Matchmakers - who are they? The meaning of the words “matchmaker” and “matchmaker”. Matchmaking ritual

Matchmaking: the purpose of the ceremony

A wedding is an important event in the life of any person.
And a traditional wedding is preceded by an equally important matchmaking ceremony. Unfortunately, in the modern world there is so little room for traditions. But it is in them that the soul of the people, their mentality is reflected. In ancient times, even strangers to the bride could send matchmakers; parents, in turn, could persuade her to marry if the groom, in their opinion, was suitable for their daughter. Therefore, during the matchmaking, the girl’s fate was practically decided. Nowadays, the matchmaking ceremony is formal, it is carried out either to meet the parents, or to discuss the details of the upcoming wedding. It even happens that they refuse this altogether, especially if the future husband and wife organize the wedding themselves.

Who is a son-in-law?

Son-in-law is the husband of a daughter, sister or sister-in-law.

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Matchmaking is an ancient Slavic tradition. The concepts of “matchmaker”, “matchmaker”, “matchmaker”

Before we find out who a matchmaker and a matchmaker are, let's remember who a matchmaker is. Many people no longer remember what the difference is between a “matchmaker” and a “matchmaker.” It’s worth starting with an explanation of these concepts.

A matchmaker (if we are talking about a woman) is a person who is professionally involved in arranging a marriage. Sometimes they not only helped to match the bride, but also selected candidates.

Matchmaker is the mother of one of the spouses in relation to the mother of the other.

But the meaning of the word “matchmaker” is a little more complicated. A matchmaker is both a “matchmaker” and a relative of one of the spouses in relation to the relatives of the other. Such an address by the parents of the newlyweds to each other is a sign of respect and goodwill. Etymologically, the word “matchmakers” and the word “their own” have the same basis. And in the tradition of the Slavic peoples, such an address is a symbol of the fusion of two peoples.

Family ties among the Russian people

Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets once said: “The only value in life is family. Once the family perishes, the world perishes. Show your love first of all to your family.” Family is the first school of life and the true school of love. To learn to live in society, among strangers, you must first of all learn to live among your relatives. To become a faithful child of the Universal Church, you must become a good member of the small Church - the family.

In addition to the father, mother, brothers and sisters, families also have other relatives: grandmothers, grandfathers, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and their children. And here love, trust and harmony should reign in the family. Our ancestors had the concept of a “small family” - a father, mother and their small children and a “great family” - i.e. the whole clan, all relatives bearing the same surname. And often representatives of three or four generations lived and got along under one roof. For example, in some large families in Georgia there were up to 25 cradles in a common house. In order to maintain peace and harmony in the family, the hierarchy must be strictly observed - who obeys whom, who takes care of whom, who is responsible for what. Let's try to understand the names of family ties, a little forgotten at the present time.

Since time immemorial, there have been several types of kinship ties: blood kinship, matchmaking (i.e. kinship through marriage) and nepotism (spiritual kinship).

Blood kinship has several degrees. There is zero degree of kinship between husband and wife, since they are not relatives, but one flesh, inseparable parts of each other. The first degree of relationship is between parents and children, the second is between brother and sister, as well as between a grandson and grandmother, the third is between uncle and nephew, etc.

Matchmaking, i.e. kinship through marriage - a large line of relatives, including father-in-law, mother-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law or daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, matchmakers or matchmakers, yatrova, stepfather, stepmother, stepson, stepdaughter, children half-brothers, half-brothers and, finally, half-brothers and sisters.

father-in-law

When a girl was married off, she went into her husband's family and had to live with his parents. The father-in-law is the father of the husband. For a long time, the father-in-law had a reputation as a formidable and despotic person. People used to say: “The father-in-law is a thunderstorm, and the mother-in-law will eat your eyes out” or “don’t marry your son to your mother-in-law, don’t give your daughter in marriage to your father-in-law” (that is, don’t give them free rein). But still, more often than not, the husband’s father was an intercessor and patron for the young housewife, and she called him “father-in-law.” At the table, when everyone was eating from the same dish, the father-in-law kept track of who was eating what and often said to the shy daughter-in-law: “Eat, don’t be shy.” To which she replied: “Don’t worry, dad. If I can’t reach it, I’ll stand up.”

Mother in law

The husband's mother is the mother-in-law. In folklore, the mother-in-law is a real villain: “The mother-in-law remembers her youth, but does not believe her daughter-in-law,” “The mother-in-law is on the stove like a dog on a chain,” “No one in the family has washed water from the mother-in-law.” The wedding custom of some provinces ordered the mother-in-law to approach the bride on the second day of the wedding, lightly hit her with a whip and say: “This mother-in-law is a thunderstorm!”

The image of a fierce mother-in-law has been around for a long time. Families often had downtrodden, dumb daughters-in-law, who were offended in every possible way by despotic and domineering fathers-in-law (even adult, married sons did not dare to contradict them) and fierce mothers-in-law. Over the years, the unfortunate daughters-in-law turned into the same fierce old women: “I obeyed everyone, but now let others dance in front of me!”

Hegumen Georgy (Shestun), in his book “Orthodox Family,” when asked why sometimes a mother-in-law does not recognize her daughter-in-law, answered this: “Most often this happens when there is no parental will for this marriage, there is no blessing, when they were not interested in the parents’ opinion. Why is the mother worried? Because it was not the son who married, but he was married to himself. She cannot forgive the male humiliation of her own son. He had to choose a story to write down.”

A mother-in-law is supposed to love and obey, just as her mother-in-law Ruth loved, who even after the death of her husband did not want to part with his mother, went with her to someone else’s side: “Wherever you go, there I will go,” she said to her mother-in-law, where you live, there I will live, Your God will be my God, your people will be my people, And where you die, there I will die and be buried, one death will separate me from you! (Ruth. 1-16,17) And the Lord rewarded such loyalty and devotion: Ruth became the foremother of King David, from whose family the Lord Jesus Christ Himself came.

Father-in-law

The father-in-law is the wife's father. They say about him: “A father-in-law, no matter how you turn around, pay for your son-in-law,” “Why should I be a father-in-law if there is nothing to eat,” “There is no hay in the heaps, there is no money in debt, and the father-in-law has no dowry.” In the old days, young people rarely lived in the house of the bride's parents. They only came to stay with their father-in-law and mother-in-law, which is why they developed the image of hospitable, welcoming hosts who are respected and, in turn, also pleased: “Respect your father-in-law’s customs,” “Your son-in-law pleases your father-in-law.”

Mother-in-law

The wife's mother is the mother-in-law. People have an image of a mother-in-law as a caring “second mother” for a son-in-law: “A mother-in-law’s son-in-law is a beloved son,” “A mother-in-law has everything in store for her son-in-law,” “A mother-in-law’s pancakes are sweet,” “A good mother-in-law’s son-in-law will not be skinny.” On the second day of the wedding, the newlyweds were supposed to go to their mother-in-law “for scrambled eggs.” And on Friday, during Cheese Week (Maslenitsa), “mother-in-law parties” were held. On this day, the mother-in-law, with her relatives and friends, came to visit her son-in-law. And her daughter, her son-in-law’s wife, baked pancakes that day. The son-in-law was a welcome guest at the mother-in-law’s place at any time: “The mother-in-law’s behest is to visit: on Peter’s Day - for cheese; on Elijah's day - on a ram's horn; on the Assumption - on the carrot plot.”

However, it happened that they made fun of the mother-in-law: “The son-in-law talks with the mother-in-law all day long until the evening, but there is nothing to listen to,” “When I was young, my mother-in-law called me son-in-law, but when she grew up, she gave me her daughter for someone else,” “I was at my mother-in-law’s, but I was glad to leave.”

Son-in-law

A son-in-law is a daughter's husband, a sister's husband and a sister-in-law's husband. “The son-in-law and the matchmaker are the first guests of the mother-in-law,” they used to say in the old days. The bride's parents treated their son-in-law as their own son: “One child was born (daughter), the other was betrothed (son-in-law).” But sometimes they were dissatisfied with their son-in-law: sometimes he was poor, sometimes ignorant, sometimes gluttonous: “The poor son-in-law is not happy with the father-in-law,” “Neither in the sour cream whey, nor in the son-in-law of the tribe,” “The mother-in-law thought, five cannot eat; and the son-in-law sat down and ate it!”, “Son – his hump; son-in-law is a shopping dandy; The mother-in-law is busy, the father-in-law is busy.”

Daughter-in-law

Daughter-in-law or daughter-in-law is the son's wife. The brothers' wives were also daughters-in-law. The very word “daughter-in-law” used to sound like “son”, i.e. married to a son. The daughter-in-law was a new person in the house, so she was also called “daughter-in-law,” i.e. "unknown", unknown. When we met, she said: “Daddy, mommy, I’m your daughter-in-law.” They treated the daughter-in-law very pickily, because in the future it was she who was to become the full-fledged mistress of the house. “Sonka, honey, move from foot to foot” (i.e. move, work). “My father-in-law’s daughter-in-law is madam,” “They brought their daughter-in-law and put a pipe on the roof!” “A son-in-law will be kind to his daughter, but a son will be disgusted with his daughter-in-law.” “The first son is married by the father and mother, and the second by the daughter-in-law” (i.e., the father-in-law and mother-in-law will be judged by her words).

There is one very instructive story about daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law from the life of St. Macarius the Great. One day while praying, the monk heard a voice saying: “Macarius! You have not yet reached the measure of holiness of two women who live in such and such a city.” The elder found these women and asked them what virtues they possessed that meant so much in the eyes of the Lord. “What are our virtues? - they were surprised. “We live in the bustle of the world, we have many sins, but we don’t know any good deeds behind us.” The elder, however, insisted on his own, and they told him the following: “We are two daughters-in-law, the wives of two brothers; We have been living together under one roof for fifteen years, and during this time neither of us has heard a swear word from the other. We wanted to go to a monastery, but our husbands did not let us go. Then we made a vow before God - to avoid empty worldly conversations until death, to sit more at home and do business.” It was for this kindness and love that the Lord placed two simple worldly women above the hermit elder.

brother-in-law

The brother-in-law is the husband's brother. “My brother-in-law’s brother-in-law is an ordinary friend,” “My brother-in-law, brother, is no match for your brother-in-law.”

Yatrov (yatrovka)

Yatrova, or Yatrovka, is the wife of a brother-in-law or the wife of a brother-in-law, as well as the wife of a brother (to a brother-in-law and sister-in-law). In other words, a Yatrovka is a woman in relation to her husband’s family, so sometimes a daughter-in-law is called a Yatrovka.

Sister-in-law

Sister-in-law (zolva, zolvitsa) is the husband’s sister. This relative was called “svest” in Old Slavonic, i.e. “one’s own woman”, therefore “sister”, and “mother-in-law”, and “bring together” are words with the same root. Since the sister-in-law belongs to her husband’s relatives, she, like all her husband’s relatives, falls under the stereotype of evil people. “Sister-in-law’s speeches stand drunk,” “Sister-in-law’s sister-in-law.” Saturday at Maslenitsa was called “sister-in-law’s gatherings.” On this day, young daughters-in-law invited their sisters-in-law and other relatives of their husbands to visit. If the sister-in-law was unmarried, then the daughter-in-law invited her unmarried friends; if the husband’s sisters were already married, then the daughter-in-law invited her married relatives. The daughter-in-law had to give her sister-in-law some gift.

Brother-in-law

Brother-in-law, or shaurya, shvager is the wife’s brother. They said about him: “The son-in-law loves to take, the father-in-law loves honor, and the brother-in-law squints his eyes,” “The son-in-law and the brother-in-law - who judges them?”, “The brother-in-law is not the heir.”

Brother-in-law and sister-in-law

A sister-in-law is the wife's sister, and a brother-in-law is her husband. Men who are married to two sisters are also called in-laws. For some reason, from time immemorial they had a bad reputation: “Two brothers are like bears, and two brothers-in-law are like jelly” (i.e. unreliable, weak people). “A brother-in-law gave a dead dog to his brother-in-law. - Why doesn’t she bark, brother-in-law? “Because he knows you so badly.” “Like a son-in-law visiting a mother-in-law, they stop by seven miles away; like a brother-in-law visiting a brother-in-law, they go around seven miles away.”

Matchmaker (matchmakers)

The matchmaker and the matchmaker are the parents of the young, and the in-laws are all relatives by husband or wife. They used to say impartially about matchmakers: “And a good matchmaker is a dog’s brother.” “A matchmaker is not a matchmaker, but don’t get into trouble,” “They know a matchmaker even in a new dress.”

Other relatives by marriage can be said in a few words. Stepfather is the second husband of the mother (stepfather), stepmother is the second wife of the father (stepmother), half-blooded children - from the same father, but from different mothers, half-born children - from the same mother, but from different fathers, stepson (paserb) - the husband's son from his first wife, or the son of the wife of her first husband, stepdaughter - the husband's daughter from the first wife or the wife's daughter from the husband's husband, half-brothers and sisters - stepsons and stepdaughters among themselves.

Now a little about spiritual kinship - nepotism.

Godfather, godfather

Godfather and godfather are godfather and mother, successors. In the old days they were also called kmotr and kuepetra, bozhat and bozhatka, and in some areas the godmother is still called coca, or kokanee. The main task of the godparents was to introduce the godson to the foundations of the faith, therefore, kinship with godfathers was greatly valued: “Godfather and godfather will guide you to the mind,” “A good godfather will add intelligence,” “Godfather gives a cross, and godfather rizki.” Godfathers and godfathers were supposed to be greeted cordially and generously at any time, and some abused this, which is why the sayings were born: “Gossip godfather, baptize my child, but don’t know the courtyard,” “If you don’t be a godfather, you don’t drink beer,” “Don’t rush, little kuman, don’t blow up the flame.” Marriage ties between the child’s blood parents and his godparents were impossible, so they said: “You can’t live with a godfather, and you can’t be without a godfather.” Sometimes they made fun of curious gossips: “Who cares what, but the godfather cares about everything,” “The gossip’s tears are cheap at the market.”

If men who were not related in any way exchanged crosses, they became cross brothers. The exchange of crosses is also called fraternization, and those who exchanged are called brothers-in-arms. Also, women who exchanged crosses are sisters of the cross (brothers, sisters).

There are several other interesting designations for non-kinship relationships:

A straw widow (widower) is a woman or man who lives separately from her spouse for a long time for a reason depending on the other party.

An uncle or mother is a person (male or female) assigned to care and supervise a child, or the one who nurses him.

Kunak - a person bound to someone by an obligation of mutual hospitality, friendship and protection; friend, buddy.

Named brother, named sister - a person who is not biologically related to this person, but who has agreed to a brotherly (sisterly) relationship voluntarily.

Kindred is a native of the same land who is related to someone historically or culturally.

Countryman (zemelya, zemya) – a native of the same area as someone else.

Riddles about family ties:

1) A husband and wife, a brother and sister, and a brother-in-law and son-in-law were walking: were there many of them? (Answer: three).

2) Is your brother-in-law’s nephew like a relative to your son-in-law? (Answer: son)

Tatyana Vladimirovna Grudkina, candidate of philological sciences, director of the Orthodox school named after St. Tikhon of Zadonsky

https://shuya-eparhia.ru/2015/04/02/post_16842/

Preparing for matchmaking

When the groom's parents found out that their son was getting married, they tried to find out as much as possible about his chosen one. During inquiries, they were interested not only in the reputation of the girl herself, but also of her relatives. We learned about the family's financial situation. It has long been believed that a bride is taken not for an individual guy, but for the whole family. And this means that she must become a worthy member of the family. After this, matchmakers were sent - these are a kind of intermediaries between the two families. The girl’s family, in turn, prepared a dowry - property with which the young wife would go to her husband’s house. This could be bed linen, shirts, household items, jewelry. It was accumulated from the birth of the girl and was her property even after marriage. If we were talking about merchant families, then the dowry included money. Among the nobles, real estate was often attached to the girl.

Another unusual meaning

Most dictionaries interpret the word “matchmaker” only from the point of view of determining the degree of kinship and pimping. But there is another meaning that is well known to all lovers of the amazing culture of the East.

In Buddhism and Hinduism, this word has an interjectional character and, as a rule, is pronounced at the end of a mantra, prayer or appeal to some deity. Probably, here we can trace a connection with the ancient Sanskrit word “sva”, meaning heaven in a sacred sense. It is impossible to literally translate this word into Russian, but its approximate meaning is clear: in Buddhism and Hinduism, a matchmaker is an appeal to a deity, an invitation to dialogue, a request to accept a gift (sacrifice), as well as the blessed exclamation that ends the prayer: “Bless!”, “In good!”, “Give me good!”

As you can see, the usual word has another unusual interpretation.

Who acted as matchmakers

The matchmakers' mission was honorable and very important.
Matchmakers are the people who negotiated. This had to be done delicately. Direct speech was avoided; all statements were in the form of allegories. The bride's parents could be against the marriage. In this case, the matchmakers had to present strong arguments in favor of the groom, but not persuade - this was considered a bad omen. In ancient times, they sent elders - wise and respected people. In some areas, priests did the matchmaking. But often the delegation included the groom’s parents, godfather, professional matchmaker or matchmaker (in Russia, men were more likely to do matchmaking, but in Ukraine and Belarus women performed this role), and other relatives could also participate. All participants in the procession had to be family people. And their marriage is strong and happy.

Origin of names of relatives

The origin of the names of family “titles” is interesting, which may also help you remember what relatives are called. Most of the names come from Indo-European and ancient Indian forms, the translation of which directly hints at the person's status and kinship after marriage:

• Husband - according to the Indo-European interpretation, comes from the phrase “adult man”.
• Wife – “capable of giving birth”, because a woman was previously seen as the source of new life.
• The father-in-law is the “beginning of the family,” and the mother-in-law is a derivative of it.
• Father-in-law - from the phrase “to bring into being”, i.e. “parent of the wife,” and mother-in-law is a derivative of it.
• Brother-in-law, sister-in-law - from the word “one’s own”.

According to folk etymology, there are interpretations of the names of close relatives:

• Daughter-in-law – “who knows who”, because in ancient times, to avoid incest, the bride was looked for in distant villages, which is why almost no one knew the girl.
• Daughter-in-law is the next status of a daughter-in-law, meaning that she is pregnant. Another interpretation is “son’s wife.”
• Son-in-law - from the word “to know”, because after the wedding he becomes a familiar and significant person. Another interpretation is from the word “take”, i.e. the one who takes the bride down the aisle.
• Father-in-law and mother-in-law - “to console”, because After the wedding, the parents rarely see their daughter, and her life in the new home is not always sweet, so the mother and father console the newly-made wife during their short meetings.
• Father-in-law and mother-in-law are “the blood of all,” because the father-in-law unites all relatives by blood. Another interpretation is “one’s own shelter”, because After the wedding, the bride was brought to a new place of residence - to her father-in-law's house.
• Brother-in-law – “to trust”, because The husband's brother was considered a confidant in many matters and an assistant in solving life's problems.
• Sister-in-law - from the word “evil”, because usually the groom's sister did not like his wife, who, in her opinion, always did everything wrong.

Signs accompanying the matchmaking ceremony

Now you know who matchmakers are. There are a lot of signs associated with matchmaking, here are some of them:

• Thursday was considered the luckiest day. And on Wednesday and Friday it was not customary to get married. The reason is that these days are fast (Judas sold Christ on Wednesday, and the crucifixion took place on Friday). If you look at it rationally, then these days there is simply nothing to treat those who come. And the ethical side was of great importance for our ancestors;
• We went to matchmaking in the evening. In order to avoid the evil eye. There is a more rational explanation: if the matchmakers want to keep it secret, for example, in case of refusal - there are fewer people in the evening, therefore, there is less chance of being noticed;
• Before leaving the house, the matchmaker places his hands on the stove. Such an action was supposed to guarantee a successful outcome of the matchmaking;
• on the way to the bride's house, the matchmakers were forbidden to talk;
• the only person you met who brought good luck was considered to be a maiden carrying clean water;
• it was necessary to bolt the doors as soon as the matchmakers entered the house. This was done in order to avoid uninvited guests;
• Having entered the house, the matchmaker or the groom's father knocked on the threshold three times with his left heel. At the same time, the words were said: “They are silent (it was said about the ancestors - the guardians of the clan), and you are silent, do not say a word against them”;
• the matchmakers did not take off their hats until they were invited to the table;
• one of the matchmakers had to manage to steal a spoon from the bride's parents. This ensured the future husband's leadership in the family. And the wife had to be faithful and obedient. Three months after the wedding, the spoon had to be secretly returned;
• if a girl is being wooed for the first time, it was advised to cover your tracks, saying: “A hundred suitors will follow your trail to me”;
• You can only get married until the end of April. Matchmaking and weddings in May are a bad omen. This promises the newlyweds a family life filled with scandals;
• If the bride's parents and the matchmakers came to an agreement, then after the guests left, the young mother tied the poker and grip together.

Matchmakers today

For a long time, pimps did their job solely for pleasure, but today this type of activity has also been put on a commercial basis. These days, a matchmaker is not necessarily a bored middle-aged woman. Often this is a real specialist in his field, understanding all the nuances.

The modern world, which is developing with enormous strides and sets a fairly fast pace, simply deprives many young people of the opportunity to take care of their own personal lives. But even dating sites require some time and effort, and there are certain risks. This is where an experienced matchmaker can come to the rescue. Dating, selecting the best candidates, making compatibility forecasts, consultations and all kinds of support - this is not a complete list of services of modern agencies. Anyone can turn to a professional and count on results.

Of course, no most experienced company will give a 100% guarantee. A client who decides to turn to professionals must remember that the human factor cannot be ruled out.

Matchmaking ritual

Having found out who the matchmakers are, let’s begin to consider the matchmaking ritual itself.
Usually matchmakers were sent several times. At the first meeting, it was customary to refuse, even if the bride’s family agreed to the marriage. It was considered bad manners to give away the girl the first time. In addition, the delay provided an opportunity to learn more about the groom’s relatives, if the families did not know each other before. They also believed that after the first groom one could expect another, more profitable one. The first matchmaking was formal. The groom's parents may not have taken part in it. When the matchmakers met for the second time, it was customary to set a rich table. Candles were lit in the house and lamps were placed near the icons. The groom's parents were always present, and sometimes he himself. If the bride was present at the matchmaking, she was seated separately from the intended husband. Negotiations were conducted with the girl's father. The girl's opinion was not asked. It was believed that such issues should be resolved by parents wise with life experience. It also happened differently, it depended on the way of life of the individual family.

If the matchmakers received a positive response, preparations for the wedding began immediately. The wedding date was chosen. The families discussed how each party would contribute to the organization of the long-awaited event. The issue of ransom was resolved. It could be clothing, a valuable item or money. In this situation, it was customary to bargain. When everything was decided, the bride's relatives lit a candle and, together with representatives of the newlywed, held a service. This was how the agreement on the alliance was sealed.

For the groom: what are the names of relatives after the wedding?

Members of the bride's family become relatives of the groom after the wedding. Many guys know the names of the newlywed’s mother and father even before the celebration. But what they call relatives of the next rank is usually what they hear for the first time.

It is interesting that in past times, if the bride or groom did not have a father and mother, then imprisoned parents took their place. Now this wedding tradition is a thing of the past!

In Vasmer Max's dictionary

genus. p. -a, ukr., blr. matchmaker, other Russian matchmaker, Bulgarian matchmaker, Serbohorv. matchmaker, Slovenian svȃt, Czech., Slvc. svat, Polish, V.-Luz. swat, lab. swat. Along with this - Praslav. *svātī in Russian. matchmaker, Bulgarian matchmaker, Serbohorv. svaħa, similar to guest: guest. This word is associated with a pronoun. basis *svo-, *sve-. Wed. lit. svẽčias, svẽtis “guest” (actually “stranger, on his own”), Greek. ἔτης, el. έτης m. “relative, friend”, ἕταρος, later ἕταιρος, “comrade, companion”, Gothic. swēs “own”, Old Indian svás “one’s own”, Russian. own (see), etc. Wed. your person, brother-in-law; see Solmsen, KZ 35, 483; Unters. gr. Lautl. 206 et seq.; Frenkel, IF 50, 17; Meilleux, Ét. 302; Meillet-Hernoux 1115; Specht, KZ 68, 46; Schrader, IF 17, 23; V. Schulze, KZ 40, 417; Brückner, Slavia, 5, p. 435. Taking into account the other Czech. svatvie “connubiatriх”, stará svatví “pronuba”, Mahek (ZfslPh 18, 320 et seq.) takes the original stem in -u. Its comparison with the Avest. χvaētu- “belonging to a family, relatives” is phonetically difficult. Lit. svõtas “matchmaker” borrowed. from slav., like ltsh. svāts; see M.–E. 3, 1145; Brückner, FW 186 (contrary to Thorpe (543), this is not an ancestral relationship). Wed. also visit.

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The bride before the matchmakers is humility itself. She remained silent, changing her outfit three times. She gave me tea and walked around. A smart and beautiful woman should ideally also be a craftswoman. Showing off your talents in front of matchmakers is good form. During the tests, the future wife had to amaze the guests.

For example, lacemakers were considered promising brides and demonstrated sleight of hand by throwing bobbins. And the craftswomen who made the Filimonov toy or haze were reputed to be rich brides. Girls began to sculpt clay figurines at the age of seven, and the money from their sale went towards a dowry. In general, “choose a bride not in a round dance, but in the garden” or while doing needlework.

They discussed the girl, even if they knew her well, out of politeness - beyond the threshold. We went to a meeting in the hallway or on the porch. The future mother-in-law brought the groom a glass of drink. If he drinks, there will be a wedding, but if he only takes a sip, you shouldn’t even hope. Only the matchmakers at the threshold, the women on the bride’s side tried to tie the handles and poles together - to attract good luck in the matter.

Konstantin Makovsky. Down the aisle. 1890 Nikolai Pimomenko. They got me in marriage. 1896Pavel Fedotov. Major's matchmaking. 1848

Who do they take as a matchmaker for a wedding and what is expected of them?

Matchmakers at a wedding
Previously, honorary guests at a wedding were appointed matchmakers. Most often these are accomplished men (older brothers and uncles who are in a happy marriage, at least forty years old). According to tradition, the happy family life of the matchmakers should be passed on to the newlyweds. There is no clear answer to the question of how many matchmakers there should be at a wedding. A tradition has been preserved according to which a man is chosen for this role on the groom’s side, and a woman on the bride’s side is also chosen. Of course, if it works out, then the groom can find a matchmaker and vice versa. Sometimes even the parents of the newlyweds play the role of matchmakers.

The actions of matchmakers may vary, but in general it is these people who organize the holiday. It doesn’t matter whether the toastmaster is invited to the celebration or not. He performs his function, and the matchmakers do theirs. By tradition they are:

• dress up in Russian folk costumes;
• monitor the order and behavior of guests;
• introduce the guests of the bride and groom to each other;
• fill guests' glasses;
• cut the loaf;
• make toasts;
• ransoming the bride;
• present gifts to the newlyweds at the ceremony where they are presented by guests.

If you are invited to a wedding as a matchmaker or matchmaker, you must take the organization seriously and understand that the mood of the guests and newlyweds depends on your actions

Responsibilities of a matchmaker on the part of the groom at a wedding

Participation of matchmakers in the ransom of the bride
The matchmaker participates in the ransom of the bride . He and the groom's retinue drive up to her house.

1. At the entrance or gate, the long-awaited guests are greeted by the bride's girlfriends and matchmakers, without being allowed to enter.
2. The matchmaker must help the groom overcome all obstacles and get to his beloved. You can prepare a ransom scenario in advance and organize a holiday based on it.
3. When the groom and his retinue finally get to the bride , the matchmaker, addressing her parents, utters the following words: “You have goods, we have a merchant.”
4. The role of the matchmaker at the wedding on the part of the groom at this moment is a story about the merits of the groom.

Now this ritual is carried out on the wedding day , but previously it was carried out a week or two, or even a month before the celebration. Thanks to him, the parents and relatives of the future spouses got to know each other at a set table.

At the same time, those present agreed on the dowry and organization of the wedding. There was a funny custom during matchmaking: in order for the wedding to take place, the groom's matchmakers had to steal something from the bride's house. Nowadays, it is not difficult to prepare for this ceremony: you can purchase, for example, a ring in advance, hide it and allow it to be “stolen” for the bride.

Gold ring with cubic zirconia, Kalina Zolotaya (price on the link)

Can matchmakers drink alcoholic beverages?

The groom's side is not only allowed to drink strong drinks, but also must. To refuse an offering from the hosts means to express distrust and disrespect for the receiving party. Therefore, when choosing matchmakers, the groom should take into account an important point. The main thing in this matter is without fanaticism, everything should be in moderation. It may be worth discussing in advance with the bride's parents the drinks that should be on the table. Many people prefer low-alcohol drinks to strong ones. A variant of an ostentatious “glass”, drunk for show, is possible, because it is better to discuss the organization of a wedding celebration sober, after all, the purpose of the event is not celebration.