In Rus', parents traditionally gave a dowry for the bride, and in the countries of Central Asia and the Caucasus, girls were given a dowry - an analogue of the ransom, which was paid by the groom. Many people think that this tradition is a thing of the past, but it is still preserved today in Chechnya, Karachay-Cherkessia, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, and Kyrgyzstan. Each country has its own characteristics and its own standard kalym tariff.
Tajikistan
In this republic, both bride price and dowry are accepted, and girls begin to collect it when they enter adolescence. The tradition is already becoming a thing of the past in large cities, but continues to live in villages, especially those located in the southern part of Tajikistan.
Traditionally, the bride's family was presented with richly decorated national clothes, but now the groom mostly gives money. This is due to the fact that the girl’s parents fully bear the costs of arranging the young family’s life. The future wife must bring to her husband's house not only utensils, but also furniture, household appliances, bed linen, even shoes and clothes. To do this, her parents often have to go into debt and take out loans, and they pay off with the dowry, which amounts to 3-5 thousand dollars. It is impossible to let the bride go without a dowry, otherwise her mother-in-law will hate her.
Family traditions of Dagestan
An important place in national customs is occupied by the family traditions of the peoples of Dagestan. Judging by some information (which includes, first of all, records of ethnographers and historians who studied Caucasian traditions), in ancient times, before the adoption of Islam, the mountaineers adhered to the rules of matriarchy.
This was reported, in particular, by researcher Rasul Magomedov. According to his notes, on a wedding day, bridesmaids in some areas could whip nettles at all the men they met and make fun of them. Based on this custom, Professor Magomedov concludes that this local tradition has been preserved since the period of matriarchy and reflected the sovereign role of a woman in the home.
However, after the Turks and Persians began to penetrate the Caucasus, Islam spread here and brought certain adjustments to the behavior of the highlanders, as well as to the family rituals and customs of Dagestan. There was (and in many ways still exists) a kind of etiquette for family relationships. His rules dictated that a wife should respect her husband reverently. Therefore, often in villages, women rarely even called their spouses by name and almost always referred to them in conversation in the third person. Currently, this old custom is preserved along with the modern approach to the husband directly by name.
The head of the family was truly the most important person in the house. Children also had to respect him. The same rules of etiquette obliged them to talk to their father only standing - even if he was simply addressing his son or daughter with some question. Arguments with parents were completely unacceptable.
People who are far from Caucasian life, local culture and customs believe that the woman there completely carries out all the housework. In reality, the rules do not allow Dagestan women to engage in hard work - men are still intended for physical labor. At the same time, a woman, despite her unquestioning submission to a man, could always put an end to squabbles and even separate the disputants.
Another folk custom of Dagestan, despite the Islamic guidelines that determine behavior, concerns the appearance of women. In these mountainous areas they did not wear veils - moreover, traditions allowed women to uncover their faces and decorate themselves with colorful headdresses, into which coins and chains were woven.
Finally, we should not forget that the family traditions of modern Dagestan have largely preserved the tribal way of life. Here you can find huge families, consisting not only of a traditional married couple and children, but also of numerous relatives. Such a community, in which both lines - husband and wife - manage the household together, often has some of its own internal traditions, characteristic of this particular clan.
Uzbekistan
Similar traditions exist in Uzbekistan. In this country, it is customary to present complete sets of clothes as a dowry to the husband’s family—that is, to himself and all his relatives. Moreover, it must be expensive, high quality and well sewn. The amount that can be spent on new things is not limited, but it cannot be less than $1,000. Also, the mother of the groom may require additional gifts, for example, household appliances. If the future relatives do not like the offerings, then the bride can be returned.
Features of wedding dresses in Dagestan
There are no strict requirements for the outfit of a Dagestan bride these days. The main thing is that it should be expensive, elegant, elegant and solemn. Modern Dagestan girls prepare two outfits for a wedding: one is a white wedding dress, the second is a national costume. Any restaurant, banquet hall or even home can also be chosen as a wedding venue. Wedding tables are set according to all the traditions of Dagestan cuisine: pilaf, dolma, khinkali, kebabs, vegetables, herbs and much more. Before the wedding, the bride’s responsibilities include selecting furniture for the house or apartment where she will live with her young husband.
Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan
The minimum amount of bride price of one thousand dollars is also established for grooms in Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan. But the bride’s dowry should cost no less, and better yet, more. And first, the families of the young people agree on the amount of monetary payments and their order, and only then the engagement takes place. If the groom's relatives are satisfied with the conditions, then they go to the house of the future bride to make a conspiracy. And since all agreements are oral, the amount of the dowry can change a hundred times.
After the matchmaking has taken place and the groom’s claims have been accepted by the bride’s side, they begin to collect a dowry for her. It can be brought by female relatives, or bought by mother and father. The set necessarily includes furniture, household appliances, dishes, clothing and jewelry.
KALYM, KEBIN AND DOWRY AS ELEMENTS OF MODERN PRE-WEDDING RITE IN THE CITIES OF DAGESTAN
The creation of a new family has always been considered an important event in the life of any person. One of the stages of creating a new family is a wedding, which is accompanied by all kinds of ceremonies and rituals. The wedding cycle, as is customary in ethnography, is divided into three stages: pre-wedding, wedding and post-wedding. The pre-wedding rituals of a Dagestan wedding include collusion, matchmaking, engagement, conclusion of a Muslim marriage (nikah, magar, gebin, etc.), issuance of kebin, kalym, preparation of the bride's dowry, etc. It should be noted that the peoples of Dagestan sometimes mistakenly identify kalym with kebin (gebin-g'ak, mahr, mag'ari-kh/ak, alham) and do not always share these concepts both in their consciousness and in terminology. Unlike kalym, which is a kind of ransom for the bride and is paid to her family, kebin is a woman’s right prescribed by Islamic Sharia, which is one of the conditions for concluding a Muslim marriage nikah, i.e. property that a man must give to a woman in order to marry her. Among all the peoples of Dagestan who profess Islam, only that marriage (nikkah) is considered legal if it is formalized by the imam in the mosque in accordance with all the canons of Sharia. It is not advisable to conclude a nikah without a kebin (makhr). Thus, adats of the Kaitag Utsmiystvo of the 19th century. read: “The husband pays for his wife kebin - utsmiy and a simple villager.” Any non-prohibited thing of value can be paid as kebin (makhr). This could be money, jewelry, a house, land, a car, etc. You can pay kebin in any quantity. Shariah does not establish the highest amount of kebin money that cannot be transferred, however, Islam welcomes not an increase, but a decrease in this amount, so as not to create problems for those who want to get married, but do not have great opportunities. It is necessary to pay kebin (mahr), according to the provisions of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), immediately after marriage, but if this is not possible, then it can be postponed until a later time. P.F. Svidersky also wrote about this: “In case of a shortage of cash, a document is issued for the amount of a kebin, so to speak, a bill of exchange, because in the event of a divorce, the husband must allocate to the divorced wife the kebin established at the time of marriage.” But if, after the conclusion of the nikah, one of the spouses died or a divorce occurred due to the husband’s fault, then the payment of the kebin becomes mandatory for the man, and if the wife herself wanted to leave her husband (i.e., the divorce occurs at her request), then she is obliged to return the kebin. However, it was rare that the kebin was given to a woman right away. According to A.V. Komarov, “kebin haqq for the most part is not given to the bride or her relatives, but is only included in the marriage conditions and is collected from the husband when he divorces his wife, or after his death.” Nowadays, not all Muslims living in the cities of Dagestan know about kebin (makhr) and often perform nikah without discussing its cost, while the Koran says (meaning): “Give women their gift of marriage from a pure soul . If they give you part of it of their own free will, then eat it for good and health” (Quran, Surah an-Nisa, 4/4); “All other women are permitted to you if you achieve them through your property, observing chastity and not promiscuity. And for the pleasure that you receive from them, give them the prescribed reward” (Quran, Surah an-Nisa, 4/24). If, at the time of marriage, the size of the cab was not agreed upon, then the woman is paid the amount that is provided in the area where she lives. Today, girls as cabinas most often ask for some kind of jewelry, a trip to the Hajj for two, just money, etc. And someone is shy and asks for something inexpensive, not what they really want. The girl's parents or close relatives are prohibited from using the funds received from the groom as kabin money for their own needs; this will be considered haram (sin). They have the right to spend this money on shopping for her. So, kebin (mahr, gebin-gak, magyari-kh1ak, alham) is a pre-nuptial gift to the future wife to provide for her in case of divorce on the initiative of her husband or widowhood. Then what is bride price? Kalym is a commonly used term for the concept of bride price in exchange for consent to marry a certain man, and it has nothing to do with the religion of Islam. “It was the bride price that was the marriage price, the most archaic form of payment to the bride’s family, while the kebin went back to the prenuptial gift sanctified by Sharia to the bride herself.” Among the Dagestani peoples, bridewealth was widespread mainly among the Kumyks, Derbent Azerbaijanis, Nogais, Tabasarans, Aguls, Rutuls, Tsakhurs, part of the Lezgins and was paid to the bride’s parents as compensation for the loss of workers in the house in the person of their daughter. Among the majority of the peoples of Dagestan, especially the mountainous ones (Avars and the Avar group of nationalities, Dargins, Laks, etc.), kalym did not exist as a ransom separate from the kebin. In general, this custom of giving a bride price, as traditional and very stable, lived for a long time in the everyday life of many peoples, for example, among Slavic tribes with a higher level of development, for example, among the Kiev glades, there was such a form of marriage as “purchase - sale". Such a marriage was already a completely peaceful agreement between both parties, while the groom had to pay a ransom for the bride - “veno”. According to the Russian chronicle, the Kiev prince Vladimir was supposed to give several cities as a “veno” for the Greek princess, including the ancient Russian city of Korsun. Over time, many old customs turn into new adats, completely different from the archaic ones. “Ancient law is generally distinguished by extreme conservatism and many legal institutions show remarkable vitality. Social relations are restructured very slowly over the course of centuries, and old forms of law are usually preserved even after their content has changed, and an agreement that is old in form often covers a transaction that is essentially new.” Although the social conditions for paying kalym have long been obsolete, this custom continues to exist today, and it is becoming a tradition even among those peoples of Dagestan for whom it was not particularly widespread. The size of the bride price, gift exchanges and all wedding payments are agreed upon in advance, immediately after receiving a positive response from the bride’s relatives. The bride’s parents do not always name a certain amount; most often, when asked about the size of the bride price or gifts for the bride, they answer the matchmakers like this: “Bring as much as you consider sufficient”; “This is not a fundamental issue”; “We don’t need anything, the main thing is that this marriage turns out successful and barakat (blessed),” etc. Although sometimes there are families where, without hesitation, they name a huge amount, which does not always turn out to be affordable for the groom’s family. Sometimes, if your son really really wants to marry this particular girl, the groom’s parents took out a loan to satisfy all the demands of the bride’s side. And sometimes it happens that at this stage the upcoming event is upset. Money for the bride price is sent to the bride on the day of the official engagement along with other gifts. Now in the cities of Dagestan, betrothal and matchmaking are often combined on one day and celebrated in restaurants, like a small wedding. “Urban culture is a special world in which they do not attach much importance to ritual nuances that differ in ethnic specificity. From a variety of rituals and rites, a certain innovation is created, which turns ritual practices into urban (urban) traditions.” The matchmaking hall is mainly rented by the bride's side, and the groom's relatives come with gifts from themselves (each of the relatives who come to the event gives some valuable gift from themselves), and also bring bride price (or gifts for the bride) prepared by the groom's parents. Here the groom solemnly puts on the wedding ring to the bride. Sometimes his sister, brother or aunt does it instead of the groom. Guests dance, eat and have fun, and also get to know each other better if the bride and groom are not relatives. From this day on, the bride and groom are considered engaged. At this event, the bride's side also presents the groom's side with gifts. Most often they give beautiful blankets, bed linen, crystal vases, a set of dishes, etc. The mothers of the bride and groom discuss in advance the number of guests who will come to the matchmaking ceremony and the number of gifts for them. If it is not possible (or simply does not want) to conduct matchmaking in a restaurant, then guests from the groom’s side are invited to the bride’s home. Festive tables with a variety of dishes are set in the house, and gifts are also presented to guests. When matchmaking takes place at home, guests from the groom’s side show the gifts they brought to the bride and specifically indicate what is being given and on whose behalf. Sometimes such a demonstration takes place in a restaurant. After they leave, the bride's close relatives examine the gifts in more detail and discuss their quantity and quality. So what was included in the bride's price? “They paid the bride price, like the kebin, with household items, livestock, silver and gold items, and with the development of commodity-money relations, partially or completely in money.” Today in Dagestan, kalym, or gifts for the bride, includes all kinds of gold jewelry with and without diamonds, fur coats (sometimes more than one), everyday clothes, clothes for going out, shoes (winter, summer, autumn), all kinds of accessories (bags , wallets, scarves), underwear, perfumes, cosmetics, latest model telephone, etc. This includes everything that a young bride might need, and even a little more. All this costs a considerable amount. Today, the minimum size of kalym is about 100 thousand rubles, and the maximum size has not been established. It happens that they bring the bride 100 thousand rubles, a diamond set, one or two pairs of clothes, shoes and a handbag. Often the bride buys a fur coat for the entire amount. And it also happens: the bride is brought 300-500 thousand rubles (or even more), a fur coat, gold jewelry, a handbag in which this money was brought, and some other little things. The famous ethnographer S. Sh. Gadzhieva wrote: “While in some cases there are indications of the coexistence of kebin and kalym with their specific purpose, in others kalym is considered as a general ransom payment, which includes the kebin.” Today in Dagestan, some families pay the bride a total amount of money, which includes both kebin and bride price. And here is an explanation: they brought the bride 160 thousand rubles, a diamond set, a gold bracelet, some clothes, etc., and one of the women who brought gifts reports that 10 thousand rubles from this amount is cab. In other families, they bring some amount of money and some other gifts, but they do not indicate that some part of the money or any of the gifts is the bride’s kebin, that is, they bring only the amount of bride price. As you can see, there are different options. Everything, of course, depends on the financial situation of the parties. But these gifts must also include gifts for the bride’s close relatives. For father and brothers - shirts; for mother or grandmother - scarves, dresses; for sisters - scarves, rings, etc. Plus, to all this, paying tribute to traditions, some Dagestanis still bring a live ram, a bag of flour, a bag of sugar to the bride’s house, and, of course, they cannot do without boxes of expensive sweets, nut halva and all sorts of sweets. The bride's parents cannot purchase anything for her dowry with the money brought as a dowry; this is condemned. It is believed that the entire amount of money given to the bride by the groom should be spent on the bride (clothing, jewelry, accessories, etc.), and the dowry should be purchased exclusively with the money of the bride's parents. Otherwise, unpleasant conversations, reproaches and condemnations from the groom’s relatives begin. But it was not always so. “As can be seen from archival documents, as well as field data, in the areas where kalym existed, part of the dowry was paid at the expense of the kalym amount or things included in the kalym...” And sometimes the groom’s side buys the bride’s clothes, jewelry, cosmetic and perfume sets, etc., that is, everything that is included in the bride price. To do this, the bride, accompanied by two or three relatives of the groom, goes shopping and chooses what she likes. Of course, the groom's parents have to spend money long before the wedding day, which is also very expensive. But the bride’s parents also have a hard time, because they have to prepare a dowry for their daughter, and this is a serious material expense that falls on their shoulders. Every bride must have a dowry. If earlier our grandmothers and great-grandmothers prepared most of the dowry for their daughter from early childhood, today everything is happening completely differently. In the modern world, fashion changes every year, or even more often. These changes in fashion concern dishes, carpets, furniture and almost everything that is included in the bride's trousseau. And therefore, today there is no point in postponing as before. No one wants to give their daughter an unfashionable rug or plates. The quantity and quality of the dowry also depends on the financial status of the girl’s family. Although today the rich do not really try to outdo each other in this; and they don’t want condemnation from their relatives, either from their own or from the groom in particular. If a large bride price is paid to the bride, then accordingly the bride’s dowry may also be subject to demands that everything be expensive and rich. Thus, the dowry includes everything that young people may need in everyday life, from threads and needles, cutlery, napkins, an iron, a vacuum cleaner to a washing machine (sometimes a dishwasher), newfangled mops, etc., not to mention already about all the furniture. Sometimes, by prior agreement, some of the furniture or equipment for the house is purchased by the groom’s side. In addition to all this, along with the dowry, the bride also brings gifts for close relatives and children on the groom’s side, which she gives on the second day after the wedding. The dowry that the bride brought with her is the subject of careful examination and discussion. A few days before the wedding, the bride's side completely furnishes the newlyweds' home (room, apartment, house - depending on where the newlyweds will live). Several women from the bride’s side come and furnish the home: they hang curtains, chandeliers; lay out carpets, bed linen, bedspreads; lay out dishes and clothes in closets; cleaning up. In general, they put everything in perfect order so that everything is ready for the arrival of the young people. Women who come to decorate the bride's room are treated and given gifts by the groom's relatives, and they prepare in advance for their arrival. This custom was practiced before: “the groom’s small expenses included ... 1-2 rubles. in payment to the woman who came from the bride’s house to arrange her things in the new house.” After the women who decorated the room leave, they are replaced by other guests: neighbors, close relatives of the groom, to see the room and the bride’s dowry. And even fur coats, dresses, shoes, bags, etc., bought with the groom’s money, may be the subject of inspection and discussion. The quantity and quality of gifts exchanged between the parties, as well as the size of the bride price and kebin, increase from year to year. Parents borrowed money, trying to give their bride jewelry that was no cheaper or worse than that of their neighbor. And the girls, seeing how much they brought to their friend, neighbor, relative, no longer want to settle for less, considering it humiliation and saying that they are no worse than others. In addition, the topic of bride price and ostentatious dowry does not cause a public outcry for all Dagestanis. If, on the one hand, there is general indignation at what is happening, then on the other hand, there is universal adherence to unhealthy customs and innovations. If for some Dagestanis a large bride price can become an obstacle to marriage, for others it is a sign of great authority. At all times, in Dagestan, and throughout the North Caucasus, measures were taken to prevent the constant increase in kalym and kebin. Even Shamil at one time in the territories under his control pursued a policy of reducing wedding payments. Noting this fact, A.V. Komarov wrote: “Shamil, who saw marriage as a guarantee of the well-being of the highlanders, tried with all his might to facilitate the easiest marriages and therefore tried to reduce the kebin; Thus, in the villages of Gimra, Harikuni and others, which were near our front line, from which men were often captured or killed during raids, and where therefore the number of women significantly exceeded the number of men, the kebin-hakq was very insignificant, from 25 kopecks up to 1 ruble." And in 1902, the following decree was published on the pages of the newspaper “North Caucasus”: “Since the payment of bride price entails a number of donations, often driving the groom into poverty, a single price is established - 500 rubles.” In modern Dagestan, attempts are being made unsuccessfully to stop the trend of increasing wedding payments and gift exchanges. If in some village or village an decree on the amount of the amount of Kalym or Kebin, which is prohibited from crossing, or limiting the number of dowry, is officially entering, then people themselves everywhere violate these decrees. That amount of Kalym, which goes beyond the restrictions, is issued secretly, try not to recognize the imam of the district about this. The dowry, which is issued in excess of the established amount, is also trying to hide or bring after the wedding. As S.Sh. Gadzhiev, “Fighting Kalym is difficult, because It usually wears a hidden shape and is detected only in the process of divorces, when the wife takes to his father’s house everything that was bought for the money of her husband’s family, motivating this with her with her. Try to prove that it was not she brought this property, that it was acquired by the groom. ” So, large honeymoon payments sometimes become the subject of the conflict between the parties, if suddenly the family, without having lived for a long time, breaks up (and recently this is a frequent phenomenon in the cities of Dagestan). Of course, no one thinks about divorce during the creation of a new family, all parents wish a long and happy life together a young family. But no one is safe from the divorces, it would not be superfluous to not forget about it during the issuance or requirements of Kalym, the dowry and other wedding payments. After all, it is better to initially give the bride that then there will be no conflicts later. And in general, is it right that young people come into marriage, having everything from the very first days of family life? After all, a young family should have a member of a stimulus, goals. The newlyweds, accustomed to the fact that they have everything, they are provided with everything, no longer want to achieve something themselves. Parents take all the material burden on themselves, and the children get used to such a thing of things and do not want to take responsibility, work, solve some problems themselves. When parents have debts after the wedding of children, rarely what children help them pay these debts. They live in their world and believe that the material side is the duty of parents. Although this was not always the case. As B. Dalgat wrote: "Although the son sometimes participates in the accumulation of the property of his father, but even everything that was worked out to marry is considered to be belonging to his father." Probably, it would be nice for modern Dagestanis to draw some conclusions from this. Of course, it cannot be said that absolutely all young families in Dagestan today are provided with everything necessary immediately after the wedding, but there are many such examples. As we see, many traditional norms, formed and practiced for centuries in wedding rites among the peoples of Dagestan, have not yet lost their significance today. Many customs and traditions live, no matter what, and regardless of whether they benefit society or not. In modern city weddings, a complex interweaving of traditional customs with trends of the New Age is observed. The ethnic and cultural heterogeneity of the urban population of Dagestan, globalization influenced the variability of wedding ceremonies. The basis of modern representations and relationships are traditional rites and customs supplemented by innovations. However, the splendor and excess of modern weddings and their components are not the traditions of the past, this is a product of modern times, a tribute to modern fashion.
Authors: Amirkhanova Aida Kiyasbekovna, junior researcher, candidate of historical sciences, Magomedova Patimat Magomedovna research assistant. Institute of History, Archeology and Ethnography of the Dagestan Scientific Center of the Russian Academy of Sciences
Karachay-Cherkessia
Previously, in this republic, a bride price was paid in live rams, but now the bride price is usually given in monetary terms. The average amount is 100 thousand rubles. They give a dowry for the bride - sy. If the wedding was planned for a long time, then it is presented before it, if the marriage is hasty, then it is collected after the painting. This can be a sum of money - from 50 thousand rubles, or household items, food, jewelry, even a cow or other livestock.
Chechnya
In the Chechen Republic, bride price is required to be given for the bride. Previously, you had to ask the girl’s parents what exactly they wanted as a gift. Now they don’t do this anymore, because everyone prefers to give money, but you can replace it with gold jewelry.
The bride's parents, in turn, are obliged to buy her clothes and jewelry for the wedding, and she also brings her wardrobe to her husband's house.
Wedding preparations
A wedding in Dagestan attracts many guests, sometimes their number reaches a thousand. Therefore, holding a holiday requires a large amount of funds, and they begin to save money even at the birth of a child.
After the engagement is concluded, preparations for the holiday begin. It is important to understand that a stylized wedding is celebrated for two days, with a week passing between them. These banquets are organized in the parents' homes - first at the bride's, and then at the groom's. Or if the area of the home does not allow to accommodate all the guests, then they choose a restaurant.
Marriage registration occurs only before the second banquet. This tradition of a double wedding arose due to the fact that the bride's parents were not allowed to attend their daughter's wedding. This was supposed to symbolize their refusal to influence her, and the girl’s transition to a new family. To make this process easier, the bride went to the groom's house only surrounded by unmarried sisters who supported her during this difficult period.
But the bride’s family also wanted to celebrate her marriage, and the girls wanted close people to be nearby on this day.
But to avoid any conflicts with tradition, they began to organize small gatherings in the bride’s house. Gradually, such holidays grew, becoming a full-fledged wedding banquet, which is not inferior to the main event.
The second reason for the emergence of such a tradition is that before, girls at a wedding in the groom’s house could not relax. In some villages they had to stand modestly in a special alcove. At the same time, the bride could not speak to anyone or would leave. She was only allowed to answer questions from older relatives.
This behavior was meant to demonstrate humility and respect for elders. Nowadays such a strict attitude towards the bride is not observed, and the girl is a full participant in the holiday. Such a vigil, while others were having fun, was quite difficult for the girl, both physically and mentally.
So having a celebration at home where she could join in the festivities was a nice part of the wedding.
