; perhaps you will be interested in reading about this too.
The newlyweds must be escorted down the aisle, in accordance with the wedding rites, by parents who follow certain traditions when the newlyweds leave the parental home for a painting or wedding.
Seeing off the newlyweds by their parents is a very beautiful and touching ceremony that involves a wedding. Seeing off newlyweds differs significantly from each other, so let's look at each case separately.
Parents of the groom - How to send the groom off
There are some wedding requirements that need to be completed before escorting the groom out of his parents' house before the wedding celebration.
Place a table in the center of the room and cover it with a completely new (preferably light) tablecloth. A loaf of fresh bread is placed in the center of the table, a bucket (or jar) with clean water, a full salt shaker are placed next to it, and the Sretensky candle is lit (it is also called the loud one).
The groom's parents take home icons and bless their son with them, and after that the father must tie his son's hands with a special towel and circle him around the table three times. The mother should follow them, holding a home icon and a loud candle. This allows the groom to gain support from his family.
After this, the groom's parents stand at the threshold, take the wedding towel and wrap it in its embroidered edges over a fresh loaf of bread (necessarily unopened and round in shape). Parents hold the towel in such a way that an arch is formed under which their son must pass. This is a tribute to the ancestors who protect the inhabitants of the house, because in order to pass, the groom will have to bow to the threshold.
And in ancient times, the founder of the house was buried precisely under the threshold of the house, so that even after death he would not allow ill-wishers into the house. The home icon that was used in the ritual should be left at home in the red corner, but the loud candle was given to the matchmaker on the road, relying on it as a powerful amulet.
Parents of the bride - How to send the bride off
The parents of the bride (newlywed) must also perform certain wedding rituals before walking the bride down the aisle.
The father must gird the girl with a special towel, after which she must be led around the table three times. They walk around the table only clockwise, following the direction of the sun.
After this, the father brings the bride to the threshold and hands her over to the groom. Then they repeat the same ritual that was carried out in the groom’s house, but they now bring two children - the bride and groom.
It is important that when parents create an arch from a towel with loaves of bread wrapped in its edges, the mother should stand on the left side of the entrance (this part is considered feminine), and the father should stand on the right (masculine power is concentrated there).
The bride and groom must bow to the threshold, passing under the arch, and then the parents turn to everyone present in the house with a request6 “Good people, bless the young!” To which the guests must answer in chorus three times “God bless!”
How does the ceremony of blessing parents take place at a wedding?
To begin with, it is worth noting the fact that in the world there is no one scenario for the ceremony of blessing parents at a wedding that is mandatory for everyone.
Therefore, at each event, this ceremony takes place in its own way, based on the traditions of a particular family and taking into account the preferences of the newlyweds and their parents.
But still, when conducting a blessing ceremony, all its participants must be baptized, and also agree and are ready for this ceremony.
The bride and groom receive their very first blessing before the wedding at matchmaking, when their parents meet at a common table, agree with their children’s decision about marriage and begin discussing the future wedding.
At a wedding celebration, the blessing ceremony usually takes place in two steps: the first time the parents bless their child at home before going to the registry office to register the marriage or to the church for the wedding, and the second time when they meet the newlyweds in front of the banquet hall where the celebration will take place, with bread and salt .
For the blessing ceremony, parents on the groom’s side buy an icon of Christ the Savior, and parents on the bride’s side buy an icon of the Kazan Mother of God.
Before the first blessing ceremony, it is customary to wrap the icons with a new towel, then the parents turn them to face their children and cross them three times, and only then say parting words. All this happens in secret from everyone.
The second blessing ceremony takes place more festively in the presence of both the newlyweds and all invited guests. At the same time, the parents of the newlyweds say parting words to their children, holding icons and a loaf of salt on a towel in their hands.
Words of blessing from parents to young people
Just as there is no general plan for conducting a wedding blessing ceremony, there are no obligatory words that the parents of the bride and groom must certainly say when blessing the newlyweds.
Let us give an approximate plan of what should be said to the parents of the newlyweds when blessing them.
- The groom's parents speak first.
First, the groom’s mother blesses the young couple’s marriage, says that she will be glad to see and welcome her son’s chosen one in her home, is ready to help and support her, and in return asks to carefully preserve the new family hearth. - And the mother directs her son to show love and respect for his wife. The groom's father joins the mother's words and wishes his son to be a real man with a capital M in his family, an exemplary husband and a caring father for future children.
- Then the turn goes to the bride's parents. First, the father speaks, asking his son-in-law to treat his most precious treasure - his daughter - with respect and love, and also to protect her from all troubles and misfortunes, and to always be there. The mother on the bride's side speaks last.
Parting words from the bride's father and mother at the celebration itself
If all the previous speeches of the parents made before the wedding were relatively short, then after the marriage the parents can allow a few more words and wishes
.
It is highly undesirable for parents at a wedding to read the text with the words of blessing “from a piece of paper” - it must be remembered.
From father
- Dear daughter, dear son! We lived with (name of the bride's mother), my wife, for many happy years. There was harmony and harmony in our family. We raised a wonderful daughter who always tried to help us and pleased us with our successes. And now you, daughter, have become an adult and found a man who has become your husband. You will have a new family, a separate one. But know that your mom and I will always support you if you need help. At the same time, I am sure that (name of the groom), your husband, will be able to cope with any problems. He is a strong and worthy person. We are happy that now we also have a wonderful son. Children, be happy with each other, give love and joy, and give your mother and me grandchildren. May you live happily ever after!
- Dear (names of the newlyweds), children! Today you begin building a beautiful structure - your family. My wife and I, having lived in harmony (the time that the bride's parents have been married) for years, know that it is not always easy. Therefore, it is a little sad that you, daughter, no longer fully belong to our family, that you need to go your own way. Whatever it is, I am sure that your husband will be able to support and understand you in everything. He's a good guy, we're glad we can call him our son. Build your life like a beautiful, bright and warm home, in which there is a place of love, joy and children, which is full of peace and tranquility. Having invested your soul in building your family, you will definitely be rewarded with happiness and prosperity. Joy and all the best to you!
From mother
My beloved daughter and (name of the groom), my new son! Don’t look that I’m crying - it’s out of joy for you, my dear children. Your family was born today. Let this day be just the first of an endless number of happy days warmed by your love. Live together, enjoy every minute, try never to leave each other for more than a few hours. Face all adversities together, then they will turn into nothing. And happiness divided by two will increase tenfold. And most importantly, love and honor each other!
Ritual of blessing a son before the wedding: history, rules, details and nuances
Blessing a son before a wedding is a very ancient ritual. Having come to us from time immemorial, it has changed, shrunk, lost such significance as it had in the old days, but remained true to itself - to be the parental amulet of a young family, its spiritual protection from troubles and misfortunes.
Recognizing that conducting this ritual is an important and significant action for all its participants, the leading Internet information resource 4banket.ru will tell you in detail about it. How, why and when exactly do parents bless their son? Who plays what role and what parting words are given? Stay with us and you will learn the rules for conducting an ancient and beautiful ritual in all its details.
Sequence of events
The ceremony of parental blessing of the daughter-bride consists of 5 stages.
- The atmosphere of the sacrament is without fuss, haste and prying eyes.
- The bride's father gives the icon to his wife - the newlywed's mother. She, holding the icon in a towel, with her face turned to the young, makes a speech. Then the father takes the floor.
- The mother baptizes the icon three times, first her daughter, then her son-in-law, also three times. Then the couple is baptized three times with the icon. This is how the future mother-in-law admits to higher powers that her daughter and groom are a couple.
On a note
: The sign of the cross of the young is performed from top to bottom and from left to right. Then for the young it will be according to church canons - from top to bottom and from right to left.
- The young people, having crossed themselves, kiss the face of the icon - first the bride, then the groom.
- The icon is given to the newlyweds as a family gift. It is placed by church-going spouses in the red corner of their joint home or in the bedroom. If the young people do not want to display the icon, then they keep it in a secluded place, wrapped in a towel.
But, no matter where the icon lies, its function as a gift - a sign of parental love will remain unchanged. Overshadowed by their bright and kind aspirations, it will be a powerful family amulet and a memory of an important wedding event.
In the old days, it was not customary to have a wedding without parental blessing. This custom carries with it the wisdom of the older generation and the respect of children for their parents. They did not get married in church without the consent of their parents, otherwise children who decided to marry without the approval of their ancestors would bear the heavy burden of renunciation of their family all their lives. For such couples, family life did not work out, and often completely collapsed.
If we decipher the blessing, we literally get “praise of the future.” Therefore, this ceremony is considered not only an approval of the choice of your child, but also a promise to a happy future.
Nowadays young people choose their own couple and do not ask their parents for permission to get married. All that remains of the blessing ceremony is the part where the groom’s parents bid farewell to the young people for a bright and long family life. No one remains indifferent at such a moment, parents place their hopes on their children, and the newlyweds receive support and approval from the older generation.
History of appearance
In the old days in Rus', young people asked their parents for their wedding blessings. Blessing in this context meant approval for marriage and permission for a son to marry and a daughter to marry. Marriage without parental blessing was not approved by society and was considered unhappy.
In addition to moral support, the blessed young people also received material support for their marriage, in the form of a dowry, inheritance, titles and privileges. Moreover, this material component of parental blessing extended to the future offspring of the young, to their children.
Therefore, not a single wedding in Rus' was complete without such an important ritual. And the groom, without the approval of his parents, did not decide on either matchmaking or a wedding.
With the change in lifestyle, customs invariably change. Such changes also affected the ritual of parental blessing of a son before the wedding. Previously, the groom received it twice - before and after the wedding. Today, more and more often, young people limit themselves to one thing - a blessing with a loaf of bread on the threshold of the groom’s house (or in front of a restaurant , cafe , banquet hall ), before the wedding feast. And sometimes they completely miss this wedding stage.
Modern newlyweds are no longer so attached to popular beliefs. They are not afraid of the thought that without parental prayers their marriage will be doomed. Young people often live together before registration, without informing their parents and without asking their approval by submitting an application to the registry office .
However, this does not apply to all couples. And those who cannot imagine their marital union without a wedding in church also try to receive a parental blessing.
How to greet newlyweds with a loaf of bread
When parents come out to meet the newlyweds after the wedding walk, this is a tradition that involves the transfer of family values to the bride and groom, it symbolizes the education of a new generation and the direct connection between parents and the newlyweds.
Historically, the newlyweds lived in the groom’s parental home, and after the wedding, the young couple went exactly to where their parents met them on the threshold with bread and salt (loaf).
Nowadays, this ritual has lost its relevance; more precisely, the meeting place of the newlyweds has changed, since many newlyweds have their own home and have to be met on the threshold of the establishment where the wedding table is set.
Such changes have made small changes to the wedding traditions associated with the meeting of the newlyweds, but the folk signs that have appeared over the years during this meeting have undergone virtually no significant changes.
Why you need to bless your son before the wedding: 5 reasons
1. A sign of respect and love for parents.
By asking for a blessing, a kind of family farewell, the son shows his parents his respect, thereby giving them the opportunity to feel their importance. In the complex system that is the family, such a connection between generations, based on love and reverence, is the foundation, the basis of the foundations.
2. Acceptance of the son's choice.
By giving a blessing, parents accept the fact that their son has grown up, become a man, a husband, ready to take responsibility for his family. At the same time, they agree with the son’s choice - the one he wants to introduce into the family as his wife, the mother of his children, their future grandchildren.
3. Sign of parental support.
Obtaining the parental approval of the chosen one is psychologically very important for a son, no matter how old he is. This is like additional proof that your choice is right, because it was blessed by people with family experience whose opinion is valuable to you. The son thus receives parental support in his family endeavors and confidence in his abilities.
4. A way of rallying and unifying.
What will be needed to perform the ceremony?
The bride's parents should prepare for the ritual. You will need 3 things.
1. Parting speech.
To prevent emotions from taking over and confusing thoughts at an important moment, it is better to write parting words in advance. The speech should not be long and confusing. No need for poetry or lengthy thoughts. Words should come from the heart and carry a good message to the young - wishes of happiness, a long and strong union, mutual understanding. Essentially, this is a farewell to a daughter leaving her father’s house, standing on the threshold of a new stage in her life.
The bride's mother opens the ceremony with her speech. Then the father takes the floor. At the end of the ceremony, the godparents present can take the floor.
On a note:
In a parental blessing, as a rule, there is approval of the daughter’s choice, acceptance of it, and the hope that her husband will take care of her as reverently and tenderly as her parents did. The mother reminds her daughter of the feminine destiny of being the keeper of the family hearth, of the important ability to smooth out rough edges in an effort to preserve the peace and comfort of her nest.
2. Icon.
For the parental blessing of the bride, an icon with a certain plot is selected. The most traditional choice is the icon of the Kazan Mother of God. It is believed that this is a female icon with great energy as a defender of family and women's happiness, the patroness of motherhood.
This icon has a reputation as a great intercessor of the Slavic people, endowed with miraculous healing powers, with a rich history of amazing salvations. The icon with the face of the Kazan Mother of God even had a chance to visit space with the blessing of the Patriarch of Moscow and All Rus'.
If the family has its own, traditional icons - heirlooms passed on by inheritance, then such a choice will be the most successful and will become a powerful talisman of family happiness for the daughter who is opening her chapter in the family chronicle.
In fact, to bless the bride, you can choose the image of any holy healer and patron. If your daughter has poor health, then icons of ancient healers - Panteleimon, Antipius - are suitable.
On a note
: for a parental blessing of a son, an icon with the image of Christ is often chosen - the plot “Savior Almighty” or “Savior”. Our ancestors were the first to bring this icon into the newlyweds’ house.
The icon with which the parents blessed their child is given to him for further storage.
3. Towel.
According to custom, the holy image cannot be touched with bare hands, and therefore, during the blessing ceremony, the parents hand over the icon in a towel. In the old days, the mother of the bride embroidered this towel with her own hands, attaching good thoughts and warm wishes to her child with each stitch.
The procedure for parental blessing of a son
The process includes two stages.
- The first blessing is before the registry office (wedding), before leaving the parental home.
It is performed in the absence of strangers. The parents stand opposite their son. Father holds an icon. He is the first to baptize his kneeling son three times, after which he passes the icon to his mother . She also baptizes her son with it three times. Then the son-groom must cross himself and kiss the holy face.
Note: according to Orthodox canons, the sign of the cross is always done three times and from top to bottom, from right to left.
If parents do not observe religious rituals, the ritual with icons is replaced with an oral blessing. In this case, the parents give a short parting speech, wishing their son well and happiness.
- The second blessing is after the registry office (wedding).
In this case, parents greet with bread and salt (loaf) along with his young wife. The bride and groom receive a blessing together as a couple - without prayers, but with parting speeches and congratulations on their marriage.
The newlyweds are invited to “break bread” - to taste the wedding loaf by biting or breaking off a piece of it. According to tradition, the bride and groom treat each other with their pieces, having first dipped them in salt. It is believed that in this way they make a promise not to “salt” each other anymore, that is, not to upset each other.
Those present at this ceremony usually keep a vigilant eye on whose piece was larger and who ate it faster. According to signs, he will rule in the house and become the head of the family.
In the old days, after breaking the wedding bread, the newlyweds divided the loaf among the guests. Parents were treated first, then close relatives. The bottom of the loaf with coins baked in it was given to the musicians. And all that was left was for the “Cossacks” - children and teenagers who did not participate in the wedding feast, being outside the threshold of the house.
Note : if the groom does not have one of the parents, godparents can play their role. If the newlyweds do not live with the groom’s parents in their home, then the blessing ceremony is held in front of the restaurant where the wedding banquet is organized.
Guide to action: 8 wedding tasks for the future mother-in-law
Let’s be clear right away: this is not your wedding, but your son’s. Let the young people decide for themselves what the scenario of their holiday will be, how many guests to invite and where. If your help or advice is needed, your son knows where to find you.
Save your energy for other things. You have your own responsibilities at the wedding, which no one else can handle except you.
1. Blessing of a son before marriage.
On the morning of the wedding day, before the son leaves for his bride, he receives a parental blessing. According to ancient custom, mother and father give their son an icon in a towel, having previously crossed him three times.
On a note
: A towel is needed to hold the icon. It is believed that the holy face cannot be touched with bare hands. In the old days, the mother embroidered the towel herself, securing with each stitch good wishes for her son, who was beginning an independent life as a husband and father.
For the wedding blessing of the groom, an icon with the image of Christ or a saint whose name coincides with the name of the son is chosen. For example, Saint Nicholas.
The icon with which the parents blessed their child is given to him for further storage.
2. Ceremony at the registry office.
Here, as a rule, the groom’s mother does not need to do anything. Her role is that of a spectator. You may need a handkerchief to wipe away tears of tenderness and light sadness.
3. While the young people are riding.
The newlyweds usually go for a walk after the registry office without their parents, taking witnesses and a couple of close friends. To prevent other guests/close relatives from getting bored, the parents of the bride or groom invite them to their place for a small buffet.
4. Meeting the newlyweds with bread and salt.
It is the responsibility of the groom’s mother to greet the newlyweds with a loaf of bread in their hands. According to the old Russian custom, this was done on the threshold of the parents' house, to which the groom brings his bride. The ritual of the meeting is of great importance. The bride enters a new home and becomes a member of her husband's family. The mistress of the house - the mother-in-law - receives her, giving her a warm welcome. The breaking of bread signifies the entry into force of the law of hospitality. Having tasted the loaf, the bride falls under the care and protection of her new family.
On a note
: by how the meeting ceremony will go, what piece the daughter-in-law will bite off, in the old days they tried to predict her future behavior: whether she will be an obedient daughter-in-law, hard-working and flexible, or will she begin to pull the blanket over herself and bend her stick. It was believed, for example, whichever of the young people took a larger bite from the wedding loaf would become the leader in the family.
Today, more and more often, the ritual of meeting with bread and salt is performed on the threshold of a restaurant where a banquet is being organized. To prepare for this ritual, the groom's parents leave for the restaurant before the rest.
The loaf is placed on an embroidered towel. The salt shaker remains open. The loaf is presented to the newlyweds along with wishes for happiness and prosperity in family life.
After the ceremony is completed, the groom’s mother protects the wedding loaf from the attacks of others. It is considered an unkind sign if anyone other than the bride and groom touches the holy bread. Discord may begin in a young family.
5. Toast from the groom's mother.
According to custom, the groom's father escorts the newlyweds to the festive table. Parents sit not far from the newlyweds, in the most honorable places. And they are the first to have the floor for a welcoming toast.
The groom's mother will have to give a speech. There is no need to read poetry or memorize poems. It is important that the words come from the heart and contain wishes for happiness to the young.
6. Dance with my son.
A very beautiful and touching wedding tradition - a son invites his mother to dance. The mother’s task is to prepare for this moment: remember the waltzing dance steps and think over an outfit that would not hinder movement.
7. Lighting up the family hearth.
A symbolic action consisting of lighting a candle by the mother-in-law and mother-in-law.
You need to prepare 3 candles. One is given to the bride - unlit. Mothers of the newlyweds light their candles one after another, accompanying the actions with wishes and blessings. Then, they simultaneously bring their candles to the bride’s candle and light it, thereby recognizing her as the mistress of the house in which the family hearth is now burning.
On a note
: the candle of the new family is soon extinguished and then stored in the house of the young couple.
8. Removing the veil from the bride.
At some weddings, conducting this wedding ceremony is the privilege of the groom's mother. Removing the veil from her daughter-in-law, the mother-in-law takes her under her wing, recognizing her as a daughter, the wife of her son.
In another version, the veil is removed from the bride by her mother, and the mother-in-law only ties a scarf or a light scarf to her daughter-in-law in return.
In any case, the groom's mother needs to prepare a headdress for her daughter-in-law for this ritual.
To feel comfortable and status, the mother of the groom needs to carefully think through her outfit. There are a number of rules that, if followed, will help you avoid common mistakes.
- A dress, not a suit.
There is a popular belief that if the mother-in-law wears a suit and not a dress at the wedding, then the newlyweds will face a quick divorce. Why give reason for idle speculation?
- Correct style.
The style of the dress is chosen in such a way as to hide age-related flaws in the figure and emphasize existing advantages. A sheath dress, empire style, and A-line successfully cope with this task.
Length - just beyond the knee or to the middle of the ankle. Leave the trains and crinolines to the bride. Mother's status and responsibilities call for practicality and functionality. You should sit in the car in this dress, dance, bend over. It should not burst at the seams and dig into the body with treacherous folds.
On a note
: each season has its own fabric. Velvet, brocade, and wool are good for winter weddings. For summer - natural lightweight fabrics combined with synthetic fibers so that they do not look “chewed” after one ride in the car.
- Nothing provocative
.
Neckline, bare arms and shoulders, open knees and mini length - all this is far from elegance and style, especially on an older woman, especially at an event such as a wedding, especially on the mother of the groom. Therefore, we hide our knees under the correct length, throw stoles and capes over our shoulders, disguise folds under elegant drapery and distract from various age-related errors with successful accessories - handbags, hats, scarves, beads, etc.
- Correct color.
According to wedding rules, 3 colors are prohibited for ladies' dresses: white (this is the privilege of the bride), black (the color of mourning) and red - too sexy for such a chaste event as a wedding.
Flowers and polka dots are not respectable for the honorary status of the groom's mother. Noble shades of burgundy, blue, beige, and gray are ideal. The pastel palette is refreshing - lavender, lettuce, lilac, ash rose, warm sand shades suit mature age.
- The right shoes.
A heel is needed, but not a stiletto heel. Let it be a stable wide heel or platform. Why torture yourself, because you have to be on your feet all day.
Advice:
Prepare two pairs of shoes. One is for the official part, the second is for dancing and enjoying the holiday. Both pairs must pass preliminary tests. Shoes out of the box are fraught with calluses and blisters.
As you can see, everything is not so scary. All recommendations are feasible, and tasks are achievable. The main thing is to remember that a wedding is a holiday! And you are an important person on it!
A parental blessing is, in essence, their permission for their children to marry, along with sincere wishes for all sorts of family benefits. Even now, young people planning to get married try to get a blessing so that there will always be happiness and love in their new family.
This ritual can be carried out according to all the rules; for this, all its participants must be baptized. After all, this happens with the help of the icons of the Mother of God of Kazan and St. Nicholas the Pleasant or the Savior. But now the ceremony can be significantly simplified, the main thing here is the sincere words of the parents, their wishes for peace, joy, kindness and happiness
.
What parents say when blessing their son: examples of speeches
At the first blessing, it would be appropriate to read a kind of prayer with the icon.
The text of the “prayer” of the groom’s mother: “Just as the church is indestructible and strong, faith is strong and sweet mead, so ... (son’s name) and ... (bride’s name) were strong and inseparable. We haven’t been without each other, we haven’t lived apart for a minute or a day since that day, when I read the slander. Amen. Amen. Amen".
You can bless in your own words, giving parental advice to your son who is starting his own family.
Examples of parental blessing of a son before the registry office (wedding):
- Dear son, we bless you and give you guidance for your future family life. May she be happy, in love and mutual harmony. May troubles and misfortunes pass you by. And your union will be blessed with the birth of strong and healthy children.
- Dear son! We bless you for a strong and happy marriage. Live for good. Honor and take care of your wife. Be with her in joy and peace, harmony and love. May God give you support and protection on your family journey!
- Dear son! You are on the verge of important life changes. Let them be happy. May your marriage be strong and your family life long and joyful. Let children's laughter sound in your home, and let prosperity and peace reign.
Examples of parental blessing after the registry office (wedding):
- Dear... (names of the bride and groom)! Please accept our blessing for your marital union! May the Lord protect your family from evil and misfortune. Be faithful to each other, take care and love each other. You... (name of the groom) protect and protect... (name of the bride) from the difficulties of life and unnecessary tears. And you... (name of the bride) be... (name of the groom) support in all matters. And then peace and harmony will settle in your home forever.
- Dear children! At the beginning of your family journey, we bless you with this wedding loaf - a symbol of prosperity, health and wealth. May your life together be as sweet and enjoyable as this rich and delicious bread. Let your children be strong and rosy, like the crust on this loaf. And may your family have as much warmth and love as there is in this wedding bread. Advice and love to you!
Parting words to the bride before the wedding ceremony
Traditionally, this happens before the wedding itself in the parental home. Before going to the Wedding Palace, the father and mother of the bride address their two children - their daughter and her groom - with parting words and wishes.
What to tell your daughter
Before the groom arrives, mom and dad can bless their daughter separately
.
General “words of encouragement”
So you have grown up, daughter, and are about to fly away from the family nest. May your choice be correct, and may your family be friendly and strong. Respect your future husband, because now he is your support and protector, love him with all your heart. Daughter, we wish you a happy life in goodness and prosperity, healthy children who will delight both you and your husband, and your dad and me.
Words from the mother of the bride
Daughter, I am happy that you have found your path in life. She will now be associated with (name of the groom). While raising you, I tried to give you as much as possible - knowledge, feelings, teach you everything that a real woman should be able to do. Therefore, I am sure that this guy is a worthy person. Be happy in this marriage. May bright love always accompany you two, and may there never be discord in your family. Be, daughter, the happiest and most beloved woman in the whole world!
Wishes from father to daughter
Daughter! You are my only child and you know how much your mother and I love you. We are very worried about you now, and we will always be worried. It’s hard for me to give you to someone else’s house, but I believe in you and your choice. Therefore, I will try to accept your future husband as my own son. Be a faithful and kind wife to him. May there always be peace and mutual understanding in your new family. And the worries of creating this kind atmosphere of warmth and tranquility fall on your fragile shoulders. Be strong and patient, know that love can overcome all life's adversities. May your new family be happy!
Blessing of the bride and groom
After the ransom ceremony, which is traditionally carried out after the groom comes to pick up the bride at the parental home, her parents and the newlyweds retire and then say words of blessing.
What is guaranteed by the Labor Code to an employee upon application for marriage?
According to the law of the Russian Federation (Article 128 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation), in order to register a marriage relationship, an enterprise provides a citizen with leave without pay for a period of no more than 5 days (calendar). The basis for time off is a written application from the employee.
Providing this type of time for rest is not related to other options for release from work or the employee’s length of service. The period provided by the company at the request of the worker without accrual of earnings is counted towards the length of service that determines the worker’s rights to basic (annual) paid leave, if its duration is no more than 14 days (calendar) in one year (Article 121 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation).
FOR YOUR INFORMATION! The statutory period of rest for registration of marriage can be no more than 5 days (calendar) without payment of maintenance. Companies may have internal regulations that require payment for such time. But this condition is not an obligation for every employer.
Although in most situations, unpaid leave is provided to an employee only with the consent of the organization’s management, in the case of a marriage, a citizen’s rights to unpaid days are secured by the Labor Code of the Russian Federation (Article 128). The management of the enterprise does not have the right to prevent an employee from taking time off at his own expense. An employee can submit documents and simply go on vacation on the day of his choice. In this case, according to the law, the organization has no grounds for dismissing a citizen for absenteeism.
A citizen has the right to notify the head of the company in writing at any time, even the day before going on vacation.
It is recommended to complete and submit the necessary documents to management 10-14 days before the desired date of departure, without delaying the submission of the application without special reasons.
A worker can ask for any number of days to rest within the limits specified by law (from 1 day to 5 days), but a unilateral reduction by the enterprise of the duration of the unpaid period is prohibited. Consent from the employer will be required if a citizen wishes to issue more than 5 days without pay, as provided by law.
IMPORTANT! If an employee falls ill during unpaid time, then the duration of the rest period does not increase, sick leave for temporary disability of a citizen is not paid (Federal Law of the Russian Federation No. 255 of December 29, 2006).
Icons and towel - family heirloom
After the wishes are said, parents sign icons over their children and let them kiss them. Then the icons are wrapped in a towel and given to the bride. Now it is their family value. In her future home, she should put them in a prominent place, never give them away to anyone and take care of them. If a young couple is not a believer and does not want to display icons in their home for everyone to see, they should be carefully stored in a special place, wrapped in a towel.
Of course, not all families are Orthodox. Now young people have a choice - to perform the ceremony according to religious rules and traditions, or to receive the blessing of their parents at the wedding in a simpler, secular version. Remember that the main thing is not the ritual itself, a certain order of actions or the sequence of parting words. The main thing is sincere wishes of love and prosperity, peace and happiness in family life for your children. This approval of their choice is not in words, but from the bottom of my heart!
about tradition, the groom’s mother meets the newlyweds on the threshold of the restaurant with a loaf on a towel, the rest of the parents are nearby, the bride’s mother or father can hold glasses with a drink (champagne or just clean water) on a tray.
Words from the groom's mother when the newlyweds meet
(Several variants):
- My dear children! I sincerely congratulate you on the beginning of a new path in your life.
- Our dear children! Today is your wedding day.
- Warmest congratulations
And on the threshold of this happy beginning, I present you with the main symbol of prosperity and well-being in all things earthly - a wedding loaf. I want your hearts to retain the warmth that this loaf has preserved for you. Let your house always be full of guests and let everyone get at least a small piece of food. Advice and love to you!
We would like to sincerely congratulate you on this event. We had a son, and now we are doubly happy to have such a beautiful daughter. Your union is simply a great happiness for us. First of all, we, of course, are happy for our son, who has found such a lifelong friend. But his girlfriend has become our daughter today, and her happiness is just as important to us. We ask you to keep your hearts as warm until the end. Advice and love to you!
Take it in the shower now. Listen to advice and instructions from us. Let your home always sparkle with comfort and warmth. Let joy warm you with its holy soul! Have a good trip! Advice and love to you!
For mother of the bride
(the mother of the bride is not obliged to say welcoming words to the newlyweds, but if there is a desire, then, of course, you can):
- Our dear children!
- I want to congratulate you on your marriage.
- I want to throw flowers at your feet,
At this exciting hour, we sincerely congratulate you on this wonderful holiday! As we guide you into family life, we wish you to always love each other, preserve love, and strengthen love. Our dear daughter, protect your family hearth like the apple of your eye, let there be comfort and order in your home, let the pies smell delicious in your kitchen, be a true friend and life partner to your spouse! Our dear son-in-law (son), be a real master in your home, take care of the well-being of your family, be a good father to your children, respect and honor your wife! Happiness and love to you, dear children!
Keep the warmth you have acquired. And make every effort possible, So as not to waste everything you found. Live peacefully, amicably, fairly, so that trouble cannot sneak up on you. May life be fun and beautiful. Never part, children.
So that the road is paved with them. To make your innermost dreams come true, you ask God for blessings. I will shower congratulations on the family, which is just over an hour old. I will sprinkle you with holy water, I will bless you, and so that there is a reserve. I hasten to congratulate you with all my heart, After all, the marriage has been completed. All congratulations in the world are good, I give them to you with all my efforts.
The young people break off a piece, dip this piece in salt, feed each other, wash it down with a drink and break glasses for good luck, throwing them at the same time with their right hand over their left shoulder. The guests form a living corridor through which the newlyweds pass to their places of honor.
If you choose poems, try to memorize them. Reading from a sheet when nervous means stuttering and stuttering, fixing your gaze on the piece of paper, and at this moment it is important to look at the young people, and the speech should be gentle and friendly.
The tradition of greeting newlyweds with bread and salt came to us from ancient times, when salt was still a sign of wealth, and different bread was baked in each house: some sieve, some zhiznaya. The mother-in-law, meeting her daughter-in-law on the threshold of the house, offered her to try THAT BREAD that she would now have to eat all her life in her husband’s family. And if she presented the most precious things - bread and salt, which used to be worth its weight in gold, then she gave the go-ahead for the marriage!
IF YOU WANT TO BAKE A LOAF YOURSELF, THEN YOU WILL NEED A REAL WEDDING LOAF RECIPE!
Another controversial point that I would like to mention is: should the loaf be distributed to guests or only young people can eat it?
The answer must also be sought in the roots of tradition. The fact is that before, and even now, Ukrainian holiday loaves were baked three-tiered, decorated with sugar icing and dough flowers. Isn't it true that the analogy with a wedding cake immediately comes to mind?
So, the young people left the upper tier for themselves and their parents. Moreover, part of it was supposed to be wrapped in a clean rag and kept forever. Close relatives were treated to the middle tier. And the bottom one, the largest one, was distributed to the guests. To leave a wedding without a piece of loaf is to offend the newlyweds. Now decide for yourself what to do with the loaf.
