Matchmaking by the groom, the bride's viewing, engagement - all these are interesting wedding rituals that have survived to this day. The desire to follow them is understandable, because for every young couple this is a special moment in life that they want to keep in their memory forever. Of course, today such rituals are no longer so popular, but for those who still honor the customs, my story is about a matchmaking ceremony, the purpose of which is to get to know the bride and her family.
What is matchmaking and who are matchmakers?
Matchmakers are relatives of the bride and groom who determine whether the couple should enter into an alliance or not. Good is given if the future son-in-law was able to prove to the relatives of the potential daughter-in-law that he would be a worthy husband.
Matchmaking is a meeting between the families of a guy and a girl who are about to get married. During this process, both sides look at each other. The girl’s family is trying to find out how good a husband the groom will be, and the young man’s relatives, on the contrary, are looking in the direction of the girl, wanting to understand what kind of housewife and keeper of the hearth she will be.
Competitions for guests
What they say at matchmaking from the groom's side.
The ceremony itself often became a noisy and cheerful event, which delighted everyone around. Competitions were organized upon request. Currently, this can also be done. Competitions will help future relatives get closer and get to know each other better.
This is interesting: Congratulations on matchmaking in your own words and in verse
One of the popular competitions was dancing in a basin. To do this, the father of the bride and the mother of the groom stood in one basin, starting to dance actively.
Competitions could also be held for young people. They especially loved having fun on the street. For example, tug of war.
When and how matchmaking takes place in our time and what needs to be done
To begin with, it is worth discussing the date of the meeting with the bride’s family. Showing up at someone else's house without an invitation is not a good idea and is unlikely to leave a good impression of you.
According to Slavic traditions, the best dates for matchmaking are 3, 5, 7, 9 of any month. In addition, many recommend viewings on Thursdays, Tuesdays and weekends. Matchmaking on the 13th is completely prohibited. If you want to conduct a matchmaking according to these customs, it is better to ask your beloved how her parents will react to this.
Bride's wedding
For matchmaking, you need to buy gifts for the bride's parents and herself. For ladies, flowers are the ideal choice.
Flowers must be chosen so that one bouquet is not more magnificent than the other or more expensive, otherwise resentment may arise.
You can give the girl's father a bottle of good alcohol or high-quality tobacco. The next step is to select matchmakers on your side. It is best to choose those who have a persuasive speech or have already been to similar events and know how to act, because you need to be presented in the best light.
Folk traditions for matchmaking that have survived to our time
Many matchmaking traditions from the past have survived to this day:
- Absence of the bride at the celebration. Previously, the girl was not at the holiday until a certain time. She was in a separate closed room and could only leave at a specific moment.
- Bride. When the girl left the closed room to visit the guests, she was asked to perform some simple actions. For example, walk around the room or pour drinks into glasses in order to understand what physical limitations she has and how clumsy she is.
- The placing of the bride's hand in the groom's as a sign of approval of the marriage. When the future husband asked the father of his beloved for her hand in marriage, the father gave his consent with a beautiful gesture: taking his daughter’s hand, he placed it in the groom’s hand, wished his beloved good luck in marriage and asked his daughter’s future husband to love and appreciate her.
Smotriny
These and other traditions give the ritual a certain formality, beauty, romance, a cozy, homely atmosphere that leaves a positive impression of this day, which will be remembered more than once. This also gives some confidence in the future union, because the customs were respected.
What to put in your holiday shopping cart
In addition to gifts for ladies, it is worth buying something for the table. You don’t have to worry too much - a cake or a set of sweets will be enough. In addition, you can buy fruits or berries. If you have the opportunity and desire, you can also buy a bottle of good wine. But you need to be careful with this and find out from the girl in advance how her parents feel about alcohol.
Of course, you don’t have to worry about what to buy for the table, but if you decide to approach this issue thoroughly and spend time asking your beloved what exactly her parents like and bring their favorite food to the holiday, they will definitely notice it , which will show you as a caring, responsible and attentive person.
Loaf
Perhaps the most important tradition that exists is the presence of a loaf of bread at the holiday. Previously, the bride had to bake, cut and distribute the cake herself, first to the groom's parents, and then to everyone present. To keep the marriage strong, the loaf was eaten to the last crumb. This matchmaking attribute will look good even in the eyes of those parents who are against old traditions.
Loaf
If you don’t have the opportunity to buy a loaf of bread for the holiday, a cake or ordinary round bread, which you can buy at any grocery store, is perfect instead.
The loaf was specially baked and decorated so that it looked like the sun - it was a kind of “offering” to the Sun God, because he was held in great esteem by the Slavs.
What to cook for the table
The bride must take part in preparing dishes and preparing the table for the matchmaking. In this way she will show the mother of her future husband that he will be in good hands and will always be well fed. This is a very important point in the matchmaking process, which every potential mother-in-law will definitely notice. It should not be missed under any circumstances.
For matchmaking, you can serve the following dishes to the table:
- fish, cheese and meat slices;
- salads such as “Caesar”, “Herring under a fur coat”;
- pies with meat, fruit and berry filling;
- pork chops;
- Armenian lavash rolls stuffed with meat, vegetables or fish;
- potatoes with turkey and cheese sauce;
- meat in French.
Caesar salad
Lavash rolls
Pork chops
Meat in French
Potatoes with turkey and cheese sauce
Appetizers
Of course, the best option would be to ask the groom what dishes his family likes and prepare them, but the list above will perfectly complement what your beloved's relatives prefer.
How to match a bride, what to say to matchmakers
Not only representatives from the groom’s side, but also from the bride’s side need to try to make a good impression. The girl must have her own dowry, which her relatives provide for her successful entry into married life. The bride's dowry consists of:
- cutlery;
- dishes;
- bed linen;
- household appliances.
Bride's dowry
Usually the dowry is displayed to guests to demonstrate how ready the future wife is for family life. The bride should look modest, without flashy manicure, jewelry or makeup. Any colors that are too provocative should be excluded from your outfit. You can arrange special tasks for the girl: clean up the mess, lay out the linens on the bed, or iron a wrinkled shirt.
At the table, the future keeper of the hearth must behave decently and respectfully towards the relatives of both parties. She shouldn’t praise herself—future matchmakers will do it for her. There is no need to interrupt your elders; you will be allowed to express your opinion on this or that issue. You should definitely show off your housekeeping skills: replace dishes that are running low or remove dirty dishes from the table.
How to meet the groom, what words to say
Meeting the groom is a whole test of readiness for married life. You can come up with questions for a guy yourself or take them from the Internet. You can carry out matchmaking according to a special pre-prepared scenario. In any case, this way of conducting the ritual makes it interesting and fun.
When the girl’s lover enters the doorstep of the house, you can give him several tasks, thereby testing his ingenuity: arrange a test on his knowledge of traffic rules if he owns a car, ask him to hammer a crooked nail into a board, guided by the fact that in family life everything is also wrong so simple, or ask him a few questions that only a man can answer: how to divide metal fittings into two parts, what tool is used to make holes in the walls, and so on?
You shouldn’t overwhelm the groom with a huge number of questions and tasks, otherwise he may not be able to cope, and the holiday will drag on for a long time.
What dishes to cook - ideas
After all, matchmaking is a holiday for all participants in the event, so you definitely need to think through the menu for the feast and prepare dishes that are more suitable for the occasion. Dishes should be prepared easily, simply and quickly enough. Otherwise, at the time of the holiday, the receiving party will be exhausted from household chores and everything that happens will no longer be a joy.
Example menu for matchmaking:
- Meat, cheese, fish and vegetable slices.
- Sandwiches with caviar.
- Pickle canapes.
- Fruit plate.
- Pots with meat, mushrooms and potatoes under a cheese crust.
- Meat nests with corn, bell pepper and green peas.
- Juicy rolls of minced pork and bacon, with mustard sauce.
Recipe for “Meat Nests”:
- 1 kg of pork meat with fat;
- 1 onion;
- 1 slice of white bread;
- ½ tbsp milk;
- 1 potato;
- 1 egg.
The pork is cut into pieces and passed through a meat grinder. In the same way, a loaf soaked in milk, peeled potatoes, and onions are crushed. An egg is driven into the resulting mass, salt, pepper and other spices are added to taste. After which everything is thoroughly kneaded until smooth.
Cutlets are formed from the minced meat, making indentations in the middle. Place meat nests on a greased baking sheet, placing ½ tsp in the center. green peas, corn and diced red bell pepper.
By placing them in a preheated oven for 1–1.5 hours, you get delicious, juicy and beautiful cutlets for the holiday.
For snack canapés you will need:
- pickled mushrooms, ideally it is better to take small mushrooms;
- Cherry tomatoes;
- canned ears of young corn.
Young corn, a tomato and a champignon cap are placed in random order on special skewers.
An excellent option for a light and savory snack.
Customs and rituals for matchmaking
Each nation has a huge number of its own customs and rituals for matchmaking. Many of them may seem strange or useless, but they are traditions developed over centuries. Somewhere the groom “chooses” a matchmaker instead of his bride, somewhere there are a number of matchmakers going to visit the young man’s beloved, and somewhere a girl is obliged to sweep the floor during matchmaking, expressing her positive attitude towards her future husband.
Despite the optionality of their implementation, many families try to regularly perform these rituals and customs. Some because of their devotion to traditions, and others because of the opinion that they help strengthen a marriage, get rid of quarrels, scandals and generally improve future family life.
In Rus'
In Rus', no one ever spoke directly about matchmaking and weddings. It was believed that evil spirits could find out about the upcoming events and disrupt them or ruin a future marriage. The matchmakers tried to “confuse the evil spirits” with cunning phrases; they came to matchmaking closer to sunset to avoid the evil eye. In addition, while the guests were walking to the bride's house, they tried not to talk to anyone for the same reason. Arriving at the house, they first touched the doorframe with their shoulders and only then knocked on the door.
Matchmaking in Rus'
When guests entered the home, they had to cross themselves in front of the icons. During the “bargaining” between the relatives of the bride and groom, the former tried to discreetly touch the table leg. On top of everything else, the girl’s parents first had to refuse to give their daughter away in marriage, even if they wanted it. The task of the opposite side was to persuade the bride’s relatives to agree, but the persuasion had to be done “for the sake of business,” and not just beg the parents to give the bride up for marriage.
Russians (modern)
Despite the fact that many years have passed, many rituals and customs from antiquity have reached our time. From the times of ancient Rus' to the present day, brides buy or bake themselves round-shaped festive bread, called a loaf. In addition, bridesmaids are held at today's matchmaking events. To identify the shortcomings of the bride, she may be asked to do some activities that she will have to perform during her married life.
Matchmaking in Russia
The groom can go to matchmaking either alone or take a matchmaker with him - a specially trained woman who represents the groom in the best light.
The future mother-in-law could be given a chicken, whose behavior would symbolize the bride’s character. If the behavior of the chicken in someone else's house is calm, then the girl will turn out to be a good and correct wife.
Ukrainian
A striking difference between matchmaking in Ukraine is that the groom takes with him to the ritual an older, respected man in the family who is married: for example, a brother, grandfather or father, who were called elders, messengers and talkers. They were representatives of the groom and “bargained” with the girl’s relatives. The wives of such assistants, although called matchmakers, participated only in the wedding process itself.
Matchmaking in Ukraine
They didn’t tell anyone about the upcoming matchmaking, because if he refused, the guy could get shame on the whole village. The groom and his matchmakers left the house only when it was dark and did not walk along the main road, because unnecessary conversations and prying eyes could cause a lot of problems. The guests walked to the bride's house either through the vegetable gardens, or bypassed the entire village and entered from the other end.
Armenian
First of all, the guy’s parents themselves chose who he should marry. When they made their choice, the next step was to find a woman who was a relative of them and who knew the family of the chosen girl well. She was asked to visit the latter’s house and persuade her to ask her father for consent to marry the young man. To successfully negotiate, it was customary to hang a comb or a table ladle on a pillar of your house.
Armenian matchmaking
When the groom and his relatives arrived at his beloved’s house, they greeted the owners of the home using special phrases, such as:
- “We have come to take a handful of ashes from you and mix them with the ashes from our hearth.”
- “We have come to light our lamp with your lamp.”
- “We came to lay your brick in our wall.”
The girl’s parents could not give their consent during the young man’s first visit, which is why he and his relatives had to come to his beloved 2-3 times, and only then could the father agree to marry off his daughter.
Muslim
For Muslims, things are not so simple. After a guy meets a girl, his family must make a choice: either approve the marriage of their son with such a bride, or refuse. If approved, the groom and his relatives go to meet his beloved’s parents. The bride is given gifts and within seven days she must make her decision: refuse or agree.
Matchmaking among Muslims
If she agrees, on the same day the betrothed again comes to the girl with his family and brings with him a married relative, who puts a ring on the girl’s ring finger, symbolizing that the girl will soon get married. On this day, it is customary to set a huge festive table, where the focus is on the national dish “Shurpa” intended for such holidays.
In addition to the ring, the girl can wear a special red scarf on her head, which makes it clear to other potential suitors that the girl is busy and is forbidden to try to get to know her.
Tatar
For matchmaking, the Tatars chose a special yaucha, or, to put it simply, a matchmaker. Her task was to find out as much as possible about the bride: who is doing what in the girl’s family, the condition of the future bride and her level of well-being. If everything that the Yaucha was able to find out suits the boy’s relatives, then they are given a date to meet with the girl’s relatives.
Matchmaking among the Tatars
If during matchmaking the bride’s father agreed to give his daughter in marriage, both parties proceeded to discuss the bride price, the wedding date and other issues. Kalym is the ransom given by the groom for the bride. The matchmaking process ends with a big feast. Future matchmakers meet a second time to discuss their future life, family life and questions about organizing the wedding.
Kazakh
When the groom entered the territory of his beloved’s village, any woman could grab the lower part of his robe, and he, in turn, had to try to bribe her so that she would let him go. The young man could try to bargain and lower the price, but he often came across very greedy and stubborn ladies who did not want to negotiate under any circumstances and stood their ground. This ritual is called “the dog growled.”
Matchmaking among Kazakhs
There was another similar ritual with a similar name, “the cow mooed,” the essence of which was that a rope was pulled in front of the guy, thereby not allowing him passage until he paid a ransom. Moreover, there were rules here: the young man was forbidden to try to bypass the ritual by slipping under the rope, and he had to pay a ransom.
Dagestan
When the groom came to the bride's house, he had to bring gifts for his beloved. Expensive jewelry, clothes or shoes were considered good gifts. Now this custom has undergone some changes: the groom can bring money as a gift, and the bride will buy everything she needs with it.
Matchmaking in Dagestan
In addition to this custom, there is another one: the groom may be required to pay a bride price, which is used as compensation to the girl’s family for the loss of a housewife and a dowry in the form of property that was given to the newlyweds for a successful family life. Despite the importance and significance of the bride price, today this tradition can be omitted and compensation will not be demanded from the young man.
Among the Kalmyks
Kalmyk girls strictly observed a custom called “avoidance” for a long time. Its essence was that the girl was under no circumstances allowed to show herself to her groom and his family from the moment of matchmaking until the wedding itself. A respected member of the family of the bride's future husband went to woo the bride's parents.
Matchmaking among the Kalmyks
The groom’s opinion on who would go home to the girl was not asked, and the young men were never present at the matchmaking processes.
Until the bride's relatives fully agreed to marry off their daughter, the groom's relatives had to come to visit them up to three times. When they finally received consent, they had to come to their daughter-in-law’s home several more times, bringing with them various gifts and treats. The native girls, in turn, also had to cook and give gifts to their future matchmakers.
Korean
Koreans have such a custom that when deciding to carry out a matchmaking, they gather a group of people, which should include the groom’s relatives, the young man himself, his close friends who know the bride and her family well and accompanying people, who should have a sense of humor and the ability to sing and dance. . The essence of the custom is that the number of accompanying persons should not include the groom's relatives and divorced people, because the latter can bring problems to the newlyweds' family. In addition, the number of people included in this list should be odd - Koreans believe that even numbers bring troubles and misfortunes.
Matchmaking in Korea
In Korea, they have such a habit as organizing “mini-weddings”. During the matchmaking process, the bride’s relatives may ask the groom’s side to arrange a wedding “rehearsal” or, in our language, a viewing party, during which the guy will be tested for readiness for family life. At the “mini-wedding,” they will often make fun of the young man and ask him tricky questions.
Chechen
During the matchmaking process, the groom's relatives may be asked to leave the house in order to ask the bride her opinion: whether she agrees to marry a young man. It is noteworthy that the custom is observed here, which allows you to find out the girl’s opinion only with the help of another girl or woman, such as a sister, mother or grandmother.
Matchmaking in Chechnya
At the end of the matchmaking, the groom must pay the ransom for the bride himself. Usually, they contribute a much larger amount than required and thus show their wealth and ability to support the bride in abundance. The money contributed by the groom is passed on by the bride's relatives to the future wife as starting capital for the formation of a young family.
Gingerbread wedding house as an alternative to cake
Traditionally, at the end of the feast, guests are offered a luxurious cake. It must be ordered from the pastry chef the day before. But we suggest presenting a gingerbread house instead.
This product made from special dough appeared in ancient times in Rome and had a shape symbolizing the dwelling of the Gods. In Rus', such a confectionery masterpiece was prepared during the Christmas period.
Nowadays, such masterpieces of confectionery art often appear at wedding events.
The gingerbread house is the personification of the cozy life of the young - everything that symbolizes the beginning of something new and important. In addition, the delicacy is often stylized in a wedding spirit: it is decorated with marzipan hearts and doves.
Photo of wedding gingerbread house
In a word, such a house is an unusual variation of a wedding cake that will look very attractive on the table. Such an extraordinary house can be a gift for newlyweds and will elegantly decorate a feast.
What to give for matchmaking
Gifts are an integral part of the matchmaking process, because the decision of the daughter-in-law’s parents may directly depend on them: whether to give their daughter in marriage to a young man or not.
Usually, the distribution of gifts was accompanied by various poems praising parents, relatives and the girl herself, flavoring the presentation of gifts with comic jokes. This will be a good way to create an atmosphere of fun and diversify the ritual.
You can stick to tradition and give the bride’s parents and herself something that has been given for several hundred centuries, or show individuality and give something that your imagination allows. This decision will be a great way to show yourself in the best light in front of the girl’s relatives and will significantly lift their mood.
For the bride
A bouquet of flowers would be a good and traditional gift for a future wife. You can attach a box of your beloved’s favorite chocolates or a set of fruits to it. You should find out in advance what candies or fruits she prefers. In addition, you can give her some kind of jewelry such as a ring, a nice dress or shoes.
A gold chain would be an excellent gift from your future mother-in-law. This option has taken root, but you can choose something based on your preferences: for example, earrings. But, if the boy’s mother chooses such a gift, such an option becomes unavailable to him. In addition, you can give a girl a set of cosmetics, which will also be an excellent choice.
To the groom
If you follow traditions, you can give the groom a loaf, a replacement for which can easily be found in a regular cake. The main thing is that the cake is at least medium in size, approximately corresponding to the loaf. But, you can “break” traditions and, in addition to the loaf, give your beloved a set of tools or expensive and good eau de toilette.
In ancient Rus' there was such a custom: the bride gave the groom a shirt knitted with her own hands. If you have the desire and time, you can choose this option. If on the contrary, you can simply buy your boyfriend a good shirt from a prestigious brand. In addition, cufflinks are a good choice, especially if your fiancé is a business person.
“We have an excellent groom...”
Now, of course, everything is different. Young people make their own decision about the wedding and only after that notify their relatives. But still, the custom of matchmaking retained its significance. After all, this is not only a sign of respect for the father and mother of the newlywed, but also a way to show the groom, as they say, from all sides.
Of course, modern matchmaking is mostly simple and unpretentious. Usually everyone already knows about everything and everyone. Therefore, matchmakers, mainly the guy’s closest circle, hardly bother themselves with memorizing poems, songs, jokes, and theatrical actions. But the recognized order is adhered to.
The betrothed, upon arrival at the chosen one’s home, certainly gives flowers to all the women present. The matchmakers don’t come empty-handed either—they bring sweets, fruits, and alcohol.
A separate gift from the groom or his relatives is given to the girl. As usual, this is jewelry or some valuable family heirloom.
Relatives from the young side, as a rule, are also not left without a gift. Although it is inexpensive, it has value. This is usually a talisman for a home or a photo album, an unusually beautiful candle (to warm the house), etc.
At the end of the exchange of greetings, the ritual participants sit down at the table, where the future celebration is discussed.
You also need to take care that this ritual does not become boring. To do this, you need to choose the right matchmakers. These should be fiery, talkative and without complexes people who will become a truly central figure during matchmaking.
Signs and beliefs
During the times of ancient Rus', there were many signs and beliefs that were forbidden to be violated. There are several main ones that were followed most often:
- guys weren't allowed to sit on the doorstep. It was believed that because of this no one would take them as husbands;
- the matchmaker was forbidden to sit down while in the bride's house, otherwise the matchmaking would be unsuccessful;
- it was undesirable to get married in May because of the opinion that the newlyweds would “suffer” all their lives if they got married in May;
- It was forbidden to get married or think about getting married on Wednesdays and Fridays. The fact is that Wednesday and Friday are fast days
These days are considered fast because on Wednesday Judas betrayed Jesus, and on Friday Christ was crucified.
Strange, but obligatory signs were such signs as:
- It is forbidden to sweep someone with a broom, otherwise that person will never be able to get married.
- When the matchmaker came for the hand-waving, all the doors were tightly closed with a hook, so that a person accidentally entering would not jinx the process.
- If a girl swept the floor unevenly and left trash, it was believed that she would marry a pockmarked man.
Matchmaking is a very complex process that requires a lot of preparation. For everything to go well and beautifully, you need to devote a lot of time to this ritual. But, besides the difficulties, matchmaking also has its advantages, allowing you to have fun and enjoy time with your family and the girl’s family.
