Sleeping over with a guy, especially for the first time, can be a daunting experience. You're probably excited, but at the same time there are a million thoughts running through your head. This is quite natural, because you never know what will happen. However, the best thing to do is stay relaxed and whatever needs to happen will happen. You will enjoy communication, each other and share this best moment together. Remember that the main thing is to have fun and build relationships. Follow these tips to make your first time with him unforgettable!
Talk about expectations
If you sleep with your boyfriend for the first time, your head will be filled with thoughts about what you have to do. Since he is also excited, he is likely creating all sorts of expectations in his head just like you. It would be a good idea to talk to him about what you can do and what you don't really like. It's important to know that it's not unusual for you to spend your first night with your boyfriend without sex. If you're not happy with it, then you're not happy with it. Everything should be simple.
What is the first romantic night?
Many people getting married do not fully know the answer to this question. They also do not understand how it should go and what it symbolizes.
Of course, for newlyweds the first wedding night is a truly romantic time. It symbolizes the foundation of a new family. During the wedding night, the newlyweds are finally alone and can devote time to each other. In the morning, a new, so to speak, “adult” life will begin. And the wedding night becomes the starting point of family relationships.
Be prepared to not get enough sleep
Research has shown that when you spend the night with someone for the first time, your brain is always a little more awake. Because your surroundings are unfamiliar, your brain essentially goes into survival mode, causing you to stay a little more awake than you'd like. Besides, cuddling in your sleep isn't the most pleasant thing in the world. Your hair will suddenly become his worst enemy, you won't know what to do with your hands, and every time you move or move, you'll only have to worry about him waking up.
First wedding night according to Sunnah
Intimate life. Part one.
From the point of view of Islam, the intimate life of spouses and the mutual satisfaction of physiological needs is a natural phenomenon inherent in man by nature.
The wedding night
A good deed on a wedding night is considered to be the groom presenting the bride with sweets (honey), permitted drinks (milk), spices and treating her to them.
Before entering into intimate intimacy, it is advisable (sunnah) for a husband to place his hand on his wife’s forehead and say the following prayer:
بِسْمِ اللهِ بارَكَ اللهُ لِكُلٍّ مِنّا في صاحِبِهِ
“ Bismillahi, baraka-Allahu li-kullin minna fi sahibihi (In the name of Allah. May Allah make us blessed to each other).”
It is also reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recited the following prayer:
All rights reserved. َلَيْهِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّها وَشَرِّما جَبَلْتَها عَلَيْهِ
“ Allahumma inni as'aluka min hairiha wa hairi ma jabaltaha 'alayhi, wa-a'uzu bika min sharriha wa-sharri ma jabaltaha 'alayhi " (O Allah, I ask You for everything good from her and good from her offspring. I also seek protection from You from her evil and the evil of her offspring).” ( Muslim , 899; Abu Dawud , 2160; Ibn Majah , 1918)
A godly act on a wedding night is for the spouses to perform Sunnat prayer in two rak'ahs and read the following prayer:
اللهُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِي أَهْلِي، وَبَارِكْ لَهُمْ فِيَّ، اللهُمَّ All rights reserved. ا فَرَّقْتَ إِلَى خَيْرٍ
“Allahumma barik-li fi ahli wa barik lyahum fiya. Allahumma-jma' baynana ma jama'ta bihairin, wa-farrik baynana iza farrakta ila khairin (O Allah, bless me in my relationship with my wife (husband) and her (him) in my relationship. O Allah, establish goodness between us and when we separate, separate us kindly." ( Tabarani , "Mu'jam al-kabir", 8994)
Immediately before rapprochement, it is advisable for the husband to read the following prayer each time:
الشَّيْطانَ وَجَنِّبِ الشَّيْ طانَ ما رَزَقْتَنا
“ Bismillah, Allahumma jannibna shaytana wa jannibi shaytana ma razaktana (In the name of Allah! O Allah, remove the shaitan from us and remove the shaitan from what you have endowed us with (that is, from the child with whom you will give us)).”
'Abdullah Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
لوْ أَنَّ أَحَدَهُمْ إِذَا أَرَادَ أَنْ يَأْتِيَ أَهْلَهُ قَالَ بِ All rights reserved. All rights reserved. ٌ فِي ذَلِكَ لَمْ يَضُرَّهُ شَيْطَانٌ أَبَدًا
“ If any of you says when he wants to have sexual intercourse with his wife : “In the name of Allah! O Allah, remove the shaitan from us and remove the shaitan from what you have endowed us with (that is, from the child with whom you will give us),” and if conception subsequently occurs, then, verily, the shaitan will never be able to harm the child .” ( Bukhari , 6388; Muslim , 1434)
Imam Al-Ghazali (may Allah sanctify his soul) writes that at the moment of ejaculation it is recommended to read the following prayer to yourself:
نَس َبًا وَصِهْرًا وَكانَ رَبُّكَ قَديرًا
“ Alhamdu li-Llyahi llazi halyaka min-al-mai basharan, faja'alyahu nasaban washiran, wa-kana Rabbuka Kadiran ” (“Praise be to Allah, who created man from a drop of water and made him offspring and kinship. Your Lord is Almighty”) .
It should be noted that spouses on their wedding night need to pay great attention to each other so that sexual intercourse between them occurs naturally and they receive mutual satisfaction. To do this, you must follow the following recommendations.
1. The husband should not rush in the process of defloration of his wife . To overcome her embarrassment, he should start slowly and gently. A husband should talk to his wife, joke, caress, kiss her. In a word, he should achieve reciprocity. After all, the stronger the excitement, the stronger the health of the unborn child will be. In addition, this will have a beneficial effect on the body of the spouses themselves.
According to Islamic marital etiquette, the husband should always provide such a prelude to intimacy through words, kisses and lovemaking.
2. The spouse should not be insensitive or cold . Pushing your husband away leads to bad consequences.
3. The husband should not be afraid of anything or afraid to approach his wife and get close to her, because she wants to see him confident and ready to meet her that night . The husband's fear or embarrassment will embarrass the wife even more.
4. Spouses need to help each other in the process of rapprochement and complete it without negative emotions.
5. If the spouses failed to get close on their wedding night, then this is not at all considered weakness and powerlessness, and this should not be made into a tragedy . In some cases it is even approved. Perhaps one of the spouses was shy or worried, which could interfere with the rapprochement process. The young people will still have a lot of time to get to know and get used to each other better.
Among some peoples who profess Islam, after the first wedding night, it is customary to demonstrate the consequences of sexual intercourse to the husband’s relatives and friends. This ritual is a relic of local customs and has nothing in common with Islam; moreover, it is prohibited by Sharia.
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See also:
Dua for maintaining a strong and happy family
Dua to strengthen feelings between spouses
10 “golden” rules for an ideal husband
How to protect your family from Satan?
Family is, first of all, responsibility
10 secrets for a happy family life
How to refresh your marriage?
Love and secrets of family life
The main fear of guys
One of the main fears of guys during first sex is the fear of premature ejaculation (ejaculation). To prevent this from happening, the couple must caress each other until “the main penetration”. Preliminary caresses relax both partners, relieve tension, and also allow them to tune into an intimate atmosphere and forget their fears.
Men also often worry about the size of their penis. In such a situation, a girl should support her beloved guy with pleasant words for him.
Highlights of first intimacy
But the influence of Western culture made its own adjustments. Now many lovers learn the basics of intercourse almost in their teens, before they even get married. And many couples have sex while in a civil marriage. As you can see, there is no exact age for the onset of intimacy.
As for sex itself, it can be viewed from both a physiological and psychological point of view. If in the first case it will be knowledge of basic techniques, then in the second it will be sensuality. The psychological aspect plays a huge role - when people love each other, intimacy becomes more passionate and emotional.
If there is no love in the relationship, sex will be perceived as ordinary mechanical actions. Therefore, if there are no feelings, it is better not to start sex.
How newlyweds in Rus' behaved during the first night
Even when the newlyweds were alone, there was still one person near the bedroom who was supposed to protect the newlyweds from dark forces and evil spirits. Although guests often stayed to spy.
First, the newlyweds ate bread with chicken - this was supposed to make the couple fertile. Then the wife took off her husband’s boots, thereby demonstrating submission and intention to obey him in everything. In addition, the wife was obliged to ask permission to lie next to her husband.
After this, finally, the first sexual intercourse took place, which the husband told his friends about. After the loss of innocence, the marriage could finally be considered confirmed, which was announced to the guests. It was important to show the wife’s shirt with blood on it – it was a demonstration of her honesty. If a girl had a relationship before marriage, she brought shame on her entire family. Her parents were humiliated in every possible way, and she could even be returned to her parents' home.
To simulate virginity, girls secretly slaughtered a rooster.
How to overcome fear of pain
Hellish pain during defloration is a common horror story for young girls. In fact, it is important under what conditions it happened, with whom and in what psychological situation. Only the rape of a virgin is scary, and the first sex with a lover (especially if he has already had experience) acts as an analgesic. But first, let's find out what the hymen is.
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This is a thin leather film that covers the entrance to the vagina, located at a depth of 3 cm. It can be of 3 types:
Lunar. It occupies one side of the entrance to the vagina, without covering it completely, and has a different edge - smooth, roll-shaped or jagged.
Ring-shaped. With a hole in the middle and different edges.
Blind. Closed, no hole.
So, almost every hymen has a hole through which the same menstrual blood passes, and therefore, we can say that the hymen is not “torn”, but only “torn”, gradually stretching it during sexual intercourse. And only in the case of a very rare “blind” hymen will you have to suffer, and most often not a couple in love, but a gynecologist, through surgery, since menstruation will not be able to pass through such a hymen. But this is an exceptional case.
But nevertheless, the word “tear” will be scary. But imagine, if you are in bed with your lover, how many factors will prevent pain:
Love sex itself with gentle foreplay is the best soothing “drug”.
Natural vaginal lubrication (if for some reason it does not appear, then you need to use a lubricant - a special lubricant for sexual intercourse).
Stress, adrenaline, and the multitude of hormones released are excellent natural anesthetics.
Therefore, first sex is not as scary as already experienced ladies “paint it”. Although ask everyone how it was for her for the first time, she will smile nostalgically. Again - if it was out of love and not force. This is not forgotten.
They didn't pay
Russian peasants were divided not only into landowners and state peasants, some of them belonged to monasteries, cultivating the lands of local dioceses. So, in 1655, Archimandrite Serapion and cellarer Selivester from the Spaso-Prilutsky Monastery tried two of their peasants who lived in a place with the picturesque name Loptunovsky Klyuch (near Vologda). These men took as wives two girls who belonged to the boyar Pyotr Lazarev and his elderly mother, Elder Ulita. At the same time, the hatchery marten was not paid for the serf peasant women.
The indignant boyar P.D. Lazarev turned to the monastery authorities with a demand to punish the perpetrators and return to him the peasant women who were de jure considered runaways. During the proceedings, it turned out that the monastery from its treasury gave the grooms 12 rubles, 8 altyns and 2 money so that they would pay the boyar the money owed for two brides. But the accused simply misappropriated these funds.
As a result, the husbands still had to fork out money, and a certain Ofonka Ivanov, who was the matchmaker at both weddings, was fined by the monastery authorities for as much as three rubles, since he had to keep track of the payment of the withdrawal money, but treated his duties negligently.
Make sure you have reliable protection
Infections and pregnancy - if these two factors are not desirable, before having sex for the first time, you need to take care of reliable protection. The best option is condoms. They should usually be bought by a young person. But a girl should also have at least one pack of such safety precautions in her purse, just in case.
It is better to purchase such protection in advance and put it under the bed or in a nearby nightstand so that you can use it at the right time.
It is better to buy classic condoms, not flavored ones, ribbed or with “mustaches,” but classic ones. Moreover, it is better to do this not in a supermarket, but in a pharmacy, where each product is carefully checked.
How should the groom prepare for the night?
In many ways, it depends on the future spouse how the first wedding night after the wedding will go. After all, organizational issues fall on his shoulders. The most important thing in this matter is to find a suitable romantic place. If you don’t have your own apartment, then you can spend your wedding night in a house on the lake or in a hotel. However, unfortunately, not everyone can afford this. Many newlyweds do not understand how they can spend this unforgettable night at home. Then the parents leave the apartment to the children for this time.
Regardless of which location is chosen, it must be carefully prepared. It is advisable that this be a surprise for your beloved. Prepare and carefully lay clean, beautiful (for example, red) bed linen. Rose petals should be scattered on the floor and on the bed. You can make words of love from candles or arrange them in the shape of a heart.
You can have a romantic dinner in a warm bath. There you can drink champagne (or red or white wine) and eat some fruit or dessert. Such a beautiful first wedding night will remain in the memory of your beloved for a long time. It is worth making every possible effort to ensure that everything goes well.
The main fear of girls
The biggest fear of girls during first sex is the feeling of pain when the hymen breaks. But this is just a myth invented by some girls. Yes, there are some unpleasant sensations when the hymen ruptures, but they are short-lived, and the bleeding is insignificant. Only if the girl has a very thick hymen, there may be a lot of blood, and the pain will be a little stronger. To minimize unpleasant sensations, it is necessary that the girl is relaxed, positive and trusts her partner.
But even if during intimacy a girl does not bleed at all, this does not mean that she is not a virgin, this only speaks of the peculiarities of the structure and size of her hymen.
Tax amount
Many marriage licenses or letters of withdrawal issued by landowners to peasant girls have not survived. But in church archives, researchers find interesting documents that can shed light on the size of the “brood marten.” Doctor of Historical Sciences Marina Cherkasova dedicated an article to this topic, “The hatching marten and “leave leave” in memory of marriage in the 16th-17th centuries,” which was published in the collection of scientific works “Images of Agrarian Russia in the 9th-18th centuries.” (Moscow, 2013).
The researcher drew attention to frequent references to various monetary and natural gifts that representatives of the feudal lord received at peasant weddings. For example, in the documents of the Resurrection Iversky Monastery, dating from the 17th century, the duty “for the table of the servants” is mentioned; it was equal to the cost of the following products: kalach, bread, ham of meat and a bucket of intoxicating drink. And several centuries earlier, a princely thiun who attended a peasant wedding received, for example, a baked goose and a platter of pies.
However, representatives of the feudal lord were also involved in the collection of hatching martens, because the owner himself usually did not bother himself with administrative and economic affairs. Thus, the Solovetsky abbot Philip Kolychev recorded in 1548 that the clerk took one altyn from each marriage between local peasants, and the size of the brood marten, if the girl married outside the property, was as much as two altyns.
“In one peasant list of wedding expenses for 1698, the following were taken into account: the “output” ruble, the crown hryvnia and table expenses ...,” said M.S. Cherkasova.
That is, the landowner received one ruble from the girl’s parents, who did not want the “right of the first night” to be implemented, the priest was paid one hryvnia for the wedding of the newlyweds, the remaining family savings went to purchase food for the wedding meal. It’s hard not to notice that the size of the hatching marten dominated the cost structure. And the parents dutifully paid the master, just so as not to give him their daughter for pleasure.
How to have sex for the first time: tips for guys
Guys worry no less than girls before having sex for the first time. Therefore, you need to pull yourself together and be confident in your sexual power. To begin with, you should relax. A glass of champagne or wine will help with this. Just don’t overdo it with drinking, otherwise your first night together will turn into a complete nightmare. Next, invite the lady of your heart to a slow dance and start kissing her, gently stroking her neck, and then slowly begin to undress her.
Once you find yourself in bed, don’t forget about caresses. After all, they are the ones who will help a woman tune in to intimacy, as well as feel tenderness and trust in her partner. Caress her neck, chest, stomach, and then go lower to the genitals and start massaging them. This will help arouse the girl: her vagina becomes wet, which will help the penis penetrate inside faster and easier.
Once you have warmed up your partner sufficiently, place her on her back and carefully place the condom on your penis. During sex, you need to move slowly and as carefully as possible so as not to hurt your partner. Most likely, your first sex will not go as you expected. But this is only the first experience. Next will be even more interesting and better.
